HUGE exMIL VENT! - very, very long

kimberley wrote: This woman is off her freakin rocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so furious I just want to pack my stuff and move far, far away with my family! Like Jamie and I don't have enough problems financially, we need THIS like a hole in the head!

background, my ex called me sunday morning saying his mom was coming by to pick up the kids and bring them to his work. he owns a bar you can call it a restaurant all you want... it is still a bar. this has been an ongoing issue and he knows i don't want them there for any length of time. especially since the last time Jacob came back and told his class that he played poker at daddy's bar all day also, we had plans to take them to play laser tag. well his mom showed up and instead of coming upstairs and talking to me, stayed in the basement and communicated through Jacob . i told him that she could take them to laser tag if she wanted to (i didn't think she would). she agreed. off they went.

the boys get home hours later and i call them up for supper. ask them how laser tag was and they say they didn't go i was tripping out! so of course, i go downstairs and calmly ask what happened.

she explains that laser tag was a long wait and all big kids so it wasn't the best idea that they went without an adult. she kept going on and on about how she just couldn't go in there. i NEVER in a million years expected her to. but instead of bringing them back home or taking them to the park, she took them to the bar. there were other kids there and they were in the private hall upstairs, but that is besides the point. the point is, i didn't want them there and her and her son completely disregarded that. i tried explaining to her why i feel the way i do about them spending the day in a bar and that i KNOW that she wasn't harming my kids or anything, it is just something i don't approve of. well she starts going off about violence on TV. i am completely baffled and convinced she is insane at this point. apparently my dumba$$ ex had mentioned to her that he came home early once (first time this month ) and said jacob had a hard time finishing his homework because the TV was on. it was thursday and work that Jacob didn't really have to finish. he knew it all already! (btw, thursday is the one night in the week jacob and i snuggle and watch survivor together). i didn't find that out until later.

so she keeps rambling on about TV violence and getting more accusing about it. so i ask if she is suggesting that i am the one allowing this and she says "you always have your TV on". i bit my tongue before it started wagging. who the heck is she to tell me *I* am allowing this in my house. she has to be out of her mind! i am the video game/ tv police!! it is their idiot father that she created that spends the entire 2 day weekend with them playing video games because he is too lazy or hung over to do anything real with them!!!!!!!!!!! at that point i knew there was no talking to her, so i just said "i am their mother, i don't want them at the bar and that's final." and walked away. she comes chasing after me spewing crap and yelling. i continue up the stairs. she screams " i am their grandmother" and i had enough! i just spewed back "look what you did to your son!". she called me a welfare loser (haven't been on welfare since her son!) and came up and shut the door. she storms out the side to her car. then she comes back in the front door (my entrance... which is now always locked) and starts screaming that she is done with the kids and she is never coming back IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!!!! she slammed both doors and took off.

i have had a few days now to get over this and was starting to calm down about it and chalk it up to high emotions and miscommunication although i now don't trust her. THEN today i get a call from her son saying she wants her computer back. OMG! she bought us a computer more than 5 freaking years ago and her son was still living with me! most of the original parts have been replaced. all that's original is the motherboard, floppy and monitor. how petty can a 60yo woman be?!?!?!? she told him that it hurts her feelings that i am always putting her son down but nothing out of my mouth is untrue!!! maybe it is her guilt because she should have raised him better! so now i am on the verge of getting a restraining order and had to talk to the boys about grandma and how they are not allowed to go with her because she is a little crazy right now. i wouldn't put it past her to take them and flee to slovakia since she still has so much family there. i always felt like she was trying to make up for the mistakes she made with pat(the ex) with my sons. she needs a reality check!!!

sorry this got so long. just needed to get it all out before i exploded!

My2Beauties replied: OMG hon big huge HUGS to you and that woman does need a reality check! Good for your for standing your ground, a bar is no place for chidren and you are in the right! You are a good mommy and I can't believe she said that in front of the children! What a witch with a big capital "B"!

MomToMany replied: I'm so sorry Kimberley! That is totally unacceptable behavior! I would get that restraining order just in case. You are an awesome Mommy. I'm so sorry she said all that awful stuff to you in front of the kids. And how petty to say she wants the computer back! Ugh, she needs a labotomy (hope I spelled that right, LOL)!

favre4fan replied: You need a I swear she needs to wake up and smell the coffee cause she is crazy. i can't believe she said that in front of the kids how terrible. You are their mother not her and you know whats best for your kids . She is being very petty about wanting a computer back just plain stupid. Shes got some major issues!!

coasterqueen replied: OMG! It does sound like she's off her freaking rocker! Grrrrrr...... You did the right thing and I would really think about getting that restraining order. What nerve that woman has. Sorry you have to deal with this.

And if you have to give her her computer back......give it to her in pieces!!!!!

