Altercation With one of Spencer's Nurses - Don't know if I handled this well? LONG

Kirstenmumof3 wrote: I've had problems with this nurse before. I really don't like the way she does things and I find that she is very lazy/slow. Spencer does not like her either. I find that the way she talks is very irratating. But she is his nurse so I don't really say much. A few times she has done things that have really upset me. When Spencer was going for an ultrasound on his arm, I asked her if she was going to give him ativan or morphine to help relax him and ease the pain, she told me he didn't need it. Well she was wrong and he was in so much pain afterwards. She is very rough when she is sponge bathing him and because he has been in so much pain, I have found it very difficult emotionally to bath him, so the nurses have been doing it. Most of the other nurses tell me to go for coffee and they will come out to the parents lounge and get me when they are finished. That was fine. Yesterday, Spencer seem to be doing much better (pain wise) and I felt more comfortable sponge bathing him. So I bathed him. He cried only twice, once when I washed his back, I didn't realize he had scratched himself (I'm not allowed to clip his fingernails) and then he cried again when I washed his bum (well I would cry too, if I had a huge sore on my bum). Anyway today his nurse came and said she was bathing him at 11:00. She started by asking him if he wanted to go to the tub and I reminded her that he couldn't really walk. Then she started, I don't know insulting him, saying "Oh you don't want go to the bath, you don't want to have a nice warm bath!" Spencer loves his baths and if he could have walked, he gladly would have had a bath. Anyway she starts and she is so rough on him. He is lying there completely naked on his bed, complaining that he is cold. And she tells him "Oh you are not cold!" Yesterday I washed to top part of his body and then covered him with a towel, then washed the bottom half. The last few days Spencer has really been complaining about his bum, I don't know if it's because they are weaning him off of the hydromorphone (10x stronger than morphine), or if his bum is getting worse. So we get to the bum area and she decides that she is going to pour cold sterile water onto his testicles, down his bum. Well Spencer starts freaking out and crying. So she adds hot water and hand soap to the sterile water and then takes a cloth and squeezes the water onto his testicles and bum. Spencer by this point is just screaming. I tell her that I want the doctor to come in and look at his bum and she tells me that it looks fine and that the doctor doesn't need to come, and she is telling him "Oh it doesn't hurt!" "Stop crying you will scare the baby next door!" I couldn't take it anymore I walked out and slammed his door. I needed to calm myself down, I was almost sick because he was crying and screaming so loud. So I calm down and went back into his room, by this time the charge nurse was in the room helping her with Spencer. They tricked him into sitting up, so they could see his back and make sure there were no sores. I had already told her about the scratches on the back of his neck and what does she do so takes the cloth and starts scrubbing away at his back. Then they put baby powder on him. Now I don't know about anyone else, but I remember when Emily was a baby and had a diaper rash, if we put powder on it would burn her and she would scream. So Spencer starts screaming again. Then his nurse tells me to put the cream on his bum. So now I have to add to his pain and put this cream on and protective spray on. I did, then left and cried out in the parents lounge. I went back after a while to Spencers room and he was crying, I told him how sorry I was that I left him and how sorry I was that his nurse had hurt him. Then I promised him that she would never be his nurse again. When I had the chance and even though I hadn't really calmed down enough, I told the charge nurse that I wanted Spencers nurse out of his room and that this nurse is never to care for Spencer again! She said "Okay!" Well Spencer still had her for the rest of the day. I went out to Walmart with one of the other mothers, thinking that he would be okay, that someone else would be taking care of him. WRONG! So I called my DH and I told him what was going on and asked him to call the hospital and talk to the charge nurse. She explains to him that because of nursing shortages today she couldn't change his nurse, but that the orders were put in place for tomorrow. I'm still really upset and I know that tomorrow I will get called into talk too the Charge Nurse for the week. I don't know if I handled this right or not. I'm very ashamed of myself for not telling his nurse to get the h*ll out of his room. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to protect him. I just feel awful!

If you made it to the end Thank You so much for letting me vent and get it all out.

