Any younger moms out there?

MyBabeMaddie wrote: Hi my name is Sarah and I am 13 weeks pregnant today. I found out I was pregnant in mid November however only being 19 and a sophomore in college I decided to wait to tell my mom until after Christmas. Well Christmas came and went really fast and I didn't tell my mom until today. I live in an apartment at school with a roommate and I have been struggling to pay for my rent/car/food for the last 3 months since I've been sick from my pregnancy. Anyways, my mom flipped out when I told her today and it really hurt me. I am having doubts about my pregnancy I'm not sure whether or not to keep it, I want to keep it, however I'm not sure if that would be fair to my baby because I'm sure there are many good people out there who would be able to give my baby so much more than I can. My dad was adopted and it really hurts me to know that I have these missing relatives out there somewhere who don't want to get to know my dad and his kids so I'm a little hesitant when it comes to adoption. Well my mom said that she'd only support me if I got an abortion. She told me to "do the right thing" and abort my baby... How can I abort my baby after seeing it on the ultrasound screen looking like a tiny baby, with a heartbeat and everything. My mom's reaction to everything really hurt me. We have always been so close but she said nothing but negative things to me tonight like I will never be able to finish college and i'll be working for minimum wage the rest of my life. I don't want that I've always been a good student and I know that my education is the most important thing to me right now. The father of the baby and I have been dating for a year and a half now, I've always loved him but lately it seems like we are just "good friends" not soul mates. It really worries me that I'm falling out of love with him, I don't know if its just my hormones or if it's my mom's influence (she HATES him) but I don't want to have a baby with him and be tied to him for the rest of my life if we are only "friends". I'm just bummed out because I was supposed to go to Europe next year to study abroad, and I had plans to go to the beach for spring break with some friends, and these little petty things are the things that are bothering me the most. I'm just blabbing on but I haven't told any of my friends yet I just don't want to be rediculed more. I need to tell people slowly I can only take so much at a time. Anyways I guess if you've actually read this whole thing and can relate or offer advice for me about being a pregnant college student please respond.

A&A'smommy replied: Hi Sarah Welcome to the boards.. I'm jessica I'm 20 and I have a two year old.. I spent most of my 17th year pregnant and my 18th year being a new mom. It wasn't bad though I LOVE being a mother. You have to go with your gut and do whats right for your baby first and you second. If you struggling and your not sure that you or the babys father will be able to support this baby then I strongly suggest adoption... on the other hand there are tons of mothers who put themselves through college and are parents too. We have other mothers on here who can give you first hand advice on both subjects.

gr33n3y3z replied: I can only tell you this
I'm sure what ever YOU choose to do in life it will be the right choice for yourself and the childs

Good Luck
And keep in touch

luvmykids replied: I'm an old cow compared to you, so no advice. Just wanted to wish you the best. You sound like an intelligent, mature, and caring person and I know you'll make a good decision.

My3LilMonkeys replied: Well I am fairly young - 23 and my oldest is 2 (I was 20 when she was born). My situation is completely different than yours however so I can't offer much advice - just a . Think about your options carefully and follow your head & your heart. Do what is best for your baby and for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about it.

CosmetologyMommy replied: Hey I am Shannan and I am 20. My son Aidan is 4 months. I got pregnant while I was in cosmetology school and had to take a leave of absence. Now I am back in school! I went back when he was 3 weeks old. Aidan goes to kindercare while I finish up. It is hard being away from him but cosmetology is my passion and I love it and I know it will be better for Aidan too because I will make more money. pm me if u like!


Shannan

CosmetologyMommy replied: to add to me other post, I was kicked out of my house because of my stepdad and luckily for me my bf(now my dh) was just finishing college and got us a place!

CAMSMOM1 replied: Hi Sarah!

