Depressed Wife - Still Haven't Conceived

CaringHusdband wrote: I am trying to find some ideas for my wife and myself. We have been trying for 7 months now and still nothing. She is 35 and will be 36 next month and is starting to get depressed because she feels that she will be too old to conceive. I try to reassure her that it will happen when God is ready for us to be pregnant, but she still is sad every month when AF comes to visit our house. She is an incredible stepmom to my daughter, but I want so much to have a child with her so she can light up again. Please help us with tips on conception...nothing is considered TMI for me....please be as truthful as possible. Thank your for your help in advance!

GavinsMommy replied: It takes the average couple 6-12 months to concieve. After a year with no success, it's recommended to see a doctor. There is only a 20% chance of concieving during ovulation according to numerous sources, so that's not THAT great of a chance. It usually takes most couples at least two or three tries, but even that is lucky IMO. It took DH and I one time, but we're young and I chalk it up to pure luck.

Get an ovulation predictor. It will tell your wife when she is ovulating to better your chances. I've read many times that you should "boogie" ( ) every other day rather than every day so your count is higher, but every day wouldn't hurt either. I say, the more often you try the more likely it will happen. Positioning can help also. Lying on her back with knees to chest helps for the furthest penetration as well as from behind.

After you errr...finish...she shouldn't get up for a while, but hold her knees to her chest with a pillow under her bum to help elevate her hips a tiny bit. This will help to keep it contained so that more sperm have a chance at fertilizing the egg. Also, morning sex may help too as temperature is best in the morning.

You could also try not "releasing" on your part for a week. That is supposed to help when you finally do try.

I HTH and hope you get your little one soon!

Alice replied: Hi and welcome!

I have no tips, just some words of support:

After 10 years of marriage, we adopted my son when I was 40. Six months later I was pregnant with my older daughter; 3 years later with my younger daughter. So I was 44 when Kira was born.

Sometimes things happen when they happen, but she's certainly not too old, at least if my experiences are any guide.

Good luck TTC-- I hope someone has the answers you're looking for!

ammommy replied: How long has she been off of birth control? Depending on what she was taking (and I assume she was taking something), it can take the body up to a year to get back to normal. Has she talked to her OB about it? If not, she should. It could help alleviate her concerns. My OB was 35 when she had her first daughter and 38 with her second. 35 isn't as old as it used to be for conception.
Most of all, keep it fun! When TTC becomes a job it becomes stressful which can make it harder for the body to cooperate. Good luck!

angelhair replied: to reassure you it took me 6 months to get preg went tospecialiste and after one round of clomid got pregnant! also about the age, I had my first child at age 38, got preg at 37 and am now curently 24 weeks pregnant at age 41 with another child. many many women your wifes age get pregnant but if you are concerned maybe seeing a specialist would help. love dee

CaringHusdband replied: Thank you so much for the responses that I have received so far. It is now that time to start trying again, I so I will keep checking back for additional responses and let everyone know how things progress. I really do appreciate how people that I don't even know are so willing to be incredibly helping and caring. Thank you and God Bless!

GavinsMommy replied: Good luck! I hope you get a positive pregnancy test soon!!!

~KARA~ replied: I know how she feels!!!! Im 27 my dh is 26 and it took us 13months to concieve #3. I didnt have to "try" with my girls.
Your wife needs to stay positive cause it will happen, it just takes alil longer for some! You or your wife are free to im me if you would like.
((HUGGS))

JessC replied: I think the best advice I have gotten was to relax.

Yes, it can be frustrated... I know believe me, but you know I think you just have to relax. A year sounds typical, if that doesnt work then yes go to a doctor. I hope I helped somewhat.

I hope you get your baby soon!

ProudAunty replied: Hello....
Give it some time, everything happens for a reason. My mother just had another baby 2 years ago at the age of 43. Tell your wife to keep her head up high and her time will come to have a baby with you. Wishing you two the best..Good luck

PascosGirl replied: Well I hate to hear anyone have problems conceiving. However, if she feels she might be too old, just remind her that Geena Davis delivered perfectly helthy twins last year and she is in her 50's. The age to have babies is up drastically from where it used to be.

I hope she feels better.

CaringHusdband replied: Well, per my wife, AF came pretty strong this morning....so we try again next month. On a positive note, we did sell our home and are starting to build a bigger home, so we will have the extra room once we are blessed.

MommyToAshley replied: Awee, I am sorry that AF showed her face this month. I can't tell you how many people I know that got PG after they stopped "trying", so I agree with the advice to put away all the charts and ovulation tests and just relax and have fun.

Congrats on selling your house and sending some baby dust your way!

amymom replied:

I totally agree. That is my advice. To just have loads of fun around when she thinks she is ovulating for at least a year of TTC. During that time Pray, pray and pray again. God will send you a baby when it is time. But, then do seek professional advice after a year.

Part of my story: We were married six years (no BC) when we had our first. I found out I was PG the day after the adoption agency information came in the mail. So the point about relaxing (easier to say than to do) is sooooooooo true. When I finally gave into the possibility that we might not carry a baby of our own is when I became pregnant. Our son is now 14 yrs old. I became pregnant again at 37 but lost that baby, He was God's way of telling me I would be pregnant again, but it wasn't a good time to have a baby (long story but my mom passed away on my due date I cannot immagine being nine mos along and caring for my sick mother). Then.... when I was 39 my 'surprise' daughter was born.

This got longer than I expected but I hope that it helps some. The relaxing, or giving in to that it will happen or it won't are the hardest most difficult parts. I sooooooo empathize with your wife's depression, just take care of her.

CaringHusdband replied: Just like my Cingular phone(which you don't get 5 bars)....my wife and I got 2 bars last night on the "test". She is officially PREGNANT! Please say some prayers that things go smoothly now for us. Thank you all for you kind words and comments during the last few months.

Caring Husband

mammag replied: I will say prayers for you all! Congratulations! That is wonderful news!!!!

JAYMESMOM replied: Congratulations. I hope everything goes wonderfully for you both.

amymom replied: Wow!! Congratulations. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on May 17th .... NINE years ago. So look for a January or February birthdate!!! Yeah Congratulations.!!

A&A'smommy replied: Congrautulations!!!

How are things going?

CaringHusdband replied: Well, we found out last night...and we are currently building a new home that we will move into in September to October...so we will have our hands full. I have already told her that she will no longer be cleaning the bathrooms or floors(anything with strong fumes) and I will clean out the kitty box as well. Anything else I can do for her to make this extra special for her??? She is nervous now b/c of the new house payment as well as daycare expense now(unfortunately, we both need to work right now ) She said she was up at 2am on the computer running over our expenses and budget to make sure everything will fall into place.

I will keep you all update as we go along and let you know what the sex is once we find out.

Thanks again!

moped replied: Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..Basically just do EVERYTHING for her for the next 18 years!!!!