? for anyone

MyBabeMaddie wrote: Okay, maybe its pathetic that I've had a bottle of wine by myself while Madison has been sleeping but I wanted to know if anyone else feels this way...

I had her when I was 20 years old, I don't regret a darn thing with her, I love her to death and I would do anything for her... But... is it normal to wish that I could live my college years better? Like all of my friends are out drinking... I want to be out drinking, I know I'm drinking now but I'm at home, drinking wine watching a movie while all of my friends are out at real bars living up their college years... Okay I know I made the choice to have my daughter, not that I was trying to concieve but that I didn't have an abortion... I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense sometimes I just wish I knew someone who felt the same way...

My3LilMonkeys replied: I was 20 when Brooke was born and I know exactly how you feel - a lot of times I wish I could be a "normal" 20 year old. It often drives me crazy that most anyone I meet reacts negatively to me having kids so young and automatically assumes I'm a single mom. But when it comes down to it, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything.


So basically, you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel.

luvmykids replied: It's kind of funny you said this, I felt the same exact way a few weeks ago. I'm 35 and didn't have kids until I was 30, but almost all my good friends are still childless. Every once in awhile on a Friday or Saturday night I still get that feeling, like everyone else is out having fun and I'm not. I get restless sometimes and miss being able to just call someone and take off somewhere fun.

I know what you mean, of course you wouldn't trade Madison for the world but you miss the things you feel you're missing out on. Of course, at my age, all I have to do is remember how much I hated going to bars and being hungover by about age 28 and the feeling goes away

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Thanks, It makes me feel better, my best friends daughter is 16 months old but the thing is that her parents will watch her so that my friend can go out and "do her thing" .. My mom is out doing her own thing so I can never leave once madison goes to bed.........

Anthony275 replied: it shows how much more responsible you are than other students your age- you don't hand her off to somebody every weekend to get wasted, some people need to get past that stage and you're more mature than most 21 year olds

MoonMama replied: While I can't say I feel this way ever. I chose to get married at 19 and have a baby right away (although it took 2 1/2 yrs and we were told it would never happen). But this is always what I've wanted to get married, have kids, etc. Drinking and partying have never interested me. I'm not sure if DH ever felt this way he was 30 when we got married, but I know he never partied much at my age (I'm 23 now).

But a lot of my friends who had their baby's young felt the exact same way and it was hard at times for them too. Hang in there sweetie and its totally ok to feel this way.

Could someone (your parents maybe) watch Maddy once a month or so, so you can go out with your friends even just to a movie or something?

Sorry your feeling down and like your missing out.

CantWait replied: I had Robbie when I was 18.....I don't regret a thing, but when I was young, yes I felt that way. Now that I'm older, I'd much prefer to spend a night in most times with a bottle of wine watching a great flick. Occassionally even at 30, I still want to get out, go to a bar and dance the night away. Not so much drink my face off (although I have done it, but I pay for it in the morning).

Kentuckychick replied: I just wanted to add a different perspective...

I haven't had any children yet. I spent the majority of my college years and still do working my butt off (mostly taking care of someone else's children) anywhere from 30-70 hours per week (along with going to classes) earning money to take care of myself and to be able to have a little extra to spend. I will graduate in May, but will technically be finished in December except for one class. Hopefully in January I will begin a fulltime job.
I haven't taken the time to really enjoy my college years, to go out and have fun, or go to football games or parties and I don't really feel like I have the time to do those things.

I feel like I've missed out on a lot... but then I remind myself that it's pretty pointless to look back and regret the things I didn't do. I have accomplished a lot in the past several years. I'll never get the chance to go back and enjoy my college experience more than I did... so I just move on and try to enjoy my work.

A&A'smommy replied: I had alyssa 9 days after I turned 18.. so I spent the last of my teenage years as a mother... and I sometimes wished that I was out with my friends being a teen. I was VERY jealous of my best friend and we actually didn't talk for a while because of it (my harmones took over). And now that I'm a 21 I still get that twinge everyonce in while. Tonight my best friend called me (she lives in texas where her husband is stationed) while she was getting ready to "go out" and I felt a little jealous and halfway wondered if I'm "old" enough to be a good mom.. but as hard as it is.. looking at my daughter, when she smiles at me and gives me kisses I realize that is WAY better than going out and getting drunk every weekend like everyone else

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: It's a catch 22.

I was 34 when I had my first. On one hand, I'm glad I had my youth to myself -- was able to spend my time as I pleased, party as I pleased,,,etc. I feel as if I got all the partying (and then some. LOL) out of my system. I can honestly say I dont miss it and was actually starting to get really bored with it. I'm really grateful that I was able to get my partying out of my system before having kids.

