Difficult question

cameragirl21 wrote: ok, as the title suggests, this is not an easy question but I'm curious what some here would do, please be honest if you choose to answer, I know it's not an easy thing to even think about.
Ok, so some years ago, there was a tragedy here where a young girl (16 years old) was rollerblading on the sidewalk in Pinecrest which is one of the more upscale neighborhoods in suburban Miami. Another girl, age 17, was driving a brand new Audi, that was hers, smoking pot and drinking at 4pm, with some friends...she lost control of her car and happened to swerve off the road right where the other girl was rollerblading...the girl got pinned to a big tree and was killed. The girl who was driving was put in jail, cried when the judge wouldn't give her her passport to spend the summer in Europe as previously planned, was tried and found guilty as a minor, served her time and in my recent looking up of her on google, just to see where she is now, it turns out that she was released and she and her family have since moved to Panama, where her dad is from and now live there...not only did she kill someone but she put her family in a position where they had to leave the country. I pass by the tree where the girl was killed pretty regularly and all I can say is that it was a very sad story and a tragedy that imo could have been prevented.
Anywho, the guilty girl's parents had plenty of money, both girls' families did judging by where they lived. The guily girl's parents tried to buy her way out of trouble, hired the best lawyer who used to talk about her to the press as if she was the victim. She actually got a pretty light sentence considering she killed a girl and was drunk and high in the middle of the day, not that there's any good time for a minor or anyone for that matter to be driving while drunk and high.
I remember telling a friend of mine that my parents would have just let me sit in jail...my parents are very no nonsense people who have little tolerance for bad decisions. My friend's exact words were, "my mom loves me too much, she'd not let me sit in jail no matter what I did." So out of curiosity I'd asked my mom back then what she'd do and she said as a parent her first instinct would be to protect me no matter how bad my actions were. I was surprised to say the least. I mean, I wouldn't expect them to let me sit in jail indefinitely but I thought they'd at least keep me there for the weekend just so I got the message.
Desperate Housewives the other night got me thinking of this case and what a parent will do when their kid may have done something awful that carries mandatory prison time or worse.
Just curious, how would you react if you found out or suspected your child did something so awful, whether it be intentional or not? Would your actions be any different if it were not intentional? Do you blame the guilty girl's parents for indulging her too much...there is NO reason for a teenage girl to be driving a brand new luxury car and drinking and smoking pot in the middle of the day...I wonder if her parents gave her the idea that she can do anything she wants?
Your thoughts?
I know this is a tough question but if you choose to respond, please think about what you would really do and be honest, I'm seriously curious how people would handle this...my mom's reaction surprises me to this day because like I said, she is a tough cookie.

lisar replied: Do the crime you do the time. Plain and simple and my kids will be taught that. I am not going to go and bail them out. They can sit there for a while and think about what they have done. Seriously. If it were for something minor, then I might just let them sit there over night and go get them the next day. But for that. I would let them sit there for atleast a week or so let them get the feel of what life is going to be like if they keep that kindof behavior up.
And for my Grandmother, she would have let us sit there until we got released. Her thing would have been "well atleast I know where they are tonight"

mummy2girls replied: Well... If Jenna did that I would make sure she learned and got consequences. Im not saying I would like to see her in jail but if that is what was brought on then i would let it happen. I love my daughter and would do anything in my power to protect her, teach her right from wrong, instill good values in her and hopefully she will turn out to be a good all around child. BUT if she did something that horrible I would want her to get some kind of consequence. I would be there to support her and be there for her but i would not go out of my hire and lie to get her out of it. If she decided to get behind a wheel of a car drunk and high and she killed someone then she should not get away with it. plain and simple. I was asking marcus a similar question to see where he is at and he is on the same page. Because if tables are turned and my daughter was killed because of this then i would be upset to know the girl got away with it with no big consequence on hand. Im not saying i would want to see a teenager rot in jail but some time in jail would do that child good and learn thier lesson pretty fast.

MommyToAshley replied: I think it is easy to say that we would hold our children responsible until it is my child (or your child) in that situation. I don't know what I would do in that situation, and I hope and pray that I never find out. On one hand, I do discipline my child for inappropriate behaviors, but on the other hand, it is always my first instinct to protect my child.

