Am I being to sensitive?

hawkshoe wrote: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little background. My oldest son came out of the womb looking just like his daddy. There was never any question about who his father was. 7 years later I became pregnant again. Around that time I had "hit my prime" as far as my sexual being is concerned Anyway, ds #2 is born and looks nothing like his dad. Everyone joked about dh having nothing to do with that one. My youngest is now almost 5 and my husband still jokingly says he wants a DNA test done as he doesn't think the kid is his. In the beginning, I didn't mind because of the obvious diffences in the two boys. However, it is now beginning to really bother me. I have never, nor would I ever even contemplate cheating on dh. His insinuating that I have is insulting to say the least. I have told him it bothers me when he says that. I guess it went in one ear and out the other. It really leaves me feeling that he is really tormented by this and not just joking. What do you think? Am I being to sensitive (maybe pms or premenopausal) or would you feel the same?

mom2my2cuties replied:

I am so sorry you are going through this. You aren't being too sensative at all. My son has this AMAZING red hair...His dad and I both have brown hair, and until we divorced his dads family was all the time saying our son wasn't his. Yet he was - he just happened to look identical to his grandfather and his grandfather's side of the family. When genetics are at work who knows what a baby is going to look like.

I hope your husband starts listening to you soon and quits saying that.

mckayleesmom replied: My husband kind of jokes like that too....but not all the time. Leithan has a friend he use to work with that looks alot like Russell....but its not his father...They just happen to resemble each other. Russell does look like his dad too..there is no denying that hairline...

I could see how it would hurt your feelings though...The joke is over...kwim?

Maybe you could tell him this story, because I really hope your son isn't overhearing this stuff.

My parents were both married and had children before marrying each other and having me, and my two younger siblings. I was born with extremely dark brown hair..almost black. I resembled my moms oldest daughter from a different husband. My little brother and sister had light brown, almost blonde hair all their life. My dad didn't say things about it, but my dads mother did. She always said that my mom cheated and that I couldn't possibly be my dads. I specifically remember her sitting me down and telling me that at about 7. I was devestated. For along time I believed her. My mom was so PO'd when she found out and quickly put her in her place....but the damage had been done...I continued to think that for a long time. I thought they were just trying to hide it from me.

So I really hope he isn't saying this stuff in front of your little boy. It might be joking to him, but devestating to a child.

The joke was on my grandma though because when I got into my teens I resembled more of my dads side of the family then my moms....I actually look more like my older sister from my dads first marriage.

mckayleesmom replied: A joke isn't funny if only one person is laughing...kwim?

MoonMama replied: Oh he%$ NO!!! I'd be furious and upset too! I am so sorry he's doing this too you, oh this makes me mad! Sorry I don't have any advice but in no way do I think your being over sensitive! If it was my DH he'd be getting an ear full and then some!

MoonMama replied:
Exactly!

gr33n3y3z replied: I would look him in the eye and say you pay for it LOL
then turn your back on him maybe he will stop

To add this
I'm one of 3 My parents had brown eyes along with my sister my brother and I have green eyes and also my sister has black hair my brother and I have brown
We took after our grandparents on my Dads side bc they had blue eyes and Lt. hair

cameragirl21 replied: Personally, I think next time DH says this to you I would look him in the eye and say, "ok, let's go get that DNA test and decide this once and for all."
That's either calling his bluff or literally putting an end to this. Once the DNA results are revealed then this will never come up again.
I do think that what DH is saying is obnoxious but I also figure that when a baby is born it's obvious who the mother is but not necessarily obvious who the father is, it's just assumed who the father is and I think that men automatically get wary when the kid doesn't look like them.
A DNA test is proof positive, so it settles everything....

CantWait replied: Is this a long running thing, does he do it all the time, or is it just something he says once in awhile to get you going. My dh is like this, says stupid things to get a reaction out of me, and boy does it work.

If this is something he does and is serious when he says it, I'd tell him to go pay for it, and when it comes back without a doubt that #2 is his, tell him to pack his bags for insulting your commitment to your marriage.

mummy2girls replied: your not being insensitive.. wioth my first son my ex refused to belive the child was his because i had blonde and he had blode hair and the baby had dark brown. that is the only reason he denied.. which got to me after a few days because i kept saying to him that my mom and her family all have dark har and his parents and sisters have dark hair... but he refused to listen. i told him if he wanted then go and get a DNA test. i had nothing to hide! but he didnt...

skinkybaby replied: Is he joking around or being serious?


I always joke around with my husband that our daughter really isn't mine. She looks nothing like me. She's his mini-me. So we always joke around that I obviously had nothing to do with her conception.

luvmykids replied: It stinks, my DH used to make jokes like that too despite the fact that our son looks just like him. I knew he was joking but it wasn't funny and it was pretty insulting when it became such a running joke that everyone we knew became a "possible father". I'd tell him straight up how much it bothers you and tell him you don't find it funny. He should be able to respect you that much, that should be enough to put an end to it. If it doesn't, tell him to set up the test and then shove the paper down his throat when you get the results.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I would be more forceful with your DH and let him know how much it really bothers you!

MommyToAshley replied: I hear a lot of people joke about this.... mostly men. I think they just don't get it that it is not funny to us. I don't blame you, I wouldn't want my kids hearing that all the time either. I would have a serious heart to heart with him... he may be doing in jest.

flirtycuddle replied: My df did this with our dd who looked nothing like him and even our son who is a spitting image of his whole family. All I did was tell him to get the test or shut the heck up. In the long run we got the test on both just for the fact we aren't married and his parents needed the results for some legal stuff with a trust. I just looked at him and told him if he ever says they arent his again then I would smack the heck out of him. ONce the results came back positive he shut up and hasnt made the joke since.

hawkshoe replied:
I did tell him that over a year ago. He hasn't ordered the test yet...lol, but his constant harping on it is getting really old. Now he doesn't mention it every day, but several times a year and yes, he has been know to say it in front of our son. Honestly, I am almost in tears as I type. I just can't figure out why he would keep bringing it up when I have told him it bothers me.

hawkshoe replied:
I think it is easier when it is you doing the joking since it is quite obvious she is yours since you gave birth to her. While he was present at the birth, the could concievably be a question as to wether or not he is the father, kwim?

skinkybaby replied: I think it all depends on his tone, how he means it. if its hurting your feelings, then obviously he needs to stop.

We just joke about that sort of stuff a lot in my family. My inlaws have a long running joke that my brother in law really belongs to the milkman.

Some people have a twisted sense of humor and find this sort of thing funny, others don't. But all that matters is that YOU don't find it funny at all and he should respect that.

CantWait replied:

kimberley replied: i'm sorry your dh was so insensitive. they don't get how utterly insulting it is to say something like that.

but from having mostly male friends all my life, i have learned that this is a very real insecurity for a lot of men, whether they vocalize it or not. i mean we as moms can't have that doubt cuz the baby grows in our body.. we know it's ours. but barring a paternity test and complete faith in your word, nothing gives them 100% reassurance. it takes a lot of trust and even i can't say i have that much faith in anyone besides God. i falter and "wonder" things sometimes even if it is just for a minute.

Cece00 replied: Your husband is WAY out of line.

Tell him to put up (get the test) or shut the hell up.