Don't dress your girls like...

msoulz wrote: Don't dress your girls like ...

Because you don't know who is eyeing your little girl.

jcc64 replied: I agree with the guy's point, but his description of the little girl at the airport could have been my 8 yo dd after coming back from a vacation--braided hair, deep tan, trendy sweatpants. I guess my question is: why is he looking at an 8 yo as a sex object, rather than as just a pretty little girl. Who's got the issue here?
Yes, I understand there are perverts and deviants all over the place. Yes, I understand we have to teach our daughters to value themselves as fully realized human beings. I get it, all of it. And yet, where does it end? Should I throw a head to toe burka over my kid so people won't look at her?
The push up bra, the thongs, all that attire inappropriately marketed at little girls--I'm with the writer, and who wouldn't be? But his fawning description of the little girl in the airport is what disturbed me--b/c that could have been my kid.

luvbug00 replied: ^^ ITA perfectly worded.

stella6979 replied:
I absolutely agree.
And from what I understand, pedophiles aren't really interested in what the kids are wearing or how sexy they might look. It's all about control for them. That's what they want. So whether the child is wearing a bikini or a sweatsuit it really doesn't matter to them.

Boo&BugsMom replied: When I read the article, pedophiles didn't even cross my mind, to be honest. What crossed my mind was how there are so many little kids trying to dress too mature these days (girls and boys!), and parents that let them...which in turn sends the signal to the child that it's ok to be an 8 year old vixen. Everyone here may agree with what he has said about the bras and panties, etc., but there are a lot of moronic parents out there who don't care (sadly). I'm glad he opened his mouth.

coasterqueen replied:
This was exactly my thinking!

CantWait replied:
Great article, thanks for sharing.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
ITA... he wasn't saying people should dress their kids that way because of pedophiles. And I would never ever dress my little girl in sweatpants that said juicy on the butt and a shirt short enough to show her tanned tummy. not that my little girl will ever have a tanned tummy in the first place since she won't be wearing anything but one piece swim suits as long as she lives in my house... or at least a modest tankini. And by modest I mean the two pieces practically touching. But the reason I will never dress my kids in those kinds of clothes is not because I'm afraid that some creepy guy will see them and grab them, but because I don't think it's appropriate for kids to dress like that. Allie's only 4 so so far she I can still shop in the toddler section for her and that's usually ok. But I've been getting more and more frustrated with the number of little kids that look like miniature teenagers... and I don't usually approve of the way those teenagers are dressed either. But it's not just girls clothes -it's getting harder to find nice, cute clothes for Andrew the older he gets. He's not even 6 yet, and it seems like all the clothes in his size are covered with sculls or something equally scary and gruesome. He's still a little kid who likes trucks and dinosaurs and stuff like that, but the people designing the clothes seem to think that 6 year olds are too old for that kind of thing.

jcc64 replied:

Having been a textile designer for 20+yrs, I can assure you that the ONLY thing driving the decisions about what to put on clothing is what will sell the most. So if you're seeing a proliferation of skulls on little boys clothing, or tarty styles for little girls, it's because lots of people are buying that kind of stuff. It's no more complicated than that.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Yes I know that, but there has to be more people out there than just me that likes to buy clothes that keep our children looking like children. It might not be the majority of the parents in this country, but I think that if they'd keep making clothes that were either "cute" or "cool" depending on the age category, without being either gross or scary or skanky, it would sell just fine. Plus someone had to put that junk out there in the first place in order to see if it would sell.

luvbug00 replied: sex sells, bottom line..kids are exposed to sex in every form a lot earlier then they were in my day. This is where you define yourself to either keep up with the kardashians or you don't.
Sadly large rumps and full busts are beautiful in our culture.
Just do the best you can and stick to your morals. If someone choses to dress their child like a tween prostitute then they are going to have to deal with the attention it draws.

coasterqueen replied:
Kylie is in size 10/12 and 12/14 (depending on what it is) and I can't ever find anything appropriate for her. It's impossible unless you spend outrageous amounts of money on things.

coasterqueen replied:
Sara, I completely agree with both your posts.

