Ferber Method - No debate starters...

ashtonsmama wrote: First off, I just want to say that I am most certainly NOT trying to start a big heated debate about this, just wanted to know what you all have found helpful and what has worked for you personally.
I'm just curious, who here has either tried using the Ferber method or had success with it, etc.
We're basically doing more AP with Ashton, but my sister did try Ferber method with her first son and she didn't like it at all. I do agree that it probably depends on the mother/father's personality and tolerance of crying...
But since you all are such a good group (about not starting debates, etc. and just sharing ideas), I was wondering what everyone thought or has experienced in relation to this.

Thanks everyone...there's my one post for the day...been thinking about that topic alot lately so I'm glad I finally remembered to post something about it!

Hope everyone has a wonderful night's sleep...don't stay up too late!


Sweet dreams!

1lilpeanut2love replied: I've never tried it! We usually have a bedtime ritual-bath, sing/read, drink some milk--with lights out and then she goes into her crib. We put some type of music on and she usually falls asleep soon after. She will sometimes cry, but if I go in to see what she is doing she will cry more and want to be picked up. We just recently started doing this.

When she was younger and up until about a few months ago we would lay her on our chest and let her fall asleep until she was out. It usually worked, but she still sometimes would wake up.

Now we are trying to get her in the habit of falling asleep on her own. KWIM.

ashtonsmama replied:
Yep-that makes alot of sense, Jocelyn. I figure if it ain't broke, don't fix it with right now at least...I know when to not come in (more when he gets older, I think it'll be a little different) but right now it's basically on demand, all the time, nursing, holding, cuddling, etc.

luvmykids replied: We made a very big deal out of the bed time ritual and going in their cribs while awake. At times there was some fussing, a lot of babies do that when you put them down awake, but no CIO horror stories here, just happy, well rested, self soothers here!

1lilpeanut2love replied: yeah! I wouldn't worry about it right now-getting him to fall asleep on his own. KWIM. He is still very young! Like I said we didn't start this until recently. I miss the days of cuddling and her falling asleep on me. Now she doesn't do that as much!

C&K*s Mommie replied: As you said, IMO it depends on the temperament of the baby and the patience of the parents. For us, Christian was great about staying with whatever we led her to do. I think we tried hesistantly the Ferber method with her for a very short amount of time (maybe a week), but I was not comfortable with it. Plus we lived in a duplex, and our both of our bedrooms met with our neighbors bedroom (she was a single lady but still) so to keep the peace between us I would soothe her as qucikly as possible. But as I said she adapted well, to everything. With Kel, she has never slept alone all night in a crib, so we never got around to that. She sleeps through the night.

Lynda836 replied: I guess that's what we did...I didn't know there was a name for it. We tried it when DS was about 6 months because I really needed to get him on a regular sleep schedule ....he was up bopping around wanting to play until about 4 or 5 in the morning and sleeping until noon. Mind you I tried the calm routine, soothing baths first.

It took a bit of getting used to but it worked. We used it in combo with gradually put DS to bed a 1/2-1 hour earlier each night. I did pick him up to calm him down...it was what worked with him. Now he's in bed by 10, may cry 5 min if he was asleep when I put him in his crib....and sleeps til 7 or 8. Haven't had it work for nap during the day though...I'm just so happy he's finally in bed at a decent hour at night.

ilovemybaby replied: I don't know what the Ferber method is.
But we used the CIO method. And by about four or six months Abby would go to sleep on her own. We put her in her cot and she would turn on her side and stick her thumb in her mouth and close her eyes and that was it.
But then she slept through the night at one week old... she is probably just a very good baby LOL
And she was formula fed so she didn't wake during the night for feeds... I don't know how we'll cope this time if I can breastfeed... I am not good at waking up every two hours and I am a really deep sleeper too. Paul used to jab me in the side and say "hey she's crying" LOL I would have slept through it otherwise. And that was with the baby monitor on!

MommyToAshley replied: We never tried it. I rocked my daughter to sleep, and people said I would regret it. But, I kept on rocking her anyways... I loved that time with her. Then one night she pointed to the bed indicating she wanted to lay down in the bed on her own. She decided when she was ready to go to sleep on her own. I have to admit I did miss rocking her to sleep. She is 3 now and we still sit in the rocking chair, read books, and talk about the day before she goes to sleep in her own bed by herself.

I remember stressing over the sleep issue because Ashley didn't start sleeping through the night until she was over a year old. At the time, I second guessed myself and I wondered if I had done the right thing. It was a little more work getting up with her at night that first year, but I don't regret it one bit. In fact, I miss those special nights in the rocking chair, just the two of us.

