Feeling ruffled... - Friends over last night and....

Lily wrote: Hi you all, I'm just feeling, like I said above, really ruffled. Let me give you some background on me first so you all can understand. I'm really REALLY painfully shy. I'm also a homebody. And I like being home. I love to read and write and chat online. Most people don't understand that. I guess they pity me or something. Like I'm missing out. But I don't feel that way! If I wanted to join in I could and would! My dh after a long time has come to understand this about me and doesn't push me to go places if I'm uncomfortable anymore. He used to just tell to "get over it" and this isn't something I can just get over. I have really bad panic attacks sometimes and have been told by a doctor that I may have social anxiety disorder. I do well when there's about 6 or 7 people tops in the room that I know well. But around people I don't know, such as a party at someone else's house, I just can't handle it. I've tried very hard. I still try.

Anyway, back to the subject....some of my dh's friends do not understand what I'm feeling at all! Even though I've tried to explain, which I don't have to do that. I just do because I don't want them to think I'm being rude or antisocial. Last night we had some people over. My dh's friends and their wives and a couple of others. Everything was fine for awhile and then they started talking about going to a free concert this weekend. I'm perfectly happy to stay home. I WANT TO STAY HOME. But they started in on me. "Why don't you come with us? It would be fun. Oh come on, you need to relax. Let your hair down and have fun. It can't be fun to stay here all the time." ON AND ON they went and I said no, that I didn't want to go. Still they wouldn't stop so finally I said that I wasn't going and I was on my period and didn't feel well and so I'M NOT GOING. They shut up really quick after that. But not because they respect my decision. Only because I pulled the "period card".

I feel totally disrespected and feel like no one is listening to me. Usually my dh cuts in and says something to make them stop but last night he didn't. I can't blame him really. I don't want him to fight my battles. But this should not be a battle! It's my choice right? I'm 25 years old and I did all my partying when I was younger. Alot of partying that I'm not proud of and I'm done now! UGH...why do people feel the need to harrass me about this. Does anyone know how I feel? Or am I just a freak? lol

Anyway, I just had to vent a bit. Thanks for listening if you got this far.

Boys r us replied: You're not a freak!!! I think as we get older and have families our priorities change..a lot and that's not a bad thing..it's good! Like you said, you had your partying days!
No is the only answer you need to provide..if they can't handle that, then that's their issue not yours! Who cares what they think, obviously they aren't concerned with being close friends or they would be more compassionate as to why you feel the way you do.
Let it be their issue b/c honey it's not and shouldn't be yours! you're an adult and have the right to make your own decisions about where and what you go out and do!

A&A'smommy replied: Aww hun I'm sorry those people put you through that! I understand that you like to be at home and there is ABSOLUTY NOTHING wrong with that! ((((BIG HUGS))) I hope you feel better soon! And I agree you are NOT a freak!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I'm so sorry you are going through this! I used to have a lot of panic/anxiety attacks when I was out in public places (the mall, resturants, big crowds, new places) and I know how difficult it can be! I really sympathise with what you are going through, a lot of people don't understand! I'm so sorry that your DH's friends can't respect you enough to understand that you are not like them and that just because you don't want to go to a concert that they think you don't want to have fun! I would just keep explaining to them that you are not comfortable in those situations and stick to your guns! I hope things get better for you!

pinka_star replied: Ahhh I'm so sorry honey!! I totally understand where you are coming from. I hate big crowds and get panic attacks when I'm around people I don't know. I rather stay home then go out. (sometimes I even hate going grocery shopping) You're not a freak at all, and your dh's friend's should have understood and dropped it. People can be just so rude. *Hugs*

kit_kats_mom replied: I'm sorry that they got to you. I totally understand what you mean but I've been on the giving and receiving end of what you went through last night. Perhaps they weren't trying to make you feel bad, maybe they really wanted you to join them and they may not understand that you enjoy being home. I'm sure they didnt mean to ruffle your feathers.

Lily replied: Thanks you all! I know they didn't mean to upset me. They are really nice people but sometimes even the nicest people don't know when to SHUT UP! lol I just wish they could see how much it upsets to me to be ganged up on. That's exactly what it felt like last night.

kimberley replied: you are not a freak. a lot of us feel the same way too. my interests have changed so dramatically over the past few years and i have spent so much time alone, i really prefer it over hanging out with a bunch of fake people who i don't care about and who don't really care about me.

on the same note, his friends were probably just trying to make you feel included and weren't trying to ignore your feelings. your DH should have stepped in when they wouldn't let up tho. just stand firm and do whatever makes you happy. we support you

Lily replied:
Thanks Kimberly!

CantWait replied: Don't feel bad, I'm very shy and know how you feel. Not only that I have a couple friends that want to do nothing but party. Well sorry I'm 27 now, with 2 kids and am at the age where it's time to grow up and worry about what's important. Some people just learn this much later in life, some never. Don't give up on what's important to you

Lily replied:
Thanks! It really makes me feel better to know that I'm not a freak. Apparently I'm just a GROWN UP!!! lol When did THAT happen???

mummy2girls replied: oh dear... I know how you feel. I am 28 years old and I have always been realluy shy around new people. Im fine if its someone ive known for a while. Alot of guys dont really like to date me because i am so shy the first time i meet. Im like u though...I like to be a homebody. My kind of night is to just rent a movie, watch tv, caht online etc. I dont really like to go out to the bar and such as i hate that sceen. I partyed when i was a teenager and to be honest i didnt really like to party as a teenager. If i go out I usually like to eat out and see a movie that is the extent of it all. I think that is one big reason I dont really get along with my sister also. I think becoming a mom we all have different priorities. We rather stay at home with them and just be MOM:) So dont worry hun you defenitly are not alone...

Lily replied:
Thanks! To be quite honest (and I hope I don't offend anyone) I did alot of drugs in highschool and that was the only reason I could join in on the "party scene". I don't remember alot of it and I'm NOT proud of it either. I cleaned myself up a long time ago and really have no interest whatsoever to go out and party. It seems that kind of thinking is somehow foriegn to most people. I'm very thankful that my sis and I have so much in common as far as that whole subject goes. I'm sorry you don't get along with yours. That's awful. Big hugs to you! Anyway, I'm just rambling on here! lol Gonna go for now!