~KARA~ replied: Oh WOW I thought I had exmil and Mil problems!
HUGGS I would have killed her if seh would have been my ex mil or mil!

amynicole21 replied: OMG, she is a NIGHTMARE! I'm so sorry she did that to you and to the boys. She was completely out of line and I'm glad you spoke up.

aspenblue1 replied: I can not believe someone would act like that. I would definately get a restraining order on her.

A&A'smommy replied: OMG WOW you are inspiration!!!! It must have been really hard not scream back at her!!! WOW she is insane!!!! I feel your anger I promise!!! (((((HUGS))))) and I totally recommend the restraining order!

MommyToAshley replied: I am so sorry that you have to deal with that! I can't believe that she would say those things in front of the kids, and to you! Good for you for standing up for yourself. I hope the crazy bat just leaves you alone!

Isa's Mom replied: Anyone who cares about your kids should have enough sense to refrain from having a screaming fit in front of them. You totally did the right thing.

kimberley replied: omg! she was here trying to get in downstairs. she didn't knock or get in. she is truly insane and i hope she goes back to NJ for good!! she has been training to do the book keeping at pat's bar since she moved back here from NJ and now she is furious at him too and is bailing on the company because he stuck up for me. freak!!!! i hope to gosh that someone shoots me if i become mental like that at 60yo.

darrylswifeskylersmom replied: hugs hunny!!
ur a stong woman .. i would have probley hit he if I was in your shoes!!
and yes she sound s like she is a little off her rocker!
sorry u had to go thru that!

coasterqueen replied:
This is what I say to my DH is I ever become my mom.

Well let's hope she moves back and doesn't come back .

Kirstenmumof3 replied: OH Kimberley, I'm sorry you are going through this! I think you handeld things pretty good considering. I think it's smart not to let the boys leave with her again, she doesn't sound to stable. It doesn't sound like your EX is really with it either. You were right to talk to the kids, they need to know that Grandma isn't a well person right now. Lots and Lots of ((HUGS)) your way!

ctymom replied: oh man I can relate! I went rounds with my inlaws for a long time. Especially since we were living with them for a long time before we were able to buy a house. She was the same way. I finally told her that I am their (my kids) mother and if she doesnt like something, she'll just have to deal with it. It's none of her business. And I told her that she will never get to visit the kids if she didnt not respect my and DH's (her son) wishes. End of discussion. I refused to talk about it any further.

I also pick my battles with her. I hate to in able to keep my sanity. lol You not wanting them at the bar is right and whether she agrees or not is her problem. Either she respect it, or not being able to see the kids. And her bad mouthing you, well of course you dont have to take that either.

Good luck to you.... it's a SUPER hard thing to deal with.

Pamela

kimberley replied: i am completely flipping out right now! i am so mad i feel like bawling! i just got an email from her saying she is going to report CHILD ABUSE!!!! WTFFFFFFFFFFF????!!!!! i am going out of my mind here. what is wrong with this woman. now i am going to be investigated for child abuse?! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!!
this is what she wrote..

After giving a matter considerable thought and based on many observations I must report a child abuse in case of both Jacob and James.
1. it is not healthy for a child to live in the same household with both father and temporary boyfriends moving in and out of the house.
2. litter strewed on the floors unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink are not an environment my grandsons should live in.
3. your unstable emotional outbursts are also
very damaging to both Jacob and James and Jeda.
4. your hatred for Jacobs , James father and demeaning derogatory remarks about their father is not acceptable....

I can go on and on ...
I will report this to the child welfare services and it will be up to them to determine what is the best for my grandsons . I hope they will find a good loving family that can provide a stable peacefully and happy life for them.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: OH Kimberley! Try to calm down, she doesn't know what she is saying. Let her report you and when they come tell them to go downstairs and see how there father lives. I think it's very admirable of you to have your sons father living in your basement, but maybe you should ask him to leave and find a someone else to rent the space. That is just awful! I think you are a wonderful, caring, supportive, loving mother! I read your posts and I know how much you love your children! I wish I was closer to you, so I could come over and give you a big ((((HUG)))))! Hang in there and remember we are all here for you!

ctymom replied: oh wow... that email makes me want to jump through her computer screen and smack her around! There's nothing really she can do other than continue to try and harrass you. Just ignore her emails and I would even consider blocking her. I would also consider that SHE is not good for the kids because of how unstable she is. The woman is only trying to upset you. My MIL used to do the same crap. And that's all it is... CRAP.

My neighbors let their young kids go outside by themselves. I'm talking about 1-3 year olds!!! I've had to yell at them to get out of the street for crying out loud. I called child services and they did NOTHING. Now that is abuse/child neglect. Not some dirty dishes in the sink. lol What an idiot she is. *shakes head*

I personally would send her a short email stating that you feel she is not a good influence around your children and so should not try to contact you any further. Let her know that you are saving and recording everything she says/writes to you and will seeks a protective order if pushed to do so.