CantWait replied: Kristen, I'm so sorry. I don't think anyone could have handled it any different. You're doing the absolute best that you can. I hope for Spencer's sake that he doesn't have to deal with that hellion again.

luvmykids replied: OMGosh Kirsten, what a horrid evil witch she is! How dare she tell a child it doesn't hurt, you're not cold, blah blah blah. I'm livid just reading that I don't know what I would have done if I was in your shoes!

Please don't beat yourself up though, you are so strong for him and I think you were just in so much shock at her. IF she ever sets foot in his room again you just tell her it will be on YOUR terms.

I'm so sorry Spencer had to go through all of this it breaks my heart for both of you.

I wish I could say more.

Chiflata2003 replied: Children are the most honest patients (sp) so how dare she tell him that he doesnt hurt or isnt cold. I'm so sorry! Some people arent made to be nurses..

to you and to your little boy.

mummy2girls replied: oh hun((((HUGS)))) Im bawling reading that post! i am sos orry Spencer had to go through that! You did good Kirsten! If she enetrs the room tomorrow dont let her near your son. You have every right to deny certain people caring fior him expecially nasty cruel nurses like that. I hate nurses like that. Its like they are not a nurse because they want to but because of the money they can make. I experienced a few of those when Jordan was sick and one when i just had jenna! Make you want to just lay into them with your fist!!!!

maby you can report her in what she has been doing!

Edward's Mommy replied: You did the right thing by requesting another nurse. I want to be a nurse in this area for this reason. Because I know that I'll be sympathic enough to TRY not hurt this child whose already in pain. I'm so sorry it's like this for you. I'm still praying for you and your sweet boy. You're both so strong! I take my hat off to both of you and the strength you both have.

Prayers and 's

NEWMOM05 replied: That little boy has been through so much. The nurses are supposed to take care of him, not hurt him. I don't know what I would';ve done either. It's a shame she has to be so mean. I mean it's hard enough on all of you, but then not get the support needed from an attentive, kind nurse. I I sure hope that you never have to see her again. What a meanie. Maybe you can file a complaint with the hospital. She doesn't need to be around kids if she acts that way.
Prayers are being sent your way.

fashionmumofboys replied: How dare that nurse treat sweet Spencer like that.

I hope this week you will get a better nurse that cares for her patients, and is not rough and not cold hearted and so mean.

ashtonsmama replied: Poor baby...I know I'm probably not up to speed on your son, what is going on health-wise for him and how old is he? I'm so sorry you had to go through all that...and I would have probably responded the same way, so don't feel guilty, you did your best and you should be able to trust his nurses...that's so sad.

Nina J replied: I'm shocked that she would treat Spencer like that! You handled the situation much better than I would have, your obviously a very strong woman.
Hopefully you and Spencer don't ever have to see that nurse again. I'll continue praying for you, and hoping you'll only get loving, caring nurses from now on

gr33n3y3z replied: can your son lay on his side or stomach?
I would move him from side to side and on to his stomach also though out the day
This way the sore on his bum will heal alot faster bc he wont be laying on it so much. even if you need pillows behind him to hold him there while on his side
Do they have air filled beds where he is at? Check and ask if so ask them for one
But make sure the Dr looks at it

You did the right thing by saying something

MamaJAM replied: I am so sorry he...and you...have had to deal with this nurse. Hopefully - neither of you will have to deal with her ever again.

PrairieMom replied: You have every right to request that she not take care of him again, I wouldn't feel bad about that at all. IMO, even with nursing shortages, they should have worked it out that that nurse wouldn't be in your room any more. She could have traded patients with another nurse and it wouldn't have changed the workload. same # of patients, same # of nurses. In my hospital we all would have pulled together to make it work. Chances are the other nurses already know the reputation of this one.
I wouldn't feel bad about leaving him either. A lot of parents feel intimidated about what is going on, and don't know when it is appropriate to say something. They don't want to make the person caring for their loved ones mad. They think maybe the treatment will get worse.
I hope that they work things out for you. I'm sorry you had such a yucky expereiance. I would file a formal complaint with that nurses supervisor. If she is really that bad, they need to know about it.

