Boy/Girl Play Dates

McKelly wrote: My 6 year old daughter was invited over to a classmate's house for a play date. The problem is, he is a boy and I just don't know how I feel about that. The boy calls as well, just to talk. I am sure it is innocent enough, but something is holding me back from letting her go. I don't know the parents, so that is probably the main reason. Also, the parents did not call to set this up (as I have done in the past with other parents), the mom sent a note with her son to give to my daughter, which I thought was strange. I don't know what to do. My husband says no way, but my daughter really wants to go. I should also add she is attending a new school, and doesn't have many friends yet. Any opinions?

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: My best friend through 2nd grade was a boy. Never did anything to worry my parents, we just played. I would let your daughter go. After talking to the boy's parents.

six_kids_at_28 replied: I would not be concerned on the boy/girl thing..just that the 2nd graders parents didnt call you! Call them and talk to them befor you decide anything. Good luck!

gr33n3y3z replied: It wouldnt bother me at all

ediep replied: I wouldn't mind that he is a boy, but I also wouldn't send my child to play at their house until I met the parents

ions_momma replied: I would definately want to talk to the parents first.

moped replied: That would be more than fine with me - at that age they aren't going to do anything crazy, just play. Boy or girl it really doesn't matter to me

mom21kid2dogs replied:
I had nothing but brothers for 14 years and lived in a neighborhood of boys so I was actually way more comfortable with boys than girls as a child.

If meeting ahead isn't possible, you can always suggest a playdate at a neutral location like a playground or Mc Donalds and meet the parents.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I do think the mother could have called you first, but maybe she thought it was cute to send the note with her son. And easier of course. Playdates for us have always been with parents too, so I see no harm with you going over there with your daughter so that you can meet the parents face to face. A phone call may not tell you everything, plus, I would inspect the house to see if it's safe. I know that sounds sorta rude, but I would expect someone to do the same with my home. But about the playdate being a boy, doesn't make a difference IMO.

CantWait replied: I played mostly with boys growing up, so I don't see a problem with it. What I do have a problem with is the mom not trying to at least call you and talk to you to invite your dd over. My ds has a lot of friends who's mothers don't try and contact you for sleepovers and things like that. Nothing like trying to get to know or at least meet your childrens friends parents.

kimberley replied: i see no problem in boys and girls playing together at that age. maybe the mom is shy and a note was easier. i have had other moms do that to me. no rejection in a note, kwim? anyways, i think it would be kind of mean not to let your DD go solely based on the fact that he is a boy. my son gravitates more to girls because he is gentler and loves crafts as opposed to the hyper, rough sports that most boys his age do. if you are uncomfortable because you don't know the parents, phone them or set up a playdate at a neutral location and observe yourself.

Debra replied: I agree with the others. I wouldn't be bothered with the boy/girl playdate. And I wouldn't worry about the note either. There are times where DS would like to invite a friend over & we don't have their number & they were not listed in the phone book. We've waited to see if the parents picked up the child but that is not always the case so I'd send a note. No one has ever voiced any concerns to me. So I wouldn't worry too much. I'd just get to know the parents a while before letting the child go over without you. Maybe you can set up a playdate at a neutral location like the park or something until you know them better?!

McKelly replied: Thank you to everyone for your replies. The common opinion seems to be that it doesn't matter that it is a boy. I probably shouldn't worry, but like many of you have said, the concern is more with not knowing the parents. I did attempt to call the mom this past week, left a message with my telephone number to call me, but she did not return my call. The boy continues to telephone my house to talk to my daughter, even after 8:00pm, which is bedtime. (Big No-No) He wanted my daughter to come over this Saturday, but I declined, because I do NOT know the parents and am having difficulty touching base with them, but instead, told my daughter she could invite him over to OUR house next weekend. The circumstances around this new friendship just seems strange to me and I am getting an uneasy feeling about it. But I figured if I could get the mom over to my house, maybe I could get a better understanding of what the family is like.

I also encouraged my daughter to make some girlfriends!! Horrible, I know!!! But, I have worked with a youth agency where I had seven year-olds smoking and by ten they were involved in "adult" relationships. I am not kidding!! I think maybe that job has made me paranoid!! Thanks for everyone's replies!!

msoulz replied:
I am a big fan of following one's "gut" feelings. It's better than saying "I knew I should/should not have . . ." and if the gut is wrong, then so be it. I try very hard to be kind but when it is my child I will hurt feelings if necessary to be sure he is safe. And I listen to my little voice - so far it hasn't hurt anything and is pretty doggone accurate - I suspect yours is too!! Hopefully if/when the parents get back with you the issue can be resolved to your comfort.