Children bathing together - sorry TMI, but I have a ????

Bee_Kay wrote: Yesterday, my best friend called me and asked me to come over and help her out with her newborn baby and some housework and laundry (she is so overwhelmed), so I did.

She also has a 2 year old boy and she was also babysitting her 4 year old nephew. Her sister (the 4 yr old mom) does daycare for her for her 2 year old son.

Anyways, I gave her newborn son a bath (and loved every minute of it ) and afterwards her 2 yr old and her 4 yr old nephew wanted to take a bath. So, she ran the water and they hopped in.

While they were bathing, I was in the bedroom taking care of the baby, and she walked in there to fold some towels, we heard the 4 yr old say "That tickles there". I stopped what I was doing and peeked in and the 4yr old had the 2 yr old holding his penis. I wasn't sure what to say so I simply said "Kevin, don't have Ethan touch your there. Ethan, don't do that".

It wasn't 2 minutes later, that it got REALLY quiet and I peeked in there again. Kevin (the 4 yr old) was lying on his back in the water and he had Ethan (the 2 yr old) sitting on top of him and Kevin was "obviously" arroused (Sorry, I just don't know how else to tactfully say it).

So, I call my friend over and whisper to her what I saw and I recommended that they no longer should bathe together.

Did I do the right thing by saying that? How would you, if you were in my place..... or her has a mother, handle that situation?????

mckayleesmom replied: Well...Im going to say that Im not sure. I think they are far too young to be anything other then curious. They might not have even realized what they were doing. I will say that a 2 year old and 4 year old should have been supervised in the bathtub...this would have given someone the chance to correct their behavior before they got that far with it...kwim?

Mckaylee has grabbed on to Russell a couple times and I calmly told her that she isn't to touch Russells body parts....that she is in charge of her own and Russell is in charge of his. That pretty much stopped it.

Bee_Kay replied: I completely understand what you are saying Brianne and I totally agree that she should have been right there watching them.

I also understand about children being curious about their, and others, bodies.

But, with the older one having the younger one sit on top of him..... personally, I felt that was just a bit too much. I do realize that they are young and the older one probably didn't realize that there could be anything wrong with it...... and he may have seen it (walked in on his parents).

But, do you think there should be an age.... or circumstances that come up, where children shouldn't bathe together anymore? (like the situation that I just described?)

Kaitlin'smom replied: My biggest issue is they should not have been left unattened. Thoes issues might have be advoied had someone been watching them. They are young and it really should not have been a problem to bathe together except for being alone.

mckayleesmom replied:
Like I said....they are curious, but maybe he is displaying behavior he saw on tv or accidentally walking in on his parents. Of course you don't want something bad to accidentally happen. I just suggest that instead of seperating them, just be there to observe and correct their behavior. Seperating them might make them feel that they did something wrong.

Also...2 and 4 is dangerous to leave in the bath alone.....because that 4 year old can possibly hold the 2 year old under water.....kwim?

Bee_Kay replied:

I do. It's scary how many parents (and I know some) that do leave their toddlers un-attended.

When Ashley and Tyler were very young they ocassionally took baths together but I was always there.

As far as curiousity, Ashley would ask (while pointing at Tyler) is "What's that?".... and then came the explanation of "boys" and "girls" LOL!

mammag replied: I agree, one of you should have been in there with them and it wouldn't have happened in the first place. I wouldn't make a big deal of it to them. They are too young to be having sexual thoughts.

Bee_Kay replied: Thanks for the replies.

I'd never seen or dealt with a situation like that before and wasn't sure what to do or say.

As far as one of us should have been in there..... ITA, although I was busy dressing a newborn

Cece00 replied: I probably would not bathe them together in the future. Or at least not unattended. I would def have a talk (the moms should do this) about not touching other's privates.

However, I DO just think it was curiosity. 2 & 4 are too young to really understand sex, KWIM?

1lilpeanut2love replied: I would have to agree they shouldn't be bathed together or not unattended. My best friend would bathe her 4 year old stepson and her almost 2 year old together. She walked away for a few minutes. Let's just say they are no longer bathe together. They get too curious. JMHO!

Mom2Boyz replied: At 2 and 4 I'm sure they had no clue that what they were doing was wrong. Kids are curious, and you can't change that. But I agree someone should have been watching them. You should never ever leave a child unattended in the bathtub.

I bathe my boys together, and we've had instances where Conner grabed Caden. It was nothing sexual, just curiosity about the human body. I just tell him that we do not touch other peoples private parts, and did not make a big deal of it.

1lilpeanut2love replied: I just had to add: Please don't take this the wrong way!!
Maybe the older boy has seen his parents "in the act." Children are smart. They catch on to things fast. I know a 4 year old who knows about stuff that he shouldn't!! Sorry TMI.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I think you did the right thing by telling the boys to stop, but that it's the mom's reasponsibility to pay more attention and be the one talking if it happens again. But as far as bathing together at that age, I think it's totally fine. I think it's probably fine until one starts to hit puberty or is old enough to say "I want to bathe alone". JMO.

Nina J replied: Childhood masturbation isn't something you hear about often, but some kids do like to touch themselves. They have no concept of the sexual aspect of masturbation, they just do it because it feels nice. It sounds like one of the boys does like to touch himself and possibly told the other one about it, if you KWIM. I think you did the right thing, if they don't bathe together anymore they are going to learn that other people's private parts arn't supposed to be touched. But if one of them does like to touch themselves, it should be discouraged in public, but not altogether, because saying "You shouldn't do that" can cause sexual problems later in life. Basically I'm saying that the mother of the boys should tell them not to touch each other, but if she tells them not to touch themselves then they are going to get older and possibly think masturbation is wrong.

I read all this in a book I have about toddlers. I think you did the right thing

holley79 replied: I know when we were little my mom would put all three of us in the tub. Kind of a time saver, I guess. My mom never left us alone. Trevor and Erika did the same thing and I wouldn't allow them to bathe together anymore. Their mom did but I didn't.

gr33n3y3z replied:
I agree

JAYMESMOM replied:
I agree completely with you on this one. Jayme is only 2 and has discovered her "vagina". I will catch her touching it and looking at it and I am trying to teach her that is okay in private. She has asked me if she can touch it and I told her yes. The body is nothing to be ashamed of but we need to teach respect for other people and that we can't touch others private areas.

Children tend to have a normal curiosity and in the case of the 4 year old he is probably realizing that his "penis" does things when he touches it. That is normal but to avoid any possible conflicts the mothers need to sit down and talk with them and explain not touching to them and also make sure they aren't left unsupervised for anything. Show and tell can happen even when they are dressed.

luvmykids replied:
I agree that they're "curious" but I also think they know when something "feels good", kwim? Not saying thats the intention but a benefit of being "curious". JMHO.

I think I would see what happens when they are supervised, in or out of the tub before I decided how seriously to handle it.