Gun in the house

MommyToAshley wrote: I think we have touched on this before, but Karen's thread on preparing me for a disaster reminded me of any topic I wanted to discuss. One of our neighbors is a retired police officer and keeps a gun in his house. Ashley and his daughter are close in age and play together. However, I recently learned that he keeps a gun in his house. He does keep it unloaded and the bullets separate and I am sure he is as safe as anyone could be, but I still don't like the idea of Ashley playing over there. Kids get curious, and guns just make me very nervous.

My2Beauties replied: Guns make me extremely extremely nervous, if I knew the person had a gun in their home, I probably wouldn't let my kids play over there. Even if I thought the other person had it put up, locked up, bullets seperate etc...it would still bother me.

mummy2girls replied: if i knew they did then no probably not ... i have read horror stories of the child finding it to show the friend and bang. I know alot are keeping them unloaded locked and bullets seperate buit there are a few parents that are not too smart with the issue... I wont even let Marcus bring in anything gun.. pellet or whatever! he knows it and is fine by it.. I cant risk it with a dayhome and jenna...

tammyhopkins replied: I would let Josh as long as the gun was in a locked safe or gun case so that they can not get access to them. I would not be afraid to ask either if my son was going somewhere that i thought they may have one if it is locked up.

We have a friend that tends to forget to put his away in his locked gun case so before we go i say did you put the guns away so that i know they are not there for him to see or use.

MommyToAshley replied:
Me too. I should have known that they would have a gun in the house considering he is a retired officer. But, I never really thought about it. However, Ashley has a friend a few houses down that you would never guess that they had a gun. They are very into their Church and just don't seem like they would have a gun. I was shocked to find out that they also have a gun in the house. Again, I don't feel comfortable letting Ashley play there either. So... what if you don't know... do you just ask, "hey do you have a gun?"... kwim.

stella6979 replied: I didn't vote only because I think it would depend on who's house and how much I trust that person.

Kentuckychick replied: I think it would really depend. I personally would not have a gun in my house and I think a lot of us voiced our opinions months back on the issue so I won't go into why, but I know that there are plenty of families that own guns and have them locked away safely and hidden (bullets separate) and other families have members who are police officers/security guards who have to have guns and also have them locked away safely.


However, if I found out that my child went to someone's house and she/he and their friends were playing around with guns (unloaded or not), found a gun not kept safely away, or were allowed to shoot guns (any type of gun) without my knowledge and permission... this happened with one of my cousins... that would be the last time they would ever be going to that person's house.

Crystalina replied: If my child were left at someone's house I would have to know them pretty well, which means I would trust them. If I were to leave my child at their house then I have visited before and felt comfortable with my children walking around so yes.

I left an unloaded handgun on the table just the other night just to see what the kids would do and they did just what I expected them to do, Evan put his hands behind his back and yelled, "MOOOOOM, there's a gun without an orange tip on the table. It's REALLL!!" Just like I taught them. Hands behind your back, tell the nearest adult and get away from it.

I like to test them.

TheOaf66 replied: well that depends on a couple factors...

1. has my child been exposed to guns before and knows how to respect them
2. does the owner know safety by keeping everything locked up
3. are the children going to be supervised enough that they won't get into it?


I wouldn't keep either of my kids from going to a friend's house if there is a gun in the house. Tanner has been exposed to guns before and knows better


Education is the best thing you can do

That is just my opinion but sheltering your children from everything will not teach them anything...will you keep them from going someone's house where there is alchohol, knives, or a pool (all killers of kids)...no you educate them about these things and teach them to respect them.

lovemy2 replied: I have to ask simply to be devil's advocate - keep in mind not to attack or offend but to spark conversation here and give you another side of the fence- do you think you will know EVERYTIME your child goes to a house if there is a gun there? (ETA - I didn't read everyone's post before I posted - sorry but I still have to ask the question to qualify the rest of my post)

And this is close to home for me since DH is a sheriff and we have guns in our house - I would hate to think that someone would not allow their child to play with mine simply because of that.....I would never have a problem with them voicing their concerns to me about it and reassuring them as to how they are kept in my home because I certainly understand how it can make a person uneasy......however I will not broadcast to each parent whose child is invited to my home that we do have guns - most parents know my DH is a sheriff - they can draw their own conclusion from that.....

I understand your fears 100% - it took me a long time to be comfortable with the fact that they are in my own home but its a fact of my life now and it is done safely and responsibly

Kentuckychick replied:
That's awesome that your children are so aware of that and so knowledgable. I wish all children could be... the problem is, that while your children are so aware, the children they are playing with may not be -- that's what scares me!

