Does money just grow on everyone's trees?

coasterqueen wrote: This is gonna get long. Dh's extended family is driving me to the looney bin!!!!!! Ryan's cousin, who was the best man in our wedding over 9 years ago, is getting married next Father's Day weekend (what a weekend to pick! Couldn't they have picked a better weekend? ). Anyways, the wedding is in Conneticut, about 16 hour drive for us. His extended family told us that we have no excuse to not go because we have a whole year to save for this. Ok, fine, but after doing a lot of crunching of numbers there is NO WAY we can afford to do this, unless we stop making payments to the girls college fund and our savings for the rest of the year. That's not something I really want to do, sorry family. We've thought of many avenues on how to get there.

Our choices are:
take our own van and drive and stay in hotels along the way (or camp)
rent an RV, which would make the drive more pleasant and share the RV expenses w/2 other couples (family members)
fly and stay in hotel

ALL of these choices are at least over a $1,000. Now this is for just going to the wedding and back. Ummm, we don't even take family vacations for that amount of money. There's no way I want to spend a grand w/o at least making a vacation out of it. We could do a vacation and the trip for $1,500 I guess, but that's still really out of our range :-( And the only way we could do it the cheapest is to rent the RV and share the expenses. Well I'm sorry but I don't want to share a family vacation with two other couples who don't have kids and who's ideas are to party like rockstars as a vaction. We would do kid things, not drink and stay up late, etc.

Anyways, I emailed DH's cousin's mother asking her how everyone else is figuring the trip expense because there is no way we can afford this. The rest of the family, of course, has money oozing out every orafice anyways so no skin off their back . So of course she keeps emailing me w/all these options that I already explained above. This morning she said, "I talked to T and he said you thought about renting an RV and sharing the expenses w/2 other cousin couples. That can't be more than $900." Uh, ok lady! Even if it is only $900, which it isn't I'm NOT spending $900 to drive 16 hours there and 16 hours back to watch him get married! I told her we don't even spend that much on family vacations and we just can't afford it. She replied back w/something snotty about how I should be able to afford it, etc. Um, whatever! Her family stole all Dh's family money a long time ago (very long story I won't get into) so of course they have money.

Dh is supposedly going to get asked to be in the wedding. That's fine, we'll make sure he gets there, but I'm not sure the girls and I would go. We thought about just him and I going and leave the girls at home, but we don't like that option. I'm not even sure why he's being asked except for the fact that her son was in our wedding. I mean we have barely spoke to him since he moved to New York. He became (sorry my expression) a freak who seemed to think we were too "country" for him anymore so we just didn't bother to keep in touch with him. We only seem him on big family events, which at that time he ignores us anyways.

This whole thing is stressing me out because his soon-to-be wife booked the wedding at some far out location resort and only reserved a block of so many rooms so we would have to book our room now and apparently there is a deposit we can't get back. I'm not about to waste the deposit money if we back out, I'm too cheap.

Sorry I just needed to vent before I send a not-so-nice email back to Dh's cousins mom.

TheOaf66 replied: so sorry to hear all that, my wife seems to think we have a money tree in the yard somewhere...that is her answer whenever i say "and how do you intend to pay for that"...her response " I wll pluck off of the money tree"

coasterqueen replied:
Ok, don't tell my husband, but I seem to think we have one in our backyard as well. Course I'm sure he already thinks I think that anyways. I'm just stingy with my money tree.

luvmykids replied: Oh boy, thats tough! Sounds like just sending DH would be the cheapest option but maybe he won't even get asked, you can send a gift and they can deal with it! How rude of them to be so inconsiderate of others when it comes to the expense of getting there, I know it's their big day but if it's truly important to them to have everyone there then they should be willing to help, if they have money oozing why can't they offer to help with the room or something?

C&K*s Mommie replied: Are they truly serious!? They expect you to attend?

Would it be the same to send only your DH? The same cost overall of $900-1000.

Bee_Kay replied: I would either send DH alone (if he gets asked) or bow out gracefully and send a card and gift.

luvmykids replied:
Me too and it seems to be drying up as we speak

kit_kats_mom replied: LOL. Karen, I don't really have any advice for you except that I wouldn't go. Even if I could afford it, their attitude is just wrong. I'd spend my money elsewhere.

In answer to the topic title, No, people don't have money trees but the average American is deep in debt and it doesn't seem to bother them too much. You and I are the type who want to live on what we (and our husbands) earn. Shoot, even having a mortgage practcally gives me hives.

ediep replied: I wouldn't go either.


My DH is going to a wedding in a few weeks in Rochester NY, abbout 5-6 hour drive from here. I think its crazy.... I am not going with him. Between, the drive, hotel, meals, dress, find a weekend sitter for Jason, its waaayy to much.

luvbug00 replied:

we have family there


anyway how RUDE your family is being! for our wedding we have several family members who are living on a dime and we have them staying with other family and we paid their flights in from KC . I know other wise they can't come so we were willing to shell out whatever to get them here. Some of them can't come still ( thease are 8 girl cousins of brads andd thir offspring) and so for the ones that can't come we only ask for well wishes and we promised to visit and send pics. Your family is being unkind and I'd be ticked!

holley79 replied: I hate those situations. That is just crazy. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that.

I wish we had a money tree, I wouldn't have to work.

ashtonsmama replied: ARG. Hope it works out...sorry...


They're being RUDE. With all caps.

jaytrevjax replied: I'm so sorry they are being so rude! You know, if they can't understand your situation, then to bad for them. It's not even immediate family (sister,bro ect) Yeah, cousins are important, but theres no reason to try to live paycheck to paycheck for a year just to go to some distant family wedding!

Celestrina replied:
Agreed!

redchief replied: I wish I had some advice for you, Karen, but it seems you've already done a lot of thinking about this and weighed what options you saw, save winning the lottery. Family can be such a pain sometimes!!!

Anyway, I don't have any sage wisdom (yeah, right!) to pass on, but I do pass on .