Are you honest? - ?

momof2girls wrote: When someone asks you do you like there so, and you dont, what do you say?

I have a friend that has been with her bf for many years, no kids. I think he is creepy I dont know why... just get a weird feeling around him... i think she knows I do not really like him, not that I dislike him....

She emailed me saying, you dont like him do you? I just ignored it... I am usually blunt if asked but this is hard.

She does not live in the same state as me, so I dont see her much. I just go by what she has told me about him mostly.

paradisemommy replied: i would be honest with her..tell her that there is something about him that you just can't put your finger on but that you are just looking out for her best interest and you think she could do so much better. let her know that maybe you are just being a little biased because you love your friend so much and that you can only go by what your friend tells you about him and maybe it's all the bad stuff you hear but if that's all you have to go off of then...

oh and preface it with, please don't take this the wrong way but you asked so i'm gonna tell you my opinion....(that may soften the blow a little)

my very best friend is with a guy that i don't think is very good to her - he doesn't do anything BAD to her but he's just real moody and lazy. i listen to all her gripes of him and i think it makes my opinion of him worse but when she asks, i tell her how i feel and so far, her feelings haven't been hurt..

plus i'm a TERRIBLE liar.

MomToMany replied: ITA with what Tammy said. Tell her the truth, but soften the blow a bit.

I can't lie either. It's too obvious!

ediep replied: I agree wit Tammy,I think that is the right thing to do when is comes to a boyfriend. If she were asking about a sweater or a dish she made, I may have to fib just to be nice

kit_kats_mom replied: I agree with the others. I would acutally say something like "it's not that I don't like, him. I just feel uncomfortable around him". Maybe it will turn out that you just don't know the great stuff he does (we tend to focus on the negative). Maybe you need to spend some more time around him and get to know him better? I don't know.

gr33n3y3z replied: Tell her the truth. I'm sure if things were vice versa she would be truthful to you. Honesty is always best for everyone. Ed always told me I never have to worry about what your thinking nor your friends or family. My daughter as an example has a boyfriend and I told her flat out I do not like him she asked why I told her flat out why I do not like him, She is still with him but it opened her eyes a little wider and its up to her to make her own desissions I can not do that for her she has to learn on her own. Its not a serious relationship at all its more like bestfriends with a kiss because we talk all the time my daughter and I and she holds nothing back. She told me her last boyfriend tried something and she punched him in the face.

Boys r us replied: Well, there are some things you should be honest about ..actually most things..but there are just some things that it won't matter even if you are.
You're probably better off just leaving this one alone! If he's been her BF for many years..she knows by now who he is and you telling her he gives you the creeps will only cause more emotional distance between you..TRUST ME! Do you thik she would dump him if you told her the truth? no!

momof2girls replied: Great suggestions!
I actually wrote her back and told her I dont think I know him well enough to form an opinion, which is totally true.
I did tell her from the things she has told me about him, I think she does deserve better but if he is what makes you happy then happy for her..
she wants kids, he does not.....
she wants to get married he really does not, and they have been together for 4 years...
Uh hello times a ticking is what I want to say... but I won't!

thanks ladies!!!

coasterqueen replied: My very good friend is like this. I love her to pieces even if she's missing a few marbles but I do love her to pieces. Her now newly husband...I think is the creepiest person I've ever met. He "appears" to be controlling of her. I thought it was just my perception but even my DH who doesn't pass judgement very often thought the same thing. We don't do things together as couples because DH and I just really don't like him. He's so full of himself and seems to have to control everything.

I wanted to tell my friend how I felt about him but she never asked and I felt it wasn't my place to say anything. For one the way we met was through her boyfriend...which *was* a very very close friend of DH's and a very close friend of mine (at one time). So I'm afraid if I tell her how I feel about this guy she'll think I'm trying to do something to the relationship or whatever. I consider her a very sensitive flower when it comes to relationships, marriage and family and when our so-called very good friend left her after many many years together she thought she was going to be an old cat lady and never get married. She's very happy with this guy and loves him dearly. She's a grown woman and can make a decision for herself so I keep my mouth shut.

You have to do what you feel is comfortable for you. This is one time I'm not going to be honest to my friend for HER best interest emotionally. None of our other friends think badly about him. They think he's a prince.

kimberley replied: i am glad you were honest with her. that is what a true friend is not afraid to do... tell the truth. it does sound like she deserves better and maybe she needed your opinion to help her make some serious decisions. who knows. you worded it perfectly.

MomofJandB replied: I'm glad you told her the truth. I have a friend who was crying over my house 3 weeks before her marriage. Everything inside of me wanted to say that he was not right for her. He's a good person, but they were too different. She got married and divorced him 1 1/2 years later. I handled her doubts by asking questions that would bring out her true feelings rather than judging him or her. Sometimes being on the outside we see things the person in the relationship doesn't. I let her know that noone would be mad at her if she backed out of the wedding. ( I was in it and had probably spent $500 on dress, shoes, showers, etc. by then) Her happiness was all that mattered. Next time she brings it up ask her how she feels when certain things happen, like not getting married or not having kids. How much is she willing to give up for this guy? Hopefully she will rethink her relationship and decide for herself if it is a good one or an unhealthy one.

redchief replied:
Sounds like my daughter's BF... She knows I don't like him and why.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I like what you told her! Good for you for telling her the truth!



TeeHee! Sounds like me in high school. Me and my mother were very close. You and Ed have raised her right!!

Josie83 replied: Jason always teases me for being blunt and tactless, i can't help it its just the way I am. I can't lie to save my life, but I wouldn't want to anyway! Even if something is dressed up so it doesn't sound harsh, i would still be honest about something. In the long run its probably better (in my opinion) to hear something that you don't like rather than find out someone's been lying t you. Honesty defo is the best policy in my book! xx