I also agree that I would never leave my child at someone's house I didn't know and hadn't been to their house myself.

luvmykids replied: I didn't vote, because I truly don't know if I would allow them to be there or not. We do have guns but it's the fact that I know exactly where they are and that the kids couldn't get to them that allows me to live with that....I'm not sure I would be fully comfortable that someone else would take the precautions we do.

On the other hand though, most of the parents we know well think along the same lines as we do on this subject so I'm sure it would be safe to say they are just as concerned and careful as we are, I just don't know if that would be enough for me to leave my kids there without me.

eta: Christine, you bring up a good point, I think when it comes to this it's more about my own fears and less about how much I do or don't trust the other parents to be responsible about it, kwim? But it is something I need to think more about, I suppose since I haven't really had to deal with it it's easy to give an anwer but you're right, I wouldn't want my kids' best friend to not be allowed here simply because we have guns...I would want a chance to talk to the parents about it before a flat out "no".

Calimama replied: Yes, as long as I trusted the person. Our family has a couple cops in it and they bring their guns home. Miabella is allowed to go over because I trust them with her life. I would ask if the gun is secure when I dropped her off though.

Crystalina replied:
That's very true. We have discussed other people (kids) having guns around them and I trust them to do the exact thing. Leave! With that being said, I put my kids into situations and like to sit back and watch how they react. Maybe they will need therapy when they are older I don't know but I want to see how they react and if they listen to what I've taught them. If they are not paying attention to me in a store I duck into an aisle and see what they do. They should always know where I am just like Mommy knows where they are. If they are wondering in La-La land then they aren't paying attention and we could be separated. When I duck into an aisle 1) it shows them how easy it is to get lost when your not paying attention and 2) I get to see if they know what to do if we get separated.


I have every intention on having our neighbor boy show them a gun (an unloaded one that I will give him) this spring when Mommy and Daddy are "busy talking". Of course I will be watching them like a hawk!

jacobsmama replied: I agree that I don't let Jacob go to many houses alone. SO if he is there I probbaly know them pretty well.

We also have guns in our house but they are locked up in the gun cabinet and they are unloaded.

I agree how would you approach it when wanting to find out???

MommyToAshley replied:
This is how I am. I wouldn't let Ashley over at someone's house if I didn't trust them. I have known these people for years and our girls have played together a long time. I know their parenting style and their beliefs. And, even so, I still am with her 99% of the time. But, guns make me nervous. It only takes a second for the child (or both) to get it in their head they want to see what the gun looks like. Even if the gun is locked, I am sure the kids have seen the parents put that key away a million times. It may never happen, but it could and that's what gets to me.

I have also talked to Ashley about gun safety and what to do if she sees a gun. She's also talked to a police officer about gun safety. But, kids don't always do what is right. I haven't avoided the subject.. I have tried to educate. Kids may know what is right and do the right thing 9 out of 10 times, but what happens the one time they decide to disobey out of curiousity. Kids don't always use the best judgement, especially when they are influced by other kids. That's why we have discipline... if they didn't do anything they knew was wrong then wouldn't parenting be so easy. Again.. the what if's get to me. I would just have a hard time letting Ashley go over there now that I know there is a gun in the house.

luvmykids replied:
I think it's perfectly fine to say "I hope this doesn't insult you but I have to ask for my own peace of mind....do you have guns in the house?" If they say yes, I think it's fair to ask questions about where and how they're kept and use your judgement from there.

I would think most parents wouldn't be offended by those questions, I wouldn't, and if they were I think it would tell me right there that they don't recognize the seriousness and responsibility that goes with having guns.

boyohboyohboy replied: I think about this all the time.
I have only let caleb go to one house so far...but we usually have the play dates here at our house due to this fact.
we are not against guns, and will have them as soon as we get a locked cabinet..that being said..
i worry that even though at 6yrs old we have tried to teach caleb to respect guns, and the uses of them, i know in his little boy head, if he saw one, he would touch it. i know he would, and i know he woudl probably have an accident. i worry that some parents might not be as strict as we are and might accidently leave it out or leave it unlocked, or a smarter 6 yr old might know where the key is kept.

its hard. my dh says trust that he is in good hands, but what will be will be, but i frankly do not agree with him.
so as far as i am concerned caleb might never get a play date at another house or else never have sleep overs..

on a different note...when you meet someone new and are getting to know them how do you ask if they have guns and how they are kept??
i mean its kinda weird to just bring up.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: NO way.

