Got kicked out of the gym

mysweetpeasWil&Wes wrote: DH and I have been going to the gym together lately so we have to take the kids with us and put them in the daycare there. They do okay, but yesterday as I was only 20 minutes into a step class, I hear someone at the door yell my name. I immediately think it must be Wesley, he won't stop crying....But NO, it's Wil, he bit another kid. Ugh, you guys. I don't know what to do anymore. Between PT and preschool starting and how mean he is lately to his little brother, this kid is really driving me insane. What am I doing wrong? I feel tremendous shame, like I'm failing him somehow.

So they asked that I take him home and I had to sign a form about the incident. It was so embarassing lugging both kids through the weight room to find DH. We both walked out of there with our tails between our legs. Banned from the YMCA.

gr33n3y3z replied: aww sorry hun maybe just get a sitter for Wil and tell him bc he is bad and he bites other kids he has to stay home and take Wesley back and let him enjoy himself. try it I bet it will work

Maddie&EthansMom replied: Don't be so hard on yourself.

This happened a couple of times to us last year. They didn't call us down though and they didn't make us leave. They just had me sign an incident report before we left the childcare area.

Wil is just acting normal for his age. He's just a kid, there's no reason to be embarassed, hun. You aren't doing anything wrong at all.

amynicole21 replied: Uuuugh! I'm so sorry. Nora bit a kid at school today too. I don't know what to tell you.

A&A'smommy replied: oh honey thats a hard thing to deal with.. but its not your fault.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: looks like our kids are almost the same age - Sam was born November 2004 and Abby June 2006. When we brought Abby home, Sam was pretty indifferent towards her. He didnt even touch her for days. LOL He wasnt really 'mean' to her until she became mobile. Once she started scooting (she never did crawl - just did a real fast one legged scoot) and cruising the furniture, Sammy started getting mean towards her. He'd push her, mostly. If she was touching anything that was his (and dont you know the entire house is his ! LOL),,,he'd push her down. He never has bit her or hit her,,,he just pretty much pushes. But, I tell ya -- I have no tolerance for it. Goes right through me when he pushes her down. Everytime he pushes her - he gets a time out. After months of no improvement,,,I called the Pediatrician and she said to continue giving a time out everytime he pushes her. She said it may not seem like we are getting anywhere,,,but we are. She said consistancy is the key. Well, I think its starting to sink in a little because now he'll look to see where I am before he pushes her.

So, at Abby's one year checkup we told the Pediatrician that Sam is STILL pushing her alot. The Doctor was surprised but said in our case it will probably take until Abby can verbally tell him 'no' for Sam to stop pushing. Until then, she said to keep doing what we are doing. She did remind us that when he pushes her that we need to tell him not to push because 'safety is first'.......in other words,, dont put any blame towards Abby.

Sorry to ramble but I just wanted to let you know that we are in the same boat regarding the sibling rivalry thing. We havent been kicked out of the Y yet,,,,but I'm sure we've got something like that to look forward to in the near future.

Hang in there.

oh yah - forgot to mention that Abby recently started slapping him when he tries to push him. So,,,hopefully that's a sign that things around here might start getting better,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I hope !

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Thanks for this Peggy...It really does help to see that others are going through it too. I do hope that it will get better once Wesley can speak back to Wil and say no.

I just about broke down last night when talking to DH about it all. Nothing sinks in with that kid. I put him in TO, he says sorry mommy, and he is off doing it again a few minutes later. I say "now what did I tell you Wil? Remember what happens when we push our brother". No answer. Just a smile like he has no care in the world. Sometimes I even catch him watching me, to see if I saw the push. I've tried everything possible to give him more attention, but obviously it's not enough. DH promised to split up on the weekends or weeknights and do things alone with either boy. I hope it works. It's really exhausting and boy does it make me a B#*$^ to be around after a long day! He knows how to push EVERY button of mine.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:
Sorry it happened to you too Amy. Does she get to come back? The Y has a three strike rule. Three strikes in a 60 day period or something like that. So I can bring him back, but last night DH was sweet and told me to go to the gym all alone.

amynicole21 replied:
Yes, fortunately they don't kick her out but just write us a nasty-gram.

moped replied: Oh Rae, I am sorry!!!!!

I don't know what to say.

Maybe he jsut has so much going on with Wesley and PT - I don't know. I wish there was a manual!

Sam & Abby's Mom replied:
Oh, girl -- I could have written that almost word for word. I totally understand your frustration. There are some mornings when I havent even had a cup of coffee yet and Sammy's already in a timeout for pushing. I've even told my Mom that some days he just seems to be pushing all my buttons,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, all day long. The ironic part is,,, he's actually a very good and sweet boy -- just not with his sister. I have to admit, though -- some days seem to be getting a bit better. Very slowly. Then there are days like today when its a push fest all day long.

Oh, and you know how you said Wil will sometimes look to see if you are watching? Well, Sammy does that alot, too. Sometimes he'll look and then stop. Sometimes he'll look and then go ahead and push. My favorite is when he looks, sees that I'm watching and then he starts tickling her..................... like that is what he was going to do the entire time. ROFL Lord, if he's that cunning at 2,,,what will he be like at 12?!

Oh, yah - almost forgot -- our pediatrician did say if its appropriate, we could take away a toy. For example - Sam pushes Abby alot when she walks up to his beloved Thomas trains,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so the pediatrician said in a situation like that (when the TO's arent working) we could take away his trains. BUT, she said we'd need to take them away for days because a 2 yr olds concept of time is different than ours and to take the toy away for a morning or even a full day wouldnt really sink in. We actually did take away his trains for 3 days once and he was better with Abby for a few days,,,then it went back to the way it was. <sigh>

Hang in there and keep us posted -- I'll do the same.

CantWait replied: No advice and I haven't been through it just wanted to offer hugs.

DVFlyer replied: Going through the same thing. Keian might get kicked out of the gym daycare if he doesn't straighten up.... tantrums. Just part of growing up. They are too young to understand there are better ways to deal with problems so all you can do is stay consistent and sooner or later it will click with them.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Well Wil got written up AGAIN the other night! Luckily it wasn't for biting, but I guess he wouldn't stay in TO and kept throwing toys at other kids. So I had to sign his "bad kid" sheet (which is kept in a binder) again. So embarassing, but at least the instructor said "look at this binder, it is full of write-ups. Wil is definitely not the only kid in here".