Co-Sleeping - WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO

MyBabeMaddie wrote: Ever since Maddie had salmonella poisoning we have been sleeping with her. We started it just because she was in so much pain she wouldn't sleep through the night so instead of getting up every hour it was just easier for us to sleep with her. Well now that shes better SHE WILL NOT sleep in her crib! It's driving me nuts! On one hand I love sleeping with her but she climbs all over me at weird hours, hogs my side of the bed, and is just plain hard to sleep with. I put her to bed in her crib but she is waking up every hour or so and won't go back to sleep unless shes lying in bed with me. What can I do?

Jackie012007 replied: ohhhh sarah I am in the same boat - luckily Carly isn't old enough to climb all over me yet. I'm terrified now too because on one of my other boards, a lady's baby died because she got smothered in bed ... so now I really want to break Carly of this habit!! She was sleeping pretty well in her crib but with the wicked hot weather, we've been sleeping her in our room in the a/c... any suggestions are welcome here too!!

MyBabeMaddie replied:
How old was her baby?! Thats horrible! I am so embarrassed to say but Maddie actually fell out of bed the other day. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced!!!!!! Luckily, she started laughing as soon as I picked her up, so I guess the fall just scared her. After that though, I really don't feel comfortable sleeping with her. I do let her cry but she won't fall back to sleep even after 20 minutes. I know that when it gets really hot here (we only have AC in our bedroom) that I will want her in here again... I just don't know.... My dad is our landlord and PROMISED us last summer that he would install central air for us if we stayed at least a year (its been a year, well almost) but he is acting more like a SCUMLord.... he's making so many excuses wny he can't install central air right now. Jackie, this sucks! lol

My3LilMonkeys replied: At her age, persistence is the key - it's a real pain in the butt, but just keep putting her back in her crib and eventually she'll get it. We were lucky - Brooke didn't start co sleeping with us until she was almost 2 so it was much easier to get her into her own bed when we were ready. And I'll never let Madison co sleep - I slept with her for 1 night when we went camping and that was more than enough - she doesn't stay in one place for more than 5 min before she moves.

Jackie012007 replied:
she was the same age as carly is now It really scared the crap out of me. Oh man I feel you, I cannot exist without air conditioning - I don't even care that it's only like 50 degrees outside right now, when I go to bed it's on. Sleeping next to Carl and the dog is like sleeping next to a furnace...

ANOTHER reason to get Carly out of our bed. I sleep with Carl, the dog AND her, all on a small queen-sized bed. Oh and the dog loves to sleep sideways in between us

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Ahh I know, it is impossible to get a good night sleep with a baby who can not stay still! Its hard to be persistant though when she cries and it seems like she can't cry herself back to sleep. I'm tempted to just turn the monitor off when she wakes up but if something ever happened I'd never forgive myself.

MyBabeMaddie replied: You guys seriously I need help here, I put her down for the night at 8pm, and its now 1236am here and she has already been up 6 thats ***SIX*** times ! PLEASE HELP ME I"M GOING NUTS!

boyohboyohboy replied: I wish I could help you, but jake is 18 months old, and still wont sleep without me, I can tell you we got one of those kids, soft couches that pulls out into a sleep bed, they have all kinds of themes, does she seem to take to any special theme? anyway we started out with this right beside our bed, and then have slowly worked it closer and closer to the door, and its working so far, he at least isnt in my bed, hitting me with those legs, or climbing on me, and its safe..
and jake fell out of my bed too once...

i will see if I can find the link to the couch thingy..its worked so far, of course we havent managed to get him closer to his bed yet..how old is maddie? do you think she would go for a toddler bed?

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Since I've never co-slept except 1 night in Logan's entire life, I'm really going to be no help. But I have dealt with messed up sleep schedules and I had to use CIO, a LOT! Logan's a great sleeper now. You may have to get tough. Sorry, it ain't easy listening to a crying baby when you are dying for some sleep yourself.

luvbug00 replied: mya slept with me until she was 3. then she hasd to cio and get used to her bed. it's hard but worth the effort for everyone. good luck!

