"Daddy, there's too many people on your bed" - (long)

Maddie&EthansMom wrote:

NOT something you want to hear from your 5 year old at 3 in the morning. It was so creepy sounding.

When Maddie isn't feeling well we let her sleep on a palette in our floor so we can keep an eye on her. Scotty gets real freaked out by fevers..I do, too. Of course when you have fever you hallucinate a bit and a fever always spikes at night. Still, her fever was only 100.8 when we went to bed. She had a really bad night and had several nightmares. She woke up once crying about her Nana (my mother) worried that she was going to die. She cried pretty much all night. She tried going to her room b/c she was scared in our room, but that didn't last long. We got her settled back in and then she woke up and said "Daddy, there are too many people in your bed" She was crying and pretty hysterical. It really did sound creepy to someone who was in a deep sleep. Scotty told her to go back to sleep that she was just having a bad dream. I woke up a little more after she wouldn't calm down and I looked around the room to see what she could be talking about. It was dark...we should have left a light on. Scotty had put some clothes on the bed post at the end of the bed. I explained to her that what she was seeing was not people, just clothes. I made sure she understood me and she calmed down and went to sleep. (finally)

I remember being a little kid and being scared of the dark. One time in particular I remember calling out to my mother that there was someone standing next to my bed. I was PARALYZED with fear. It turns out that it was just my bear sitting next to my bed on the nightstand, but in my mind and in the dark it was a person. I imagine that is how Maddie felt last night. I dont' know what woke her up...maybe she was having a bad dream. But, she was scared, bless her heart. Never before has she been afraid of the dark or shown any signs of having bad dreams, not like last night. It could have been the fever. I hope so anyway.

More about her Nana and why she would be so upset over that.....
Scotty's mother died of cancer after we got married. Maddie never knew her, but we have pictures. She is so inquisitive and she asked about her. We told her that was her grandma in heaven. This was probably about 2 years ago. She talks about her ALL the time. We don't go into details when we discuss her, but we do talk about her to keep her memory alive. Maddie tells everyone about her grandma in heaven. It is so unusual to Scotty and I. We really dont' know what to do. When she woke up last night asking about her nana she asked Scotty if he had a Nana and if she died. Scotty just told her to go back to sleep. Midnight is not the time to discuss those things. I had trouble going back to sleep last night. I was pretty upset at the thought of my mother dying and what in the world would we do with Maddie? I lost my Nanie when I was 9 (I mentioned in another post) and she was only 65. She was my best friend and I was devastated. It still seems like yesterday. Maddie is VERY close to my mother. How do I discuss death with her so she understands better? We are a very religious family so don't worry about offending if you have some religious advice to share.

Boys r us replied: Bless her little heart! I remember so many times as a child being scared about things that as an adult make me snicker over..but you know as a little one, that fear was so alive in me!! I hope she gets better soon and that you all get some sleep tonight!

coasterqueen replied: Ahh, poor Maddie. I hope she feels better soon.

This is one reason I don't have any issues with Kylie coming in to sleep with us when she gets scared at night. I remember what it was like to be scared and how my parents would make me go back to my room and sleep. I layed in bed all night terrified til I finally passed out from being so tired. Not something I want to do with my babies.

5littleladies replied: Wow Aimee, that is some heavy stuff to be dealing with. Poor Maddie! Brianna was terribly afraid of the dark for awhile and was always saying she saw things in her room, or in ours if she was in there. We would pray with her and assure that there was nothing there and that Jesus is always there to protect her. That usually settled her down.

The only time we have really had to explain death to our girls was with my miscarriage. We explained to them that our baby died and wasn't going to live here with us-even though we loved the baby very much and wanted him more than anything-but that it was time for the baby go and live with Jesus. We told them we won't get to see our baby until we get to heaven and that it's ok to be sad about that, but that our baby is very happy there.

Death is such a hard thing to explain to young children so just make it as simple as possible. Ask her what she think happens when you die and make sure she doesn't have any inaccurate ideas. I would try to not make a big deal out of it though-it's not a good subject for a child to be fixated on.

luvbug00 replied: We tell Mya that the sprit leaves the body and goes to heaven. Brad is not religous and he tell a much more grusome story

But this may be more helpful. My dad is devoutly religous and this is what I was told. It's a stoy kinda thing.