Crystalina replied:
I can understand what your saying. I think you know your kids better then anyone and if you have the slightest thought they may touch it then I would never let them around one.

Our family is different. I was a correctional officer and when I worked perimeter I always had at least 2 guns at my finger tips (before kids), dh is a hunter and we are surrounded by State troopers so guns are always around. My kids have been taught from day one what not to do. I'm not saying they are smarter or better then someone else's kids who may touch a gun but I really think you have to know your kids.

Then again we can teach our kids all their lives and think that we think they know and they could totally disregard what they've been taught. That's a chance we as parent's have to take. We will tell them not to drink and drive but who's to say they'll listen or that a drunk driver doesn't hit one of our sober children? We don't.


::ETA::
I just wanted to add that just because I trust my kids not to touch a gun I would never knowingly leave them with a gun, loaded or unloaded.

lisar replied: I agree alot with Crystal. I have taught my kids from day 1 what a gun is and what they do. Would I let my child go over to someone elses house who has one and I know it, well it depends alot on the parents. Do they keep it put up? And those sorts of things. I know Lexi knows better than to touch one, but I dont know if the other child knows better so I wouldnt want it to be an accident and thier kid shoot my kid on accident. The guns at my house are all in a gun safe along with the bullets and its a combination and key safe. So the kids wouldnt be able to get it open if they tried. And it has turned into habbit for me and dh every time we walk by it to turn the combo knob to make sure it is still locked.

But to me it all depends on the other childs parents.

flirtycuddle replied: We have a gun in our house since their dad is a armed sercuity officer. I don't openly tell anyone we have one but if I asked I do let them know. The guy is kept without a clip in it with a lock on and empty inside a case with a lock on that case itself. Not to mention somewhere my 2 would never know. They both know the gun is here but not to touch it.

holley79 replied: There is one in the top of my closet. It is loaded and was locked up the entire weekend while we had company. It comes out when DH is out of town. Plenty of friends of mine are LEO and Annika plays there.

redchief replied: I learned gun safety as a young boy. I never took up hunting, so we don't have a gun in our house. Katie babysits for our town's former chief of police and he has guns. My dad still has a rifle in the house. It's kept locked with the ammunition safely kept in a different place. We have had friends in law enforcement since our kids were babies so weapons have always been nearby. None of them have expressed any real interest in learning firearms safety, but if one were to, I would have no problem with that. Certainly if they expressed any interest in weapons, I would be sure to get them to a safety class.

boyohboyohboy replied: I took gun safety also in school, but i dont think it was until i was 11 or 12.
so its hard to send these kindergarden kids off to play dates, I am not sure that i think any 6 yr old boy wouldnt at least attempt to touch a gun, whether their parents had told them not to or not..
i mean they tend to say one thing in front of parents and sometimes in certain circumstances do another when we are not there, especially boys i think..

Brias3 replied: We have guns in the home, however they are kept in a gun safe, bullets kept locked up separately and to be honest with you, I don't even think the kids know where the safe is, nor that we have any at all.

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with voicing a concern if you know of a gun in the home and you don't feel comfortable letting Ashley play there. I also don't think its silly to ask, tactfully of course. I would in no way be insulted by this question if the situation were reversed, so that's why I'd feel more at liberty to put my own mind at ease instead of be afraid to insult someone. After all, you can't be too insulted by someone who just gives a care about their child, right?

A&A'smommy replied: I didn't vote because we HAVE guns in our house.. but where I live that is EXTREMELY common. My husband is a hunter and I grew up in a house that had guns... now if they had them just laying around and I didn't know how they handled guns and what they taught their kids about them then I probably wouldn't allow my children to go there.

I'm terrified of guns so I don't handled them at all but my daughter does NOT know that and we have started teaching our daughter about them. She is NEVER allowed to touch them unless her daddy is standing RIGHT there. Alyssa is going to go hunting for her first season starting in Oct. and I'm SOO excited its a GREAT bonding experience for her and her daddy.

My3LilMonkeys replied: I do weekly, when the girls go to my mom's house. My dad hunts and so has several guns which are all kept safely, locked up, unloaded etc. so I don't worry about it or mind at all. They know VERY basic gun safety (stay away, don't touch etc) and as they get older they will learn more.

I may have a different POV than most because I grew up in the country. Everyone had guns because everyone hunts, so I see it as completely normal and honestly would never in a million years think to question whether or not someone had a gun before allowing my kids to go to their house.

lovemy2 replied:
Good Job Guns whether you think it is unfortunate or not are a reality in today's day and age - for some its a justified reason and a responsible owner for others its illegal. I would again hate to be judged as to whether or not my house is safe for someone's child to be at just because we have guns in our home but on the other hand I would have to respect that person's views even if I disagreed

ETA - I also have to agree with Troy - there are many other know household items, etc. that can kill children - where do you draw the line?

