Guess we won't be going to BIL's wedding

coasterqueen wrote: My BIL (DH's brother who he's barely seen in YEARS) moved to our town last year. We've seen him a handful of times and he knew that we were pg and when we were due. Well they are getting married 4/17, 3 days after my edd. That's fine they shouldn't plan a wedding around when I'm having a baby BUT......

We got the invitation today and it stated "ADULTS ONLY" on it. Well even if Miss Megan is here by then (I highly doubt it) we couldn't take her. I'm not leaving a newborn at home that early, especially with nursing and I refuse to find a sitter for Kylie. I was actually getting excited because Kylie has NEVER met that side of DH's family and I was thinking this was the perfect opportunity for her to because we'll never get the chance again.

I'm sorry if this offends anyone but lately between hearing people say kids shouldn't be at baby showers and NOW weddings.......I'm just getting overly furious about this. I feel sorry for children, why not let them be a part of the celebration of marriage and a newborn baby? I mean isn't letting our kids see the celebration of a marriage important so they see how important marriage is?

I have this strong need to send them a nasty note along with my NOT COMING rsvp card!

Oh and my SIL is flying in from Georgia bringing her kids with her because she has NO ONE to watch them.....so I don't know what she's going to do. She'll either not go or she'll try to leave her kids with us. Ugh!

Either I'm way too pregnant and sensitive or people are just being very rude lately. I think I'm more offended that he sent us an invite knowing we wouldn't be able to come if we couldn't bring our children than if he wouldn't have sent us one at all.

P.S. We had planned on going even if Megan is a few days old because this was VERY important for DH to go. If Megan wasn't here we were still going to go even if I was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY uncomfortable. This was just too important for him, so I knew I'd suck it up and go no matter what. Well, unless Megan came that day.

Kaitlin'smom replied: how sad, I dont understand the baby shower thing and not wanting kids there, as for weddings I guess the only thing I can come up with is they are having booze and they dont want the kids around for that? I dunno, my sisters wedding had booze and people could bring there kids if they wanted, it was up to them most did but a few did not they choose to get a sitter and have an evening away.

How frustrating

TANNER'S MOM replied: Well I don't understand it either. I have thought to myself I won't be comfortable with my child there, and then decided to get a sitter or not go. But we have never had a family wedding or baby shower that children weren't allowed.

I don't understand that.. In my family children are the glue that bonds!

5littleladies replied: Well first of all, that was very inconsiderate of them to plan the wedding so close to your due date. What did they expect you to do if you were in the hospital giving birth? Say-"Oh time out, I have to run over to a wedding for a few hours"? And I hate it when people don't want kids at weddings. I know it's their choice and I'm sure they have their reasons (although I can't imagine what), but it sure makes it inconvienient for people who have kids. And especially when it's family! Sheesh! You would think they would want to have ALL of their relatives there-even the little ones. I'd want to send a note along with the rsvp card too, but maybe Ryan should just call his brother up and explain the situation to him. Apparently they don't understand the "logistics" of having children.

coasterqueen replied:
You are so right. I should have mentioned the bride and groom aren't even of drinking age. But of course we have no idea if it's the parent's of the bride that planned it this way or what. I didn't want them to plan a wedding around when I was having a baby but if I did already have her I would have expected they'd let me bring her. Grrrr. Oh well, I guess. It's their loss, I don't even think I'm going to send a gift!

Also at our wedding, the kids were the most fun. I remember so many wonderful memories of the children at our reception and them dancing around and just having a blast. My little nephew caught the garter! They sure made our special day even more special.

~KARA~ replied: I completley understand how you feel!!