cameragirl21 replied: My take on this is likely to be different from most people's (sorry, didn't read the comments so forgive me if someone has already said this) but the way I see it, the way the author described the 8 year old girl creeped me out and then he has the nerve to blame her parents for dressing her that way??
Sorry, but a kid as a sexual object is off limits under and any all circumstances, whether s/he is wearing a snowsuit or whether s/he is walking around naked. I get that a provocatively dressed child invites trouble but if a guy views a child that way it's his own fault imo and his own creepiness more so than whatever the child is wearing.
As for a child wearing pants with the word "juicy" on the butt, I personally have no problem with that but that is JMO and I respect anyone else's decision not to put that on his/her child but if you're some creepy guy like this author, don't you freaking dare blame your lustful thoughts on the way a child is dressed, that is not the issue you have, trust me.
This really irks me because it reminds me of the thinking in much of the middle east that states that women should wear hijab or niqab or a burka because this is the only way to protect men from having lustful thoughts and to cover women from head to toe makes them less likely to be raped. This thinking is stone age and seriously demented imo and any guy who expects me to feel sorry for him because a scantily dressed child evoked urges in him is seriously barking up the wrong tree.
Also, remember I was born in Europe where girls go topless on the beach until they'er 14 or older so sorry but this cr@p that the author is peddling doesn't fly with me.
Another thing--if Abercrombie wants to market thongs to little girls, that is their prerogative and my prerogative not to buy them for any little girl of mine. Again, don't blame Abercrombie because you see a little girl as something more than a little girl.
JMO of course.

jcc64 replied:

Yes, this is what I was getting at. And though you may not have read my post, Jen, I, too, was disturbed by the guy's take on the little girl in the airport.
Corey is a bit of a fashionista, and a Juicy Couture fan. She has a few t-shirts with the name on them--had no idea this was considered slutty. To me, the brand is nothing but over-priced track suits.

msoulz replied: It is clear that the issue with a pervert is with the pervert, not the object of his/her perversion.

I have a 12 year old son. I see many of the girls his age with their Facebook pages, posting pictures of themselves posing like the old Farrah Fawcett poster. It makes me sad that these little girls are trying to be sexy and attract sexual attention to themselves. And that is what they are doing by their own words along with these pictures.

They just grow up too fast. Twelve year olds should not be focusing on sex but as was pointed out, our society is encouraging that with the music they listen to, the shows they watch, advertising, etc. Some of this we can control, some we can not - can't shield their eyes from everyting.

Makes me sad at the loss of childhood.

coasterqueen replied:
Just my point that parents let this go too far with their kids. I have a 13 year old cousin and a 13 year old BIL who are both on Facebook. The girl acts like a tramp and the mother comments on her page like it's no big deal. My BIL, he treats women as sex objects and just downright rude to females and my husband tells his father and his father says "don't do it again" for him to turn around and continue doing it. He got suspended from school the other day for smacking some girl on the butt, after the principal warned him it was sexual harassment the last time he did it. Yet my FIL/step-MIL do nothing about it. WE are the first people that should be teaching our kids how to respect others, and most importantly to respect ourselves/themselves and that means the clothes we wear and put on our children. I'm sorry but seeing the word "Juicy" on a child's rear is just beyond I dunno. I mean, seeing Juicy on someones behind is IMO a sexual thing and that just shouldn't be on a child. Half the clothes made out there should not be on children. It all starts with us, the parents, and when the parents let these children wear things like this, they are the first one sending the wrong message.

~Roo'sMama~ replied: Honestly I don't care for there to be any saying on the seat of girl's pants. There's no good reason for my little girl to have sweatpants that say juicy, or hot, or anything else. I don't think I'm a prude either... I love some of the cute styles out there and I'm hoping that by the time my daughter is a teenager there will still be cute, stylish clothes for her to wear that aren't slutty. When I was growing up my mom always made us wear baggy clothes because she thought anything that was fitted was immodest... I'm definitely not going to make Allie wear ugly frumpy clothes like I had to wear, but I'm still going to make sure she's dressed modestly while still looking nice.

msoulz replied: Oh, and I believe the author of the piece is a gay man, so I do not believe he is leering at the little girl, but rather making an observation. I could be wrong though.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Thanks Karen, Like I said it's been ok so far with Allie since she's still so little, but the glimpses I've gotten of the "big girls" section isn't too encouraging. I feel for you - and I'll be there in a few more years!

oh and for the record Dee Dee I don't think there's anything wrong with what Ashley is wearing in your siggy picture - her swim suit top looks like it could be a tank top. I don't want you guys to think I'm going to have my kids dressed in flour sacks or anything like that! Lol

mom21kid2dogs replied:
Two words~Hanna Andersson

mckayleesmom replied: What do you do when you have a child that trys to make her clothes shorter and more revealing? I think Mckaylee is hell bent on a mission to drive me crazy... . I hate that kids see things and want to try it. I could buy Mckaylee a dress made by the Amish and she would find a way to make it look 10 times smaller then what it is. I can totally see her leaving for school in one outfit in the future and changing at school.

The other day at her softball practice I seriously yelled "Mckaylee...unroll those shorts..I paid for a whole pair"....

coasterqueen replied:
One word....expensive!!!

