For those who have had c-sections

Our Lil' Family wrote: Do you ever catch yourself feeling resentment or jealousy towards a friend who has a baby vaginally?
One of my best friends had a baby on Thursday, vaginally (as did my SIL-via c-section) and a small part of me felt a little jealous that she had it vaginally and I had to have a c-section. I certainly wasn't overwhelmed with jealousy at all, but I did feel it. Have you ever felt that way?

coasterqueen replied: I've never felt jealous per se, more sad that I thought I was never going to experience it. It was if I was missing out on something. That is why I was adamant on having Megan vaginally and I got to.

lovemy2 replied: Nope to be honest I didn't care after the horror of a birth with Olivia - I NEVER would want to put myself or my child in that position again to need an emergency c-section - I always thought - what if they didn't get it done in time...so no regrets here....

boyohboyohboy replied: This was exactly how I was feeling a month ago..I felt that I wasnt truely getting to "finish" being preg. if i wasnt going to be going thru labor...having done it twice, I just felt I was going to be jipped out of having that experience..
but now that I have had the section. i can say that they both have their own issues to get thru..although the labor was more work, and much harder...I cant say I feel anymore less a mother for having done it. I think both are equally rewarding.
i am glad i got to experience labor, but also now know that moms who have had c sections also work hard to get their babies here safe...and go thru just as much.

Maddie&EthansMom replied:

A&A'smommy replied: Yes there have been times when I felt that way... but it seems that I know more people who have had c-sections than vaginal delieveries.

indywndy_04 replied: I was fine with having Jake by c-section, whatever it takes to get him here safely is the way I looked at it. Who cares how they come out of your body, as long as they are safe.

I am sure every women wants to experience it vaginally, but then I have seen some women get jealous because one would have a natural birth when they couldn't. So, I think you should just try to look at it as the baby is safe no matter how it gets here.

Edited: I can't spell!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Oh yes, I most definitely felt/feel this way. I think I had major PPD after Wesley was born because of it. Not so much jealousy, but because I kept thinking of all the things that "could" have been done...What if I had not had a scheduled induction, what if I went with a different doctor, what if Wesley could have been turned somehow...I had a ton of questions and wanted to blame someone, usually myself. And I felt awful about it. I do feel jealous from time to time of my friends who have natural deliveries, only because I had one vaginal birth that was a really GREAT experience, so I have that to compare. It's like I know what it feels like, so I am jealous that my friends get to experience that amazing feeling, when I had a truly horrible experience with my C. But I just snap myself out of it pretty quickly when I look at my little Wesley and realize that it really doesn't matter, as long as he is safe and healthy.

I'm sorry if you are having a rough time.

moped replied: Yes I do know what you mean!

Cece00 replied: Honestly...no.

I had to do 12+ hrs of hard labor with my oldest before needing a csection and I had no interest in doing that again. Plus I healed very well & very easily from my sections, usually in about a week, and most people I know who had vaginal birth were not feeling OK after a week.

I know most people want a vaginal birth but I just think that wouldve been worse than my csections. I know I'm the odd man out

coasterqueen replied:
Oh I agree with you. My c-section healing was much better overall than my vaginal healing. Also, I went through 30 hours with Kylie before having to have a c-section and Megan was 20 hours before delivering vaginally.

I'm the crazy one that still wanted a vaginal birth. For me I now feel complete that I've experienced both.

lisar replied: I have never felt that way. I have no clue what labor feels like. Braxton hicks are the only labor I know. And I am not jealous at all about it. I am kinda happy about it. I dont like pain.

But I can see where you could feel that way.

