Do you think this is mean?

Nina J wrote: DH and I are friends with a couple who have a nice sized property. Their drive way is quite long, and they have a huge garden. About a month ago a young girl was driving and she lost control of the car, it skidded onto the front of there property. She died instantly, and the girls parents went and asked our friends if they could put a cross where she died. They refused. There reason was it would make the garden look "bad".

I couldn't believe that they said no. It's completly in there rights, of course, but it's not a massive thing to ask. I occasionaly see crosses on the side of the road and always say a prayer for however lost their life there.

Do you think it's mean to say no? I would have let them, I know some people wouldn't, but I just can't understand why someone would say no just because they don't want it to wreck there garden

gr33n3y3z replied: If you let them put it up ..... it will never go away I see it here all the time and I hear about these fights. either way your darned if you and darned if you dont.

If it was in a wooded area alone then go for it

But to have that in front of my yard I wouldnt allow it either JMO

mammag replied: I probably wouldn't either. I would offer to let them put a memorial stone though if the wanted to do that. It would also be a little awkward for them when people come over and see a cross like that in the garden. Ya know?

I agree with Lisa, once it goes up it's going to be hard to take it down again.

b&bsmom replied: At first I read your post and thought Yes it is mean, I would have let them do it. But then I read the other two replies and it does make sense. It would never go away, and could be a little akward when people come over. I would let them do a stone as well, do something for them to be able to show their greif but I may not let them do the cross. Something to think about.

Bee_Kay replied: I think out-n-out denying them is sort of insensitive. I think if it were me, I would suggest a memorial stone or something of that nature. So, ITA with mammaq.

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I don't believe I would allow a cross.Alot of them down here are decorated for all occasions(balloons and flowers) and if you allow that in your yard you never know what lengths someone is going to go to keeping their family member's memory alive. Another reason is that it would be something that was in my yard in front of our home that signified a horrible thing that happened. I would however ask her parents if they maybe wanted to plant a small tree (Dogwood or MaMosa)whatever grows in your area,or a bench in the garden and I would allow a small stone at the base of the tree or something....It is very sad either way. I hope I don't sound too insensitive

luvbug00 replied: I'd say no as well. ITA with other answers and plant a bush or tree. I personaly wouldn't even allow a stone. that's just me.

TheOaf66 replied: I agree, if it was for another reason perhaps I could understand, but to say that it will ruin the garden...how? Are you so vain that you think people would actually look down upon you for having that...I just don't get some people.

BAC'sMom replied: Well I DON”T agree I would have to let them put up something, a cross, or a marker. Knowing me I would probably do something myself. Like put a bench or statue in the garden in her memory. But I do agree with Abbie sometimes (in Texas at least) roadside memorials can get out of hand, but I am certainly Not saying that they should be outlawed all together. As long as it is not obstructing the view of oncoming traffic or a hazard of some sort, what is the harm? JMO!

C&K*s Mommie replied: I honestly do not know. I am in the middle. I would not be overly concerned about ruining any garden that I may have, than I would be to help preserve the memory of a beloved child, but I would not be certain what my choice would be in that matter.

As for it being mean... if they took the time to think on it, and not make a hasty reply with a "no" then that is their choice, and no IMO it would not be mean. But to come back with a quick "no" because it will ruin the appearance of the garden, than I think it was a little thoughtless & vain of them.

JMO.

CantWait replied: I'm sort of in the middle of this one. I think the reason behind their decision was in poor taste, but certainly if it was just about esthetics then another solution like the garden stone that was mentioned would have been a nice idea while still keeping with the memory.

Cece00 replied: No, I would not allow it.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I agree with Nadia. I would plant a tree in her memory.

Boo&BugsMom replied: I don't see why they couldn't say sure, then just say "how about for a couple weeks then it has to come down". It's for their child that died for crying out loud. I think it's pretty insensitive to be honest. It doesn't have to be something gaudy...just a simple little cross for a couple weeks. I don't think it's much to ask.

A&A'smommy replied: I think it was incredibly insensitive!! I'm with BAC'smom!!

My3LilMonkeys replied: I personally would not allow a cross. I would be more than happy to have a stone, bush, tree, favorite flower or etc. though.

Nina J replied: I might see if my friend would plant a tree, she probably will since she's in love with her garden. That might make the family feel better too.

I wouldn't put a cross in my garden if I could see it from my house, but it takes 5 minutes to drive down there driveway, and there is alot of tree's in a line at the very front of there property. So I guess that's why I don't understand why they didn't say yes.

Their gardener took out a tree that got pretty hurt, for lack of a better word, after the crash, so maybe they can ask the parents if they'd like to plant a rose bush or something.

mom21kid2dogs replied: I think I would decline to have a memorial to such a tragedy in my yard as well. It wouldn't matter to me if I lived in a palace or a junkyard. Your friends were a victim of circumstance. Those people who were personally aquainted with the victim will likely never pass the spot without remembering it. I've been involved in a similar tragedy and know that I'll never forget when I drive by the sopt where it happened. They'll never need a marker to remind themselves of the spot. Personally, I'm not a big fan of the "cross" fad that has sprung up in recent years. I thought that if someone wanted to erect a memorial to someone that purpose was served by a grave marker in a cemetary.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
I would feel so sad for that family if it happened in front of my house...

I agree that a memorial for her is at the cemetary. Its very common to put a cross and flowers etc at the seen of the accident...but depending on where it is its not always an option.

Ashlynn's Mommy replied: I think it's mean to say no because you don't want your garden to look bad!!! If you had a personal reason to say no then it's ok. For example:) If it's to upsetting for you to look at everday, and you don't want to be reminded of the tragedy, or if you have young children, and your afraid it might upset them. But if youe saying no for selfish reasons like your garden, then I think that is totally insensitive, and wrong!!

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Totally agree!

USMCwife replied: I know that I would never tell someone that they couldnt put up a cross on my property just because it would make the garden look bad, I think that is vain and insensitive! But I would offer to let them plant a bush or tree.
From what I understand, its not even in front of their house, it sounds like there home is a few miles from there. But it being on their property they have the right to say no..... but they could have said it w/ more taste!

MommyToAshley replied: I would feel so badly for the family, as I am sure all of us would. I would not be thrilled about having the cross in my yard but would probably accommodate them. A memorial in part of my yard is a small price to pay to give grieving parents a little bit of comfort.

AlexsPajamaMama replied:
I agree with that completely!