My name is Ann. I'm 23 years old, and I have a son, Cameron, who is 21 months old. I was 20 years old when I got pregnant. My situation was different from yours, I was married. But other than that, I felt just like you did. My husband and I had just bought our 1st house, and we were struggling financally. We didn't plan on getting prg so early, but God had other plans for us. I was scared too. I was just started to enjoy being an "adult" and have my own freedom. Going out with my girlfriends, going to college, and starting my life. Even though I had always wanted to have children, I didn't think I was ready. But I knew in my heart, that we would make it through. And it has been the biggest blessing in our lives. Yes, there are times that I miss hanging out with the girls, but I still have a lot of close friends, and now I have more of a purpose in life, being a mother.

My older sister, got pregnant when she was 17 years old. I remember the day my sister told my parents she was pregnant. I was only 9 years old at the time. My Dad completely flipped out and started screaming at her, cussing her out, and acting like a mad man. My Mom was crying, and my brother and I were scared...by the way our parents were acting. I could see how crushed my sister was, and she was really scared. Against everyone's advice, my sister decided to keep the baby. She had NO support in the beginning. The father of her baby was very abusive towards her, physically & emotionally. My parents wouldn't speak to her for months, and she did lose some of her friends. I'm sure she felt alone. But she knew that "the best thing" to do, was keep this baby.
My parents eventaully came around, and my Mother turned our garage into a bedroom for her and the baby. She graduated High School with Honors. She stayed with her boyfriend (unfortantely) for 8 years, and then they broke up. She was really scared, but she made it work as a single Mom. She got on assistance from the State, and finished up college, and became a Medical Assitant. She is know 31 years old, and is married to a wonderful man, and they have 3 children. Her son, Eric, who she had when she was 18, is now 14 years old. He is an incredibliy talented boy. He is in G.A.T.E...an honors program in his school for gifted children. He plays every sport, and is very handsome and well mannered young man.
I look at what my sister went through, and how far she has come. She stood against all the odds, and followed her heart. She was determined to make something of herself, and to be the best Mom she could be....despirte what everyone told her. And she has an incredible son. Of course now, my parents adore her son and are so glad she did the right thing. But any parent would be somewhat disappointed, and upset. But that's only because they love you. And I promise your Mom will eventually come around, and will love being a Grandmother. But I disaggree with her, when she told you to get an abortion, "to do the right thing." How is an abortion the right thing for anyone? Every child has the right to live, and there is a reason this child was conceived. I have a few friends that have had abortions, and NONE of them, think it was the right thing to do, after the fact. All of them wish they would've either kept the baby, or give it up for abortion. And not to mention all the complications of having an abortion. One of my friends, is unable to get pregnant now because of her abortion. There are to many negatives, to make it right. And you know that, so push that aside.
This is your life, not your mothers. I know how much we need support and acceptance from our Moms. Trust me, no matter how hard I try, I can never please my Mom. And I had to accept the fact that this if my life, and the choices I make I have to live with, not her.
There are so many ways you can continue to go to college, and keep this baby. I know it's possible because my sister did it. There are student loans and grants, that can help you pay for college and your living expenses. There is also supportive services through the state, WIC, ect.
I know you mentioned not feeling in love with your boyfriend, the father of your baby. Dont' base your decision on your feelings for him. Yes, your hormones play big tricks on your mind and emotions. And time will tell if you will stay together. I think it's great that he is supportive of this pregnancy, and wants to be involved. Evne if you don't end up beign together or "soul mates" as you said, it sounds like he will be a great father for your child. Keep an open mind to him, and realize that you have a lot going on in your mind and body right now, so don't make any major decisions right now, as far as your relationship with him.
Sorry this has gotten really long! But not only am I a young mother, but I saw things first hand with my sister, and I know that you can make it! And not to base your decision on what anybody tells you, like your Mother, because this is your life. And you have a child inside you for a reason.
This is a wonderful place to come for support. I don't know what I'd do without these ladies, as a 1st time Mom myself, I need all the support and encouragment I can get. So please, keep us posted. And if you need anything, or you want to talk, PM me.
Hugs to you!

