Do you find yourself making excuses?

MommyToAshley wrote: Our neighbor called me just a few minutes ago, and she is taking her daughter to Chuck E Cheese on Sunday for her birthday. She's not having a party there, but wanted to take Ashley and one other girl there, buy them pizza and tokens and let the girls play. She asked if it was ok if she picked Ashley up around 11:00. I told her that Ashley could go, but I would take Ashley there as I had to go to the mall to return some things anyways. I do have to go to the mall, but I doubt that I would have planned to go this Sunday. I almost feel like I was making the excuse -- not only to my neighbor but to myself too -- when in reality, I said it because I do not feel comfortable having someone else drive my kid that far and I don't feel comfortable leaving her in a busy play place like that without me being there to supervise. Am I the only one that does this or do I have serious paranoid, over-protective issues?

moped replied: No you are good.....I would do the same thing to be honest. It isn't making excuses it is making yourself feel better. I would be ok with her there at Chuck without you but I get the driving thing...........

I HATE Chuck E Cheese and would not let Jack go there - I HATE it, wanna know how I really feel?????? Maybe when he is older......or not!

DVFlyer replied: I'm with you. Other than ourselves, we've only let my dad take the kids anywhere....

Mommy2Isabella replied: Completely sane of you!!

No one drives our children ANYWHERE!! I had a friend that wanted to take Bella somewhere and I was like ummm I will meet you there, too much can happen and if something does she will want her mommy, not a "friend". IMO!

coasterqueen replied: I think doing what you feel comfortable is not being paranoid.

I'm different than all here, I'd let my child go and do, especially if I know the parent well. If I don't know them well then yes, I do find myself making excuses.

jcc64 replied: I doubt the mother would be offended--one less kid to be responsible for, kwim? If it makes you feel better to supervise, do it.
In answer to your over-protective issues, I'd say it depends how long you intend to prevent Ashley from traveling anywhere without you. For right now, you can get away with it, she's young and probably happy you're around, but at some point, you're going to have to work through your (somewhat irrational) fears. There will come a day in the not so distant future, where she will want and need to break away from you, and micromanaging her every move will not give her the tools to handle her independence when it's appropriate for her to have it. Furthermore, you have to understand that your need to retain complete control and have total peace of mind is pretty incompatible with raising teenagers. I'm in the middle of this right now, Dee Dee, we are CONSTANTLY negotiating terms of freedom between what they want and what I can live comfortably with. There is NO WAY that I can give into every fear or worst-case-scenario worrying--I have to let them inch out into the world a few steps at a time, like it or not.
I hope I'm not coming off as lecturing. When I say "irrational fears," I am not castigating you or suggesting that your fears are not reasonable. We all want to ensure our children's safety and we all fear the worst where are kids are concerned. But you could just as easily be the driver involved in a tragic car accident if you cross paths with the wrong person, regardless of your driving skills, kwim? At some point, you just have to cross your fingers and pray. It's the biggest work of parenting, believe me. Not a day goes by that we're not dealing with this issue on some level around here. Come back and talk to me in a few years, you'll see what I mean.
So, for right now, I'd say the ball's in your court. It's still ok to follow her around and watch her like a hawk, if that's what makes you feel comfortable. I'm simply suggesting that you might want to prepare yourself for the day in the not-too-distant future when she doesn't want you to do that.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: With more than one kiddo and a husband that has always worked 15 hours a day/6 days a week, I have not had the luxury of being with Maddie on every playdate. She would never be able to go anywhere. And I'm comfortable with her going with close friends. The kids aren't allowed to go with just anyone (and they wouldn't want to.)

But, you have to do what you are comfortable with.

Kaitlin'smom replied: she is 6 so right now no, I would not say its to much, however with that said there will come a time your going to have to let her go with out you. Its scary, I KNOW I have done it and worry the entire time but I figure if I do it a little now it wont be so bad later, but not sure thats going to work either, if I could I would have her with me 24/7 but I know I cant but I want to. Parenting is hard.

luvmykids replied:
Ditto.