I do LOVE their clothes, though. I just can't bear to spend $40+ for a dress that Kylie will stain at school.

jcc64 replied: For the record, I'm not a fan of writing on the behind, either. But Juicy is a brand name, like Abercrombie or Hollister or Justice. It's not an adjective, though apparently it is being taken that way by some people. It's one of the many brands girls Corey's age are into around here, and I don't see anything overtly sexual about a t-shirt or sweatpants.

I think it's very easy to be judgmental or take a hard line on this issue when your kids are young and completely under your control. It gets considerably more difficult as they get older. I can't tell you how many moms of my students have told me the many creative ways their daughters get around their rules (changing in the bathroom at school, stopping by a friend's house, wearing stuff under a "parent approved" outfit, and so on).
Rules are important and necessary, but in no way are they the last line of defense with this issue. I model self-respect and empowerment and dignity, and my dd sees the way dh and I relate to one another, and in the end, that is where she will learn how to command respect as a female, not from the brand of clothing that she does or doesn't wear.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
I hadn't heard of this site before now... they have cute clothes! They are expensive though! I'll have to keep checking them for sales.

luvmykids replied: IMHO it isn't about a word on the butt or a tummy showing....it's about whats behind that, which is kids younger and younger trying/wanting to act/look older and older. They may not even be conscious of it, they're just emulating what they see everywhere else.

I'm dealing with this now with Kylie, who is nine. Because she has an older sister and some of my friends have older kids, she is doing the "imitation is flattery" thing in her mind. In my mind, it's inappropriate. She isn't trying to be sexy, she just wants to look like the pretty, older girls she looks up to. They're cool, look cute, it's very innocent and sincere on her part but it's still not acceptable. It's very tough to explain to her.

I hate that enough parents buy this stuff that it's almost ALL that's out there. I have no problem with little girls looking cute and hip but it's getting harder and harder to do it age appropriately.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Maddie is modest by nature--I don't know what I would do if she were the opposite.

I won't buy her any jeans that have fading on the rear--or words stamped across the butt. Not b/c of a brand---I could care less about brands, but b/c I think it draws attention to that area and I don't care who you are--I don't want you staring at my daughter's butt.

I will say--I haven't had any problems whatsoever finding cute clothes that are modest. And she's a tween.

I might have some problems next year when she enters middle school, but we'll fight that battle if it gets here.

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
exactly.

I'm glad to hear you haven't had trouble finding modest clothes. I've been looking around some more in the last couple days and I'm finding that there is still nice stuff out there, but at a higher price than I'm used to paying... but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. My problem right now is Andrew's clothes.

mom21kid2dogs replied:
I buy Olivia's mostly from Ebay. I usually pay no more than I would for the cheap crap they sell at WalMart. The clothes wear like iron. I almost always resell them for close to what I paid. They have two super sales a year. Clearence of the seasonal stuff on the website. I buy anything I want to get non used then and then only. Actually, I'm the queen of cheap but their clothes are very much worth every penny.

My2Beauties replied: See I don't think the author was being lustful at all, he did describe the little girl wearing a halter top that showed off her tummy and the word Juicy on her butt...I'd even stare. Let's face it it's not just men who stare at women, I find myself doing it when I see a beautiful woman or a woman with a nice body because women are beautiful and I'm not even gay. I understand what Juicy Couture is and I have no problem with a shirt or something that says Juicy Couture it's when they leave the Couture part off and put it directly on the butt that I'm thinking to myself ok what does this insinuate? Idk when I wear pants that say something on the butt I get stares more so than I would if I had a pair of regular jeans on. It's human nature and I don't necessarily think the guy was being lustful! For the most part I can still find tasteful clothes for my kids, but now Desiree...she's another story! I cringe when I see what she is allowed to wear. I am still very much in her life and when I go to pick her up to hang out with her and her butt cheeks are hanging out of her shorts it makes me sad. Sadly, that's all they sell. I wear short shorts but I'm 30 years old and they are never so short my butt cheeks are hanging out.....hers are...partly because Desiree has a big butt and partly because they are the shortest of the short shorts that her mother buys!

~Roo'sMama~ replied:


I know what you mean about the short shorts too... I've seen both my teenage nieces with their butt cheeks hanging out of their shorts and I just can't believe my sister lets them wear them that short! They've gotten a little bit better in the top area, but a year or two ago they were wearing shirts that were way too revealing for a 13 and 15 year old.

