DH can be such a ........

MyLuvBugs wrote: Jerk sometimes! I thouht it would be a great idea if my Bro and SIL would come over 1 night a week and watch the girls while he and I went to the Apt Complex Gym to work out. We both need to loose weight and we need to spend time with each other away from the kids......so I told him this great plan last night at dinner and he says "I dont' want to work-out. I work all day lifting boxes and stuff and I'm tired when I get home. Last thing I need is to do more stuff." What an A$$!!

I'm so sick and tired of his attitude lately. He's turning into a big grump and doesn't seem to want to spend anytime with me or the girls....just wants to sit upstairs in the office and mope about his job and how crappy it is.

And it's not like I was asking for an organ donation from him or something! I was just asking to spend a little quality time with him.....apparently I'm not important enough to him anymore to do that.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: I'm sorry Erika. He sounds a bit like my Dh gets when he's unhappy with his job.

If the thing that really matters to you is getting out and doing something with him, why don't you see if he'd like to just go out once a week just the two of you... even if it's just out for a cup of coffee or some ice cream so you can have some time together? Maybe the thought of working out at the gym doesn't appeal to him now but going out and relaxing without the kids might?

Also you could try working out at home, and maybe once he saw how good it makes you feel he'd be more willing to try the gym. Good luck!

coasterqueen replied: I agree with Sara, maybe he just would rather do something a bit more "intimate" with you than working out at the gym. I dunno about anyone else, but when I'm working out I don't have time to spend with DH because I'm concentrating on what I'm doing and reaching my goals. Maybe suggest a movie, dinner, something that would be more appealing. I know the last thing I'd want to do after being at work all day is working out. If I had my way it would definitely be something a bit more relaxing.

GL.

jacobsmama replied: I agree maybe try doing something a little more romantic to spend time together and get his mind off work but then end it with a moonlight walk or something...That way you can get some exercise and he will too but feel like it is about the 2 of you and getting out not just going to the gym. Good luck!

Kaitlin'smom replied: I will agree, find somethign different to suggest. Maybe even walking the mall, you coudl suggest window shopping looking for christmas ideas and that way you both get a walk in without realising it.

sorry he was being a pian

A&A'smommy replied: I'm sorry honey I know how you feel its extremly frusting and HURTS!!! I hope things start to get better for ya'll soon!!

mummy2girls replied: I can see both your sides. he is working all day lifting so he just wants to relax and you want quality time which is understandeable. Maby the 2 of you can go out once a week for coffee and talk, or movie, dinner, for walks, or just a drive to talk to each other.

CantWait replied: Sorry hun. I agree, he could have said it a little better, or offered other ideas. Maybe it's time for a one-on-one. You're right, you and him need quality time, however maybe working out for him isn't the right thing, although there should be comprimise on both sides, even if one person doesn't like it.

kimberley replied: i agree with everyone, maybe let him suggest an activity for you to do. time together alone is so important, why squabble over what you do.. just do whatever together i am sure it is not that he doesn't want to spend time with you, he probably just wants something more intimate.

Calimama replied: Maybe you could go to a movie or have dinner instead? I hope you get some time to yourselves.

MyLuvBugs replied: I would LOVE to go out to dinner or the movies once a week with him. Unfortunately, the money issue is....we have none to spend on that kinda stuff. So, going for a walk would be the next best thing,and I've suggested it....SEVERAL times, and what do I get as a response...."I've got too much work for Dad." or "I have to find another job. I don't have time." I even brought up the whole "intimate" thing (even though I'm really not in the mood for it ) and he said "I'm just not in the mood. There's just too much going on, and I just dont' feel like it."

I only suggested working out b/c we have this gym membership that we haven't really used, and he was complaining about his clothes not fitting, so....I guess I just thought, HEY! why not work-out together. Apparently that was the wrong choice too.

Am I wrong for feeling like he's pushing me away? I totally understand him being tired and frustrated with the job situation. I'm just as tired and frustrated, but pushing us appart doesn't seem like the smartest idea he ever had, ya know.

I'm so sorry to be sucha whiner about it. He's just the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I feel like he's slipping away.

C&K*s Mommie replied: The one thing to always keep in the back of your mind Erika, is that men are often (not always) diametrically opposed to women often times. He may not feel disjointed from you, at all. He just may not have made the connection between spending time with you in physical ways to any emotional hurt you have. He is likely not doing so on purpose, men (again not all) are different. They view things in simple form, not as complicated as us women (ahem raising my hand here --but not all woman) can make it. He may not want to get active after work, but at the same time he may not realize how important it is to you to spend time together. Make sense? To him, after work time is down time, to you it may be time to become connected again.

Have you tried talking with him and telling him that you feel it is vital for your marriage to spend QT as a couple? He may not realize how you are feeling. Even if it is merely once a month that the two of you can get away, once a month will do you some good. It has been a while since Chris and I have gone out, but we try to spend QT talking to each other at night, or early in the morning. We have reconnected numerous times just by merely talking to one another.

A simple card, handmade or a letter explaining how you feel and how much you still treasure your marriage may help him to see how you are hurting. I would not expect him to remember to keep that in mind every single day of every yr, but a reminder is a good thing every now and then.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:

I know what you mean about the money issues ~ Dh and I can't afford to go out a lot either. I don't remember the last time I went to a movie. In fact for our last *date* (and even this was two or three months ago) we left Andrew with Jennifer (4littleladies) and went to the thrift store, then to the mall to eat at the food court and exchange something at Old Navy for me, and then we went home. But we both had fun because we were just out doing something together by ourselves. We've talked about getting someone to watch Roo and just go somewhere and get a soda and talk as a cheap way to get out by ourselves too, but we haven't gotten around to it yet.

I also agree with Nichole that maybe he needs it explained to him why you want so badly to spend time with him. Sometimes men just don't feel that need like we do. Dh and I recently had this talk because we were never really talking or doing anything together and we were drifting apart. Now we still don't go out but the evenings after he gets home from work are so much better - after dinner we play with Andrew and do things around the house together that need to be done, and after Andrew goes to bed we'll pop some popcorn or make a snack and watch a movie together or play a game. Anyways my point was, next time you suggest something you'd like to do together and he says he's too busy or has something he needs to do, try just telling him you know he's busy but you miss him and really need some time with him, even if it's only for an hour.

It also took me awhile to recognize that Dh works all day and is around other people all day, and he needs some time to himself too. He usually spends some time on the computer every night or working on something by himself.