Feeling really rotten - over being a bad mommy.

MyBrownEyedBoy wrote: I know that Logan's heart condition wasn't my fault. But I still feel guilty sometimes. That isn't the worst part today though. He woke up from his morning nap really crabby, he has had a tummy bug for the last day or so. So, he woke up crying, I went in and got him and he was still crying. I changed him, tried to feed him, tried to play with him he was STILL crying. And by this point I am losing it. I am already stressed out to the gils with this upcoming surgery and Aaron and I and work schedules and everything else. I just lost it. Started to cry with him, he really started to wail then. I picked him up and cuddled him, he screamed in my ear. So I just put him in the crib and closed his door. He cried himself to sleep and I just sat on the floor and sobbed. I am still doing the hiccup breathing thing and still have tears. I just don't know what to do. I hate that I have to do this to him and that it will have to happen again in 5 or 6 years. And my mom tried to give me the alcoholic pep talk. Take it one day at a time. I know I should, but TODAY SUCKS!! I don't want to take today. I just wish there was something I could do, I would give my life for him if he could have a healthy heart.

Our Lil' Family replied: Giant sized for you! I am so sorry for all you are going through.

I know there is not much any of us can say to make it better but just know that we're here for you and you are in our hearts and prayers.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

My2Beauties replied: OMG your post made me cry! I am so sorry hon. One of my best friends, she was in my wedding infact has a heart condition that requires she have a pacemaker, and about every 6-8 years the poor thing has to have surgery again, it's awful, but please know this. She is one of the most intelligent, beautiful, and HEALTHY people I know. The technology is so advanced nowadays and kids are so resilient, Logan will bounce back! Please dont' feel guilty, you could not have stopped anything like this from happening, it's God's will, your baby boy is special and he will live a very long, happy, productive life, heart condition or no heart condition! It's ok honey, take a deep breath and just know that we are here for you and that you cannot feel guilty over this! Logan loves you!

luvbug00 replied: OMG you made me cry too. Logan is soo blessed that you are his mommy and We are all praying for you and your family !! sending many

ediep replied: Oh hun! You are just under soooo much stress, the tears are bound to come. I am so sorry.

DEFINATELY DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!! there was nothing that you did to mae this happen or could have done to prevent it, just as Leanne said, It was God Will and I do believe that He does not give you more than you can handle. Everything happens for a reason.

please pm or email me if you ever need to vent or talk.


50 million for you and Logan

~Roo'sMama~ replied: ((((BIG HUGS)))) You're not a bad mommy!! I agree with LeaAnn - Logan will bounce back and be a strong, healthy and happy boy. I can't imagine how hard it must be to see your baby go through that. You're in my prayers!

CantWait replied: My heart just sunk so deep in my chest after reading your post. I'm so sorry. Your tears, although it may seem rotten to you for feeling somewhat helpless with Logan, only proves that you love him that much more. Why shouldn't you cry and feel bad? You're perfectly entitled to that.
Hugs for you

moped replied: Very few of us can relate to wha tyou are going thru and do not beat yourself up please.......my niece had open heart surgery and my sister was blaming herself because she drank diet coke when she was PG which was silly, but that is how she thought. Your reaction to him crying today is normal and you did the right thing by putting him to bed and to get yourself together again. He is a good baby because you are a good mommy.

My neice is a 16 year old wonderfully healthy girl and she made it thru surgery greawt and I am certain that he will too

Always here to listen!

kimberley replied: i am so sorry sweetie. i wish i could come there and give you giant hugs and a magic cure. vent, scream, cry and talk.. that is what we are here for.

Sarah&Mackenzie replied: You are not a bad mom, you are a great mom!!!!! Let it all out, that is what we are here for. I am praying for you and logan. Everything will be alright!!

Maddie&EthansMom replied: My heart just pours out to you. I'm so sorry! You are a GREAT mom and Logan does love you. We all have bad days. I can understand why you would feel guilty, but there is no need to, really. You didn't cause this. You take excellent care of him and you are the BEST mom for him. God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I know that is hard to chew at times like this, but He must have thought you could handle an awful lot...what a testament to how great you are. Hang in there. We are here for you. I just wish I was there to cry with you and give you a huge hug.

TANNER'S MOM replied: Oh your post made me cry too..

I am so sorry your family and baby is going thru this. I can't imagine the stress level...

I hope you find some peace soon.. And I think it's normal to greive. We grieve things that people don't realize is actual grief. Grief is for many reason and emtions. And worrying about a child, surgery, and babyhood , pain.. feelings of being let down.. and how is this fair are all parts of it..

And don't feel bad for crying and letting him cry.... it happens.. and sometimes it is the best thing to do. When you lose control the best thing to do make the baby safe... and get yourself in check.

And don't think it is CIO.. it is just making it thru on of the hardest moments of your life..

This is not in comparsion to your problem.. but Brittany was colicky.. and had the worse stomach.. she would cry day and night.. I thought I could just scream myself.. I mean I was 16.. and she was on my last nerve.. and my doctor said.. Melba you need a break.. she can cry for 5 minutes to release her tension.. and you somewhere and cry for 5 minutes and release yours.

Please don't feel guilty sweetie.. you are stronger than I am..lol

MommyToAshley replied: Lots more cyber hugs coming your way, I wish I could be there to give you a hug and share a tissue because now I am crying too.

I know how it is to feel guilty about something when you had no control over it... it's just human nature I guess. But, please try to remind yourself that you had no control over his heart condition, but you do have control over getting him the best care so he can be healthy... and you are doing that!

Don't feel bad about crying either. I try not to get upset in front of Ashley, but if it happens once in awhile... so what! I think it just teaches them that we have feelings too and it is ok to cry. I think if our kids see us holding back our feelings, it teaches them to do the same. And, sometimes babies and kids just need to cry to get it all out too. So, don't feel guilty at all!

I hope your day gets better.. give that sweetie pie a great big HUG when he gets up, I'm sure it will make both of you feel better.

3xsthefun replied: You are not bad mom! You are a GREAT mom!

Sending lots of hugs, prayers & thoughts your way!!!

DansMom replied: I cried when reading your post, too. I know that I would be sobbing too on a day like the one you've had, with the worry and anxiety that you're dealing with. The wounds are still fresh from the disappointments you faced this week I bet you've been holding a lot of that stress inside and it had to come out. Logan is such a beautiful boy, and he is blessed to have you as a mom. I think all mothers want above all things for our children to be healthy, and when they are not we mourn for them and for ourselves, and grieve the loss of a normal, carefree childhood for them. If I were in your situation, I might look on the web or in my community for moms who have been through exactly what you're going through. The hospital may even know of a support group.

kayla's mama replied: Your post made me cry too. You are a great mom. I saw your post earlier about the outcome of the test. Oh hun..I'm so sorry that you guys have to go through this. Kids are alot stronger than we think they are, he's going to bounce back. I've been thinking about and praying for you and Logan. Here is a super sized We are here for you.