On the other hand, I feel as if I've cheated myself and my kids out of time together. Granted, we tried having kids when I was 30 -- but had complications. Still, now that I have Sam and Abby -- I wish I could have had them when I was in my early 20's --- so I could have more time with them. See them get married, have their own kids and possibly see their kids have kids.

Bottom line = there's benefits to both; having kids young and having kids 'not so young'. LOL It's normal to miss what you dont have -- just make sure to relish what you do have, too.

Hang in there and Keep the Faith

kit_kats_mom replied: I was older when I had my girls but no matter how old you are, you sometimes need a break. DH has expressed some frusteration over the fact that most of our friends with kids, also have parents who take the kids often. Most of our friends have parents who take the kids for entire weekends starting at about 9 mos! We don't have that luxury so it can be frusterating sometimes, watching our pals all go out to a nice dinner and drinks afterwards while we sit home with the sleeping kids....again. It's not really the partying I miss, it's just the adult socailzation.

luvbug00 replied: I had mya when i was 18.By then i was a seasoned party fiend. So not getting out was hard at first but then i was like .. wow it's really pointless and stuiped to go out and drink urself into oblivian...So now i rarely ever get out and when i do it with lars and we do chill stuff. I haven't drank in over 4 months and I'm happier then i have ever been. Mya has been worth every missed party and night out so I now look back and think that i really am glad that i choose this life.

bawoodsmall replied:
I agree with Cary. I think everyone needs a break sometimes to go out and have fun whether you are 18 or 42. Parenting is hard work and everybody needs a break. Do you have anyone that you would trust Maddy with while you get out that could maybe come to your house? Maybe even once a month. I feel that if you dont do it you sometimes may resent her for it. Good luck. I know how you feel even though we had our children later. Keep your chin up and remember it is just as important to take care of yourself as Maddy. A happy mommy makes a good mommy.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: What you are feeling is perfectly natural. Emily is now 12 and I wonder if she hadn't been born soon, would I have a Career, friends and I often wonder what I missed out on.

Jackie012007 replied: Oh man do I know how you feel. I want so badly to return to college but it's hard when I'm working 45 hours a week and have kind of settled into this routine with her. I wouldn't change it for anything though - she saved my life more than anyone on here knows. I'm still alive because of her, frankly.

I do miss having a life and being in college and dating and all that, but I've also found my new niche - I feel like for once I fit in where I am and my life is so much more centered. I think it's totally normal to have those feelings, especially when you are young and the pregnancy wasn't planned, like in our situations. don't feel like a bad mom, some days i wake up at 6 am on a Saturday and think "I remember when I could sleep in until 3 pm and watch TV all day in my pijamas and not leave my dorm room" - I miss that sometimes too!

redchief replied: While I have no regrets about being a father, I think it's normal and even healthy to wish for a little less responsibility, even for a little while. Being a mom or dad is hard, unending work, and sometimes we all need a little break. Don't feel guilty if you sometimes feel trapped. The desire for adult companionship is as normal as breathing.

suzykrul replied: I have been feeling that way alot lately. I am 25 and have 3 kids. And while thats exactly what i wanted, i still feel like i didnt get a chance to live at all. Luckily i have an amazing Boyfriend who doesnt mind staying at home with the kids at night and waking up with them in the morning if i have a late night. I just keep telling myself that when im 30 all my kids will be in school...and i'll have alittle more freedom.

My2Beauties replied: Hon you're not alone. A lot of times I have a sitter and I still envy my childless friends because they can go out to dinner any given night and not just on the weekend, they aren't paying hundreds of dollars a month on diapers, formula and child care, they can sleep all night long and sleep in on the weekends and sleep in longer on the weekdays because they only have themselves to get ready in the morning. There are a lot of thigns I think about, especially when I'm in the car and I've got one whining and complaining about wanting this or that and the other one screaming bloody murder because her paci fell out and I wanna pull my hair out and I think to myself Gosh I wish I could just be by myself sometimes. I would find someone that can watch Maddy once a month or something like that so that you can have a night out to yourself or with the girls. You deserve it and in order to be a good mom you have to have some you time.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Yeah I know how you feel.



I wouldn't trade it for the world... but I could give up a little work time. 66 hours is too much. I could use a little more going out with friends time.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Ditto to what Monica said. I planned a girl's night out last Saturday and all my friends didn't want to dance, had maybe one drink (or none) and wanted to be home by 10pm. We are all moms, but its once a year we go out...Lets have FUN! It sorta got me depressed. I had my kids when I was 30 and I partied it up in my college days, but I STILL feel the desire to get out there and have some fun once in a while! Its not necessarily that I feel I'm "missing" anything, and I'm like you, I obviously don't regret a thing, but sometimes you just want to LET LOOSE and do something that is not kid related.