Do I have the right to be MAD?????

CAMSMOM1 wrote: I always write a novel, so hopefully this one will be short!

Ok, my cousins wife just had her baby. I'm soooo mad at her right now!! With her 1st baby, her OB put her on bed rest, and medication to stop her from contracting. She was contracting early on in her pg. So she decided to get off the medication 8 weeks before her due date....because she was tired of being pregnant! So of course, she had her 1st baby the next week. He has some complications being a preemie, so you would think she would've learned something? NO!
So she just had her 2nd baby, 2 weeks ago. Again, her OB told her to go on complete bed rest...which she didn't! And he put her on meds, which she stopped early! ( I guess she never learned!) So we were talking a few weeks back about this. I was tring to talk her into getting on the medication again, she was to early to have the baby. She said, "I worked in the L & D room (she was a tech, not a nurse) and I know what the books say, but he will be fine." She then went on saying, "I'm tired of being pregnant, and I want this baby out! I wish I had a hook to pop the amniotic sac, because I would!" Her due date wasn't until Feb. 16th...and she had him 2 weeks ago!
I warned her about the complications, of having a baby so early. How the lungs aren't developed. She wouldn't listen.
So her baby was born at 5 pounds. He is now in intensive care. His lungs weren't completely formed, and he can not breath on his own. He's on oxygen, and she can't hold him. He also has heart problems.
She wrote an email to the family after he was born, saying he was VERY HEALTHY, and doing well. Um, how can she say that? Maybe for her own conscience? When I asked her if she is at the hospital with him, she said no. She doesn't see the point, since she can't hold him. So she has hardly seen her baby.
And to top it all off, when I asked her about how he looks, she said, "He's not cute. Cody (her 1st baby) is alot cuter than Jake. He isn't cute at all." Can you believe that?
I understand that most people don't have control over premature labor. But she did. She choose to get off the medication, and not stay on bed rest. How can she be so selfish??? And not be there for her sick baby, at the hospital?
I'm so angry with her!
I knew this was going to get long, sorry!
Would you be upset? I can't even talk to her right now, I just want to shake her!
Ann

luvmykids replied: OMG!!!!!!

I don't know if mad would be my word, more like shocked and maybe a little disgusted? I don't know, I'm still in too much shock to think of the right word.

PrairieMom replied: Thats sad. I would never do anything to compromise the health of my baby. I would be mad too if I were you.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: That's awful! She should have known better than to do that the first time, and she definitely should have learned her lesson by the second time! What a horrible, selfish thing to do. My heart just goes out for that poor baby... I can't believe she doesn't go see him. He needs his mama!

My3LilMonkeys replied: I completely understand how you feel! I am the same way about SIL's friend who just had a baby but not quite to the same extent. When they did her normal ultrasound they couldn't see the gender. So she started telling ppl she was going to tell her OB that she was having pains so that they would do another ultrasound, and a week later she just happens to get another ultrasound. Then she started saying that she was going to tell them she was having problems so that they would take the baby because she was tired of being pg (she was 4 weeks from her due date) and the baby was born the next day. They could both be coincidences but still....

Now that the baby has been born (3 days ago) she is still in the hospital because of eating problems. SIL's friend was given the option of being discharged or staying another 1-2 days to see if the baby would be ready to come home. She chose to be discharged because "the hospital is boring and there's nothing to do". Um, Hello? Bond with your child maybe?

Some people just make me so !

Hillbilly Housewife replied: I'm sorry to hear that. If I was you... as hard as it is - I'd cut the contact. If she treats her own child that way, there's no telling what she's capable of... I wouldn't want her around MY kids.

Sure - We've ALL no doubt felt tired of being pregnant, and no doubt we've ALL tried natural induction methods... but if it's dangerous to the baby - come ON.

No way - I'd definitely reply - glad to know your baby is healthy, what with all te risks you selfishly took by being off the meds that could have prevented the NICU stay.

CosmetologyMommy replied: I WOULD BE! If she doesn't care about her own health she should at least care about the baby, who is helpless in this whole thing!

wintersnow replied: It's really too bad there's not some sort or IPS (Infant protective services) like CPS for mothers like this - that's almost bordering on the lines of child abuse (IMO). WHY would anyone EVER compromise their babies health like that - fully knowing there could be complications. I don't care if she DOES work as a tech and "thinks" the baby will be OK. A risk is a risk is a risk. That's really sad and I feel so sorry for the little baby. I hope the baby is OK and she will get her act together for his sake. All babies are beautiful - no "right thinking" mother would EVER say their baby is ugly. She's got a screw loose somewhere. That just infuriates me - but thanks for sharing the story. Good luck!!!