Ann

luvmykids replied: One more thing, I wasn't married when I got pg and my parents were NOT happy. My step dad is a minister for pete's sake! But as Ann said, a lot of parents have that reaction. They're upset because it's not what they wanted or planned for you and it's true, but that's life. And, as Ann also said, they'll come around. My step dad and I had gone through some tough times in our relationship and he ended up being the pastor who married us and is now, I have to say, the best grandpa I ever could have wanted for my children.

You're hurt and need your mom, but give it some time for both of you to get over the emotion of the initial shock. As hard as it is sometimes, in this situation you have to be absolutely sure that whatever you decide, you did it for your child and not your mom.

But you're going to be ok, I have a feeling. Everything will work itself out.

mommycat2244 replied: I have to agree with both Ann(Camsmom) and Monica(Luvmykids) about everything that you're going through and the advice that they've given you. I am currently not married and about to have my first baby (Even though I am a little older than you-I am 25!!). But when I first found out, I was in school, not married (which I'm still not-me and the baby's father really don't get along that well), living on my own, and working partime. My father didn't talk to me for 2 weeks when I told him. My mother tried to cuss me out and when I rebutted towards her cussing with a very stout, "Well this isn't going away, and it's not like I'm asking you to raise this child for me, I just want a little love and understanding," she let me go (we were on the phone) and she didn't talk to me for a couple of days. Then, when she called me back, she apologized and asked what she could do to help. Now, both of my parents, are sooo excited about being grandparents. My father, in fact, has taken me in so that I can have sometime and somewhere to get back up on my feet until after the baby's born. I still don't know about school...I am planning on going back for the Fall '06 semester, but we'll see what happens... But as far as my decision goes about keeping the baby, it was the only thing that I could see myself doing. It was a very personal decision. My best friend gave her child up for adoption, and is now trying to finish up school as well. That was her personal decision. So it's all up to what you want to do. If you don't want to have an abortion, then by all means DON'T!!! No matter what your mother says, this is still your very personal decision!!! And Ann is right about the public assistance stuff--there is tons out there for you to look into!!! So please don't let this discourage you in anyway. This is a blessing no matter what, I know that!!! So please keep your head up and keep looking forward!!! And if you ever want to chat or anything, you can PM me or IM me and I will be happy to help you out in anyway possible!!! This a great place to come for advice and everyone here is here for ya!!!!

C&K*s Mommie replied: Just know that you are not alone, many others (like Ann *Camsmom* sister) have been there done that, and have made it through. Not with flying colors, and not without being unscathed~~ but they made it to the other side, and they made the best decision for them. You can do it, learn from others examples along the way. You will be perfectly fine. I am sure of it.

PrairieMom replied: I don't have much to add but some times a helps.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Just a quick thought. I read how you felt about your dad's relatives and not knowing them. They have open adoptions now where you can be involved in your child's life. Open adoptions have become more the rule than the exception. If you decide to put the baby up for adoption, I suggest you contact one of those agencies. They usually have books for expecting moms to look through and you can often help decide who should raise your child. That way, your baby will always know about you and you can know them, too.

CosmetologyMommy replied: U can finish school though! It will be harder yes. There are times when I cannot go to school because Aidan is sick and I fall behind but I REFUSE to stop going. You can do it.

My2Beauties replied: I was young - 23 when I got preggo and yes I finished school after my daughter was born, so it's doable. I am 25 now and my daughter is 2, I wouldn't change a thing. Her father and I got married last May when she was 18 months old. Your mom gave some poor advice, but she was just speaking in the heat of the moment, give her some time she will come around. And, your life is not over, for 9 months you can't go out and party and you're not gonna look your best on a beach somewhere in a bikini, but being pregnant and having a child doesn't mean to stop living your life at all - it just means that you have a little person to share your life with. We get a babysitter at least one night a week and go out and do adult things with our friends. While preggo, make it a point to go to movies with your friends, go out to dinner, enjoy this time before baby comes and then once you are comfortable letting someone babysit, do so every once in a while so you can go out and have fun.

I went to night school once my daughter was born and finished my Bachelor's degree, it took me a year longer but it's worth it!