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Do you think 9.5 months is too young for that couch? She's not cruising or anything yet, she can pull herself up to standing but thats about it. She doesn't even realize when she comes to a ledge (we have a single step leading into our kitchen) and time after time she goes down it she looks mad cause she doesn't realize she just went down a step. Would you suggest they are walking first before putting them into a couch or even a toddler bed? What about maybe putting her crib mattress on the floor?

amymom replied:

That is what we did. Mary Beth hated sleeping in her crib and she was about 9mos old and we put the mattress on the floor. She was walking then, but I do not see the harm in Maddie being on a mattress on the floor, before she walks. And you could start her in your room and move towards the door like Stacy is doing.

For information: MB has since had a few beds, but for the past almost a year now, she has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor again (she is 10yrs old).

~Roo'sMama~ replied: The same thing happened to us when Andrew was about 6 months old - he had a terrible cold and couldn't sleep and because I was so tired it was easier to keep him in bed with us, and then after he got better he refused to sleep in his crib. In the end (after about 4 months of torture) we had to just let him cry. It wasn't fun but co-sleeping was definitely not working and no one was getting a good nights sleep. It took a couple days of him crying himself to sleep but after that he was fine and we all - including him - started getting much better sleep.

MyBabeMaddie replied: I guess I will just have to let her cry, I just put her down in her crib, we'll see how it goes, I hope its not going to be a long night.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Wesley is 11 months and he has been sleeping with us just about every night since about 6 months. He always starts out in his crib, but he ends up in our room from about midnight, sometimes later, until morning. I never co-slept with my first, saying I would never do it, but it's just how it works for us now. Wesley has eating issues, so since I'm still BF, which is just about all he eats (no solids), its just easier to feed him in bed with me. I can't do it CIO because when he cries at night, I think its because he is hungry. You do what you gotta do.

APmomma replied:
Please don't let her cry! That is just cruel IMHO. She's still just a baby, only 9 months old! Just let her sleep with you!

BabyOwen427 replied: We had that problem too last Dec. He got sick in late Nov and we let him sleep in our bed for comfort and after a few weeks of him in our bed we couldn't handle the situation. It doesn't leave much room for DH and DW lovin and for good deep sleep cause I was always worried about him being there so I was always in a light sleep.

We tried the method where you lay them in bed sleepy but awake and let him fuss for 5 min and then check on him but don't pick him up and then leave and repeat in another 5-10 min. That didn't work cause the moment we left the second time the crying got more intense.

So I finally just had to do the tough love thing and I layed him in bed sleepy and when he cried I didn't go in to his room. But I was in the next room listening to his cries. If I heard him get panicky or frightened or if I heard him get sick or poo I would go in there. But as long as his cries were cause he was mad I let him cry. I know it is hard to hear him cry when you're just in the other room but he sleeps very good now and I know now if he cries in the night it's cause something is wrong that he needs me. The longest he cried was about an hour and after that it was 20 min and then 10 and soon it was just a bit of fuss and off to slumberland.

You have to find the solution for your family. I know some people wouldn't agree with what I did but it worked for us and we're all happy and healthy now.

Good luck with this, I hope you get some soon

MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
This is a personal decision and one that no parent should be judged for.

Calimama replied:
I totally agree.

Anyway Bella was a great sleeper until DH left now I find her ending up in my bed more often. I try to bathe her before bed, massage her with lotion, tell her a story quietly, and then rub her back until she falls asleep. She'll fuss a little bit when I put her down but most of the time she'll stay asleep. Good luck hun! Do what you feel is best for you and Maddie.

lisar replied:
I was in the same boat here with Lexi. But I did this and worked great. 2 nights of CIO and that was it.

