ARRRRGGGGGG!!!!! - She is making me CRAZY

Jamison'smama wrote: Okay, so we have this box full of beans. It is a rare thing that we get out and the kids LOVE it, they do make a mess but that's fine they are easy to clean up. Jamison threw several around making it necesssary for me to say she had to do the clean up this time (the second round of playing). It has been almost 30 minutes and they are still not all picked up....should I say 30 minutes, barbies taken, movie for tonight taken, library trip for after clean up, gone. They are still not picked up. She will pick up one at at time, play around, pick another one up, fill up a water bottle lid with beans and put those in there wooohooo, 3 at a time. What do you do when it is a battle like this, where nothing you seem to do or say makes a difference. She has no currency, nothing really matters to her all that much, she will play with anything and is happy that way. Any suggestions for those battle of wills that seem to be endless at times? (Rewards do not work here, again, no currency, she loves the library and that would have been the reward....doesn't care.

Help please!

DansMom replied: Ah, you have a four year old, do you? I feel your pain. Obviously, more rewards and punishments aren't going to work. I was just reading about this in a book due to my own frustration at selective listening. The book said to stay right by his side until the task is completed, glued like a shadow. Don't leave the room or do a separate activity, because this gives them room to wander and ignore and get distracted. Don't go into explanations about why it needs to be done---use simple commands like: "Daniel, the beans, now. I'm waiting." And then stay fixed on the spot.

I don't know if this will work---so far it's just book advice. Good luck!

booey2 replied: Maybe try challenging her to a race and see who can get them picked up first. This has worked with Thomas and Matthew in the past. HTH

Boo&BugsMom replied: Tanner will get like this sometimes. I either have to start counting and when I get to 20 there is a consequence. Or, I literally have to stand over him, hover, and repeat myself until whatever I asked him to do is done.

paradisemommy replied: ooooooooo do i feel your pain..you just have to keep looking for something that she REALLY likes..with taven it's playing xbox (halo) with daddy..either that or playing outside..mention either of those and he moves like he has a match under him but if not..he'll do the same thing (we have a big bucket of beans too)..pick one up..find a rubber band and play with that - pick up another bean 15 min. later, find a tinkertoy and start playing guns..

GL..

amynicole21 replied: Sophia is the same way. It usually turns into a big, tearful screaming match. Sometimes, things that don't get picked up go in the garbage... not sure if she cares enough about the beans for that to be effective, though. I honestly hope this is not a precurser to the teenage years

Jamison'smama replied:
I am afraid this is exactly what I have to look forward to in the teenage years! I will try what Tracy recommended because it has also turned into a huge screaming match with everything she owns taken away. Nothing seems to work and I know that is just the kind of child I have. I actually called my favorite child development specialist..she is amazing and she recommended a book for my type of child...Parenting with Love and Logic. I have the book but haven't opened it yet. I also need to re-read raising your spirited child. I just don't enjoy reading those books. I want to read as an escape and what I want to escape from is parenting!

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Be careful about the type of beans... not that I think she'd eat them, but red kidney beans are toxic if ingested raw. They contain small amounts of cyanide.

luvmykids replied:
I feel ya I've used all of the above and just keep trying in each particular instance until I find one that works, it seems like all three of mine go through this at some time or another

The one I have the most success with is the standing there, repeating myself until it's done. It sucks to put your whole day on hold but it's the best way for us when it comes to them realizing that I mean it

eta: We had this problem a lot when playing with beads, I finally told Kylie the last time that she had 10 minutes to pick them up and when the timer went off I brought out the vacuum, for some reason the thought of them being sucked up bothered her more than me throwing them away. So once I started the vacuum I told her I wouldn't stop but she could still save most of them if she hurried. That was actually the fastest she ever moved.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Just wanted to say that you are not alone. I know exactly what you are going through, Christian is very much like this; It is rubbing on on Kellie who has always been eager to help clean up any time I ask/do not ask. Now.... not she is not so helpful if Christian is not helping.

Good advice!

lisar replied: Just wanted to say I hope you figure it all out. I went thru that with Lexi. She didnt care what I took away. She just didnt care. Evetually she grew out of it.

MommyToAshley replied: Hmmm, are you sure your child's name isn't Ashley? It is such a chore to get her to clean up. She does it at school and other's people's houses but she always seems to stall and get distracted at home. Sticker charts/rewards/punishments seem to have no affect on her either.

The only think I have found that works is to do what Terri does... make it fun and a game. "See if you can pick up the beans before I can count to 30... .On your mark, get set, go!" Or, "See if you can pick up the beans before I can get the dishes done... last one done is a rotten egg" (that's her new thing, the rotten egg).

The game thing works 90% of the time. But, then I wonder if it is really teaching her to follow instructions? I suppose it's better than battling with her for an hour and then end up doing it myself anyways.

jcc64 replied: I usually find the contest thing works well. I also help her - "C'mon, Corey, let's clean this up together". If she gets side tracked or starts dawdling, I tell her if she doesn't keep up, I'll make her do it alone. For whatever reason, it usually works.
There's no magic bullet, really.