2 posts today got me thinking - kind of emotional (and a little long)

Bee_Kay wrote: One was mine about Tyler and the other one was Jimmie's about giving 5 years of your life for something/someone.

I don't think I ever opened up to anyone here about what happened to Tyler when he was 7 years old. A few years ago, I did open up about it and was treated horribly. i.e. "what kind of mother are you", "what kind of mother lets their 7 yr old go for a bike ride without an adult" ect. That was the last time I shared this experience with anyone online.

One afternoon, Lacy (13 at the time), Ashley and Tyler asked to go for a bike ride up to the cemetary road and back. I said "sure". (It's about 6 blocks away). We live on the outskirts of town (small town) and traffic if very light (all residential).

Within minutes, Ashley ran in the house screaming "Tyler got hit by a car!!!".
My DH and I got there (it was 1 block away from our home) as fast as we could and I saw my baby lying in the road. We ran to him and I wanted to pick him up. It was the first time in years that I had heard a "baby" cry from him. My DH said I couldn't pick him up and he supported his head. Tyler was lying there crying and saying "Mommy".

The ambulance came and tended to him and I was allowed to ride to the ER room with him. After a few tests they determined that he was "OK". He had one small cut on his head, his knee was scraped up and he had a bruise on his upper thigh. We brought him home that night.

Throughout the weekend, he wasn't able to walk. I brought him back to the doctor and the doctor said that his leg was just bruised up and sore. So, we went home again.

Another day passed and he still couldn't walk. So, my DH and I took Tyler to a better hospital out of town and we brought his X-rays with us. The doctor (best in this state) immediately determined that his leg was broken right on his growth plate.

He was immediately put into a cast and had so many tests done on him (very extensive). He was in a cast for 6 weeks. His leg healed so well that the doctor was no longer able to see where the break was.

How the accident happened was (I'll do my best to describe). The 3 kids were riding. Tyler waited for a car to pass and looked both ways. Just as he started to cross the road, a car flew out of a parking lot in front of the van that passed Tyler and headed right for Tyler as he was crossing. Tyler had no way of seeing her coming.
from the point of impact to where he landed was approx 38 ft.
The lady that hit him didn't come to the ER room and to this day, she hasn't checked on how he was/is doing.

That was the day I almost lost my only son, my baby. I haven't forgiven myself for saying "no" or "wait a minute" when he asked to go for that bike ride. Realistically I know there is no way I could have known what was about to happen, but I still blame myself because all I had to do was say "no".

It's been over 5 years and I still remember every moment of it clearly. Since then, I find myself over-protective. Even now, when he asks to go do something or go somewhere, I panic and think of the possiblities of something bad happening. Tyler gets frustrated with me, but he is so wonderful that he does his best to understand my fears.

I thank God everday that I do still have my son. Because even the police that showed up said they can't believe that a child could live through that.

So, I change my answer to Jimmie's question. I'd give my life to erase that one day out of Tyler's life.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: Awww Barb Thanks for sharing that, my heart went out to you reading that!
Hugs from one mommy of a son to another!

BAC'sMom replied:

JP&KJMOM replied: Barb Thanks so much for sharing that.

I feel I should share a story that I have never shared anywhere. Two summers ago my DH sent me to the store for paint. I loaded Karlee in her car seat and off we went to town. As I came to te first of 2 red lights of out small home town I began to slow down and as I was about to stop the light changed to green and I proceeded through the light. Maybe 20 mph at the most. From out of nowhere a small girl ran in front of my car and I tried like he!! to avoid hitting her but it was no use. I can assure you that I tried everything in my power to not hit her. Brakes squealing, me screaming.

The girl was about 10 years old and has down syndrome and her father had left her in the truck asleep and went into the movie store to take back some movies. She woke up and could not find him and did what most children would do and went to find him with no concept of where she was or even that there was a street there to cross. I thank God everyday that that light was red for those few minutes that I slowed to almost a stop and that I saw her immediately to be able to slow down. They took her to the ER and she was only sore and bruised up some but extremely lucky. I spoke with her father many times and he said the worst part for him was that she was so scared (not hurting just scared) and with her down syndrome it was harder to explain to her what had happened.

I cried and vomited for hours after it happened and did not sleep for weeks. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw her precious face in front of my car and would spend the rest of the night watching tv so I would not see that image in my mind. I spent hour after hour trying to explain to my baby who was a little over 2 at the time and strapped in her car seat in my car what had happened. She knew to an extent what had gone on so that was even harder for me to process.

To this day I am scrared to death for my children to even be close to a road where there is traffic. Overprotective.... yes I am but I know first hand what can happen in a split second as you do also. I can still get emotionally sick if I think to much about it but I felt I needed to share it because I want you (Barb) to know that blaming yourself is natural and not all people are uncaring like the one that hit your baby. Even though I know there was nothing I could have done to avoid hitting that child I still blame myself also. Barb to you sweetie.

BAC'sMom replied:

TFS Karen! and you know I love ya!

Bee_Kay replied: Karen,

Thank you so much for sharing that. I was crying while writing my post, all those images and sounds came rushing back.

Reading yours is just as emotional for me also. I cannot imagine what you must have went through.

