Bday party question-Do I really have to invite - everyone in the class?

luvmykids wrote: Is that the new etiquette? Another mom at the twins' school was telling me since the classes are so small (10 kids each) that it's kind of assumed that if you invite one, you invite all. Fine. BUT I have twins, so that is TWENTY kids (because they're in different classes), not even including cousins/friends outside of school. Sorry but it just sounds crazy!

I thought about just taking pizza/cupcakes to their classes and not inviting any school kids but they both have good buddies that really "should" be invited, kwim? I'll feel bad that their best friends can't be invited if I don't want to invite the whole class.

PLUS, what do you even do with that many kids? Of course not all of them will show up but I have a feeling, based on other classmates parties we've been to, that most will.

AND, I know this has been talked about, if we DO go that route, how do I nicely say siblings won't be paid for? If I do a party for 20 kids I just can't pay for extras

Calimama replied: I would take something for the class and call the parents to invite them rather than have them send out invites during school hours. I think you should be excused from that rule since you have twins. They don't like it.. tell them to shove it.

zdk753 replied: At my kids' school you have to invite everyone in the class. This yr. for Dylan's though I'm not. I had to file a police report against this one kids dad so I would prefer they not know about it. We'll see if the teacher will let it slide. As far as what to do I'm not real sure esp. for that many kids. Is there any place that is fun, but cheap you could reserve for their party? If you have the room at your house I would probably just get some party games & some cheap prizes. Zach just got a b-day invitation the other day that had on it "extra kids please bring $5." I understood why & I think alot of the other parents do too. Plus I didn't think that was rude to ask that.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I don't know, it seems rather presumptuous to me to assume that if you'd invite the whole class. They're your kids, it's a private birthday party not at the school. You should be able to just invite a select few if you only want to have a small party! I agree though don't send invites along with them to school I'd either mail them to their houses or call them instead.

paradisemommy replied: i'd get cupcakes for the class and if anyone asks, just tell them you guys are only having a "small family party"..then if you invite their best friends - just keep it on the down low..telling them you're just having a little get together with mostly family..

CantWait replied: Ummmm no, I wouldn't. It's like saying I don't know you very well, but can you buy my kid a present anyway. I'd just bring something in that they can all share, and invite the ones that you would like there.

skinkybaby replied: The rule of thumb is if you hand out invitations AT school, then the polite thing to do is invite everyone. If you'd rather just invite one or two of their close friends, then mail their invitation, send an evite to their parents, give them a call- something along those lines.

Kaitlin'smom replied: No I did not invite everyone in Kaitlin's class if I did that would have meant 31, that includes kids that come after they are at K which then she only see's for about 1 hour. I let her decide who to invite, she does not get invited to all of them either. As far as I know there is no 'rules' about it.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well we have done both.. invited the whole class and invited a select few. I would like to tell you that when you invite the whole class they don't all show up.. so that is usually a good thing. If we do a small party, The kids invite a few privately, after school or they ask for their numbers and we call them. Of cross with girls Slumber parties are the exception, you can invite a select few to them, b/c you wouldn 't be expected to invite the boys in the class..lol

Rules rules rules lol

mom21kid2dogs replied: I know our school requires that if you extend invatations during school hours every classmate must be invited. You can get around this by sending individual invitations outside of school. If you are concerned with the school party being so large, you might consider having a seperate family celebration as opposed to combining the two parties. As someone else mentioned, lots of times plenty of kids don't come (they also won't RSVP~coming or not ) so it might not be as overwhelming as it sounds. Keep they entire thing as short as possible (with that age group, I'd do an hour max) to minimize the chaos and recruit plenty of the adults to stay (in our community most do anyway). I did a craft, pizza, opening gifts and cake for 16 6 year olds in 1.5 hours. There was NO down time which helped alot with managing the kids.

Cece00 replied: I wuold let them choose like 3 friends each, and send the invitations to the children's homes, and not worry about the whole class.

Brias3 replied: Ryan ended up inviting all the boys in his class last year (12) and Aliyah did the same (9 girls, plus 2 girls from soccer). This year might be different- both kids have been invited and NOT invited to parties where only a few have been chosen.

I think there is nothing wrong with doing this for the twins party. Especially since you have a boy AND a girl, its not that you could even narrow down the genders, kwim?