APmomma replied: http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

Links on why CIO is bad. Please read them.

lisar replied:
Yes but when I done the whole CIO thing my child was 3. And we all have our own parenting techniques.

boyohboyohboy replied: IMO there are always going to be people who disagree with the CIO but it works for some, and their kids are no worse off. we tried it with jake, but it was to hard for me and he had health issues we later found out.
i totally know how you feel though, and if you cant get a good nights rest with her in your bed, then its not the best thing for either of you. you need your rest too so you can be there for her.
I am sorry I didnt post sooner about the couch, jake started sleeping in his and his toddler bed at 9 months, he much prefers the couch, just today i put his mattress on the floor and we are trying that.
here is the link to the couch we have....its hardly off the floor at all, and maybe you could start her in your room , if you dont mind her there, just not in your bed...
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?p...rentPage=search

I hope it helps

moped replied:
Pretty sure she wasn't asking opions on CIO -

I am all for CIO

MyBabeMaddie replied: Last night went well, I actually feel bad I didn't turn the monitor on loud at all, almost to the point where you couldnt hear anything, I actually didn't hear her until about 8am.. Tonight though, it seems like shes crying everytime I put her down in her crib... I let her cry for a good 15 minutes, but she was screaming so loud I couldn't take it anymore.... I know I need to toughen up about CIO... My pediatrician is totally for it, there's definitely a line one can cross with CIO but thats like letting your kid sleep in a poopy diaper all night or not feeding your kid when you know they're hungry.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I totally agree.

Calimama replied:
Sounds like you're doing good so far.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
I love the bed idea, but what do you do about them getting up in the middle of the night and crawling around and getting into everything?

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Yep! ITA! You just have to be persistant. Her crying is inevitable, dont let it make you give up. Just stick to it. Rub her head or her face while she is laying in her bed to help her go to sleep.

One thing that helped Tanner sleep in his bed was the Fisher Price Aquarium. He would stare at it until he fell asleep. It plays music, has lights and bubbles.

I am personally a CIO parent, and when Tanner would go through spurts of not wanting to sleep in his crib it would only take a couple days for him to understand.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
ITA! I am a CIO parent and because of that we have never had major sleep issues...EVER! Kids cry, that's reality. At 9 months they can learn to soothe themselves to sleep if need be, IMO. My child doesn't have a complex or anything because we used CIO. He's a happy, well-adjusted child.

PrairieMom replied: We did CIO too. with both kids. people can feel really strongly about this subject so it can get to be a little touchy.
With Ben we did CIO at about 5 months. He was sleeping through at that point, but just decided he didn't have to anymore. I knew he was totally fine, and totally felt him manipulating me. he would stop crying immediately when I picked him up and things like that. we had a tough 2 or 3 nights, then it was over.
With alexis I didn't feel her manipulating me until she was 10 months old. she was still waking 2 times a night at that point, and I would feed her and what not. when She started waking out of habit we started CIO. with her it took a little longer. (I think because she was older) I think it took maybe a month before I had her sleeping through.
You know in your heart what works for you and your child. go with your instincts.

ETA: when I put Benjamin in the toddler bed I started putting a baby gate across his doorway and leaving the door to his room open. That way when he woke up he couldn't run around the house, and I could hear him.

boyohboyohboy replied:
I never had trouble with jake getting up and getting into things at night, because he was on the floor in our room and thats where he wanted to be, so he never went anywhere else, but if he had we have it all baby proofed so he would have been ok.
I have used these couches with both my boys now, and they loved them.
caleb was a much better sleeper then jake was. I dont mind him being in my room as long as he isnt in my bed.
It sounds like you are on the right track though.

Boo&BugsMom replied: They make this thing (can't remember the name) that looks like a little tiny couch that is made for the parent's bed. It is made to put the baby in the middle of the bed so you don't roll over on the baby. I would assume you could use it for transition...just put her to sleep in the "thing" and put it in the middle of the bed. Once she is use to sleeping in there, start laying the little couch "thing" down in her own bed with her in it. Does that make sense? I will try and find a link with it. I thought it was practical.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Here it is!
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?p...2255984.2256208

It says birth to 4 months, but they make other ones that are for older babies, and I'm sure you could use it for her anyways to help the transition.

moped replied:
I think it is called the co-sleeper......