HuskerMom replied: I never felt jealous or disapointed that I had to have a c/s. I just wanted him out and healthy. That's all that mattered to me anyway is that he was healthy. And after 17 hours of labor all night long I was so tired already without having to push.

danahas4monkeys replied: No not at all I had a vaginal birth followed by a 36 hour labor only to have an emergency c/s then 2 planned c/s and for me I c/s is the only way to go lol I dont feel cheated in the least!

julesmom replied: I had 3 sections. I felt alittle sad that I couldn't deliver vaginally, but I try and remember the bigger picture. I ended up with a healthy baby. It's not about me, it's about the baby. (That's what I keep telling myself. )

Kaitlin'smom replied: not jealouse but more dissapointed that I could not do it on my own, I know it was not my falt but I dont feel like I 'gave' birth, only that I had a child. I am happy she is fine and the did ther job helping her arrive safely but I cant help feel sad that I dont really know whats its like to 'give' birth.

Our Lil' Family replied: Ok well I just talked to my friend and I'm cured. One week PP and she was going on and on about the pain of her episiotomy and hemorrhoids from pushing for 2 hrs. I'm all better....schedule that repeat c-section for me now please!

A&A'smommy replied:

Brias3 replied: I had my first two vaginally and my last with a C-section. To be honest, I never cared either which way. I was never one to have the thought cross my mind of "needing" to experience it or feeling less like a mother for not having given birth vaginally. I just wanted them out as quick, painless and safe as possible!

lovemy2 replied:
No your not - I am with you - like I said before - no regrets here -

I think some women's bodies aren't made to "birth" babies just like some women's bodies aren't made to carry babies whether its physical or emotional or whatever - its the way it seems to be

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
You are too funny! See my episiotomy with my first hurt way less than my c-section incision (scar). I still feel that scar somedays...... I guess our bodies are all made differenty. I personally will choose a vaginal next time if that's even possible. Anyone know?...can you have a vbac on your third pregnancy??

BabyOwen427 replied: Yes, I felt jealousy. Almost to the point of rage where I didn't want to talk to anyone who's had vaginal. If I was in a conversation where someone was telling about their vaginal birth experience I would leave or tune them out or anything to not listen to them. It got so bad for me I know I was depressed. It was consuming me. I cried constantly about it. I talk past tense about it but the depression about it is still occuring. I still cry. I have noone to talk to. My friends, my family, my darling hubby, all want what is best but no one realizes that all I want to do is talk and feel what I feel. Everyone says... Look! You have a healthy baby!... I love Owen, but does that mean I am not allowed to feel grief or pain or anger for the way he was born? My sense of security about my body is gone. I want to have another baby but I want it to be right and I am so scared of what they may do next time.


ETA: OMG!! I am so sorry! I hijacked your post. To anwser your question... Yes I felt jealousy, and I still do sometimes.

Our Lil' Family replied: Rae-I think you can have a vbac. I think it's only after 2 c-sections do they frown upon a vbac.

Beth-I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time with this. Don't worry about hijacking this thread, that's what it's for, and especially if you don't have anyone else that can relate!

coasterqueen replied:
Yes, I still feel my c-section scar, too, and Kylie is 5 years old.

And I see no problem with having a VBAC on the 3rd pregnancy. I say go for it!

coasterqueen replied:
Beth,

It is alright to grieve and feel jealousy, even though you got a beautiful boy out of it. I know exactly what you've gone through. I had depression, cried a lot for a very long time after Kylie because of the c/s. It wasn't until I had Megan and got to have a vaginal birth that those feelings finally went away about the c/s.

BabyOwen427 replied:
Thanks ladies. I was up late last night had have had a head cold so I wasn't feeling good to begin with. It's good to get support whereever it's found.

That's kinda what I'm hoping for too. When I have another baby to be able to deliver vaginally. But at the same time I am scared that something is going to go wrong and I have another c/s. I will be changing hospitals and docs when I get preggo again. Where I live (Okla) it's once a c/s always a c/s. However, it is different at teaching hospitals, they are under different rules. So I will be going to OU Med Center where the labor/delivery docs are also certified midwifes. And it's in conjunction with the hospital if something were to go wrong.