Bring pregnant is not something people should make you ashmed of, it's something that should be joyous about!

Mommy2Isabella replied: I like some of the others on here, am very close to your situation. I was 18 when I found out and I am now 19. I was however engaged but, I was told by doctors IT COULDN'T HAPPEN. But I took birth control anyways. And then come to find out, I WAS PREGNANT! We found out Dec. 2. At first I didn't know wether to be excited or angry or sad. I didn't tell my mother for a few weeks. Nor did I tell many people in my family for awhile. I recently kind of broke down to my now husband about being pregnant. I am scared I will miss out of something, but I can't tell you what, because I don't know! I am a FRESHMAN in college, and I have so many things that I want to do. Sal and I weren't planning on getting married until 2007. But, moved it up for sake of insurance purposes. Thankfully my mother is very excited because of the prior knowledge of the doc saying it won't happen. But his mother on the other hand, has let both of us know that we don't know what we are getting ourselves into. So, I can deff. relate to being a YOUNG MOM. However, I also thought about adoption, because SO MANY people want babies, and I had the thought that they would be able to give the baby so much more than sal and I can right now ... but that thought was quickly pushed away at the latest u/s of the baby waving at us.

The advice that I can give is, do what feels right to you. If you feel adoption is right, then go for it. However there are so many places that help single moms and so many support groups and websites of encouragement as they are ones for married moms.

My mom had her first child when she was 15 and she is now 41 and I am her youngest, and she recently told me when I told her I was thinking about adoption, that she thought about it too, but when she saw the baby and it actually looked like a baby there was no way, and thru all the hardships of being young and having a baby, she wouldn't trade ANY of it.

GOOD LUCK ... IM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED TO TALK!

Edward's Mommy replied: I'm 22 and here any time you need to talk. We all are here for you any time!

CosmetologyMommy replied: edward's mommy I love your avatar!!!!!!!!!!

LovinMyGirls replied: I'm 22 and have two little girls. I had my first child when I was 17. It was harf work getting through my last year of HS with a baby and even harder rasing a child throughout my college career! But I'm telling you it can be done!! My daughter is now in kindergarten, I just had my second child in September and graduated with a Bachelor's degree in December! Just hang in there and everything will turn out just fine. Not every teenage mother is working for min. wage..if you want more from your life you need to be willing to go out there and get it!! Good Luck!

CantWait replied: Well all I'm going to say seeing on how everyone has given great advice is that I was 18 when I got pregnant with my first child, still in highschool, and a year and a half away from graduation. My mom was angry with me for the first month or two, but quickly got over it. My grandma who is a strict catholic was also upset, and did and said some pretty awful things, but before you knew it, she to got over it. Do what's best for you.

I myself don't believe in abortion, especially at the stage you're at now in your pregnancy, however I wish you the best of luck.

Things really do come naturally and easy, and there are many ways to get by without having the best of everything.

Is the babies father around?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: It's your personal decision - but I encourage you to do some research on abortion. I've had one... it's not all fun and games - it's not a quick fix for a problem. I still think about it... and it's been several years. Not to mention what the baby looks like and feels at 13 weeks... just so you know - 13 weeks is the cut-off date for legal abortion clinics around here...they will NOT do it after that - except for life-threatening reasons, or if the baby will not be viable after birth, like for example a severe deformity that won't allow the child to live more than a few days - the parents are given an option to terminate.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, because that would be like the kettle calling the pot black. I understand what you're going through, I've been there...and if you need any more advice from my situation, please feel free to pm me.


Just by the way - I now have 3 children... and I'm only 23!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edward's Mommy replied:
Thanks!!! Hanson is my absolute favorite!!

brattykatty_5 replied: I am 18 and will be turning 19 in march, my boyfirend will be 21 in may so we are young too and scared about all of the factors of being in charge of another whole life. I am now 16 wks and 2 days, when I told me mom all she said was I told you so, she now has gotten more excited considering this is the first grand baby.