A show that made me think....

mummy2girls wrote: Today on extreme makeover home addition it was about a single mom of twins died suddenly of a heart attack and there was no father in the picture so these kids were about to be put in foster care. The brother of this mom took these kids in and is now raising them:) ... Do you guys have anyone that you have picked as guardians in case something happens?

me no... and after that show i need to sit and talk about it....

A&A'smommy replied: We don't actually have anyone picked our right now we have had a HARD time deciding... I'm thinking about asking one of my SILs and maybe making it where she had to move here to be close to my mother... our parents are too old and tired of raising kids and one of my sils has two kids, and my bil is too busy and isn't married and it would be a hard decision I would almost hope my MIL would take her

luvmykids replied: We haven't done it either and after that show it's really bothering me too. I don't have any siblings and my bil is no way capable. My parents would of course be my choice and my husbands dad/stepmom are of course his. So we've got to find a way to talk (not fight) about it and get it done. It's a very serious thing to ask of someone and to entrust someone with.

PrairieMom replied: We do. We had our wills made shortly after The Boy was born. The lawyers looked at us like we were crazy to be 26 and thinking about making out wills already, but it was really important to me to know that my son would be taken care of should something happen to us. I also know that there will be no family fights over him because we discussed our wishes with everone, and they all understand.

Another thing that people don't think about until it is to late is advanced directives. We both have one and I made our parents get one too. It is so important for family members to know your wishes if you ever need life support or something like that.

CantWait replied: Unfortunetly no I haven't. I know I wouldn't want them going to my mom, or dh's parents....my best bet would be my best friend, although I don't have nothing in writting as of yet.

CAMSMOM1 replied: I'm so dissappointed that I missed the show! I love it!


But to answer you question, we don't have a will. We need to do it. I have thought about it.
I know who I would pick. It would be my sister. She has 3 boys of her own, and is my best friend. She has been there for me, more than anyone else has. I know my DH would agree. She was the one who helped me take care of Cameron after the birth, babysits, and so on. She is the best choice. If she couldn't do it for some reason, I would ask either my brother, or my Mom.
As far as the life support thing, I have thought about that too. After the Terri Shivo was on the news.
If I was on life support for a long period of time, and there was no hope of recovery for me, I would want my family to pull the plug. BUT...I have heard of people in a veggitaded state, coming out of it. I would want them to give me every chance of living, but once it reached a certain point, I would trust them to make the best decision for me. I wouldn't want to be kept on life support for 10 years. KWIM? That's a tough decision to make.

How do you go about making a Will? How much does it cost?

holley79 replied: I watch that show every Sunday and I cry with each one.

DH and I have chosen my little sister to be the gaurdian if anything happens to the both of us. It was wrote up when Annika was a week old. If something comes up and she can not take her then it will be my younger brother. They are both capible and young enough to raise her. My brother is 2 years my junior and my sister is 4 years. Age was a big factor in our deciding next to responsible.

Freckled Momma replied: We had this discussion long ago. We decided on my sister and her husband. They would be the best choice and would raise our kids as closely like we would. I asked her about it once Nicholas was born. She agreed to take care of them. And we do have it in writing.

C&K*s Mommie replied: We do not have any solid choices yet, we would like for either of our parents to be the #1 choices, but we have nothing in writing. And if they were no longer around, we are not so sure. All of our couple friends either have no children, or are always on the verge of divorce, not married at all, or they will not provide the loving home that we would think would be ideal. SAD.

Advanced directives we do not have one either. I have told Chris my wishes, but again nothing in writing.

Ann, you can go through a lawyer, or I have heard that there are simple forms out there, that you can do yourself without the aide of a lawyer. There was a place that offered adv. dir. for $5 or $6 when Terri Schiavo made headlines last yr, we never got one though. But where these places to get DIY wills, and adv dir are, I am not so sure. I will do research today to find out.

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: We picked my sister and her husband. nothing is in writing yet (because we've been lazy) but on our life insurance the kids are listed but for my sister to control the money. Both of our families know our choices and think it is the best. If for some reason my sister couldn't take them I would feel safe with them going to anyone in our families except my dad and dh's sisters...they wouldn't offer so that would never matter.

MamaJAM replied: We made our wills years ago (when DD#1 was a tot)....and we named ILs as gaurdians. Many things have changed over the years and, honestly, I really wouldn't trust them with our kids religious lives...though I know they'd love and care for the kids physically. We really don't know of anyone else who would be willing to take on 5 kids if something should happen to both of us....so we haven't done anything to change the guardianship. BUT -- we have been thinking about adding a clause that any/all religious-descisions need to be made with a friend who believes as we do.
We actually need to update our will to include all of the kids' names...though we made sure the original one spoke of DD and "any children born to the family" (since we knew we'd be having more kids).

mom21kid2dogs replied: This is one thing we did BEFORE Olivia was born. My best friend & her DH have first dibs (they live across the street from us) and one of my brothers and SIL have the backup. Both are aware and both have agreed to it. We did rename guardians when O was about 3.5. My husband's sis and DH were originally named but my her DH is getting progressively worse, personality wise, so we were forced to change it.

