Another Mom poll
cameragirl21 wrote: Ok, so I know one photographer who is really good and very successful and she refers to herself as "Just Mommy" whenever she talks about herself. Am just wondering how much of your identity is being "just mommy" and/or how much is invested in other things as well?
Feel free to comment or not.
moped replied: Well I picked B because I am a full time working mom and the bread winner (most months) in our house and we have non traditional roles. Tom stays home with the kids, BUT I still try to get my control even at work. I am getting better about letting that go to him, but I find it hard. I am good at what I do and do well at it, so I have to say being a mom is a big part, but not the only part of me. I am not the mom that goes out for lunch with work people and talks about my children the whole time............
My life is a big balancing act really. Mom, Work, husband, house and lets not forget the constant guilt that I have every single minute of my life
cameragirl21 replied:
what do you mean if you don't mind my asking? What do you feel guilty about?
moped replied:
How much time do you have?
I am sure most moms here feel it too. I feel guilty when i am not home spending time with them, if I go out while Laila sleeps and take Jack for groceries I feel guilty and we rush home to be there before she wakes up, if I leave Tom home with the sleeping kids to shop or whatever I feel guilty, I feel guilty when I am at work, I feel REALLY guilty if I go away for a weekend, which has only happened about 3 times in 5 years.....but still. When I get my hair done and both kids are awake and I leave for 3 hours I feel guilty because I should be with them and not Tom........blah!
My DH NEVER feels guilt, he goes away ALOT with fishing etc for many weekends, btu I am sure never feels guilt.....I think it is just a mom thing.
cameragirl21 replied:
I understand but also remember that as they grow they will develop their own friendships and spending every moment with them is not possible. I don't think they expect you to be home with them every minute. I think the time you take for yourself makes you more eager to be with them and make it quality time when you get home and it makes them miss you also.
The way I see it, guilt is a wasted emotion, it doesn't help anything and just takes people's enjoyment away. You know you're a good mom and your kids know it too...doesn't mean you have to be with them 100% of the time.
boyohboyohboy replied: I have just recently been asking myself this same question.
After not working now as a nurse for the last 3 yrs. I dont feel I have as much of an identity outside of being a mom. I used to say that being a nurse was my thing, but I also think being a mom is my thing. I just havent been able to be both.
I know someday I will go back to that but part of me wonders if I wont have "it" anymore.
I do find myself more and more often as the boys get older wondering what it is I do with my time.
Dont get me wrong I want to be home with them. I cant imagine working and wondering what I am missing, but I do miss being more then a SAHM.
Mommy2Isabella replied: Simply put:
I am a Mommy, but a Mommy is not who I am!
Hillbilly Housewife replied: Being a mom is just one part of my life. Sure, it's a big part. But.. it's not the first thing that comes out of my mouth when I'm talking with someone new.
Funny, though, some of my friends are like: "yeah, and she's got 3 kids!!!!!!" and the other person's like.. "what? Really? wow!" and it drives me NUTS.
I have a life, and my life is not my kids. It is my own.
luvmykids replied: I voted the second choice. There are moments I wish my life was a little more balanced with the mom and the not mom parts of me, but there will be plenty of time for that when they're grown.
CantWait replied: That's a tough one.
In my heart I feel that's only who I am since at times I am not working, and that's all I do is for Ron or for the kids, but I'd like to be so much more.
When I was overseas, I had the overwhelming pride of finally being something else.
Being back here, that's kind of gone, and since I can't talk about freely due to Russias past with Afghanistan, I feel like that part of me is hiding.
PrairieMom replied: I voted 100% mom. It's who I am. It consumes my thoughts. When I am away from them my soul aches, and I just want to get back. Even leaving for a weekend vacation, I WANT to go, but the second I am gone I am consumed with guilt, I can't have a good time, i just want to be with my babies.
Even at work. Guilt guilt guilt. I only work a few days a month, but when I do, it just feels wrong. Its not what I was put here to do.
AlexsPajamaMama replied: All mom, all the time! I wouldnt have it any other way!
My2Beauties replied: I am a mother, but I don't let it consume my identity. I have no option but to work outside the home so here I am a professional, at home I am all mom 90% of the time, but my mom does take the kids usually one night per weekend so DH and I have our own time as well. I have other things I've done that I am proud of.
Calimama replied: I'm a mom but that's not all I am. It is the most important though!
A&A'smommy replied: umm actually it was hard for me to answer my life is consumed by my kids and right now its all I am is mom.. and not so much anything else.. I use to be mom/wife/actress/photographer/dancer and now it seems I'm mostly mom.. which is hard but then when I have thoughts that I should be something else because WHAT in the world am I going to do when they are in college or grown and with their own lives.. that scares me. I do love being their mom but its not the only I want to be.. and that is where the guilt starts for me!! 
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