Guys..advice needed:)

mummy2girls wrote: K well Me and grant are going to see each other again today..if he gets off work not to late! Anyways we are planning a trip down to Calgary to go to thier zoo with the kids the last saturday of May.

this is my delema... be honest guys be blunt i wont take offence to anything... Aron was being a knob to me when he found out Grant was playing with jenna. His words."i dont know why but i dont like hearing about another guy playing with jenna"... Now i am getting the feeling that he is going to make this hard on me and jenna and grant. he will make jenna feel guilty for loving another"dad figure" if it leads to something more. And make it hard on grant to bond with jenna and make me feel like pooh for letting the 2 of them bond. I dont need his permission to take Jenna to calgary because its still in the province i just need his permission if i take her out of the province and out of canada. So do i tell him or do i not. I was thinking of telling him im staying the night at my sisters with jenna...because calgary is 3 hours away so by the time we go and come back it will be after 10pm... So what do i do guys! I dont want aron runing this!

DansMom replied: It's up to Aron to be a strong figure in his daughter's life. If he says again "I don't know why this bothers me", suggest that a mental health professional could probably help him figure that out. I think I know why it bothers him. He doesn't want someone else to show you and Jenna what a good father can be, because then he'd have to make some changes to measure up, and that would require him to examine his own soul and be vulnerable and then make some sacrifices. I think you should not lie to him about your plans, but I wouldn't tell him anything---you can answer any question with "that's my business". You don't owe him ANYTHING after what he's put you through. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's not your fault Aron doesn't measure up---it's Aron's fault, 100% Aron's fault. He won't come to that realization until he goes through a little pain and heartache involving you and Jenna. So he will be an A-hole about this, mostly to avoid facing his own limitations and deficiencies. You have to steel yourself and coach yourself to feel nothing when he rants and frets and bullies. Don't make excuses for anything when you're not guilty, and don't hide anything---you have nothing to be ashamed of.

mammag replied: ITA with Tracy. I wouldn't tell him anything about it but not lie to him. It would get worse if Jenna mentioned something to him without knowing. It sounds to me that Aron is just having issues all around with this and I suspect it has even more to do with you than Jenna. It sounds like one of those "don't want you for myself but don't want anyone else to have you either" things. I would just go by the custody rules as far as taking her anywhere but other than that, it's your life and he has absolutely no say in who you spend time with and who you let Jenna spend time with.

I would not talk to him about Grant anymore. If he asks just tell him that is your personal affairs and it has nothing to do with him.

How exciting that you guys are getting together again so soon!

Alice replied: Now THAT was a good answer!!!!

If he doesn't like hearing about it, fine. Tell him not to ask questions and you won't furnish him with extraneous info he's uncomfortable with. But that should not make any sort of change in your plans or your feelings about them. You need to live your own life. So don't let him feel guilty-- you're not cheating on him or trying to replace his part in Jenna's life.

And maybe the feeling that he has competition will force him to be more of a father to her!

lisar replied: I say dont tell him. What he dont know dont hurt. If jenna tells him then fine she has allright to. But then you can say that you have your own life now. He cant expect you not to move on. Why do guys do these things? I will never know. Good luck with all of it though.

Lisa

Boys r us replied: Unless you are doing something that harms Jenna in some way, it's really none of Aron's business WHAT you do with her while she's in your care! So my answer in short is that, No..you absolutely do not have to tell Aron and more importantly..probably shouldn't!
I think in this case, the less aron knows the better! I've been a single mom before and I know that there is a cheap thrilled to be gained to drop bits and pieces of info indicating that there is another man who could in time be a father figure..especially when the bio dad isn't the kind of parent they should be..but trust me, the thrill isn't worth the drama!!!!! Keep your private life to yourself..at least where Aron is concerned..it's definitely in your best interest!!!

Alice replied:
Sorry- when I read the original post, I only saw one reply and I strongly agreed. Now, seeing 2 posts, it looks like I'm implying that only one was good--KWIM? That certainly wasn't my intention-- hope I didn't offend anyone!

mummy2girls replied:

gr33n3y3z replied: Good idea
Dont tell him anything

kimberley replied: i agree that you don't have to tell Aron everything you do but shouldn't be dishonest since you have nothing to hide. but also look at this from both sides. it is very normal for a natural parent to feel a little threatened by a new person in their child's life. give him a tiny bit of room to get used to the idea and if things become serious, maybe Aron should meet Grant. i know Aron is immature and will probably handle all of this badly but at least if you do your part, you have no regrets later on. i really hope that things work out with Grant and Aron grows up a little and realizes what is best for you and your daughter.

ian'smommy replied:
ITA with this... Good idvice.....

mummy2girls replied:
oh i totally agree! I would probably feel the same way if it was him with someone and another woman in jenna life! I Just dont want to tell him something if it will just get him upset! And yes if it gets really serious i will introduce them as well! I dont want to hurt aron but i also want to move on and be happy with someone not be treated like a fling ...

And he said to me... when are u going to get married already so i dont have to pay child support...

My2Beauties replied: \


Grrrrrrrrrr