CAMSMOM1 replied: She has ALWAYS been a selfish person. She didn't want children, but as soon as she heard I was pregnant, she got preg shortly after me.

Then she swore she didn't want to get pregnant again, and after she heard my SIL was pregnant..guess what...she got preg the 2nd time. I think in some weird way, it's a competetion?

Her doctor told her after the 1st baby NOT to get pregnant again, because her body can't handle it. She never listens!

I want to cut ties, but it would be World War 3 with her. Everyone else in the family doesnt' like her...and they are all upset. But we all kknow she's crazy, so we just leave her alone. She is to head strong and stubborn to listen to anybody. She think she knows it all, since she was a L & D tech. for a year! Please!

Sorry, but some people shouldn't have children! She has never bonded with her 1st child, her DH (my cousin) takes care of the baby. And she doesn't even see her newborn in teh hospital!

Myprecioushearts replied: Wow...I have to admit my mouth dropped reading this post. I can't even begin to understand your cousin's wife thinking. I can't believe she would risk her child's life just because she didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I can't believe she doesn't see the point of seeing your child while in the hospital. Even when I couldn't hold mine you bet your a$$ I was right there next to them. I'm sorry, it just makes me angry to hear someone can be that way about their own children. Good thing I don't know her, I'd love to open her eyes to reality. I couldn't have contact with someone like that. What's the point, she doesn't seem to have compassion for her own children. How could she honestly care about another person??? World war three or not, if I was you I'd have to put her in her place and cut all ties. Why keep someone like that in yoru life?? I'm sorry you have to put up with her. But to answer your question....Of course you have the right to be mad and then some!!! That's just insane.

MyLuvBugs replied: Yeah. I'd be peeved too. You're totally right. She's being VERY selfish. Being pregnant isn't about how YOU feel as a mom, it's about creating a HEALTHY child. So, she should have done everything in her power to make sure that her babies were healthy instead of worrying about how she was feeling.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I feel a little sick reading this! That is the saddest story(well, sad for those poor kids) but when I think of her I can not understand some people...I wish that everyone had a hard time getting pregnant OR that only people capable of LOVING a child the way that they should be loved got PG...maybe then people would realize what BLESSINGS they are! I could go on about her BUT I don't want to risk getting banned for what I would say Poor kids, I hope that she comes around and learns to be a mommy!

CAMSMOM1 replied:

ITA with everything you wrote. I spend hours talking to her before she had her 2nd baby. I just was talking to a brick wall. She has no compassion, and has no compassion for her children!

She sent me an email with her birth annoucement, and pictures of her son attached. I just BALWED! He was so precious! And to hear her say, that he wasn't cute...just made me sick to my stomach! How dare she say that about her beautiful child, fighting for his life!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a close girl friend who lost both of her babies. She delivered at 6 months, and had to deliver. One baby lived for a few min. She did everything in her power to do whatever she could, followed the doctors orders, took care of herself. Here she was on bed rest, after losing her 1st baby...and never complained! What she wouldn't give to have a baby! And my cousin in law, takes it for granted!!

I have told her how I feel, not to the full extent, but I didn't get anywhere with her. Like you said, I wouldn't care if it was World War 3....she needs to know! And she needs to know that I'm not ok with it. I feel like I'm more effected by this than she is, and it's not even my baby! She didn't cry....and I was beside myself.

I guess some women don't have that maternal instinct. I just pray to God that this baby will make it. And at least he has a father who loves him. My cousin is a great father. I don't know how he married such a nut job!

Thank you for your support. I think the next time I talk to her, it's on like Donkey Kong! But I'm always the one in the family to say something! Nobody else has a backbone! I'm tired of the one having to speak for the family. My sister says it's a waist of time! She said, she used to be like me. She would tell anybody what's on her mind, and all it did was cause her heartache and pain. This isn't the 1st time I've gotten into it with my cousin's wife. But I guarentee it, this will be the last time we speak. Unfornetaly I'll have to see her at every family function. That's the only reason I haven't gotten into it with her, because I don't want to divide the family because of her butt. KWIM? If she was just a friend, I would've cut ties a long time ago.