A&A'smommy replied: I don't think he was "eyeing" her I think he was just trying to get a point across, little girls should not have halter tops, and sweat pants with words on them whatever the word may be... it could be their name and it would still be innapropriate!

jcc64 replied: Yeah, I get that he wasn't "eyeing" her, or wanting her, but just the fact that he's receiving her beauty as sexual rather than just plain beauty is what I was trying to get at. It's a nuanced interpretation of the article's intent, and one I'm obviously not doing a good job at communicating. I am not defending 'ho' clothes for little girls. Rather, I'm suggesting that the fault lies much deeper than just irresponsible parents who over sexualize their little girls. It's cultural, and systemic, and goes all the way back to that bf in public thread we periodically have here. Our breast, our backsides, everyone feels entitled to know what we should be doing with them. We live in a highly sexualized culture, and as someone already pointed out, are little girls are only reflecting back at us what we've created. There's MTV, suggestive advertising all the place, teen magazines, movies, video games, and on and on. Unless you plan on sending your dd to a monastery, she WILL be exposed to it, and combating this cultural tidal wave is much more complicated than most of us would like to believe.
That's pretty much what I was trying to get at, though I'm certain I'm not explaining myself well.

PrairieMom replied: I'm thinking it goes way beyond the clothing. We need to be careful what we are teaching our children, of both genders. They are little sponges. If we don't want them to grow up to be hoochies in high school, then we shouldn't be letting them watch, or listen to things that encourage Hoochi-istic behavior. (that is my new word for the day, and it is AWESOME!)
It's in the clothes that we let them wear, that put the stress of their value on their looks, or sexual appeal, it is in the movies we let them watch, where intimate scenes are shown, and people are hooking up left and right, and its in the music we listen to. "One night stand"? "beg for it"? really, some of the garbage on the radio and MTV is WAY more damaging.

msoulz replied:
And along those lines, these low-rise jeans that cause girls to look like plumbers!

My 5 year old has plumbers' behind regularly. I have yet found a pair of jeans for her age that are high enough to prevent this - guess I need to look for longer shirts!

~Roo'sMama~ replied:
Amen! And I'm thinking it is NOT going to be easy!

julesmom replied: My dd is 8 and would love to wear slutty stuff, but I won't buy it. She wants to wear a bra too! I told her not yet, but when she does need one, I will definitely get her one.

We are very open and I find that really helps. I could never talk to my parents the way my kids talk to me. I don't mean fresh mouth, I mean openly.

I mainly shop at Target, theGap, and Justice for my dd. I'd love her to still wear Gymboree, but she refuses. Justice clothes can get hoochy, but we pick and choose. She is tall and thin, with long legs. I've had mothers oggle at her. That's creepy.

She knows the fingertip rule, the skirt has to be at least as long as her fingertips when she puts her arms down. We aim for longer. Or leggings underneath.

Her new thing is wearing a tank top to school under a shirt and taking the top shirt off. I told her I don't like that. If she wants to dress like that, she can at home, but not at school and if she continues to do it, no more tank tops.

I know I'm going to have trouble with shorts soon. She fits in a 10 for her waist, but she needs more like a 12-14 for length to cover her butt.

For boys...you really have to pick and choose thru the clothes. I know Old Navy has skulls, but not all of it, so we find stuff that doesn't. Target is even selling skulls now. My boys are 10 and 12, so if they chose to wears skulls, it'd be ok for them, but they are the ones that don't want to wear it. Thankfully. lol

I shop sales and use coupons. Outlets are great too, with sales.

mckayleesmom replied:
I think we are raising the same daughter... except Mckaylee is short and can still actually fit in most gymborie stuff still. She also tries to wear her tank tops under her uniform and takes her uniform shirt off on the bus......I honestly don't mind the skull stuff for boys as long as its not bloody or something....if its a skull on a skateboard then I dont care.

jcc64 replied: Corey is still the size of an average kindergartner (she's 8), with the taste of an average 14 yo. Not a good combo.

julesmom replied:
My dd still fits in Gymboree. I think it goes up to sz 14. It's just that she doesn't want to wear it. Says it's too babyish.

youngmomofone replied: I'm very lucky that my almost 8 year old daughter still lets me buy her clothes and dress her. She is showing interest in what she likes, and thankfully it is something I would have picked out any way. I don't want the battle of clothing yet!

But, she already asked for a cell phone, so my mom not thinking, told her to ask my dad. My dad is the guy she can go to to get whatever she wants. So, I wouldn't be surprised if she came home with a cell phone now and all the clothes she wants later

luvbug00 replied: I have dressed Mya in bikinis when she was a baby, halter tops are still part of her wardrobe. She listens to Lady GaGa and grew up and can recite eminem lyrics verbatim. We watch movies together of all kinds and she reads almost whatever she wants...
However she wants to read princess diaries, has yet to repeat a curse word in song or speaking (even though I never censored my language or music around her), she refuses to wear a bikini now.
how can that be?
It is because she was taught the simple rule of what is right and wrong. I taught her to respect her body and respect other people. It's that simple.
we are the biggest influence they will have. Not TV, not the Radio, not fashion...