Are there any Stay at home dad out there - or wives of...

Lynda836 wrote: Me and my husband recently moved, due to my work. Because job prospects aren't great where we are now, and daycare is expensive, we decided that it would make more sense financially for my husband to stay home when my mat leave is over. Why should he spend all that time working if in the end it just covers the cost of daycare and doesn't make a big difference in our bills? We didn't think that was a good trade off. I should mention I don't have the option of staying home or even changing my work hours due to the type of work I'm in....added to that fact is that we moved for "my" job, so to quit after all that is unfair to my husband.

Occasionally, I'm in the situation where our decision for him to stay home with our son comes up in conversation...usually with one of my coworkers, but sometimes around friends, and often when hubbie's not around. The thing is...the reaction when people find out he's going to be staying home is often one of surprise or a polite "that's nice"....coming across a bit judgemental...not towards me for going back to work, but towards him and the fact the he's staying home. Some people I find are..."Good for him!" ...but I find they're so over the top about it , it comes across as fake.

I don't know what to say to people when they make off handed comments...possibly without realizing how they come across (or maybe they do). I get annoyed and I want to defend my husband, but not our decision...because I don't think our decision needs to be defended. I just feel that they're being hurtful toward my husband.

Am I being naive to think parenting is an equal opportunity job?

Has anyone else come across this? How have other people dealt with this? Am I just over reacting?

amymom replied: For a time, my husband was the stay at home parent. And, we encountered the same reactions. I totally understand. I don't have any good advice for you. I used to mention something I was proud of that he had done as a stay at home, in the same breath as the statement that he was a stay at home dad.

moped replied: My husband stays home with Jack the 3 days that I work and he thinks it is pretty cool and I like it too - - he also works out of the house.

I think that even though we ar ein the 21st century there is still a thought that the woman stays home - but more and more fathers are too

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks - if it works for you guys then it is great!!!!!

ferocity302 replied: I was raised by a stay at home dad because of medical issues. I loved it!!!

People did think it was a bit strange but I am so lucky to have had him there.

yes, even now I am a daddy's little girl

Mom2Kurtis replied: If a family can afford for one parent to stay at home, it only makes sense that the one that makes less stat at home no matter which one it is. JMO We are in the 21st century!!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think you're right, you don't need to defend yourself. Who cares what other people say. I know this is hard to ignore. I'm a SAHM and was surprised to actually get really positive comments about staying home with my child. I have experienced some negative ones, mostly from my friends who work. Or from employees at my old job. It was really hard for me at first because I hadn't really accepted myself in the SAHM role yet. If your DH accepts himself, then I think others will too. Not that acceptance should matter, but just my 2 cents. I think it is wonderful that your DH can stay home. My DH has always made more money than me, so it just made more sense. But I suppose the money factor shouldn't be your defense either. Just tell people that you both feel that this was the best choice for YOUR family and walk away. They'll get the hint.

Lynda836 replied: Thanks guys for all your input. We feel good about him staying home with the baby...my husband is really excited because he didn't really get to spend time with his Dad when he was a child...and he'll have the opportunity to do stuff with his child that he didn't get with his father. He's looking at it as a great opportunity that many dads may not get. The fact he's so excited about it is actually making it easier for me to respond to people they make comments.

DansMom replied: My husband stays home and I work full time, and he loves being a SAHD. He's a musician so he can still take evening gigs to supplement my income and stay professionally involved, but I've got all the real earning potential and the health benefits---I pay the mortgage and bring home the bacon. Yes, I sometimes run into the reaction that DH is like a "kept" man or something, or that he's too lazy to provide for the family. These aren't direct statements people have made, just kind of implied. The first year was hard for my husband---he described it as "abject boredom", as he had never even particularly liked kids and never cared for any child before, so doing infant care was both tedious and challenging for him. It took a while for him to feel good about himself in that role, as it was primarily a financial necessity for us to have him stay home and not necessarily his own drive to do so. But in the long run, it made us equal parents in way that never would have happened in a different scenario, and my husband grew SO much as a person. Now he's totally into the father role---completely, and Daniel can talk and play these days, and so they have a blast together.

uwishucudfly replied: Because of the type of work my husband is in, he doesn't start work until about 3. He stays at home with my sons all day, and he loves it! My sons have also benefited from having their father's attention all day long. I get home from work at about 2:45, and so I take over the childcare from that point on.

I don't think that you should have to defend your position at all! This is a great opportunity for your husband to really bond with your child. Ignore other people's reactions, because the only one that matters is yours and your husbands.

jem0622 replied: I know I'm late in replying to this post, but wanted to tell you that my DH is a fabulous SAHD to our 4 kids. We opted for this when Gabe was about to arrive b/c his income would be swallowed up in dc costs and we'd still be in the red. At first we did get comments. And sometimes we still do. Everyone is so impressed with what he accomplishes and how he juggles it all. But he just has the patience and has his way of getting it done. It's nice when you find someone in the same boat b/c you have such an understanding. When the .com's fell a lot of dad's ended up at home for a bit...so I can't imagine that it is that unusual. But it isn't 'traditional'.

RayaJoysmommy replied: I know I'm late with this but I was browsing and saw this and had to add my

I can't believe that in the 21st century people still have so much of a problem with SAHD's. My BIL is a SAHD and he is awesome at it. Sometimes I dream of being as good a SAHM as he is a SAHD.

As a matter of fact as I type this I just realized that most of the couples I know have SAHD and moms who work out of the home.

gr33n3y3z replied: I say WTG to your Hubby
I think its great!!!!!