As I say everytime this matter comes up~never trust this very important thing to a "will kit" or an internet form or assume because you've told everyone things will go this way. We have 50 states with 50 sets of Probate Laws. One form will not satisify your states requirements. IMO this is the most important thing you can do for your child. In many areas, basic wills cost around $150~what you pay for a car seat or a child's room decoration. Why people go cheap on this is beyond me. I guess it's because this really happened to my husband (both his parents died of cancer before he was 11) and professionally we've seen this time & time again. Parental death is the worse psychological trauma that can happen to a child. To compound this by poor or no planning will only make it worse. If you haven't done this, please, please please do it!!!!!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: We've been arguing about this for about 4 years.

I in no way, shape or form want his family to have ANYTHING to do with raising our kids. His brother already has 2, a little older than our oldest, and seeing those kids in action makes me think of shooting myself. They're AWFUL children. I'm sorry, they really totally are - and the parents are to blame. Who lets a 5 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old play outside in the backyard, which is not completely fenced in, ALONE? My SIL - that's who - and the 2 year old was MINE.

So no way, they're out.

DH's parents.... well... if they raised my kids like they raised their own, there would be 3 more lazy people on this earth who have no idea how to cook, clean, balance their cheackbook, etc... there is NO WAY I'm going to let that happen. DH's mom did everything for her kids... from cooking to folding their laundry and putting it away for them - even as older teens. Now my DH expected me to do the same for him when we moved in together at first... he was quickly given a reality check. He's still laze and expects me to cook most of the time and clean most of the time, but he helps now and then. So no way are the outlaws raising my kids like they raised theirs.

My mom would be the obvious choice - since she's only 47, single, has my 17 year old brother at home who apparently is moving out to live in Montreal for a year ya right..... and besides... I have the same parenting style as my mom, for discipline and rules etc... sure she lost control of my brother... but my brother is a special case. And my grandmother lives pretty much with my mom - she's there EVERY DAY.

If my mom couldn't, my Best friend, maid of honor and Emilie's godmother definitely would, she's said so so often I think she wants it to be that way.

PrairieMom replied:
We went to a lawyer and I think it cost a total of about $400. It took 2 or 3 visits to get the whole thing done.
As fer as an advanced directive goes it is part of our will, but I also have one on record with our hospital. When ever a patient is admitted the Nurce asks them if they want one so I got mine that way also.

*Important*
Even though I have a will and an advinced directive stating my wishes, the final decision is up to my DH who is my power of attouney. My directive really only serves as a guide line for him. But it is important to have one, becuase i know that if something should happen, my dad would pull my plug immedieately, my mom wouldn't. neither would my sister. no matter what my wishes were. Its nice to have it in writing so the person making that decision doesn't have to second guess themselves or blame themselves for their decision.

luvmykids replied: Has anyone see the movie "Raising Helen"? It's about this very thing and the mom who died left a letter saying that when you're gone you want someone who is most like you so your kids have a taste of their mom. Something else to think about.

fashionmumofboys replied: We got ours done when DS#2 was born.

We are now thinking of getting the Guardian changed. First of all, his brother is not the brother he thought he was and second of all, he lives in Europe and that is not local. So now we have to come to terms on who we are going to get to be the guardian of our children.

I do agree getting it done through a lawyer, cause you know it will be done right. I work for one and I know how important it is to have the legal papers drawn up the right way and not regret it later.

My3LilMonkeys replied: We don't have anything, though we should.

A website I know of for advanced directives is agingwithdignity.org . Their directives seem very thoughtful and well written to me, and are only about $5 apiece. We just haven't gotten around to it yet.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: We have talked about it, but haven't put anything in writing. I know we need to do that. SOON!!!

CosmetologyMommy replied: no.....we should sit down and discuss it because I know dh and I would disagree on people.

ions_momma replied: We have talked about it before. We dont have anyone written down or anyone for sure picked out, but we decided it would either be my sister and BIL or Dh's sister and her husband.

mumtoone replied: well my son steven is being blessed in 4 weeks time, my best mate who i have known since i was 13 is going to be godmother and her hubby is going to be godfather she has twins that are a week older than steven so if any thing happens to me or my hubby we will have someone to care for him. Dh is thinking about asking his step brother too be a godfather to but i dont think he is very relible