As far as the sibling thing goes, I don't know what to say. I've unfortunately ran into the same problem. Even with clearly writing ONLY the child's name who is invited on the invite, some people are so rude and have stayed to watch with their littler ones who participated and then expected to be served the food too. Some people are so rude!

stella6979 replied: I guess I understand the whole concept of having to invite everyone in the class as to not have any hurt feelings, but at the same time, it's your kids' birthday and it's up to you and them who they'd like to be there. Once Avery is in school, I certainly don't plan on throwing a party for all the kids in her class. I may bring cupcakes or something like that for her to share with them, but her party will be for her close friends and family. As for the schools having a rule about MAKING them invite the entire class, that's just absurd. How can they even enforce that rule? I do agree that you should be more considerate and extend the invites outside of school, but when you have a 5 or 6 year old who doesn't know any better and says something to a friend at school, does that automatically mean that the whole class is invited?

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I don't htink that a 5 or 6 year old that just "says something" can really be considered an invitation.

As for the school enforcing it... yeah, it's fair that they expect the whole class to be involved if there are a few notes passed around in class...

For instance, for Valentine's day, the teachers sent a note to the parents asking that the valentines NOT be adressed other than the "from" part, because that way it would ensure that nobody is left out.

It's the rule of sharing... and of chips. If you give one to someone, you have to give them to everyone...

I say if you want only a select few, then call their parents or send them an invitation at home.

It's like an adult who brings in a box of donuts to work, and puts them out in the lunchroom, then says only to specific people to help themselves.... well if you weren't told to help yourself, wouldn't you feel like crap?

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree. I would call them personally.

If someone is going to be upset you didn't invite everyone, then they really need a hobby if they have the time to get upset over something like that. Plus, if they were to get upset over something so ridiculous then that would just reiterate my choice to not invite them anyways. That's just life and people need to get over it.

beavair replied: ok, i have a similar problem so i appreciate all of the previous responses but for some reason i am still not at peace with the situation my daughter is in a mwf class as well as a t/th preschool class so we could not invite the both classes let alone all of the girls. in order to keep the party total to 12 my daughter chose 9 classmates to invite and we handed out the invitations discreetly after school. to my absolute surprise all 9 girls rsvp-ed and are coming. crazy! however, one of the moms when rsvp-ing let me know she may have made a mistake by asking another classmates mom about carpooling to the party. yes, that classmate happened to be one that was not invited. i explained to her our situation and added hopefully they understand that its not my daughters choice as she would invite everyone but we do need to have a limit. i feel terrible that this little girl may know that she isnt invited. any suggestions on making this better or ideas on helping me get over it?? thanks!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Honestly, it's really up to her mom then to not tell her daughter and if she does find out it's her duty to show her daughter that it's not a big deal. JMO. I really never understood why people make a big deal if they don't get invited somewhere. People have to draw the line at some point and such is life. I think it's important to teach children that it just happens and it doesn't mean they are not liked. That's just what happens sometimes, and parents need to teach that, IMO.

luvmykids replied: Thanks everybody, I totally understand hurt feelings and such, I just can't afford a party that size but at the same time don't want to jip the twins by not having one at all We're going to take pizza to school on the day of their birthday and they each picked three kids from their class to invite. I'm going to mail the invitations.

One more question, there is a little girl who is in Colt's class but she is friends with both of them, this may sound really stupid but on her invitation do I say "Come to Kylie AND Colt's bday party" instead of what I'm doing on the others, which is just naming Kylie or Colt? I don't want parents to think they have to bring a gift for both kids so I'm just naming the twin that is the friend of their child, kwim? But in her case she's friends with both and if she brings a gift for one but not the other we'll have issues Or do I just say it's Colt's party, since she's in his class, and try to explain to Kylie that I know they're "BFF" LOL but that since she's in Colt's class, she'll only be bringing a gift for him? I'm just trying to avoid an ordeal at the party

DansMom replied: I went through this in November. The etiquette already described seems right---if you are having a small party at your home with family and a few friends, inviting a few kids discreetly and outside of class seems fine to me. Everybody at a school knows who is "best friends"---which kids play together most often and such, and should not be hurt by those few kids being invited to a party. If you are hosting an event outside of your home where more than half the class would be invited and be talking about how much fun they had bowling or whatever, it could be bad form to exclude anyone in that case.

I really had a hard time with the issue of gifts. Daniel had a sense of birthday parties including gifts, and was talking about looking forward to opening presents, so I decided not to say "no gifts" for this party, which was in my home with 5 invited guests. Had I hosted an event at a playspace (couldn't afford that), I would have said no gifts. If there are more than 10 kids coming, it gets to be too many presents. In your situation, "come to Kylie and Colt's party" for the one who is friends with both seems fine.

luvmykids replied:
I made that mistake with their third bday, we lived away from home but went back for their bday and invited everybody, just with the intention of visiting and catching up. But the presents were ridiculous, I was almost embarrassed to accept them all

And thanks for mentioning bowling, I meant to check that out as an option and had forgotten!