" When we die it's because God needs the gifts we gave on earth . Grandma was so kind and the angels were getting out of hand So God brought her to heaven to share her gift of kindness with the other angels. Every person has a Gift and when God needs them he will call them home to heaven."

ok I'm tearing up here..sorry. anyway you can place any trait you want that best reminds you of that person who passed .

coasterqueen replied: Oh forgot, we've had to explain death to Kylie THREE times this year and a few other times in the past when we lost a cat and our sitter lost 3 of her dogs.

We first (with the pets) explained that they went to sleep in heaven with God. That they were up in the clouds, looking down on us and watching over us. So she'd always say "Jakey's in the clouds sleeping". With our recent family deaths, one being someone Kylie was close to, we just explained to her that everyone dies eventually. That it was just her time and she went to sleep in heaven. Then Kylie would ask a bit more about heaven and so far we've just pointed up to the clouds and said up there. She's still a bit confused about God and heaven and such. She'll ask why auntie had to go and we just said it was her time. God was ready for her to be with him. She'll then ask if it's her time or our time and we tell her no, it's not, that we'll be here for a long time.

Not sure if we did a good job explaining it but she's done ok with it.

amynicole21 replied: Poor Maddie I remember being afraid of the dark when I was little... still am a bit now I'm sure that not feeling well played into how much it affected her as well.

Sophia has been asking about death a bit lately. I have no idea how to explain it. We are not religious, so it makes it even more difficult I think. Ugh.

A&A'smommy replied: I remember getting scared like that as a child and I did the same thing as maddie I would sleep on a pallete in my mom & dads room! Everyone had such great comments so I don't have anything else to add Poor maddie I hope you guys have a better night tonight!!

mom21kid2dogs replied: Awww . . the poor little thing! Olivia can ALWAYS say there are too many people in her bed because everyone is in ours (including the dogs)!!!I'll bet that did sound so weird to hear it out of a deep sleep though. Is she doing better today?

We buried Stephen's father in January '04 after Parkinson's. They live only a mile or so from us so she obviously saw them all the time and loved her PaPa. He spent his last month in the hospital so O got a pretty good introduction to death that way but she really didn't "get it" until this year. She periodically has days (they are few and far between) where she is nearly hysterical about people dying and has put together that her Grandparents will die. We are also dealing with an elderly dog(wasn't supposed to be alive after June~ish according to the vet) and one with a significant seizure disorder (whom she is insanely close to). We, too, use heaven as an explaination. We also tell her that although we won't see them with our eyes we can always see them in our minds. It seemed help her alot when she and I worked on a picture/memory book together for Papa. She said she wants to make one for Dudley when he dies, too, so she doesn't forget what he looks like. I answer her questions as completely as I can without going into alot of detail. If she wants more, she always asks. With O, the issue seems to be with her for a day then gone for awhile. Usually there is a trigger event that makes her think of it, as well. After Bailey had a seizure this morning she asked me if dogs were in heaven. A simple "I can't imagine a heaven without our beloved pets" seemed to satisfy her.

I did stumble on a really cool (albeit sad) book called "Betty Doll" by Patricia Polacco. It's a story about a doll that the author's mother made as a little girl. The
author's mother wrote down the story of the doll in the context of a family history~telling all the things her doll had seen her through. It was a beautiful story and helped O see that we always have tangible things to hold onto even when those we love leave us. It would also be a great resource for non religious families as well. It is a higher level book so wouldn't work for kids under 4 or 5.

It sure is hard to know exactally what to tell them without scaring them, isn't it?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Thank you all SO much. It sure is good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this and you all gave such great advice. I'm certain everything she is going thru is just the normal process of growing up and becoming familiar with how the world works and getting in touch with her feelings on these things. It's just so hard to know what to say...how far to take it....how much to explain it.



Exactly. Or telling them something that will scar them for life. I'm going to check out that book that you mentioned. She loves to read and I think that will really help her to understand.

Mommy2BAK replied: Aww, Bless Maddie's little heart. She had a rough night. I hope tonight goes better/

DansMom replied: Aimee, I remember those night-time hallucinations of people standing in my room, too! And not being able to move I was so afraid. I think for Maddie it was partly the fever of course, but I also think she's getting older. Her emotions and her imagination are maturing. What a sensitive and caring girl you have!

six_kids_at_28 replied: Awww is she doing ok now?