Mommy Over Miles

In just under two weeks I’ll be home on my leave.  We have a few plans, including going to Nova Scotia (Peggy’s Cove), a popular tourist spot, taking lots of pictures and having a fresh seafood dinner, lucky for us it will be lobster season when I get home.  We’ll always be spending a couple nights at our favourite cabins in Falls Lake, NS.  I’m not much of a traveller, but it is well worth the nausea and the drive to get there.  The boys are excited about my arrival home for vacation.  They have missed me terribly; probably more then I have at times.  They are counting down using chocolate kisses that dad has bought them.  My days here are usually jammed packed with things to do.  I work during the day, and then the nights I’m not off late, I spend time with friends, go for coffee, or visit the MWR for events they have going on, leaving little time to think about and miss home.Since leaving, Anthony has become cuddlier with dad.  Ron knows that when Anthony comes to cuddle him unexpectantly or give him a spur of the moment kiss that he is missing me more at that moment.   In general, he is doing better than I expected for being the mommy’s boy that he is.  He has settled nicely into daycare well, has a new routine for getting up and is even up bright and early during the weekends for dad asking for brunch which has become a Sunday afternoon tradition for the three men.  Robbie has taken my leave of absence harder than I thought he would. The last year I had the feeling that we had grown apart a bit.  I was getting down again, not working, he was growing up, spending more time with his friends, and it just hasn’t been cool to hug or kiss mom or dad anymore.  Goodnights are quick; thank God he still makes it a point to tell us every night that he loves us.  Phone calls are hard on him.  I’m told that after he speaks to me on the phone that he leaves for a bit to his room to have some alone time.   Although I am saddened by this, it makes me happy that he still feels he needs his mommy.      There was never a doubt in my mind the love I have for my boys, but I know now that living without them for life would be the hardest thing I would ever have to deal with.   

I’ve been here for two months now.

 A week ago it hit me that I was away from my boys.  

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, it was hard.  All I could think about was last Mother’s Day, getting breakfast in bed, Walking on the trail by our house and catching minnows at the Duck Pond.  It was exactly what Mother’s Day is about, spending time with the ones that made you a mother.

This year, I spent it missing them and wondering if the floods in New Brunswick would have impaired us from going out to our little pond to catch minnows and frogs.  I worked an early morning shift, and spent the rest of the day missing them. 

I tried calling them and they weren’t home, I went to my tent and cried instead.

In just under two weeks I’ll be home on my leave.  We have a few plans, including going to Nova Scotia (Peggy’s Cove)ohrdo

A week ago it hit me that I was away from my boys.  Yesterday was Mother’s Day, it was hard.  All I could think about was last Mother’s Day, getting breakfast in bed, walking on the trail by our house and catching minnows at the Duck Pond.  It was exactly what Mother’s Day is about, spending time with the ones that made you a mother.This year, I spent it missing them and wondering if the floods in New Brunswick would have impaired us from going out to our little pond to catch minnows and frogs.  I worked an early morning shift, and spent the rest of the day missing them.  I tried calling them and they weren’t home, I went to my tent and cried instead.

It’s been exactly one week into my “adverture”.  I have my moments where I ask myself “what the ______ am I doing”, but in general I am loving it. Before getting here, a bird pooped on me while looking around downtown, someone told me that is suppose to be a sign of luck.  Guess I’m going to be lucky for the next six months.  The job is coming is coming along, the people are great, just about everyone is easy going, smiley, and good natured.  I’m tired and my feet hurt, but today, my 5th day of work, is better then my first day.  I’m glad that I’ve decided to go ahead with coming, the trade off will be in the end worth it.

Back on the home front, well it’s going exactly as it has everytime Ron has gone overseas.  A couple days in, he got sick, and one of the kids got sick; both with the stomach flu.  One with a fever, one with ……….well lets just say he wasn’t feeling good.  I guess he got to play Doctor this week around as well as mom.

