Big decision we made

mckayleesmom wrote: You all know my family drama history with my older brother. My mom is raising my nephew Timmy who is now 6 and she has had him sincee he was a baby. My brother has been in and out out of jail and in all kinds of legal trouble over the years. Recently he was arrested AGAIN on a parole violation. He hadn't been paying his fines and they locked him up. This time he is looking at doing a pretty big stretch of time.

Anyways, my mom has been having a pretty rough time with Timmy lately. He has been acting up in school and getting in trouble on the bus. My mom just started a new job about 45 minutes away and he got kicked off the bus for hitting on the third day of school. Luckily it was my mom's day off so she could go pick him up. Also, he refuses to participate in class.

My mom thinks there are alot of things that are making him act out. My sister takes care of him after school and she isn't the most patient person with him, they live in a neighborhood with no kids and its too hot outside to play alot.


So..I told my mom that if my brother would agree to give us temporary custody of him..we would take him. I think it would be really good for him. He didn't act out when I stayed out there and he had alot of fun with the kids. I really think he is just lonely, bored and angry because of my brother. Here he would have someone home with him all day (not snipping at him all day like my sister), he would have 2 built in friends. If he acts up in school I can drop Russell off at playdate and go sit with him in class if it comes to it. He really is a good boy at home. I took care of him for 2 months when I stayed with my mom and he had nothing on Mckaylee... .

My mom loves him to pieces, but she really needs a break. My mom has been laid off and struggling to get by for months and she really can't risk losing her job. This would be a temporary situation, but hopefully it will work out ok and bring out some changes. My mom just doesn't have the time off from work to deal with his problems right now. Also, my grandma is having medical procedures comming up that would take up alot of my mom's spare time and she is afraid Timmy would be overlooked.

I'm just hoping that if it happens, it happens smoothly and he does ok with the arrangement. He already has big abandonment issues and I'm hoping that with his cousins and family he knows, he will adjust ok.

Newbern also has a really good Mentoring program that would be great for him. To have someone to spend time with him and let him talk to would be great.

Please pray that my brother swallow's his pride and sefishness and agrees to this arrangement

MoonMama replied: Oh Brianne that is so sweet and wonderful of you and Leithan to do. Sending tons of P&PTs your way, please KUP.

mckayleesmom replied:
Thanks...My biggest worry is that he is going to think my mom abandoned him like the rest of the people in his life. We almost took him a while back, but changed our minds because he was so emotionionally unstable at the time. I just hope that I can make him feel secure in the fact that "grandmom" did this out of love for him. She can't take care of him 100% like she use to.

Anybody have any ideas on how to ease the transition?


It would break my heart for him to think that she just left him like his mom and all the other women he thought were his mom's. This is the same little boy that asks my mom if she is going to come back everytime she leaves for work.

On one hand I'm worried about what he might think, but on the other hand I hope it makes him a little more secure and makes him realize that no matter what he does or what happens..His family loves him and we won't let anything happen to him.

Celestrina replied: I'm happy that he has you and your family to depend on and trust. When you say it is temporary, how long would it be? As you said yourself, he has abandonment issues. From what you have seen, do you think he would feel like you were all just passing around him around? I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I couldn't think of a more delicate way to put it.

Nina J replied: What a great thing for you to do, I hope your brother agrees.

Maybe to make it seem less like an abandonment for Timmy, you're mother could ring daily, etc. Send letters if he would get a kick out of that and visit etc. There are probably a lot of things you mother could do to, maybe if it goes through she could get a photo of herself and Timmy, and get 2 copies (one for her, one for him), but before he leaves she can let him help her pick where to put it. That might be nice.

Good luck with everything.

Bamamom replied: That is pretty awesome of you. It will be a big transition for all but what a wonderful thing to do for Timmy. I think you should just be honest with him about what's happening. Kids are more intuitive than we usually realize and by being honest you do several things - A) you show trust in him which all kids appreciate, you make him feel more in control of the situation, C) you teach him the value of honesty D) you avoid any future acting out scenario in which he accuses you of lying to him. I'm sure there are others but those are the ones I can come up with off the top of my head. In my book honesty is always the best policy.

gr33n3y3z replied: It is very nice of what your doing and I hope he adapts well
I think at the age of 6 he will see it as he isnt wanted by your mother no matter what she says or you.
I will tell you one thing if it works out very well for him at your house you better make plans to keep him for the long haul You know I dont have to explain why.

jem0622 replied: You have a very big heart to help Timmy during this tough time. I hope all goes as you hoped.

mckayleesmom replied:
Sadly that is what has happened to him. Before my mom took him from my brother he was passed around by my brother to relatives and every girlfriend my brother had he thought was his mom. His birth mother left when he was about 6 months old.


I know that we should prepare to keep him for the long haul too because my brother is constantly in trouble. He just never learns. Right now the plan is for him to do his school year here and see how it goes. My mom would pick up and move out here so that I could help and she could still keep him with her, but my grandmother isn't doing well and she won't leave her home. Also, my mom has had a couple small strokes this year and that is scary too.

My mom is very honest with him about most situations...of course she words them in a way a 6 year old would understand.

I think that no matter what we tell him if this plan happens he will still be angry for a while. It's only natural. I will definantly have to look into some counseling for him.

MommyToAshley replied: WOW... that IS a big decision for everyone involved. But, it is very kind hearted of you. I hope everything works out. It sounds like Timmy could really use some love and stability right now.

lisar replied: I think its great of you to do this. Good luck with it and let us know how it goes

bawoodsmall replied: He is lucky to have everyone in his life who loves him so much. I wish you the best. I hope it works out for everyone involved.

my2monkeyboys replied: That is such a huge thing you're doing for him. After his dad (hopefully) agrees to this, maybe you could make it seem like Timmy's decision somehow? Like have your kids mention to him how much they'd love for him to come stay with them and all of that. I bet he'd love to, esp if the kids were plotting together to get him to your house... I was just thinking that may would make the move a little easier on him.
I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for you.

mommymommy replied: You are doing a wonderful thing!
He and the rest of your family are so lucky to have you!!
I wish you the best!