This thread reminds me a lot of the thread Lisa posted about Lexi. I think it is easy to say that you would take a child under your wing that has been a victim of such horrible circumstances, but in real life, I wonder if anyone would pause at the thought of having their child befriend a child with violent tendencies. I don't think anyone can really say what they would do until they are put in that situation. Maybe I am wrong, and others wouldn't have sucha difficult time with it? I do know from past experiences, my first reaction in every situation is to protect my child first. But, I also believe in being responsible for your actions. I wouldn't hesitate to make Ashley work to pay off a broken window, but I have to admit that if I am being completely honest, then I would pause at the thought of lifetime in jail.

jcc64 replied: That's an incredibly complex situation for a parent, and tbh, we can all speculate, but I don't think any of us can accurately predict how we'd react in a situation like that. I think the instinct to protect our children is very primal and accordingly causes us parents to act in ways that may run counter to common sense, morality, or even legality. It's very easy to say, "Leave her in jail and let her learn her lesson." But what lesson is that, exactly? Yes driving and drugging are irresponsible, illegal, and on many levels, immoral. But the question of intent has to be considered too. Did this teenager intend to harm anyone, or was she doing what many of us have also done as stupid teenagers who are barely capable of consequential thinking? I didn't drive drunk when I was a kid, but I certainly got in cars with other people who were drinking, and at the time, the only thing on my mind was getting from point A to point B. I wasn't thinking about whose path we might cross, b/c teenagers don't typically think that way. I wasn't an amoral psychopath with no sense of empathy. I was just a pretty typical kid in every way. We'd all like to think otherwise, but as a parent of two teenagers, I'm here to tell you that getting them to think beyond the end of the nose on their face is a far greater task than you realize b/c from a cognitive standpoint, the region of the brain responsible for impulse control is still developing. Fighting nature is a very difficult battle. That doesn't excuse us from trying, but we have to at least acknowledge that behind our backs, kids are going to do irresponsible, destructive things. The ones that get caught aren't any more immoral or reprehensible than the ones who got away with it, kwim?
I'm certainly not suggesting that there shouldn't be consequences. We had a similar situation in my very small little town two years ago when two friends driving together very very drunk had an accident where they hit a tree, causing one of them to be ejected from the car and killed instantly. The boy who was killed was also very intoxicated, and had himself gotten a DWI just a month prior. Nonetheless, his parents, who happen to be friends of mine, went after the other kid with a vengeance, and he's now sitting in jail on vehicular manslaughter charges. I found my friends' stance a little hard to comprehend--it could have so easily been the other way around. Their own child habitually drove drunk as well, they did everything they could to straighten him out to no avail: and yet, they showed no mercy for this kid who will spend the rest of his life knowing he is responsible for his best friend's death. But again, if someone killed my kid, I can't imagine being able to think rationally either.
It's all very tragic, but kids and cars always have been and always will be. Idk if this girl in Miami learned the "right" lesson as a result of her parent's behavior. It all depends on the kid's own conscience. So, I haven't really answered your question very well, Jen, mainly b/c I think it' impossible to know what you'd do unless you're actually in that situation. Let's all hope none of us finds ourselves in one.

cameragirl21 replied: I should add that the kids in the car with her testified that they warned her that she was driving too fast and that they had alcohol and drugs in the car and that the cops may stop her for speeding and get them all in trouble and according to them, and of course I wasn't there but this was apparent testimony under oath, according them, the girl replied with, "who cares about the f-ing cops, wtf can they do to me, my dad will pay for any ticket I get" or something to that effect.

moped replied: I think this is one of those situations where "You don't know until you are in it"......so I have no clue what I would do at this point.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: Yuck. I'd like to say that I'd let them sit in jail. The law doesn't bend just because the wrongdoer would be my kid, and I'd be foolish to think that MY kids would be ablove the law. Sure, I wouldn't want them in there.. but as a parent, doing what's best for your kids means taking the good with the bad.. and it's definitely one way to get the lesson across.

On a similar train of thought, it's legislation here (soon) that nobody under 18 can drive a car with more than one other person under 17, siblings exempt...or something to that effect, I heard it briefly on the news.. I'd have to look it up.

boyohboyohboy replied: I cant imagine being in that situation...but just being in a much much lesser degree of this type of thing, when caleb got into trouble in school my first reponse was to help him in anyway possible, it did feel sort of like an attack and I felt like the mother bear defending her cub..and that was such a minor thing, but honestly when we found out he was the guilty party...we let him take his punishment..it was so hard, but we did.
I wonder if we would if it were a much more serious crime..

although I also cant imagine being in the shoes of the parents who lost a child..

these are the issues in the world that I wish didnt exist..

jem0622 replied: I would absolutely turn my child in. I love my kids so very much, but if they did something illegal, or they harmed/killed someone badly...then the justice system has to decide. We love people, but don't always support/like/approve of what they do. There is a difference.

luvbug00 replied: I would make her stay in jail. What lesson is being tought by getting them out of the consiquences of their actions. I would visit every day and hope my child would come out with a better head on their shoulders.

DVFlyer replied: While I would be very disappointed, I would support my child throughout the process- legal, criminal, civil - but I would still let the justice system run it's course. Supporting them is different than helping them get-off, of course.

My biggest fear would be how far into debt my child's actions were going send me. My only hope would be that the family of the victim wouldn't sue me- the person responsible for my minor child's actions.