Friends suck sometimes

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: I have a good friend who took my old position at work. We became friends because she actually worked for me at one time. Anyhow, we are still close, sorta on and off, because she is very very busy. I've probably posted about her before. I understand her sense of humor, so I'm trying not to take this to heart, but get this...I just wrote her an email to say Happy early Birthday, which is Friday. I told her I would like to take her to lunch, but I have playgroup that day, so let's reschedule. She writes back, "did you just say playgroup?? That's hysterical!"

WTF? Hysterical? Why is that hysterical? I believe everytime we talk, she always asks me whether I'm SOOOOOOOOOO bored because I am now a SAHM. As if I have nothing to do! And she always says "I imagine it's so hard to be home. I would go crazy!". You can't imagine anything honey until you're doing it, believe me. It's hard, but it's also very very rewarding!

I don't need to explain that she is unmarried and has no kids...that's obvious! But why can't she be a little more sensitive? I suppose she's kidding, but I can just imagine her and my old boss laughing at my "new job"...saying that I've become this or that...or that I'm losing my career. When I resigned, my old boss did say "but what about your career Rae? I'm only afraid that you're giving up so much. You can bring Wil to work with you, I promise!" Ummm, yeah.

Anyhow, sorry to vent. I just really wish I had more balls to say "OMG, it must really suck that you're doing all the thankless work I USED to do...I'm at least doing a job now that I get so much more out of than just a darn paycheck." Who's laughing NOW?!

mckayleesmom replied: Just start bragging about how much you love staying at home and being able to come and go as you please.

Maddie&EthansMom replied: I know what you mean. I have several friends like this. We are just at completely different places in our lives. We really aren't friends anymore, but you have to do what you have to do and surround yourself with people who support you.

Maybe one day she will understand. Have fun at your playgroup on Friday.

luvbug00 replied: It's because she doesn't have kids she is like that. none of my childless friends get it either. they all think you can just drop off the kids and come out and party or that having kids must be he**. We need new friends!

punkeemunkee'smom replied:

I have done that!! And then you can go on about how wonderful it is to be taken care of and not HAVE to get up and do the boring daily grind thing and I always throw in something like ***sigh*** I went to the mall AGAIN today***sigh*** We have a job to be proud of! You have every right to defend your new career and wear your playgroups and quite moments that only you share with your son with pride!!!!

CantWait replied: I can't understand people like that. She'll understand some day hopefully, if not too bad for her. She's missing out.

Boys r us replied: Okay..I REALLY hope I don't step on your toes here but I always try to be honest in my replies/"advice" here b/c after all..that is the whole point of all of us being here supporting each other and being friends!

But anyways, it really sounds to me more like you could have some insecurities about being a SAHM and giving up your job to do it and who wouldn't? So I'm not critisizing you if in fact you do feel that way. Btu that's the way what I read unfolded in my mind. Like you said, obviously she doesn't have kids but in all honesty would you have not found it equally hysterical before you had kids for someone to say, "sorry I can't have lunch with you on your birthday b/c I have a playdate" I know I would have..but now as a mother, I understand. Also before I was a mother I NEVER would have thought being a SAHM was a job, but now that I am a mother, I respect it completely as a full time job, and I actually envy moms who are able to do it. We financially do have the ability for me to stay home but part of me is selfish..I want my cake and eat it too, I want to be a mom and keep the career I worked so hard to get...and to be as honest as honest gets, I could NEVER be a SAHM b/c I just plain and simply do not have the tolerance for it, I need time away as my sanity zone. So kudos to you Rae for being a wonderful SAHM and even though your friend may not realize how important the work you're doing now is, if she ever has kids she will one day! But for right now, her comments about you being bored and going crazy is probably just her way of reaching out to you in your new world that she knows nothing about and trying to empathize with you b/c in her mind you MUST be going crazy...as long as in YOUR mind you know you're doing the right thing, just shrug her comments off as ones that are meant well!

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
She sure is.


(By the way - CantWait - I was looking through pics for Emilie`s scrapbook - and came upon a couple of her and Anthony from when we went to visit Alberta!!!)

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I appreciate your honesty Nichole and I didn't post this so that everyone can pat me on the back or anything like that...so thanks. But never in my right mind would I ever use words such as hysterical to describe how I felt about what a friend was doing. NEVER have I giggled when she called me every day when I left the job frantically wondering how to do this or how to do that. Or how she has to balance my insane marketing budget...haha...now THAT I find hysterical! I do have insecurities about leaving my past job, I'm not going to deny that, but as a friend, I want someone to support me, not laugh at me. Even if I've complained to her before about being a SAHM, I don't feel that gives her the right to start making jokes or pointing out that my new life must be BORING. Her comments are her own misconceptions of what I do now and motherhood as a whole.

