GRRRRRRRR - I need help

Insanemomof3 wrote: I can't figure something out. MEN. They just suck sometimes. OK, I am home all day everyday with my kids. I do the cleaning cooking, changing EVERYTHING. Of course, I never do those things to James' standards, but that is a whole other story. I am so frustrated that I can't see straight. He is tired of me complaining/talking about my day because I never have good things to say. The kids don't listen to me, I am tired and I don't feel I get what I need emotionally from James. I feel like he just goes to work and that is all he does for me.


GRRRR How can I stop coming off like I am complaining and be happy all the time?????

CantWait replied: And you would do that WHY?? It sounds like you're completely miserable and fed up with his attitude.

I had a big problem similiar to this with Ron. I hate trying to put on a happy face, and for many years I did, until I snapped, and it wasn't pretty. Why don't you try talking to him first, on a day when you're not so peeved at him. Tell him what's bugging you. Ask him why it is everything you do, isn't good enough, or what about it isn't good enough.

Him going to work, isn't good enough. You need some emotional support from him as well. He's your husband , not your room mate.

C&K*s Mommie replied: I have to say that I agree with Marie on this, like she said he is your hubby not your roommate. If my DH comes home, and my day was not so pleasant, he can tell as soon as he walks in the door. I do try to level it out, because he has stressful days too, but because I have talked to him about things that may go on in a day. He knows where I am coming from.

Is there ever a time that your DH has experienced what a typical day is like? If he 'gets it' first hand, he may be a little more sympathetic to you.

Insanemomof3 replied:
Yeah, I was gone for a while (months) and he dealt with work, kids and all that, so he knows. BUT. The kids LISTEN to him. He says that I don't follow through. And I never finish things. I am so dumb. I just can't seem to get with it. I try, then I just look around me and it depresses me so I want to give up, and usually do. THen I get cranky and let DH have it. I try to stop, but I just can't seem to keep a handle on my attitude.


ETA: At least I live up to my screenname.

C&K*s Mommie replied: Unfortunately, there is not a magic potion to get your kids to listen. If there was a I would be at the head of the line!! I find that knowing that I am not alone in this parenting life helps. We are all out here, maybe not with the same issues that you are experiencing but maybe simliar. I also look at other parents that have older children, and think that they had been where I am, and one day I will be where they are. KWIM? (sometimes I ramble type )

Anyhow, maybe there is an organization in your area, where you can associate with other moms. Check your local paper in the community section, and see.

In the meantime, do what you can to keep your head up. Keep positive, be determined that you will follow through (if you see that it may be a prob ), try Yoga or meditation, take care of yourself, too. You have self worth-- heck you are the mom of three! That deserves a BIG CONGRATS, right there!!!

Do what you can, and just know that you are not alone. It may be signs of something greater than what you can control, in that case, try talking to a doctor.

All I know is that you are a mother of 3, and I commend you for giving it your all.

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: The getting overwhelmed and quitting sounds a bit like depression. Have you spoken to a doctor? As for the house/roommate thing. How about asking your SO to spend one weekend helping you clean it to his satisfaction. Then it might be easier for you to keep up with it. Sorry I am not much help. Hugs, Denise.

Hillbilly Housewife replied: you know what... I feel the same way.

I get energy bursts sometimes, and so I go CRAZY cleaning everything, doing the laundry, dishes, bathroom, you name it! but - as soon as dh gets home......it's all lost... everything can be sparkling (figuratively... lol) and I go take a shower... i come out, there's already crumbs on the counter, the table, a dirty cup in the sink, the bread, toaster and butter are still on the counter with a dirty crumby plate...

there will be dh's dress pants and shirt crumpled up on the floor next to the couch, his boots are still by the door, on the kitchen floor, not put away on the mat, his coat will be slung over the back of a chair, his keys and cell phoine on the table...

and he'll be sitting his lazy a** on the lazyboy, watching tv.

and he wonders why I get mad? duh.....

Emotionally - dh isn't there either. I've even told him... if he won't meet my needs - to find me someone who will.

