Explain "Attachment Parenting" - Please

redchief wrote: I've seen several members refer to Attachment Parenting or AP and I'm curious about just what this program is. When we had our children parent/child contact and relationships were discussed and we basically learned that the more time we spent with our kids the better off they would be. AP seems to take this a step or more further. I'm pretty set in my ways and my family in theirs at this point, but I'm intrigued by the AP concept. I've been to the AP website, but other than they would like my money, I don't see what is a whole lot different in their program than what I consider to be good ol' basic mommy and daddy relations with their kids.

I figure I must have missed something. I feel a bit ignorant. Can anyone shed some light for me?

Thanks!

amynicole21 replied: I'm not sure if he actually started it, but the AP concept is championed by Dr. Sears. Some of the major concepts are wearing the baby (slings, etc.), not letting baby cry it out, co-sleeping if possible, nursing on demand... can't seem to remember many more off the top of my head. I like to think of it as "crunchy" parenting It's worked very well in my household.

kit_kats_mom replied: It is basically a natural approach to parenting. By that, I mean, reacting to your babies needs and it focuses on creating a strong parent/child bond (from birth if possible). The theory is that it better organizes babies and helps them in many ways.

Here is a direct link to Dr. Sears' website where he talks about AP'ing, the benefits, what it is and what it isn't. HTH

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130100.asp

DansMom replied: I also didn't know what AP was until after I had Daniel and realized that I was already doing it!

I couldn't bear to put Daniel in his crib, I wanted him right next to me while I slept. It felt instinctively right to me. I also couldn't leave him to cry about anything, let alone cry himself to sleep---that also seemed unnatural. I was committed to breastfeeding. He wasn't much of a sling baby, but I tried that (he was too active and did not enjoy being contained---even hated blankets over his legs). Those are the basic AP things that people do. Not everyone does every aspect (cosleeping or breastfeeding does not work for everyone), but if there was one aspect of AP that I think really defines what it is about, it's the concept that babies weren't meant to be left alone to cry, and that they will be better able to develop good self esteem and empathy if their emotional needs are responded to (they can't always be consoled, but you can be there to hold them and help them know they are loved).

MommyToAshley replied: Don't feel bad, I didn't know what it was either. After reading a book on it, I realized that I was already doing some of the things, and that other aspects of the parenting style didn't fit with us... mainly co-sleeping. I was too paranoid to co-sleep. I did BF and wouldn't let Ashley CIO (Cry It Out to get her to go to sleep on her own). I didn't wear a sling, I tried one but she hated it. But we did spend quality bonding time with her.

jcc64 replied: Attachment parenting is more of a philosophy, which has been well described by the other posts. I'm sure it's always existed to some degree, but it seems to have found its way into the popular lexicon more recently. I hadn't heard it either with my 1st 2 kids (now 12 and 9), but a lot of it we were doing anyway, just w/o the official designation.

My2Beauties replied: I have actually never heard of this but when you gys talk about it I realized I do some of the things. I do not co-sleep unless Hanna is sick or just absolutely won't go back to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night, but I have never let her CIO, I don't think that is right and I BF on demand before weaning to formula later!!!

coasterqueen replied: I didn't know anything about AP until after Kylie was born and I realized I was doing it.

I breastfed my DD til she weaned right around her 2nd birthday, I slung her, we co-slept full time til she was about a year or maybe longer...then we did partial cosleeping. I've never let her CIO either. I'm still totally against that even at this age lol.

Hopefully AP'ing will pay off, lol. A lot of people tell me I'm crazy but I know it's the right thing for me to do for my family. It's just a basic instinct.

due_any_day replied: wow...something i grew up believing it was how it was supposed to be and that i was planning on doing with maggie anyway...is now a theory or trend or whatever.


i told my stepmom about the co-sleeping thing and she seems to think it'll make the child more dependent and that independence is something that a kid neads to learn slowly from the start. WTF??!

kimberley replied: i also never heard the term AP before i was pg with Jade but practiced it with the boys and her. it just felt natural to co-sleep, nurse on demand and take my cues from baby. my boys co-slept with me until they were 4yo and honestly, they are more independant than a lot of kids. i had no problems when they started daycare and school. i believe that i gave them the security they needed (still do) when they need it, so it gives them the confidence to try things on their own.

North America is pretty much the only place that has such high expectations of independance from a child at such a young age. in Europe, it is normal to co-sleep, women have NIP for years, and they EBF. we are such a fast paced society who are so into ourselves, we tend to forget what is important in life... family! no job or amount of money can replace that feeling you get when your baby says i love you for the first time. jmho.

loveydad replied: I coddled henry a lot. but by the time V and K came aroudn, I'd realized that you can't all the time- that is to say- you can't pack them all the time, or give into every little desire they have. I don't believe in Cry it Out in a lot of ways...but I believe there are times when a baby needs to cry it out because they're so exhausted that they don't want anymore stimulants - but they also don't want mommy/daddy to leave.... That certainly doesn't mean I leave them for 40 minutes letting them cry! Everytime I've ever done it it was because I knew they were just exhausted, or I was SUPER frustrated and it's best to take a break in those moments.... and they were out of the playpen or asleep within 10-20 minutes. And I certainly don't let them cry if i know theres a real reason that they're crying (they're hungry, or scared, or something like that).

redchief replied: Thanks folks... I don't feel quite so out of the loop now. Apparently AP is basically being close to your kids. Even with 2 full time jobs I've ALWAYS made time for them. When they were infants, mom breastfed and I burped them and played with them and held them when they cried. I took turns feeding them. Lisa and I both read them to sleep.

I've been a coach to all my children (soccer, baseball, basketball, lacrosse - which I knew absolutely nothing about). People used to tell me they didn't know how I found the time to do these things. My answer was I didn't know how NOT to find the time to be with my kids. I only feel whole when I'm with my family. When I'm gone from this world, they are who I will leave behind. They are what I give to the world, but first... I have them and I'll hold on to them as long as I can. But they are growing up too fast.

Erin and John both went to the homecoming dance tonight. I knew John was growing up, but Erin too? I want my little girl back.

I suppose we've been AP parents all along even though I knew nothing of Dr. Sears prior to coming here.