Calimama replied: I would let her go. As much as we'd like to shelter our kids from everything that could POTENTIALLY go wrong.. we can't. She's going to want to go out without you eventually, to her friends houses, sleepovers.. etc and I think this would be good preparation for both of you. She needs the experience just as much as you do.

IMO I think deep down YOU think you are being a little irrational or you wouldn't have made an excuse.. you would have been honest and said, "I'm worried, so I'd rather drive her myself." (Or something along those lines) I'd give a shot, maybe after the first time you'll feel a little more comfortable with it in the future.

AlexsPajamaMama replied: I would be the same way honestly. Im not ready to let go of my baby's hand either.

boyohboyohboy replied: I totally agree with you..I do not let anyone drive my kids anywhere but me..
I was not allowed to go with other peoples parents as a child..the sleep overs were at my house..and I didnt turn out any worse for the ware...I didnt miss out, I had great friendships, my parents knew what I was doing and where I was at all times. They were either with me and my friends, or else we were at my house.
my parents were very protective and I intend to be the same way..

redchief replied: Frankly, I wished more parents felt as you do about leaving their kids with someone else. We were always carting around "extras" when our kids were growing up; especially the boys. I don't recall too many times when we didn't have at least one kid that didn't belong to us in the car during peer activities.

Now they're driving (all except Kaitlin that is). That comes with its own forms of nervousness and insomnia.

mom21kid2dogs replied: As the mom of an only who also has the "luxury" of being there for lots of her stuff, I completely understand. I found that second grade was a much more acceptable age for me to let her have a few more freedoms. I'm still pretty overprotective about the car mostly because most of aquaintances are very lax about car seat safety. She does more overnights now, has gone to a friends to horseback ride, the bowling alley (very crowded facility here) for birthday parties, etc. and I drop her off, get her settled and let her have her fun. I completely agree with the post about not giving into thoughts of what might happen, prepare her for independence and let her test it. At least at this point it's pretty low risk. For me, this point was 7/8 and second grade. I'm not sure why it seems much more appropriate now, but it does. Clearly, I don't dump my kid on others~quite to the contrary. But she does attend a number of events unsupervised by me including 3 school clubs, Brownies, 2 choirs, piano and singing lessons and a number of "friends" things like parties and overnights. I don't think I'd leave her at a sporting event or lesson unattended because of the risk of medical treatment but other than that, I'm good with her being 8 and attending things without my watchful eye.

my2monkeyboys replied: I only do that with a couple of friends I have who I know Will and their child have issues. One has a kid who gets on Will's nerves very badly to the point that he doesn't want to be around him after a short while, and the other has a kid who it really rough and loves to attack people to wrestle. Will doesn't like that, and since he's a bit smaller he usually can't do too much about it when the other kids jumps on top of him. So, for those 2 I usually make excuses if I'm not able to be there, too. But we have a couple of other friends that I would not hesitate to let him go with them, or with my sister or parents.

Cece00 replied: It would depend on the person and which one of my kids (age wise...older ones maybe, younger ones probably not- still very little)

A friend of mine? Maybe, certain friends yes.

My mother or in laws? Yes.

Just a random friend of kid from school's parent? Probably not.

MommyToAshley replied: I know the parents well, and Ashley has been over to their house to play without me being present and vice versa. I don't let Ashley ride in another car for the same reason Cheryl stated... most people ignore the booster seat recommendations. They should be in a booster until they are 4'9". But, it's not only the riding in the car thing, but I don't feel comfortable letting her go to a crowded public place without me being there either. There's a lot going on at Chuck E Cheese and I just don't think one person can supervise that many kids in a crowded chaotic environment. I am sure, or at least I hope, I will be able to relax a little more when she gets older. Maybe 7 or 8 will be the magical age for me too.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Same here.