MyBabeMaddie replied: THanks for all the advice, Its just super frustrating that she slept like 12-14 hours straight from the time she was 1month just up until the salmonella (so about 7months old) Now its payback time on her part

Shes got me wrapped around her tiny little finger and she knows it!

grandmommy replied: My grandson who is a year old was driving my daughter nuts waking up every night for a bottle. I told her to do tough love. She has a monitor so can watch him. She would go in and talk to him for one minute and then say goodnight and let him cry. He cried the first night for one hour. The second night for 30 minutes. The 3rd night for 15 minutes and the 4th night he cried for 2 seconds. That was the end of that. He has been sleeping through the night now for 2 months, since he was 10 months.

The only way of breaking this waking up habit is suffering through it with your baby. You have to allow your baby to cry and cry themselves to sleep. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but the rewards are worth it. If you don't break this habit and allow your child to sleep with you then you will have 10 year olds sharing your bed.

Good Luck

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Ah, words from the wise! I'd have to totally agree with your post. Old fashioned common sense.

APmomma replied:
OMG, I hardly think it's common sense! It goes against everything my mommy instincts tell me to do. You don't HAVE to let your baby cry! Why on earth should you?? Just so they go to sleep when you say?? Wow, what an awful concept that is. I feel sorry for everyone's kids who are put through that. What a horrible emotional & physical experience for your kids to go through. "Tough love" will turn around & bite you in the a$$ later. I'd rather my baby/child(ren) know that I love them NOW and ALWAYS instead of teaching them to suck it up & deal with it, your needs aren't important.

CIO is child abuse, plain & simple. You're teaching your child that their needs aren't important, that Mommy won't be there when s/he NEEDS you. Talk about scarring a child!!! NOTHING is better than snuggling close with your kids, all nice & cozy in one bed.

I think you all need a class on parenting common sense.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Excuse me! Who the heck do you think you are calling people who use CIO child abusers!!!??? Honey, you are on the wrong forum if this is the kind of language and ridicule you want to use! Your judgemental attitude is NOT welcome here!!!

moped replied:
Me too!

I am so with you there!

moped replied:
I kind of smell a troll here - nobody just signs up and starts calling people child abusers - find a new board to troll around!

moped replied:
This is all simply the difference between attachment parenting and non-attachment parenting - that my freind is PLAIN AND SIMPLE

lisar replied:
I am right there with ya Jen. Just because I let my child CIO for 2 days and not even 30 minutes total does NOT make me a child abuser.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Just want to add, that just because a baby/child cries for something, doesn't mean what they want is what is best for them.

Jackie012007 replied: When do you guys suggest CIO? Carly is almost 5 months old, and I can kind of tell the difference now between her crying because she NEEDS something, and her whining. I notice this more now that I work in the daycare - she actually gets jealous when I hold other babies and starts screaming her head off until I pick her up!

She's resisting the crib too... carl doesn't help because he puts her down for naps in our bed, and if he gets up to feed her in the night, he brings her in bed with us and then falls asleep so she stays there!

Any advice for me?

PS: to the AP mom - I took parenting classes thankyouverymuch

boyohboyohboy replied: sarah, i just wanted to say that I am so sorry that your post went to this degree of nonsense..
you are doing a great job, and it doesnt help when you are going thru this to hear crap like that.
i hope maddie got a good night sleep last night, and things are going better..
i havent seen an update on her, not that you would want to with messages like these....

moped replied:
Over 18 pounds is when I suggest

BabyOwen427 replied:
I don't know if there is a set age or weight. I would suggest that when you know the difference in her cries and sleeps mostly through the night. I think when I first started CIO ds was 6 mts and at that time he was only waking once in the night.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Jackie, I think every child is different. Tanner was CIO by the time he was about 4 months old I think. I knew it was time when he could turn off the water works like a light switch.