Anyhow, I won't deny that I thought SAHM was a piece of cake. Or that it just meant you were being "kept" by your DH. Or that because you stay home, you must be rich and go shopping everyday. Of course now I think differently. This is a choice I made, one I'm very proud of and I don't think a friend has to necessarily be in the same boat with me to be sensitive to that. Her life is her job, my life is my family. It's different, but it certainly shouldn't draw a line between friendships IMO...

punkeemunkee'smom replied:


Don't think that is it! If someone made a comment to a woman in an office job that their job/plans sounded hysterical and that upset her would she then be insecure about working in an office?I think it was a RUDE comment and to feel slighted by it doesn't have the least bit to do with insecurity but more to do with being disrespected for the career choice Rae made. I find it hard to believe that anyone would tell a daycare provider,personal chef,maid,minor emergency first aid worker,teacher...ETC. that their job sounded hysterical and a sahm is that and alot more! Just my opinion!

Boys r us replied: No, I don't think it should draw the line between friendships either..what I was trying to say is that I think your perception of her comments may not be the way she intends them all. That's all! I think she's trying to be a friend and just doesn't have any idea what your life entails now, so she has no grounds on which to relate other than her misconceptions..which are the same misconceptions you admit to having prior to having Wil and becoming a SAHM. Just trying to show you where she may be coming from..of course I could be wrong..she could just be a horrible person who wants to make you feel bad??!?! But that's highly unlikely if she's your friend!

Boys r us replied:
she didn't say being a stay at home mom was hysterical..she said having a playdate sounded hysterical..

and just for discussion sake, hysterical isn't a bad word..it just means funny! and to someone who doesn't have kids talking about going to a playgroup may sound funny.

CantWait replied:
Yes I've got a couple also that I've put in Anthony's baby album, I still need to update his baby book and put them under his friends and me section LOL

Insanemomof3 replied: In emails it is really hard to know what the other person MEANS by what they have said. There is no tone there. So maybe you should call her, or write her back and ask why she said that? Maybe she didn't mean it the way you are taking it.

I have a friend who uses the word hysterical in place of the word awesome. So you just never know. JMO

msoulz replied: Ignorance is bliss, and she sounds pretty darn happy!!!!

MyBrownEyedBoy replied:
Now THAT is hysterical.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
I did write her back and asked why she thought a playgroup is hysterical. I didn't get mad, just curious. She didn't respond...but I finally got an email from her (maybe it was actually two emails) asking me questions about work stuff!! teeheeeeee!

She's a great girl and I really do like her, so I'm letting it go. But if she makes one more silly remark, I may put it to her straight and tell her it hurts my feelings.

I was pretty clueless too as to what to say to a mother before having my own...but I learned that sometimes keeping my mouth shut all together is better than saying something that may offend. She tells me all the rotten things her BF does, like cheat on her and call her fat, and I've never once said "what an idiot, kick him to the curb". Perhaps that's not being an honest friend, but when I know she loves him, I need to respect that and help her work through it, not laugh.

Anyhow, maybe she's just trying to get me back for leaving her with one heck of a dirty job!! I don't blame her for lashing out at me for that one!

Sorry, I'm done.

MommyToAshley replied:
I have to agree with Aimee on this one. It really does sound like you are in two different places in your lives. You really don't understand what it is like to be a Mom until you are one. Sometimes friends don't understand why they can't be put first any more. One day she probably will become a Mom herself and she might even remember calling your playdate "hysterical"....and think that her comment was hysterical

I have really changed my way of thinking since becoming a Mom. I used to get soooo irritated with my sister because she was never on time for anything. Whenever I would invite her over, I would always tell her it was 30 minutes earlier than what I told everyone else and she would still be late. Being late is just a pet peeve of mine, I always thought it was rude...it's like saying I don't care enough about you to be on time. Anyways, I was getting ready to go to the first family outing after Ashley was born. I was trying to pack her bag, but she wanted to nurse. So, I nursed her, packed her bag and got her dressed. As soon as Ashley got dressed, she had a BM which went all over her cute little outfit. So, I found another outfit, and changed Ashley. In between all this, I was trying to make myself look semi-decent. I snuggled Ashley into her car seat, secured her in the car and DH is getting ready to pull out of the drive way when we hear an explosion come from the back seat.... Ashley had another BM! So, we unbuckle her, go inside to change her and by this time she is ready to nurse AGAIN. So we start all over again. Needless to say, we were over an hour late. That day, I told my sister how much I admired her and I was really proud of what a great Mom she had become. She was managing a career and three kids! I apologized to her for all the times I harrassed her for being late and I never gave it a second thought when she was late. Isn't it funny how our perspective changes once we actually become a Mom ourselves!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
SO true!

NummyMommy replied: It sounds like shes just jealous to me.....and who wouldnt be? Just look at your pics?!?! What a cutey!!