My youngest sil asked my oldest dd to be her flower girl, well I nicley said No cause we only see them on holidays. Well then my fil died exactly 1 mo before sils wedding and about 3 weeks before the wedding she calls my dh and asks us no to bring our dd's. They had just seen the way my dd's acted at the funeral home 2 days in a row and they requested that they NOT be there. My girls were 10mo and 5 at the time and neither one was remotley close to being bad or out of hand. Needless to say I didnt go and when my dh's family asked where we were he told them that if my kids arent welcome then neither am I. Only reason dh went was cause he was supose to walk sil down the isle but didnt.

Sorry didnt try to take the post away from you but I know how you feel and whats up with people being so dam rude???

~Roo'sMama~ replied: That would make me really upset too. I don't understand people who refuse to have kids at their wedding - the only reason I've ever heard anyone give is that money is tight and they want to keep the guest list down... which is rediculous because kids don't eat much. I'm sorry you can't go that really sucks.

JessC replied: thats stupid that it is for only adults. I agree children should be able to go to those things... and it should be up to the parents to wanting to bring them or not.

coasterqueen replied: Well get this everyone! I talked to my SIL (different one) and she called BIL's fiancee about it because her DD is in the wedding. She told my SIL that to ignore it and to bring her kids. They were just doing that to keep expenses down and there's not alot of room at the building so that's why. HUH? They are having it at the friggin' most expensive country club in our city.....why not have it somewhere cheaper with MORE room for kids to be there?????????? Some people! So SIL said to ignore it and bring the kids anyways. Nice of BIL to tell us, ya know!

I think I'll have DH call his brother and find out for sure but I'd still hate to go because I know there will be people there staring at us for bringing our children, ya know. I don't mind the fact that I might be "exposed" with child at boob, but the people staring at me for other reasons bothers me.

3_call_me_mama replied: When we got married we had 2 flower girls and a ring bearer plus a junior bridesmaid that were all considered "children" also we had several other children at hte wedding adn reception.... our only stipulation was that if you brought childrne you had to be responsible for watching them or arrange with someon ethere to watch them cause i wasn't watching them (even though i spent a great deal of the tiem with most of them cause they were WAY more fun than some of the other guests). They were hilarious and wouldn't have had the day any differently (including when in the middle of the ceremony my 3 year old godson who was ring bearer yelled out "Carrie you still got that baby inyour belly?" ) Kids make it even more special..... wait until those relatives have kids of their own and have to exclude them from some special family event... then they'll know how it feels!

jdkjd replied: I would talk to the BIL...if they were just trying to keep costs down, then I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you brought yours. Especially in light of your circumstances.

And I agree with the above posters. The kids at our wedding were hysterical, especially all of them dancing at the reception. One of the little boys laid on the floor and watched the slutty girls dance. Very funny.

MommyToAshley replied: I don't understand the children not at baby showers at all!

As for weddings, I have heard of this before... in fact, my BIL's wedding invitation said the same thing and he had kids in his wedding as well??? I think it is an odd thing to do, but I am sure most people do it to keep the cost down. I personally would never exclude children from a family celebration.

One of the funniest moments from our reception was caught on film. The flower girl decided to get a closer look at DH and I during our first dance:

ediep replied: well, I can honestly say that the only kids I had at my wedding were my neices and nephews. If I invited all my cousins with the or kids there would have been 3 times as many people and at over $100 a head....that just could not happen!

My sister wedding was a few months ago and she did the same thing, but I wasn't comfortable bringing Jason so he stayed home with a babysitter. it would have been way to loud and I know he just would not have enjoyed it as well as me and DH.

texasp3 replied: Well, IMHO baby showers, weddings and other events that are fundamentally about creating a family should be family-friendly events and therefore include children. But hey... that's just me - I come from two big families that wouldn't dream of celebrating anything without all the rugrats underfoot.

Boys r us replied: I completely understand why you're upset...that is an unreal expectation of you all to be able to come knowing you will likely have a VERY newborn baby!
However, if I'm to be completely honest with you, I cannot blame anyone for not wanting kids at their wedding..a wedding is great experience for kids when the bride and groom are okay with them being there, but should they not want kids there, I really can find no fault in that..after all..THAT IS THEIR day and who really wants a baby crying while you're saying the most important things you will ever say in your life?? But..there are alternatives..providing a "nursery" for children during the ceramony and then allowing the kids to be a part of the reception;which I find to be a suitable remedy for all!