I also took a parenting course...during my 2 year stint when I got my DEGREE in Early Childhood!!!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
I agree.

kit_kats_mom replied: Ok, everyone knows that I'm the queen of co sleeping. however, I do agree that it's a personal decision. If I had to work outside of the home, I'm quite sure that I'd have been more inclined to work harder on the CIO. As it was, I managed to be able to work from home so I could sleep when they slept and nap too. Not everyone has that luxury and I guarantee, that if I didn't, I'd have been the crib nazi. Basically, cosleeping worked for us but I can totally see how it's not for everyone or every situation.

Katherine was a bed hog and she was unplesant to sleep with once she hit about 16 months old. I did the mattress on our bedroom floor thing, along with a sticker chart for staying in bed, and it worked like a charm. We moved her into her own room when she turned 2 and for the most part, she sleeps in there. She does have nightmares though so it's not unusual for her to wake up at least once a night to pee or to recover from a bad dream. Rarely will I find her in the toddler bed in our room unless daddy's out of town. I don't mind being here for her in the night at all.

Lauren is much easier to sleep with and we haven't needed to kick her out of bed yet. I'm working on it though. She's started napping in her sisters room and we've planted the seed for her sleeping in there too. She's still waking up a few times a night though so I don't want them sharing a room quite yet.

MyBabeMaddie replied:
Thank you, and I'm sorry for those who are getting heated about this topic - I don't know anyone who would consider CIO child abuse. I am waiting to work on the CIO when I don't have so much stuff going on with school and can actually afford to not get a good nights sleep.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I also smell a troll.

As for CIO being child abuse... there's a difference between letting the child cry him\herself to go to sleep, along with soohting the hcild by just patting his\her back rather than picking up the baby... and just plain letting the child cry because you don't feel like tending to it at the moment.

If CIO is child abuse, so is over indulging your child.

This is ridiculous. Advice is what's requested, not attacks.

I think this is the problem with common sense... it's just not common enough. Agree to disagree.

mummy2girls replied: yes we need to agree to disagree:)

and putting people down for thier parenting style is not what this board is for. its for advice. If you have opposing oppinions stating it in a nice and mature way would be best. Plus if i turned around and said co-sleeping is abuse for fear of smothering the child or making your own baby food is a waste of time or anything else that you may agree with you would be insulted for sure! So yes we do have diff views but we need to express them in a mature way. we are adults not 8 year olds...

Boo&BugsMom replied:
It's not your fault Sarah. Sometimes people just don't think about how others may feel before they speak. Having an opinion and judging others are two different things.

For myself, co-sleeping is not for me. However, I will admit that Aiden has been sleeping in our bed off and on lately. If he was old enough to cry it out, I would be doing that, but being only one month old and SO enormously colicky, one of the only ways I can get him into a deep sleep is to bring him to bed for an hour before I place him in his bassinet. So, right now, because of his age I feel like I have to do what works and makes him happy. I'd rather have him sleep with us and be a happy baby and get some Zzzz's myself, then be up all night trying to get him to bed. When he is old enough he will have no choice. Plus, I also have to get the cuddles while I can, because if I remember correctly, Tanner never liked to be cuddled past the 6 month mark and I missed that cuddle time so I have to get it while I can now!

Nina J replied: Don't let yourselves get worked up over these things, especially when it seems just one trouble-maker is trying to cause an arguement. Don't give them what they want, just ignore the silly comments.

Personally, I'm not a fan of co-sleeping..I basically co-slept for alot of my childhood years and when I got older and started to sleep in my own room, I got scared very easily. I never really out grew it, even when I was 18 I'd be petrified at night and I often wonder if I would have had those fears if I'd slept alone. But it works for some people and I have nothing against it really, do what you feel is right.

Boo&BugsMom replied: Wow Nina, that's interesting. That would have never came across my mind when thinking of co-sleeping (being afraid later on in life). Thanks for sharing.