I don't think there is one right way, but this is what worked for our family. I just tried to remember that they won't be small forever and they're less likely to let you rock them when they turn 5, 13, or 18 years old.

Kaitlin'smom replied: I guess I did a very modified version of it. basically I did not jump to her every time she cried. I would waite and see if she really needed me. I got really good at know which cry was fussy tring to get back to sleep and which cry was I need you now. I also used to rock her to sleep as part of our bed time routine, I LOVED it and miss it. I even continued to rock after she stopped nursing. Until she was ready to give it up. We still sometime cuddle in the rocking chair, but mostly we cuddle now on the couch or in bed. She still loves to cuddle with me and I would not change that for the world. I will enjoy it as long as I can.

Eveyone has to do what works for them, however I believe a routine is deffinalty important no matter what method you use.

mom21kid2dogs replied: We're cosleepers here so I guess we're the Ferber AntiChrist . My sister did the Babywise thing with both her boys and it works well for them.

Many paths, one destination when it comes to parenting, I say!!

mom21kid2dogs replied:
This was our experience exactally with rocking. When we changed to the "big bed" she was just done with it.

luvbug00 replied: I don't know the ferber method but Mya co slept until she was 3ish almost 4 and then we let her CIO. But for Mya CIO wasn't crying really it was stalling "can i have more milk?" "can I get another hug?" kinda thing..

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: we attempted a babywise(esk) approach w/ Katy but you can't really schedule a baby with colic, at 6 months we did a fairly strict CIO. It was the only thing that got Katy to sleep more than 1 hour stretches at night even though she hadn't been eating for over 4 months. It took her a couple of days (not much Crying however) and she started sleeping through the night and she has yet to look back.
Matt was just really good and being the second so close in age we had to have a schedule or everyoine would have gone crazy. He stopped taking bottles right after I told someone he was still too small and needed to eat at night...then started sleeping through thte night the day after I was talking about how he was a fairly good sleeper but I wasn't in a huge hurry for him to start sleeping all the way through since he only got up once anyway. He just liked to proove me wrong. We have used CIO w/ him as he got a little older because he decided that he should come into our room everynight so we had to start closing his door. He figured it out really fast that if he would stay in bed his door would stay open so it didn't take long.

jem0622 replied: Here is a link on myths about Ferber and the truths about Ferber.

With my oldest we did not do Ferber. He slept with us for a year. We tried this with Gabe and he was a horrible sleeper, so he went to his room at about 6 mos of age and I would go to him if he needed to nurse only. If I knew he didn't need anything then I didn't go to him. With the girls, I would have to say that we did Ferber. At 7 mos of age (just after a week long vacation) they were a mess. Nothing that DH and me did was a help and we were very tired. We moved them from our room to their room, in separate cribs. I do not use a monitor either. They just drove us nuts with our boys and we live in a townhouse (lots of disruption from other monitor users in our row...ugh!) I would just feed them, kiss them goodnight, and would see them in the morning.

If anyone is really sick, then I sleep in the hallway on a sleeping bag to listen out for them. I had to do this when Hannah and Gabe had croup.

EvesMom replied: Our pediatritian recommened the ferber method, when dd was 3 months old and wasn't sleeping through the night. I tried for a very short period of time because things got so much worse while doing it. Now, when I nurse her before bed, she eats until she's groggy, sits up, and closes her eyes. At that point it's off to her crib. I think it just takes time for a little one to fall into a routine, and some take longer than others. The ferber method wasn't for us, but I do know people who have had sucess with it. I guess it just depends on the individual.

moped replied: Yep, I did it but a modified version......no horror stories.........it worked!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Dito! I believe the "down time" in the crib, before actually falling asleep, has been very beneficial for Wil. He has always been a great self-soother as well. No CIO horror stories either!

My2Beauties replied:
I did the same exact thing Dee Dee. I loved that time with her. But Hanna did the same thing too, she rarely slept through the night until she was nearly 15 months old. It was so hard on Brian and I. Some nights she would get up 5-6 times. She had to have someone by her to get to sleep. I loved that time with her but I sort of re-think it now if I had another one. I wouldn't try CIO totally, Ferber is a little bit better of a method to use. I just hate the idea of CIO at all. I used to be really against it, but sometimes when I re-think what I went through and how even sometimes now Hanna has a hard time going to sleep without getting up 50 times, I wonder if I should have been more consistent and tried laying her down on her own when awake. It takes her 1-1.5 hours every night almost to go to sleep. We start bedtime at around 9:00 and she isn't snoozing until 10:00-10:30. Hon I'm sorry I don't have better advice I just think what works best for you and your family.