DH was with 2 kids alone for a week, then with just our eldest for another week....in those 2 weeks, he managed to let our place get so messy... I couldn't believe it when I came home. And I was coming home with a new baby, too...yet *I* still had to clean it all up.

I'm not regularly a sahm... i usually work - so dh and i used to split chores somewhat... like he'd give the kids their bath while i did the dinner duishes... (amd most often breakfast ones too... ) and now that I am home... dh seems to think he doesn't have to do his share anymore... until i explained to him that I'm on paid time off.... to look at it as me being at a day job during the day - so why should i clean if i don't have to? if he thinks it's all roses home alone with a baby all day who wants to be held and all you can pretty much do is watch tv or be on the com[uputrer, one handed.... to feel free to take parental leave.

kit_kats_mom replied: Since I'm not at your house, I have a hard time saying what you guys could do. I know that at times I feel un-appreciated and it builds. Then I start with the "who works harder, sleeps less" contest with DH. It's all very stubtle and immature but in the end it just makes me feel worse. When I finally realized what was going on, I told DH that I was going to make it my goal to not complain and told him that I would very much appreciate the same from him...at least until noon. I swear that when you wake up and your first convo is along the lines of
"how did you sleep?"
"crappy, K was up all night"
"me too. Lauren was a farty kid"
"wooo, I'm so tired"
"me too"

it just puts you in a sour mood.

Anyway, it may be something deeper. Sorry you are having a rough go of it right now though. DH does need to buck up and help out though.

ETA, try to let him know that you are going to do your best to accentuate the positives in the day. Try it with the kids too. I know that when I'm having a positive day, the girls behave better...then I have more good stuff to tell DH about. Good cycle. Also, I'm sure you aren't complaining about your day in front of the kids right? Even when mine are at their twittiest, I try to say something good about what they did every day to their dad in front of them. Then daddy makes a big deal about it. It makes them proud and they realize that what they do matters. I save my real issues for when DH and I are alone and we can discuss how to handle them.

Insanemomof3 replied: I know that I am depressed. I totally know it. (I am bipolar too, no meds) My meds cost around 250 a month and I can't afford that. I am trying really hard to be a good happy person but I just feel like screaming! I am doing a little better now though, he came home for lunch and got us Mcd's (well, I went and got it ) so that was one less meal to think about. hehe

moxee24 replied: OK...before I say what I think, I need to remind everyone that Denise is my best friend and we only live a few miles apart so please don't think I am picking on her by what I am going to say, because I would/do tell her these things in person

Ok , for starters I was there when you took off and helped James through alot of what you not being there caused.
Yes he has dealt with EVERYTHING first hand so he knows what you are going through. Something you have to remember is that he deals with things alot differently then you do and it is not in his nature to understand why YOU can't make the kids listen, when all he has to do is say something to them and they listen. (when they spend all day, everyday with someone they have a habit of starting to not listen, and you are having to re-build your authority with them since you left)
He was able to work, take care of the kids, and keep the house clean. DUH, HELLO, I was there babysitting the kids and cleaning the house while he was at work and when I didn't do it then the kids went to his mom's house SO HELLO the house is going to stay clean if there is no one there to mess it up during the day.
As for being ready to give up, you know how I feel about that. You know that you should be on "sad pills" and you know that you feel alot better when you are...
OK I think I have rambled enough, please nobody think I am picking on her, she know that I love her and that I will always be there to listen to her and her "ramblings"

CantWait replied: Trinity, I went through a major depression last year, and my meds even cost me a pretty penny. Although they were only about $50 a month, I was a student, sepearated from Ron at the time, and on student funding. I just couldn't afford to continue taking my meds either. when I was on them, they really helped tremendously. Are you able to go on something less expensive?? I really hope you find a solution, it's just no fun to live your life so unhappy, and so impatient.

Insanemomof3 replied:
I did find Levity, a natural vitamin type thing OTC to take. It is supposed to enhance healthy moods. I have taken it 3 times (it tastes HORRIBLE) But I am going to start taking them everyday. It is only $10 every other month for those WOOHOO. Hopefully those work.

I think holidays are stressing me out too. Christmas is going to be no fun with my MIL here, and my 30th birthday is Jan 3rd. I don't wanna be 30