A loss... and confusion..

PhiMuMommy wrote: My ex (father of my child) and i have been talking about maybe someday getting back together. we've been trying to be friends. well the only other girl he has ever loved.. and the girl he chose while i was pg. was in a car accident and died this afternoon. Brian was at my house. his mom told him to come home immediatly but didn't say why. and then when he got there he found out. i figured it was something with his brother.. so i gave it an hour and then texted him to find out what was wrong.

he wasn't going to tell me. he was soo upset. and i HAVE been there for him through everything before.. and he wasn't going to tell me about this. i kind of understand because i didnt' know how to feel. but i know that he loved her too. and i would NEVER spit on her memory. how heartless does he think i am?

now i don't know what to do..i asked him to meet me becuase roads are icy and i'm worried about him. (he's blaming himself for not seeing her today because she was on her way to his house since he hasn't been talking to her since we've been talking again.. which is my fault)

i'm really hurt that he wasn't going to tell me.. and i know better than to tell him that. i just don't know how to handle this myself. and right now i have no friends. i'm that pathetic.. i have no one else to talk to.. so i posted on here...

holley79 replied: Oh sweetie I am so sorry. It's always hard when someone is torn between two people that they love. It may have been that he didn't want to cause any waves between the two of you by telling you why he left. It probably didn't help that he was blaming himself so that may be another reason he wasn't going to tell you. Just give him time. I know it's going to be hard. Just be there for him when he needs you to be and listen, I mean really listen if he needs an ear.

to you. My thoughts and prayers with friends and family. That is always so tough.

luvmykids replied: I'm so sorry! I doubt you can try to figure much out right now, he's probably an emotional wreck. And you can't beat yourself up either. Just try to be there for him and understand that grief can do strange things to people, so try not to take anything personally. Prayers to you, him, and her family.

BTW, you're not pathetic for posting here. What would that say about the rest of us?

PhiMuMommy replied: ya know.. i'm stupid.. i never realized how much he REALLY LOVED her.. he's right.. i'm not the one he should talk to.. it is killing me listening to it. i'm crying because it hurts me to hear how awesome she was and how he never stayed wtih her because of me... and listening to him blame himself. and i want to puke because i was right... he loved her as much if not more than he loved me..

i can't handle this.. i'm soo horrible. what am i supposed to say to him? how am I supposed to feel? i didn't like this girl because she ruined my whole preganancy and she made me hate the one thing i always wanted. but i can't disrespect her.. she was 20 yrs old!!!!!! not old enough to die! i feel horrible..

i'm soo confused.. i want to be there for him but it is seriously breaking my heart. seriously.. i can't talk to him anymore.. he WANTED HER.. not me.. he only wants me because i had his child. and once upon a time we did love eachother.. and all that came out tonight...

Insanemomof3 replied:

luvmykids replied: So sorry, I can tell you're heartbroken.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I cannot say much more than what has already been said by Monica & Holley.
But I wanted to give you 's.

Thoughts are with you for your strength, and with her family now for their loss.

amymom replied: My thoughts are with you.

Freckled Momma replied:

Prayers for everyone involved...hang in there, girl

3xsthefun replied:

MamaJAM replied: I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers for all involved.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Keep talking to us about it if you need to. We are here for you, hun. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. You will make it thru this.

coasterqueen replied: I don't know what to say. My thoughts and prayers are with you and like Aimee said, please keep talking to us about it. I know I don't bring you much comfort but please know that I'm a virtual shoulder to cry on any time you need it.

A&A'smommy replied:

PhiMuMommy replied: Thank you all. i talked to him all last night. (well in between him getting sick.. andme getting sick.. ) he's dying his hair back to black today (he had it teal.. it was my thing in highschool i loved his teal hair) because she liked it natural and she didn't like it shaved. (i didn't like it shaved either.. but that wasn't his reason) and i know i'm being selfish .. and i know i'm overreacting because he is in pain.

he's going with her family today to ID the body. and he will probably want to talk to me later and want to me to help him through this. but it really hurts knowing just how much he wanted her not me. and that if it weren't for alex he wouldnt want me at all..

i dont know if i'm a big enough person to be there for him. it hurts so bad. i mean should we even try working things out after this? can you still love somone knowing that they loved someone else more than you and feel whole?

i'm soo confused. and i didn't mean that it was pathetic to post on here.. i mean it's pathetic that i have no one here in real life to talk to. the one friend i usually turn to is studying abroad this semester.. so i literally have no one here. and im hurting so bad i could really use someone just to hug me..

thank you all for all the kind words.. i feel so bad for her family and for him.
i don't know how i feel at all..

fashionmumofboys replied:

CosmetologyMommy replied: Maybe wait awhile to talk to him about it, since he has just been through this loss. I hope everything works out

luvmykids replied:
Sorry, I know these aren't the same as a real hug but the thought is!

jacobsmama replied: Cat.... wow..Life is just spinning for her family, you, him and everyone involved right now. Last year when Our bestfriend/cousin past away who had 2 very young children I spent the whole week with his wife because she was my best friend. (similiar to the situation you are in because you do care for him and want to be there for him). It was so hard. And to be honest with you right now she doesn't remember anything from that week maybe a few little things...So what he is saying to you right now could be purely out of shock and disbelief about what is happening. Don't hold this against him because I know from experience his nerves and his imagination running wild about things he could have done are gettting the best of him. The best time to talk to him about the two of you will be when he is in a better state. The best thing you can do is just listen and remember most of the things he is saying is to try and stop his heart from hurting so bad right now...and the guilt. I'm so sorry Please PM me or call anytime. I'm so sorry again..

Prayers Kristi

Oscar replied: You are not pathetic # 1, its alot easier to post then talk trust me.
I'm so sorry for his loss and what your going through, but I'm sure what ever happened wasn't your fault.
He is in shock and sad, I'm sure he just wasn't ready to tell you yet.
Don't blame yourself.
Just give him some space when He's ready for some support and compassion, just be there for him then.
When loved ones die its ruff,
Just give it time
Oscar