The kids are doing well, I guess.  DH tells me that the older one has really stepped up and is helping out at home by getting his brother dressed in the morning, in his words “all you have to do is tell him what’s for breakfast and he gets up”, that’s my Anthony, thinking of food no matter what time of day.  I called Robbie yesterday after work to say hello since he’s on March Break and home alone, he seemed rather distant, or maybe it’s just because he’s a boy, pre-teen, and really doesn’t have much to say.  Anthony and dh will get their calls tomorrow.  Ron writes that Anthony is starting to get distant and is lacking concentration at daycare.  I guess I condratdict myself when I ask myself is it worth it.  My oldest has been through one tour after another and is as good for it as one that hasn’t, so what’s the difference, right? 

So anyone who knows me, knows……I’ve had enough!!!

Enough of the snow that is. We’ve had approximately six snowstorms this winter, and ……it looks as if we might be getting another one.

The snow might now be so rudely intruding on “Family Day” tomorrow.  Tomorrow is the day we had scheduled to take a trip to the Science Centre and go for dinner to the chinese buffet (the kids favourite restaraunt).  The kids, and I must admit myself have been looking forward to this for over a week now.  This is suppose to be the day we spend together doing something fun before “D” Day, but alas the 20 cm of SNOW we’re suppose to get just might change those plans.

You have got to be kidding me, this could not come at a worse time!!

So I’m leaving for Afghanistan of all places.  Never in my life did I ever think that I’d be leaving my kids for six months to start such an adventure. 

I guess to make one understand, I should go back a little bit.

It started a little under a year ago, or maybe it actually started 14 years ago when I met my husband.  He was in the Navy reserves, and later  transferred over to Army full-time.  From that moment on I became a military wife.  His first tour was in 1998, his homecoming was nothing short of spectacular.  All the troops filing off the bus and marching into the building together.  It gives one a sense of pride.  Since becoming a military wife, I’ve endured 4 UN and NATO tours, one of which was to the very place that I’ll soon be heading off to myself.  It’s not only the overseas missions though, that give you that sense of pride, it’s what you see our soldiers doing right here in our own backyard.  In 1997, my husband has the pleasure of going to Manitoba to help clean up the from the floods.  I still have a newspaper article framed with him and some kids in front of a house on a military vehicle.  Our soldiers are doing things like that all the time. 

Nearly since the beginning of our relationship I’ve been more involved with the military community then just being a wife.  I’ve always either volunteered or worked on each of the three bases that we’ve been to.  There’s something to do with being part of the military community and family and helping, help the transition we go through at any given point. 

Fast forward to approximately ten months ago.  I saw an add for a retail assistant in Afghanistan, Supporting Our Troops.  At first I didn’t apply, but when it came up again a couple months later, something told me to go for it.  It was actually a few more months before I’d heard anything back, and after the first interview I thought for sure that I hadn’t been selected to go through with the training.  I was wrong though, and with that started a whole new set of wheels in motions. 

Our training in Kingston was one of kind, and it was a change for me, the first time I’d left both the kids alone with dad.  A few months prior dad had been left alone with the 4 year old while I attended a one week camp with our 11 year old.  During that week, I thought nothing of it.  They were after all just down the street from me, literally a 10 minute drive.  Kingston was a whirlwind of emotions, but this was my time to shine, and only when times got rough did I want to come home back to the familiar.  I had to keep telling myself that this was what I was meant to be doing and if I quit, I’d never forgive myself.  I was searching for more, this wasn’t just about supporting our troops, it wasn’t only about the money, it was about being independent, traveling, and doing something out of the ordinary.  I was tired of just being a “mom” and a “wife”.  I wanted something for me, something more that I could be proud of, I wanted to say that I did something with my life.

It’s obvious that the training in Kingston went well, cause here I am, days before I’m suppose to leave writing this.  I’m full of anticipation, excitement, and fear.  This isn’t a one week camp, or two weeks of intense training. This is six months.  The last six months before my little guy goes to school, the last six months of baby cuddles that I can get.  I wonder if he’ll still want to cuddle me the way he does now, when I get home.  Time will only tell if all the positives that come with the job will outweigh the moments that I will surely miss while away.