The Upside of the Downside

DH is back in GA.  Boo hoo.  He left on Friday and we don’t yet have a plan for when we’ll see each other again.  Everything we had planned for the summer kind of fell apart for a myriad of reasons but we’re hoping the kids and I will be able to go for a few weeks, at least. 

At this point I don’t have any clue what is going to happen next….we *thought* we’d made the decision to move but DH started having doubts.  Freaked me out at first but after a lot of talking, I’m glad we’re on the same page.  I was a little annoyed that I had bothered to come to grips with it and now it’s changed, but it’s nice that we’re on the same page once again and I’m very happy to see him being a little more practical and reasonable.

For some reason this time it’s really hard on all of us.  Normally I don’t mind him being gone much, of course I miss him, but things have always been this way for us although not to this extreme.  I actually enjoy myself when he’s gone in ways I don’t when he’s here….I read more, cook less lol.  But none of us are faring well this time, even DH cried at the airport.  Colt has  cried every night.  I think the kids had been pretty used to him being gone a lot but they’re at the age now where they really seem to notice the difference.  We had such a great time while he was here, spent a lot of quality time together as a family that there is a big void without him that wasn’t really there in the past.

I think DH and I were so emotional this time because we know what we’re in for, we’ve learned since January that it’s not realistic for him to come home every month, and the fact is we just won’t see each other for months at a time.  We’ve come such a long way in our relationship over the last year…I think in the past it was easy for me when he was gone because a part of me wanted him gone, as awful as that sounds.  I just wanted some relief from the constant butting heads and taking stress out on each other.  The difference now is that we’re actually in this whole big mess called life together and I hate it when he’s not here.  I know this isn’t forever, and I know we have to just suck it up and bear it right now, but it’s no fun eating brownies and flipping channels all by myself anymore.

Since I’m challenging myself to find the upside though, I will say this:  I know the distance has made a tremendous difference for us.  It’s not so easy to put each other off when you cherish a phone call.  DH has gotten great about sending very sweet and loving emails, I’ve started sending him cards and care packages.  We were really forced to remember what we love about each other and the things that make our relationship great.  I’m pretty sure it’s permanent, many of my minor complaints have vanished and we both have a much deeper appreciation of each other.  If nothing else, the changes in our relationship are precious to me, I feel so loved and looked out for, and like I really have a partner.  I’m reassured that he accepts me for better or worse, and for the first time in years I feel like I can tell him anything and everything.  I don’t think we would be in this place if we hadn’t been forced to learn not to take each other for granted.