My3LilMonkeys replied:

amymom replied: Oh Gosh, This made me very sad. I am so sorry you went through that. You did GREAT! I could not have held it together like you did.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Kirsten,

I began a nursing course last spring... and one thing they couldn't express enough was to have a sense of intimacy. as in: you never have a naked patient. You're washing the arm - the arm is the only thing that needs to be uncovered. Nurses are supposed to respect their patients' dignity - be they 5, 15, 50... nobody likes having to be washed by someone else because they're too sick or can't do it for some reason. It's humiliating enough - it doesn't have to be traumatic too.

I think you totally did the right thing. I would, if she comes back, tell her to chnage her attitude - and why. If she comes back, you should tell her to show your son some respect.

You're so strong.

booey2 replied: Oh, Kristen, I am just reading this today. I am so sorry they did that to you and Spencer. A nursing shortage is no excuse. I pray that you have a more caring and attentive nurse today.

Good for you for speaking your mind, you have every right to, she is caring for your flesh and blood. Maybe next time ask if she would like to be treated like that or if she has children if you could treat them the way she treated Spencer, if she would like it.

BAC'sMom replied:

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: I am so sorry to hear that. I am glad she won't be back. You and Spencer are still in my thougths and prayers.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: Oh Kirsten I am so sorry! What a EVIL person! You handled it the best way you can! Just stick to your guns-nurses shortage or not she doesn't come near Spencer after today!

1lilpeanut2love replied: I am SO sorry about that nurse. URRGHH!! I think you did the right thing and acted appropriately too. I would have done the same thing. Best of luck with all of that and I hope that nurse doesn't do this to all of her patients

Cece00 replied: I cant believe a nurse would be so rude/mean to a CHILD with CANCER. That is unacceptable. I wouldve demanded a new nurse, too. I'm sorry she was such a bitch to him, poor thing.

jcc64 replied: I'm so sorry to hear this, Kirstin. I think your reaction was understandable and appropriate.
You're doing everything you can for him, and he knows that. Hang in there, hon.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG Kristen I HATE nurses like that!!!! I hope his next nurse is 110% better than his last!!!!

Kirstenmumof3 replied:
They brought in a special gel filled mattress for him. Because of his arm he really can't roll onto his side. They have put pillows under his legs to kinda help lift his bum. If he could just get up walking, things would be so much better.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Although I saw your 'backfired' post before I saw this one, I still wanted to give BIG hugs.

kimberley replied: i'm sorry for what they are putting you both through. i hope things get better soon. p&pt to you both.

kayla's mama replied: OMG i would be so livid. You did the right thing

mommymonster replied: Poor little guy! You are absolutley in the right! You are a wonderful mom for taking care of your son's situation the way you did. I hope he never has to see that nurse again! I do not know how she can live with herself!?!

~~*Missi*~~ replied: Let me first say how sorry I am for this nurse being a "female dog" and for your son having to go thru this. He is always in my prayers and thoughts.

Now for the nursing stuff. First off if this "nurse" went to nursing school and LEARNed the bed bath correctly the way she is doing is not the CORRECT way. You are like you said to cover the body so that it doesnt' get cold with a blanket. Wash dry and recover. And continue on! The privates are to be done with a separate wash and cleaned last same with the feet....
Telling ANY patient he isn't cold or in pain is WAY beyond a believe against what a real nurse is taught.
IMO if you get no where with the charge nurse you need to got above her head and DOCUMENT all the times and issues that you have with that nurse and who you have gone to etc.. and go to the head of the department and so on until something is done. She shouldn't be practicing nursing. She is missing the one thing my teachers ALL stressed the most. The nurse is the caring compassionate put yourself in the place of the patient person...... Doctors are suppose to be the hard ballers NOT THE NURSE. OMG i am so po'ed that this woman calls her self a nurse. She gives us all bad names

sorry again for your son going thru this. i am so sorry. He you and the rest of your family is in my continued thoughts and prayers.

My2Beauties replied: Kirsten I am just now reading this. I am so sorry that Spencer and you had to deal with that woman, I can't even call her a nurse, because nurses are supposed to be nurturing. How rude of her to tell a child that sick that he isn't cold or hurting! Oh honey, I wish I would have been there with you because I definitely would have let her have it. I don't think you overreacted hon. I think you did what anyone would do in that situation, and I would take this as far as it needs to go.