Ann

MyLuvBugs replied: If you have her emails of her stating the horrible things about her kids, then you should show them to your Aunt and Uncle as well as your cousin. And when you confront her, then maybe they will be on your side for support. She really needs help, and should NOT be having any more children. I worry too that b/c she has no feelings for these kids that they will grow up emotionally stunted or damaged in someway. I know that it's harsh, but...you could always get CPS involved or ask them for advice. To me it's child abuse. Even if the child is still in utero, you have a responsiblity to that child to protect it, and she didn't or didn't seem to care. There have been cases of the DA getting involved in some cases of pregnant women that refuse to stop taking drugs (cocaine, herroine, etc), so why would this be any different. She harmed her children by NOT following the doctors orders and by stopping her medication. I don't know. It's just something to think about.

CantWait replied: That's really sad. I'd be hitting the reply all button in my e-mail and telling everyone the real story on the babies health. Someone sooner or later needs to knock some sense into that women. I hope everything turns out well for that little one

Myprecioushearts replied: I have to ask does your cousin(her husband) say anything about all this?? Does he realize how heartless she's being? How does he stay married to her? I know it can be so frustrating and it probably is weighing more on your mind than it is hers. You have a heart. I have that same feeling about my MIL and that whole mess of the family. It's like talking to a brick wall to get anyone to care about someone else. Anyhow...my inlaw story is a long one so I won't start on that!

I do hope everything is okay with the baby, I'll be thinking of him. Keep us posted on how he's doing.

Your cousins wife should meet my neighbor, they have a lot in common. Hence why CPS is all over them and the mother has taken off to another country with 2 of her 4 kids. Another long story...we've lived next to them for months and I'm so glad and thankful CPS finally got her. What a mess. You're right some people just don't deserve to be a mother. Just a shame when there's so many other's that deserve a chance and for some reason don't get one.

Good luck with everything. I hope something like this doesn't divide up your family. It's good to stand your ground but does seem you are in a hard place.

MamaJAM replied: What a selfish woman!! Honestly - there are some people who should never have any children...SHE is one of them (IMO). That poor baby. Maybe he would have been 'cuter' in her eyes if he'd been allowed to grow and develop the way he was suposed to INSIDE HER BODY...but, noooooooooooooo, she had to be a selfish witch and allow the pregnancy to end because she was 'done'. I can not understand how anyone can put their own desires....especially such a selfish one...before the health and well-being of their child.

I hope the little tot pulls through and grows to be healthy and strong.

luvbug00 replied: OK That made me sick to my stomach. Mya was born premi at 5lbs 3oz. I couldn't keep her in ( i went into labor 2 times before her birth) I can't fathom somone trying to have their child early because THEY were tired of being pregnant. I was also discharged from the hospital and Mya stayed in for a Week. A WEEK. Brad & I was there I was on a cot every night , Brad was on the floor! we were there all day every day. I'm just soo shocked and I feel horrible for that poor child.

jcc64 replied: Huh, that's a strange and sad story. But in the end, it is she who will be dealing with the repurcussions of her children's ill health. I know it's hard to watch someone make selfish and irresponsible decisions where children are concerned, but the reality is that not everyone is born a natural nurturer. Rather than being punitive or judgemental, or cutting ties, as someone suggested, I would try to maintain relations for the sake of her kids. If she is indeed a neglectful mother, maybe you can keep an eye out for the kids, and give them a little extra love and attention beyond the usual auntie stuff.
And as far as the "not cute" comments, I would take that with a grain of salt. My kids were kind of funny looking as babies, and I didn't hesitate to say so out loud. I certainly didn't love them any less b/c of it, and they were blissfully unaware at the time that I was goofing on them. The truth is, not all newborns are cute.

ilovemybaby replied: That is really sad and disgusting. They say that once you are 36 weeks that you are ok to deliver right? I know term is 40 but they do let mothers have their babies at 36 weeks. Any time before that is risky and especially if it's something like 8 weeks...
How early were the babies? The first one was more prem than the second right?
I can't believe anyone would do that.

MamaJAM replied:
Unless there is a serious medical risk to the mother and/or baby -- most OBs won't deliver before 38 weeks...and, even then, they try to push it off as long as possible. 40 weeks is 'term' and that's the number to be shooting for. "Squeaking by" at 36 weeks is still a gamble to the baby's health.