Kirstenmumof3 replied: I don't agree with the Adults Only at a Weddings, Bridal Showers and Baby Showers. We took Emily (8) and Spencer (6) to my sisters wedding. We stayed with them until 11:30, but had to leave to pick up Claudia. If my inlaws hadn't been able to watch Claudia (11mths) we would have taken her with us but left earlier. I think you have the right to be angry, I would be very upset. I've always taken Emily to Baby Showers and Bridal Showers.

Alice replied: Around here, weddings are incredibly expensive-- they're in catering halls and easily run over $100 a head. So I can see not inviting kids as a rule.

BUT--come on!! A newborn?? And the what, three or four kids total you're talking about between the two families? So he has a kiddie table and serves them chicken nuggets. A few coloring books and some bubbles and they're happy as clams.

If it were really important for him that you be there, he would be more accomodating!

loveydad replied: No that pisses me off to. Myabe cause I'm a bad mood .Give me their email I'll cuss them out.

LoL. My kids come to anything marked Adult Only just to piss people off.

Hillbilly Housewife replied:
I can see both sides...... having been to a cousin's wedding where it said ADULTS ONLY and HAVING a wedding where I would prefer not to have kids around for a few different reasons.....

HOWEVER.... I would NEVER state that on the invitation. Weddings, to me, are a family affair, it always will be. To me, the invitations are addressed to the head of the household who is related to us, and then it says "and family", because, after all, it is our relatives who we are inviting, and their families. Saves us the trouble, too, because of all the different last names and the step-children etc..... especially since a lot of them come from Quebec, where the women HAVE to KEEP their maiden name.... (I'm REALLY impressed with that one. Especially since I'm moving there. Yuck.)

I would PREFER not to have TOO MANY kids around at my wedding, simply becuase there are a LOT of family members. If EVERYONE comes, and that's just family and our 8 closest friends, the number of people is approximately 384. At 30$ a head and 15$ for children, that's a LOT, especially because most of the children will be under 7. Most of the fmaily members will be leaving their children with the inlaws though.... because the kids are old enough to be "separated" from the parents for e day or 2.

When I was invited to my cousins's adults only wedding, Zacharie was 10 months old, and the ONLY great-grandchild on that entire side of my dad's family. I was asked to leave my child back home with my mother, since she wouldn't be going anyways (my parents are divorced). I told her that it was an extrememly rude question to ask, and that she should read up on communication skills. There was this huge fiasco, and one of my aunts got into a fight with the brides's mother (my aunt's sister) about how it was unfair that Zacharie was going to be exclded, he was a child who never cried, never yelled, played very quietly, etc.... anyhoo, it ended up that one of my uncle's SIL babysat Zach during the dinner portion of the evening, we took him to the church for the wedding, where he SLEPT the ENTIRE time, while OTHER kids were yelling and being brats. We went to the place we were staying, left Zach there wil my uncle's SIL (who we had a good relationship anyways, I'd been to her cottage many times with my cousins and my cousins' cousins) and we picked him up around 8pm, AFTER the dinner, speeches, dances etc...i.e. the important moments were finished. It worked for everyone. He slept most of the night anyways.... other than at the church, it was the first time pretty much ANYONE in my family on my dad's side had seen him, and were all eager to hold such a peacful baby, so we got our evening anyways!

At my wedding, like I said, I would prefer not to have toom any kids around, because I don't want to be the bride who's intimate moment is sabotaged by some screeching brat, kwim? but then again, I'm not too keen on other people's kids. But I would never only invite SOME fmaily members and not others. If my family wants to bring their kids, so be it, there are highchairs, chicken nuggets, and I already have the art supplies...