And then block her email. Dont let her continue to abuse you like that. I'm sorry you are having to deal with all that. It's so hard to say the least.

Pamela

Boys r us replied: OMG!! Ithink you hit it right, she is definitely OFF HER ROCKER and I do believe she's trying to overcome her own guilt for the way she raised her son!

Anyhow, I think you are doing the right thing Kim! She doesn't need to have the boys if she can't adhere to your rules. Not to mention, promise to take them somewhere fun and then instead, lock them up in a room above a bar?!?!?!?!

A&A'smommy replied: OMG WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! I KNOW better than to believe that crap, I would LOOOOVEEEEE to tell her where she can go!!!! Crazy insane woman!!

Boys r us replied: Okay!! I just read that email!! OMG...don't give her the time of day!
#1 none of the things..if they WERE TRUE are reasons that a court would take the kids away from you!
She's a d@MN phychotic IDIOT!

But it would be a cold day you knwo where before she EVER saw those kids again! and that has nothing to do with being vendictive on your part, it has to do with her threats of having them taken away and possible BRAINWASHING of those poor lil guys!

DansMom replied: I don't know what to say---that is so frightening!! I hope someone can defuse this woman and soon.

jolene555 replied: oh honey, if she tries to report you for those things the DCFS will laugh in her face. my only advise is to not only be the bigger person in all this, but to be the more intellegent one. save the emails, save the voicemails, be smart. try your best not to snap back at her, and just let her rot in her own insanity. if you must, try for a restraining order and make her follow it.

she's not worth your time or your anger.

ediep replied: Oh Kimberely, I wish that I could help in some way.....that is just so scary!! You are an amazing mom and an inspiritation to me in many ways. I always look forward to your advice. What does you ex say about his mom, does he agree with her? Maybe if he has some sense, he can help to difuse her. She certainly is off her rocker!!!

momof2girls replied: I am not sure what state you are in, but I do know its hard to get kids taken away even from abusive, neglectful partents, so she really has no foot to stand on.

I would not write her back
and I would get a restraining order from her.....

SHE IS a LOON from what I can see!!!!!!

kimberley replied:
he has been in tears a couple of times today because she is nuts and he doesn't know what to do about it. he has tried talking to her and she hangs up on him. he has emailed her and begged her to stop and she ignores him. she has screwed him with work too because they just spent the last two months and lots of $$ training her to do the books and now she refuses to do it or talk to him because he is sticking up for me. she is still his mother but he KNOWS she is wrong here. apparently she has had episodes like this as far back as he can remember. he said a few times a year she would just snap and obsess on something stupid for weeks, months... not sleeping or talking it out. just reacting. my mom thinks she is manic depressive. all i know is that i want this nightmare to stop!

thank you everyone for all of your support. it means so much to me.

mrshires replied: IF she is dumb enough to report you, they do have to send out someone to your house. They may visit the kids at school and talk to them without your knowledge. This happened to a friend of mine, so I know what happens. (When I say "this" I mean someone making a false report, not all the stuff with your MIL.) It's a very unpleasant day, but they aren't going to be upset about dishes in the sink. From the sounds of it the only thing you do have to worry about is their father living there, but I don't see it as a big problem. Just wanted to prepare you in case she does report anything. This happened in MO, and they have a toll free hotline where you can make anonymous claims, so they had a lot of vengeful claims and such. But they did have to check every one.

That said I cannot believe how well you handled this woman!! I don't have the self control you have; she would have died years ago



You're doing great considering the situation, and it will get better. Do what the pp said about emailing her back requesting she not contact you, and save EVERYTHING, including that outgoing email. You'll get thru this!!

kit_kats_mom replied: I would try talking to your EX and the police about the possibility of having her commited. Seriously, I almost feel sorry for her loss of mental capability. Of course I feel sorrier for you but really, perhaps she's had some stroke or something that is causing her erratic behavior. I would approach it from the aspect of for her own good than yours. She really sounds unstable and dangerous to your family and herself.

I don't know the laws in Canada but here in the states, from what i understand, if a person is a danger to themselves or others, they can be put into the psych ward for observation at least.

Good luck and keep us up on what is going on.

kimberley replied: it is something the cop mentioned but it is severe. Pat would have to go see a Justice of the Peace and request the evaluation. once approved, officers will pick her up and bring her to an institute to be evaluated and held for 72hrs and then she will be released unless she wants to stay. i think that would just send her completely over the edge. i don't want her death on my head and i don't think Pat can do that to her. if things get any worse.. there really won't be much choice.

3xsthefun replied: That woman sounds like a witch! I'm so sorry you are having go through that.