My3LilMonkeys replied:
That is pretty much what we did and it worked great for us. ITA it should all be a function of what works best for each individual family.

3_call_me_mama replied: I wont' get all longwinded on this I promise. I've said my piece on this in a topic afew months back wit teh exact saem title, so not to get into a lot of detail. But i don not agree with teh methosd in any way shape of form. IMO babies cry for areason, for a infant it is their only means of communication and IMO a 2-3 month old doesn't necessarliy need to sleep through the night or put themselves to sleep. I have notihing agianst those that do use it, it's jsut not for us and nothing that I would reccommend a friend to use or even support their decision without trying to help them find any other way possible to get their kid to sleep. If it works for you and it's adecision that you make as a family then that is your choice.

moped replied:
YIKES! You wouldn't support a freind?

Maddie&EthansMom replied: We all do what works best for our families. I don't know if I did any certain 'method'. I didn't read a book on how to parent my child or get advice from an outside source...I just did what I needed to do and tried different ways to get it done. And that goes for everything I do. Maddie slept thru the night from 6 weeks on, but to this day she loves sleeping beside us and cuddling with us. Some nights she sleeps in our bed, but most nights she sleeps in hers. Ethan didn't sleep thru the night until he was 14 months old, but he went to his bed just fine. He doesn't like sleeping with us. Some nights he fussed a little before going to sleep and sometimes it was an all out battle with both kids to get them to sleep. I"d much rather read my child's signs on how to get them to sleep than read a book by someone who has never met my family or get the advice from a friend who isn't in our situation and doesn't live in our house.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but this is my opinion.

kimberley replied:
AMEN!

punkeemunkee'smom replied: I don't like to cry alone so I never thought of that as an option for my baby. When she cried I picked her up and I held her wayyyy more than the books I read said she needed-she is not and has never been less than above average at any age. They are only a baby for a short while and I am glad that I had all that snuggle time!

TeagansMom609 replied: I did CIO when my daughter was 12 mos. Worked great. Took about 3 days and that was it. She went to bed with no problem after that. I would much rather hear her cry for 15 minutes or so 3 nights in a row then have to deal with a kid who has to be babied to sleep. Im sure its alot easier to find a willing babysitter when they know they dont have to spend an hour with your child to get them to sleep rather then a child who just goes to bed when they are layed down. Kudos to the moms who enjoy having to take all that time, rocking, swaying, singing etc. for however long every night just to get them to go to bed. I just personally feel thats fine when they are a little baby but once they get to be 9 mos. to a year they should just go to bed. And im not being sarcastic, really, kudos to those with that much time and patience.

mom2tripp replied: I've said this before and thanks to Jen, jenhopkins, I tried CIO modified with Tripp when he was about 5 months. He cried for 6 minutes the first night and ever since he sleeps on his own from 7pm-7am like a dream--EVERY NIGHT. When he isn't sleepy he just reads and talks to himself until he falls asleep, it's awesome

3_call_me_mama replied:
I guess i should have clarified that more. i thought it was clear but ..... I wouldnt' support their decision to do Ferber or CIO UNLESS I had exhausted all other help I could offer them. And not supporting their decision doesn't mean I don't respct their right to make a decision for themselves and their family. Sorry. That's what I meant and how i feel.

ashtonsmama replied: I know this is definitely a hot topic, I was talking about it on Tuesday night with my girlfriends who are moms, and I have one friend who does let her daughter CIO (she's 5 months now), and she says she's been crying less, but not all the way putting herself to sleep 100% yet...they started trying that when Bella was 4 months, so hopefully soon it will work for them...anyways, it's very interesting to hear everyone's response to the topic, I know every family is different and I respect you all for whatever way you chose with your children, and I appreciate hearing you all talk about it. Thanks for sharing your experiences! Sounds like most have found the way that works for them, and that's what matters (to me at least). I feel like I don't really "know" my baby all the way yet, I'm still figuring out what he needs and when he needs it, but it's nice to know the options.

Thanks again for sharing about what you've done with your kids, it's very helpful to hear both opinions on it.

holley79 replied: Well we have our bedtime ritual. (I have mine DH has his. LOL)

I usually give Annika a nice warm bath. Then I get her dressed. Normally I will put on her Johnson's bedtime CD, lay her on her boppy pillow and nurse her. I let her fall asleep and go "limp limb" before i put her in bed. (Maybe this is wrong but this is what works for us.) She does wake on occassion and is able to get herself back to sleep.

DH does pretty much everything I do minus the music and of course the nursing.