Did you name the babies you've lost? - if you didn't know the gender

~Roo'sMama~ wrote: In church yesterday someone asked me if we had named our baby. I hadn't really thought about it yet, but she said that when she miscarried she named her baby even though she didn't know what it was. She told me of another woman I know who when she miscarried used a girl name for the first name and a boy name for the middle, since they didn't know the gender either.

I asked Dh about it, and he says he just can't wrap his mind around naming a baby that we don't know whether it was a boy or a girl, and I'm not sure either. I really hate the thought of my baby never having a name, but at the same time if we did name it I don't know if I'd ever be able to think of the baby as that name. I wish we knew what it was. Better yet, I wish this hadn't happened and my baby was still alive.

I did kind of think that this baby was going to be a boy, but I didn't have a strong feeling.... and I thought for sure that Andrew was a girl through the whole pg so my "feelings" don't count for much.

CosmetologyMommy replied: i think it may help u heal if u name the baby. that makes it more of a real person to u and not just it. I have been praying for u and I hope that u feel better soon!

3_call_me_mama replied: I have never lost a child so i don't know the pain of trying to go trhrough it or trying to decide wether or not to name the baby. My best friend has though and I rememebr her contemplating the same question. She did infact name her first child that she lost (and the other 2 as well) the first one she felt from teh very beginnnig was female, and therefore she gave it a female name and planted a tree in honor of her. Her second and third she lost she gave gender neutral names and planted smaller shrubs around the tree. Her 3 living children are aware of these siblings and know their names and it works well for their family to have this connection. I personally , if i ever had to, woudl name the child I lost with a gender neutral name that meant somethign significant to me, or if we knew the gender I would name it accordingly. HUGS and prayers for you as you make this tough decision. Go with you heart. it will lead you right.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Yeah I thought about picking a gender nuetral name. That would probably be the best for us if we decided to name the baby, since I really didn't have a clue whether it was a boy or a girl, and I didn't really have a perference either way either.

ashtonsmama replied:
I think that may be a good idea...like Shannan said, it may help you both to heal and feel more closure around the whole thing, I haven't ever lost a baby, but that's what I think I would do if I did...

luvbug00 replied: No, I didn't name either of them. Each were but a coupple weeks old and i think if anyone knew them enough to name them it's God.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I think if you want to give the baby a name then that's okay. I'm not sure I would name the baby if I were to m/c. But, I've never been there, either. I think if you need that to help you get past it then you do what you do to move on, kwim?

luvmykids replied: I haven't been there but have heard from others that it helped them kind of validate it, because it really was a little person, and they didn't want to call it "the baby" forever. It made them feel like they acknowledged that, kwim?

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
See, I don't really feel like I need to name my baby in order to move on or to make it feel more like a person to me. My baby was definitely very real to me, and a name wouldn't really change that. I just realized that so many other people have named their angels, and it makes me wonder if I don't, am I being insensitive or something, or saying that I didn't love my baby? I don't really like referring to my baby as "it", but if we named it I'd always feel like that wasn't the baby's real name, but just a label we put on him or her. I think I'd never feel like that was the baby's real name... maybe if something comes to either me or Scott that we feel is really supposed to be the baby's name that would be different.

Halo42101 replied: My stepsister suggested we name our baby too, but my dh feels the same as yours about it, Sara. I thought perhaps we could pick a unisex name as well but both of us just didn't feel right about it. So, we decided to leave the name picking for God since our baby is with God in Heaven now. I am sure that when you & your husband decide on something, it will be right for the both of you. God bless & be with you, Sara.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
We talked about it again last night, and this is pretty much what we decided too. Unless God gives us a name for our baby, we will just think of him or her as our little angel and wait until we get to Heaven to find out what it's name is.

God bless you too, Jessi. Lots of (((HUGS)))

moped replied: I miscarried at about 8 weeks, never named that baby, I guess I just thought that there was a reason for that happening and that God knew what he was doing....in hindsight I guess he did cause now i have Jack....PM me anytime Sara, I can maybe help you and listen

zdk753 replied: I didn't name the baby I lost. I felt like some of the others on here. It just didn't feel like whatever I decided would be the babies name. I miscarried at 3.5 mos. so I didn't know the sex either. Sometimes I call the baby baby boy (insert last name). For some reason I feel like it was a boy I lost. I would have loved to have known what I was having so then I could give the baby an identity, but I try not to dwell on that too much. I get to upset if I do.

5littleladies replied:
You are absolutely not being insensitive by not naming your baby. Until Jas told me he felt that our baby was a boy and that he was our Benjamin I never called the baby by name. To be honest it still feels a bit funny to me-I still usually say "the baby we lost". I have said "our Benjamin" a few times, but the name just isn't the important thing to me, the fact that I love and cherish my baby is. God knows your baby by name-that is what is important.

My2Beauties replied: I m/c at 5 1/2 weeks, I didn't name the baby because to me it would have made it harder on me to name the baby, I don' tknow I'm just weird in that way!I only knew for 2 days that I was even pregnant. I know that it is actually a living person but to me I wasn't far enough along to give names. Now had I been far enough along to have a D&C or especially give birth, obviously I would but..since I never got to meet my baby then that would have made it harder on me I think.

kimberley replied: i didn't name our angel until a year later. i felt really weird about it and just too emotional at first. but on the first year of my edd, i talked to dh about it and decided to name her Sierra. it was a name i loved and dh wasn't crazy about but he went along with it for this.

i agree it is personal choice. don't let anyone make you feel bad for the way you choose to grieve or remember your loss. it is YOUR decision!

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Thanks everyone, it's good to know that I'm not the only one that doesn't feel like it's for me. I'm not closing my mind to someday picking a name, maybe I'll be like Kimberly and decide to do it a year later. But for right now I just don't feel like I can.

Nina J replied: I have friend who contemplated naming her m/c baby, in the end her DH and her decided they would name the baby. They chose the name Angel, they didn't know what they were having either.

It made my friend feel comforted. Angel is a part of her life even though she lost the baby more than 4 years ago. She mentions Angel alot, and when people ask her kids names she always says Janique, Zayne and Angel.

gr33n3y3z replied: I had a tubal pregnancy the baby was about 2 months old growing in my tube
We didnt name him/her

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I'm sorry Lisa, I didn't know. I've always thought that a tubal pregnancy would be one of the hardest things to go through.

asweetnectarwomb replied: why dont u use bubba...

my DH and I used that for hannah when she was still swimming in my womb and we didnt know whether the baby was a girl or boy...