Advice needed

julesmom wrote: Please tell me your opinion of this:

My dd is terrrified of my sister's fiancee. She won't go near him or even go into the same room he's in. She was never left alone with him, so he's never done anything physical to her. She just wants nothing to do with him. She freaks out when he comes into the house. You'd think a monster walked in the door.

What is your opinion of this? She is ok with other men. This is the only one she has a problem with.

MommyToAshley replied: Your daughter is about the same age as my daughter (Ashley turned 3 in Sept), and she is this way with some men. She doesn't like men with beards at all. It took her a while to warm up to FIL becaues he has a beard, and now she won't go to him unless he is wearing a hat. Some men she will smile, almost flirt with, and others she wants nothing to do with and will hide. She's a pretty outgoing person otherwise. I think there is something about them (like the beard thing) that I just haven't figured out yet. I think it is normal for their age.... I hope your soon-to-be BIL doesn't take it personally. It may take awhile, but if you don't push then I am sure she will get used to him eventually.

moped replied: Ummmm, how long has he been around? Is she maybe just not used to him yet??? I certainly wouldn't push him on her and let her do what she feels is right, that makes me sad but I htink it is something she will get over in time

julesmom replied: He does take it personally and my sister gets so mad about it. Like I can control it!

She has known him since she was about 1. We don't see them much, but dd loves my sis. There's just something about bf. It's beginning to make me nervous. Do kids have a 6th sense about things?

mckayleesmom replied: Mckaylee was like that with our next door neighbor....who was also dh's coworker. She would freak out when he came to the house and me or dh would have to hold her while he was there. We couldn't figure out why...she liked him before. Then he remembered that one time he has said "boo" to her and scared her.....and that must be why she was afraid of him. Finally Mckaylee warmed up to him, but it took about a year. By the time we moved if he came to the door...she would grab her shoes and want to go with him to his garden.....I think in part she warmed up to him because Mckaylee liked his girlfriend...she would feed Mckaylee stuff from the garden and let Mckaylee help pick stuff......So Mckaylee decided she had no choice if she wanted to help in the garden.

mummy2girls replied: Jenna does this as well. She will go to almost anyone but freaks when she hears my sisters voice and starts to get paraniod. she barley sees my sis so i figured because to her she is a stranger. BUT she will go up to strangers at stores( which freak me out) and talk to them. maby its somethign about his looks she is not liking..i dunno!

C&K*s Mommie replied: kids may have that sixth sense... but they not be tuned it to it, yet.

Maybe it just is something about his physical appearance that frightens her. Overall, you are doing the right thing by not pushing her into his arms. She may outgrow it, maybe not. Time will tell.

3xsthefun replied: Kaitlynn use to be this way with my two uncle's. She would hide behind me or would not go in same room as them. I have no idea really why she was afraid of them.

It took her a year or so until she finally would talk to them.

julesmom replied: It's just so strange to me because she likes everyone else.
I don't push her because I really don't care for the guy either. Hmm. maybe she's picking a vibe up from me?
She is in their wedding next year, so I hope she can handle it.

holley79 replied: The little girl I use to keep all the time was this way when she was about 3 also. Just like Ashley she would almost flirt with most. It took us a little while to pin point what it was about a friend of her dad's, it was because he had a REALLY deep voice and it scared her a little bit. Now that she's 6 she just loves him.

Alice replied: Julia went through a phase like that when she was about three.. terrified of just about any man. My dad was dying at the time, so I think it had something to do with being afraid to go up and see sick Pop Pop (and no, we never forced her... I think the idea just frightened her.) From there it spread to my FIL, brother, and brother in law... She pretty much just avoided the living room that Christmas Eve!

The good news is that she grew out of it on her own.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I was that way when I was even a little older - 5 or 6 I think. I remember meeting my cousin's boyfriend (now DH) who is 6 foot 5 and 300+ pounds and being so scared of him I hid under my bed until they left. Once I got used to him I was okay and love him to pieces - he's a great guy.

Just give her time to get used to him at her own pace.