Crystalina replied:
DH is gone most of the week. I live on a farm and living on a farm sometimes you have the unfortunate and terribly sad task of relieving an animal from pain. Also I'm in the boondocks. Yes I have mentioned that all my neighbors are State Troopers but a neighbor to me is someone a mile away. If a strange vehicle comes up my driveway at night (which has happened many times), it's nice to know that I know how to use a gun and have one right there. The crime rate in my area is like zero but there's always that chance and I'm not about to let someone violate me or my daughter or murder or take my kids. They will surely end up worse off then me unless they come in with guns blazing.
Well, that's the way it plays in my head anyway.

lovemy2 replied:
Do you think you will ALWAYS know whether there is one or not? Or do you just plan on always asking?

luvbug00 replied: surprisingly enough there are NOT many hunters here in my part of va. the only gun toating i've heard of is by cops or gangstas! lol! in all seriousness. I don't have any friends who own guns, but if they did i would just ask if it is locked up and all that or seggest taking their child over to play at my house, or hang there with mya.

Boys r us replied: I'm actually pretty shocked at the number of "no's". I didn't grow up in a family that hunts or anything, but a lot of people do and we don't live in the backwoods or anything. Also, a lot of people have handguns etc for safety in their home. I grew up knowing my dad had guns, he always kept them put up, but I did know that he had one in the top drawer of his armoir by his bed...honestly, it never scared me, but made me feel safer knowing that if someone did break in, we had some sort of protection. And you know..you never think it will happen to you or your house/family..but I've been the victim of an attempted car jacking when I was 19...three guys surrounded my car at a stop light around midnight when I was on my way home and told me to get out of the car...no way was I getting out..it wasn't about fear of them taking my car it was fear of what they woudl do to me anyways even if I did get out. So I sped off and as I did, 4 shots were fired at me..three of them hitting my car and 1 barely missing my head as it went in the back window and out the front! That was enough to always make me feel scared and vulnerable and want protection. But then when I was pregnant with Braedon, someone broke in our home around 11pm at night. Rick was out of town for work as he often was back then and I was alone with Tanner. I called the police as soon as I heard a loud noise downstairs, which turned out to be someone busting through the locked basement door. It took the police only 5 minutes to get there. But if I had been asleep and hadn't heard the initial noise..who knows what could have happened before I could have called the police...I didn't have a gun in the house and I was terrified b/c I had NO WAY to protect my son and I and I would never want to kill another person...but I would in a new york second if it came down to it in a matter of protecting my family! Rick and I don't have guns in our house..but we've actually been discussing it. He is more skiddish of having them in the house than I am actually and insists that if we're gonna have them that I need to go to the range and practice using it first.

MommyToAshley replied:
Really? I was surprised at the number of "yes's".

lesliesmom replied: I would and I do. Our daycare has guns. When we interviewed with her (6+ years ago), she showed us the gun safe (which was in the basement where the kids played). It was always locked and had two locking mechanisms on it so even if one was unlocked the other had to be "released" to open the safe.

DH and I have discussed getting CCWs and getting a gun. Crime in our area is going up and we had a serial rapist in our neighborhood that it took 4 months for them to catch. So we have considered getting a gun as well, which would, as mentioned, we be kept locked in our room with ammo separate.

We also have several friends who are gun fanatics (for lack of a better term) - one of them teaches gun safety classes, which is required to obtain your CCW - so I feel completely comfortable with letting my children play there. As my children get older they will take a safety class along with the reinforcement of gun safety at home.

Crystalina replied:
I think more woman should learn to use a weapon really. Mace works ok but if there is more then one you better have one for each hand and good aim. I carry mace in my purse for the quick fix in the store parking lot or wherever it may happen. And yes, I'm always waiting for it to happen. To me it not a matter of "if" but "when".

Babies aren't taken from men, men aren't raped, men aren't victims most of the time unless they've ticked someone off or it's a random drive by. Women, who are the most afraid, worried and scared (because they have kids and the "what ifs") are the ones who fall prey and it's because they did not know how to use a weapon. I think if you get the proper training you may feel more confident and would feel better about what can and cannot happen and yes,you have to be aware of where you put it and who knows where it's at and many other things.
With that said though, some people get too freaked out and to me those people should not have a weapon. I would not want to be around anyone who did not feel right about it. That's dangerous.


ETA:
"you" being any person.