Charlie died on the 30th - :(

maddie223 wrote: My daughter charlie died on the 30th of Aug 2006 from a number of heart conditions which they couldnt do anything for. I cant accept that shes gone.

I am so hurt by peoples comments at the moment like when my parents said 'she died because you were too young to look after her' and by a couple of my friends who said 'its for the best now you can get back ontop of you're school work and have a normal teenage life'
I dont want to. I just want her here in my arms. Just because i am a teenager doesnt mean i dont love her,
i love her and care for her more than anything in world. I feel as if i am being punished for something.

My boyfriend isnt taking it well. He has completely shut himself out from his friends and his family (he has lovely friends and family) and all he wants to do is lie in bed all day with me. when i first found out i was pregnant we were both eager to have her. I just want her back. Its my fault that i didnt realise she was sicker earlier, she may still be here with us if i didnt take her to a doctor earlier.

She is now an angel in heaven and is no longer suffering.

PrairieMom replied:
This is NOT your fault. It has nothing to do with your age and anyone that would tell you that is being incredably insensitive. You did everything that you can do to save your baby. It is NOT your fault that you didn't find the condition sooner. There were Dr's at her birth, and I assume she had been to see the Ped, and it should have been caught then, and even IF it were caught earlier that doesn't mean that they would have been able to do anything sooner.

You tried your best and did eveything that you could.

luvmykids replied:

MyBabeMaddie replied: I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish there were words to comfort you; I feel so bad. I hope that you will get through this knowing that you did everything possible for your little girl and her short time on this earth was perfect because she had a mom who cared for her more than anything. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your boyfriend and your angel.

maddie223 replied: I cant help it but i am going through all possible 'what if..?' and 'what could of been?' there is. I cant help but to think why charlie ever deserved to go through this in the first place.

For the rest of my life aug the 30th is going to be hard.

You're words and support do mean a lot to me

MyBabeMaddie replied: Maddie, I'm so sorry I can't imagine your pain right now, I wish I could help you. I know God is looking after your Angel baby, as well as yourself, I pray for you and your boyfriend and hope you can find peace... Please don't blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done you loved your baby and i'm sure she knows that. I hope you can find peace in yourself and God. If you want to PM me I would love to talk to you.

amymom replied: I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. I am very sorry for your loss.

melanie_craig replied: nothign i can say can take the paina way...but i do agree with the other girls...its not your fault...and if she was in pain then she is in a better palce...but only because of the pain, not because you're stilla teenager or because you didnt love her enough...i'm sure you did all you could and i'm sure charlie loves you for that...you'll see her again in time

MichaelsMommy replied: I'm so sorry

PrairieMom replied: She didn't do anything to "dersrve it" God sent her here for a reason. Think of all the ways that she touched your life. You will never be the same person again. Even though she was only here for a very short time.
As for suffering, even though she went through some very major surgeries, hospital staff do everything they can to make sure that their patients are comfortable and not in pain. If she was on ECMO she would have been on some pretty heavy sedation, so she would not have had pain.
There is nothing anyone can say to take away your pain, just know that you are a good Mommy who did everything possible for her baby. Some things are just out of our hands. Sending you lots of

mummy2girls replied:
Those comments are something you just have to try to ignore. i heard alot of negative comments as well. because i was single with Jordan( still am) everyone thought it was best so now i wont have to go on welfare and such.. which i wouldnt of anyways. but still it hurt. Just ignore it as much as you can... and you didnt get punished hun!!! every baby is a blessing.

Your BF is just grieving. let him do it the way he needs too. right now he just wants to be alone.. i was the same way and still am at times... he will get through it just like you will too. It will just take time. Just be there for each other and just grieve as you need to and let him too.. I know its hard to see him this way but for him its the best ... he willc ome around!

sending P&PT your way!

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Wow, Maddie. The blame game. I am so very sorry to read about Charlotte's passing. And I can't help but feel very real anger towards your parents and "friends" who are obviously being so insensitive.
You did nothing wrong by Charlie. You were her mom. You loved her, you took care of her and you made your self sick over her. She knows that, I am sure of it. As it stands, you were the one who noticed she wasn't doing well. I remember that from your previous posts. Heart conditions can be tricky to catch. How were you to know that something was seriously wrong. That is what doctors are for. You did what you could, noticed something wasn't right and went searching for answers.
You are NOT being punished for anything you did. No God would ever take away a life simply to punish another person. That isn't the way it works. However, grief does work that way. There is always a feeling of guilt. I pray that you and your boyfriend can lean on each other through this and come out stronger both individually and as a couple. Hugs to you. What you are feeling now is completely normal.

mummy2girls replied:
no one knows why any child is taken away from thier parents at any age expecially so young!

I donated Jordans heart and kidneys so for me i believe he was sent to me to save those sick children ...

ashtonsmama replied: I know I said it elsewhere, but I am sorry sweetheart. You were a wonderful mother to Charlie, and she is surely being taken care of my her angels.

CantWait replied: Maddie, what if's are a normal part of the grieving process. You just have to come to the conclusion sooner or later that Charlie's death wasn't your fault. As Tara said, and I'm going to say it again because I believe you need to keep hearing it, Charlie had doctor's at birth and ped appointments. If they missed it, how could YOU have known.

Your right, your age doesn't make you love your child any less. I'm sorry to hear of your loss and I pray that some day soon after you've had time to grieve that you'll be able to move on.

Marie