Explaining murder to a 5 yo - too close for comfort

jcc64 wrote: A teacher at Corey's elementary school was murdered by her crazy ex-husband, who then turned the gun on himself. The other teachers were obviously distraught about it, finding out about it at the school this morning. Corey's teacher was crying all day today in the classroom. Counselors came in and explained it on their level, but really, how can a 5 yo digest the whole concept of murder?! Corey knew the teacher, she was a very sweet, nurturing woman who took Corey under her wing at the beginning of the year. Man, death is hard enough, but murder is a very tough subject to take up with a 5 yo.

lovemy2 replied: That is a VERY hard situation - especially for a 5 year old - I am not 100% sure what I would say but I would think it has to be honest but also done in a way to make them understand they are safe. There are bad people in the world - maybe try to tie it into conversations you have had before with him about stranger danger, etc. that is very very sad - but unfortunately in the world we live in it is all the more becoming a reality in children's lives

luvmykids replied: Shew, I'm sure you will come up with something much better than I could. I think I would probably be tempted to just ask if she has any questions and go from there. What a tough one

amynicole21 replied: Oh man, that is tough. I guess I would just say that sometimes people hurt each-other, and that it's very sad and mean and something we should never do. I don't even think Sophia would understand death at this point...

Maddie&EthansMom replied: God how tragic!!!!

I have no idea how I would explain it to Maddie, even at her age where she has dealt with death and understands it a bit more than she did at 5. And you're right, death is difficult to explain anyway, but murder is something you don't want to have to talk about with a child b/c you don't want to scare them. Their minds are so fragile.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: That's awful Jeanne, I'm so sorry to hear it. I really have no idea what I would say. As you know, my MIL's step-nephew was murdered last year, totally at random, although he knew the guy. Of course my kids are too young to even remember who he was, but if it came down to where he was mentioned at a family function and I had to explain to my kids (when they are older) what happened, I don't know what I would say. His grandmother is like my kids' step-grandmother, so she is in their life, and I know it will come up eventually. She is grieving, so I'm sure my boys will ask. It's so hard. I haven't dealt with much death in my family, thank god, so I really am at a loss with this one.

My2Beauties replied: Wow, this is horrible. I think you have some very good advice, especially tying it in with stranger danger etc..but regardlesss this is a very tough situation. I'm so sorry to hear.

lisar replied: Oh man thats a tough one to explain. Especially without scaring the little kids. I dont know. I hope he has it understood on his level. I wouldnt even know where to begin to eplain something like that. to him though. I hope he is okay.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG Poor Corey... My heart goes out to everyone at Coreys school!!! Thats AWFUL

bawoodsmall replied: That just sucks!! Emily is best friends with the neighbor boy and his father committed suicide in their house(that they still live in) last year. I know at their age(she was 3 he was 4) I didnt think they would get it but they did more than I realized. I heard conversations that shocked the crap out of me. Has he said anything weird? J would say odd stuff like you can kill yourself with a gun. It would be a good time to talk about stranger danger with him. Give him a hug..our children shouldnt have to deal with this so young. I hate it and it breaks my heart.

Boys r us replied: Oh Man..that is a hard subject to broach! I would just address it head on. I think it's highly unlikely that she's really going to grasp death much less how or why it happened. We've had a string of immediate family members pass away, 3 in the last month. 1 was Rick's uncle who was 45 and we were very close with them, seeing them weekly for all of Braedon's life pretty much..He had an 8 yr old daughter, Brae's cousin that he's really tright with and we explained that uncle paul aka julia's daddy died and honestly, it didn't really even phase him. I expected in my mind much more of a reaction from him..but he was just like, "ohh" and that was it. I think it's important to talk with them and be honest, but at this age, they don't really grasp the concept of how final death is.

Good Luck...and I'm so sorry that your community has had to face such a senseless tragedy!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: That is horrible! I am so sorry that you are having to deal with such a tragic event! I think I would explain it like sometimes bad people hurt others...Mommy and Daddy are here to protect you and talk to you if you have any questions or you are felling sad. I don't think I would go into much detail or explination since at this age it is possible she may move on because she doesn't comprehend it yet.

jcc64 replied: Thanks for all the good advice, guys! The reason it's a problem is b/c she seems to be obsessing on it. She's clearly not just blowing right by the concept of death, though developmentally, I'm not sure how much a 5 yo is capable of processing such an abstract concept. She's witnessed many "normal" deaths already- my dad, my grandma,several pets, etc.. and she's well aware that they're not coming back- they've been gone over 3 yrs now. But they were more "eligible" for death in her mind in a way that a teacher shouldn't be, kwim? Corey's a pretty sensitive kid, she worries alot about "big" things- I think she just can't wrap her head around the idea that a relatively young person who's done no harm to anyone, could meet such an end. Heck, I'm having a hard time with it! Anyway, thanks again to all who commented!

jem0622 replied: Wowza. I am so sorry to hear that it happened and created the need for a serious talk. So many think this is the answer to all life's issues and it's scary really.

HUGS HUGS HUGS