With the lady that hit my son. I have very bad feelings towards her to this day. Not only was she racing to the store (we found out later) she was talking on her cellphone. But, to make matters worse, she went back to the picnic she had left and was warning people there about bike safety, rather than driving to the ER to see how my son was doing, or to show any concern whatsoever.

Reading over the investigation report, my son was not at fault. He did what he was taught to do, he looked both ways, ect. There was no way for him to see that lady racing to pull out in front of oncoming traffic.

I never expected an "I'm sorry", I am sure her only concern was how it would affect her financially (we also found that out later), I just expected some concern. Maybe that was expecting too much.

Bee_Kay replied:

I am exactly the same way. I drive much more careful, especially on residential roads. I am not only scared for my children, I fear for other children and what can happen in a split second.

Thank you again for sharing such a painful experience.

amynicole21 replied: Wow... hugs to you both You've lived my nightmares.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Barb, I am so sorry about what happened. I am highly doubtful you will get the same rejection you rec'd years ago when you opened up about this, here.

Thanks for opening up about that painful memory.

TheOaf66 replied: Well let me respond by saying I grew up in a small town like that and at that age I was already off riding by myself on my bike. Granted it was a different time then etc but she was with older siblings and such. IMO you did nothing wrong and it is one of those things that you cannot predict or do anything to stop. I think sending the 3 kids out was just fine so I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Considering that everything worked out ok I would just let it lie as it is.

JP&KJMOM replied:

No Barb that was not expecting to much in any way. I know what I felt like and I can't even imagine another woman not feeling the same way I did but I guess there are people out there like that.

It was absolutely one of the worst experiences I have ever had to learn to deal with in my life. I cried through your story and that is what compelled me to tell you mine. The state trooper that worked our accident was wonderful and kept telling me over and over again that it was not my fault. He had already interviewed enough witnesses to know what had happened and that I was not at fault. But it does not take away the guilt. Human nature lets you learn to deal with it.

redchief replied: Okay, I've read both very emotional stories. I don't see where either of you have done anything wrong. Mostly I feel empathy for the emotional scars the incidents left behind for both of you. I know that injured children are the hardest things I deal with in my job and I shudder to think how deep the scars would be had those incidents involved my own children or had I been personally involved in the accident. There are nights that I relive some of the incidents involving children I've had to deal with, some of them over 20 years old. It's probably one of the reasons I'm a chronic insomniac.

I used to hate to fall asleep for fear of the historical ghosts that haunt my dreams at times, but I've grown to accept them. I know it's hard to forgive yourself when you think there's something you overlooked or did wrong, but I simply don't believe that to be the case in either of your cases.

Barb, you allowed your son to do something that most mothers would allow any seven year old to do. He went bike riding with older siblings in a relatively safe area. I would have done the same as you that day and allowed him to go. I realize the incident has made you overprotective, and that's a bit understandable. I believe, deeply, however, that we must not allow ourselves to steal our children's childhoods because of our fears. I think kids need to be allowed wonder at their surroundings, to explore, and learn from what they see. And sometimes they need to do that without us right there over their shoulders. It is where independence and character come from. As far as the other woman goes (who hit your child), I'll keep my opinion to myself for what I would do doesn't even come close to being nice.

Karen, I feel deeply for you. Those things we can do nothing to change are often those things that hurt us the most. It does little good to reinforce what you already know, so I won't insult your intelligence by doing so. I just want you to know that I know what helplessness is, and I don't like it either.

Kudos to both of you for sharing your difficult stories.

CantWait replied: TO BOTH OF YOU. Niether of these situations that were your fault at all. Robbie has been riding his bike with his friends for years now. We can't shelter our children, and you clearly made sure you didn't do that. I don't know how someone can treat you horribly because of this.

Bee_Kay replied: Ed, thank you so much for your kind and understanding words.

My DH has been my rock throughout the past few years when it comes to "mothering" Tyler too much.
I know that I have to let him go and explore his childhood, and I really do allow that.... but it's what is going on inside of me that drives me crazy.

Reflecting back on the past few years..... your words are almost identical to my DHs when it comes to not stealing childrens' childhoods away from them.

Again, thank you. It means alot.... really

gr33n3y3z replied:
To the both of you for sharing your stories
I see nothing that either of you had done wrong nor control over

aspenblue1 replied: To both of you.

A&A'smommy replied: I don't understand why anyone would think you are a bad mother!!! I'm sorry that happened to you guys

My3LilMonkeys replied: To both of you. Barb, I personally feel you did nothing wrong and I'm glad you both feel comfortable enough here to share your very emotional stories.

kimberley replied:
i am sorry for what you both have gone through and would never judge either of you.

the worst recurring dreams i have had are ones of the kids being hit by a car. i have no clue how or why they happen but they are surely disturbing and make me a bit overprotective even walking thru a parking lot. i can't imagine what you both feel. many (((hugs))) your way.

luvmykids replied: Thank you to both of you for sharing those stories. I hate to admit it but as careful as I am, I also tend to think things like either of those scenarios wouldn't happen "to me". Not that I don't take precautions, just that your stories helped refresh in my mind that it can happen to anyone.

Barb, the town we used to live in is a place where even in this day and age kids ride their bikes to school by themselves, as far as a mile. I think many many parents in a setting like you described would absolutely allow the same thing.

Karen, there is no way that you could be to blame and thank you for the reminder that being careful is no guarantee.