Having a nervous breakdown.... - baby, hubbie, everything!

GavinsMommy wrote: I'm really having a nervous breakdown. It's about everything basically. The past few days I have been SO aggrivated with breastfeeding. I don't mind doing it when I'm alert, feel energized, and he's not constantly throwing himself off because of my forceful letdown. But I'm exhausted and he IS throwing himself off. It's really starting to tick me off to the point where I'm gritting my teeth and even given him some watered down apple juice (3/4 water) and a jar of fruit baby food instead. Yeah, I know, horrible, horrible. But this kid is HUNGRY all day long!! I can't even leave him with anyone because he WON'T drink formula from a bottle now...WON'T. He fussed for almost two hours the other night when he was alone w/ Jer while my mom and I went shopping.

I just can't deal with it. But yet I can't stop BF. I don't want to waste our extra money on formula...we'll never get anywhere if everything extra goes to formula. Yes, we can "afford" it...but gosh, does EVERYTHING go to formula and diapers? We'll never get out of this apartment if that's the case!

I HATE renting. It's taking so much of our money and it's going down the tubes! But Jerimiah doesn't want to buy a house til our debt is completely gone. WHAT??? It's never going to be gone since he keeps racking them up....he says he'll get rid of them, won't use them, or cut them up but he never does.

Today he tells me that we have ten dollars left til next Thursday. WHAT!??? TEN???? We have NEVER been this broke and we have 500 extra every month now!!! SO WHY TEN BUCKS???? We spent some money on clothes for Gavin and some things for his room and yes....we went out to eat WAY too much, but HELLO I'm not on the checking account so I can't go grocery shopping while he's at work and he never wants to go on his day off and I can go by myself, but then Gavin is screaming his head off wanting boob. So yeah, we ate out too much and I bought some things for him. But what makes me SO infuriated is...if we had the extra AT LEAST FORTY that he spends on cigarettes we would have 50 bucks left...and he bought an 80 dollar lazer for our gun...."Well, I really want it, I just have to have it, it was stuck in customs in China for months" WAH WAH and he hasn't even used it yet...and we're BROKE because of it. WTH are we going to do when we're fifty? We're going to have nothing to retire on at this rate!

I feel so trapped, like I could do so much better financially without him. WITH him I can't go to school because we can't afford the 1000 in daycare....WITH him I have all this debt that isn't even mine!

But The Firm.. (exercise thing) charged us for a membership that I got free....and I DID cancel for the next month, but "our records don't show that ma'am" and they put it on on of the cards and so instead of 25 bucks it cost us SIXTY because of overdrafts....omg...when does it end.

Back to BF...It's driving me bananas! I like it because I know it's the best for him and he loves it so much, it's really comforting to him, but is my sanity worth it?????? He isn't like this with formula. With formula he is full and isn't so darn hungry all the time, but still wants to comfort suck, which is driving me batty too! Take a pacifier! Please!!! I'm so stupid because he sleeps in his swing all night if I leave him there, but I'm so paranoid about a fire starting since we live in apts or I'll just miss him and want to snuggle...so I get him and put him on the inside of the couch and we sleep...but he smells me and wants to comfort suck or eat the whole time. It is driving me nuts. So okay....I can learn to leave him in his room. But that still doesn't help the fact that it's driving me nuts during the day. And Jerimiah thinks I'm mad at GAVIN....NO....I'm mad at BREASTFEEDING. It makes me so irritated when I'm trying to feed Gavin and he's getting too much milk and throwing himself off. It takes an hour just to feed him and then half an hour later he is hungry again. I thought that it might be comfort sucking, but it's not...he's EATING. Yeah, no solids til six months...RIGHT...not with this kid. He ate a whole jar of baby food yesterday and I fed him SLOWLY so he would have time to recognize that he's full...and after that he STILL wanted to eat boob for half an hour...

What is the deal??? I'm running on no sleep here and when do I get ONE day out of this whole year to sleep in??? I'm just so aggrivated and it's starting to show...I don't want Gavin to think I'm mad at him because I know he can sense that I'm frustrated and angry...but it's not at him, and I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone because they'll think I'm horrible and a bad mother for hating breastfeeding and gritting my teeth at it...and no offense, but formula feeding is a piece of cake compared to this...I took care of children all the time before I had Gavin and it's nothing compared to having a child stuck to your chest all day and leaking through your shirts in Target. Yeah....I was in a store and all of a sudden a drop of milk COMES THROUGH MY THICK SWEATER and drips down my shirt, it was so embarrassing!!!

And I haven't felt well at all the past two weeks. I took a pg test but it was negative. BUT....I took a test when I was pregnant with Gavin and it was negative...then about a week later it was positive...so maybe it was too soon. I don't know, but I've felt ill and all this pressure lately, I just can't handle this pressure!

Sorry....I really had to get that out

Josie83 replied: Oh my gosh Lauren! to you! I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I'm sorry that I can't offer you any help on the breastfeeding thing. I know you can get some teats that are more like a nipple than others . . . have you tried using one of those on a bottle of epxressed breatsmilk before moving onto fomula? Maybe you need to take baby steps before totally changing from breast to formula milk.

The money situation must be terrible for you. It sounds like your husband really isn't taking it seriously and he needs to! I remember you saying this sort of thing to him before. you need to tell him that buying things like an $80 laser gun is not acceptable when it leaves you with only $10 to last you the rest of the month! You need to stop this from happening

Is there any way you could make any extra money? I don't know, maybe babysitting other kids or doing something at home with Gavin to get you a bit of extra money? i can't help thinking it would make you a lot less stressed.

Apart from that, I'm sorry Lauren but I can't help. All I can offer you is a ! feel free to vent as many times as you want . . . and NOONE thinks you are a bad mother for feeling like this! We al know how hard it is xx

mammag replied: I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

As far as financials...try writing down every penny that you spend for a month. At the end of the month go over it and see where you are wasting money and where you can scrimp. Try to find things that you can make quickly. If you are going to be out for a while, take stuff to eat with you so you aren't tempted to go out. I know all about that, I love going out to eat and sometimes I just don't feel like going home and cooking, but it really adds up. Just be careful to put the blame on him yet until you have some numbers to work with.

I also know what you mean about the gun stuff. I don't mind dh buying it and like to shoot myself but sometimes it starts to add up as well and once they get it in their heads that they "need" it....that's it. Set up a budget for yourselves giving each of you spending money and then he can use his for what he wants and you get yours. Just make sure Gavins expenses are taken out first so yours doesn't go to his stuff while Jeremiah get to spend his on his own.

Breastfeeding....I feel that way sometimes to. If it is too much and you switch to formula, don't feel bad. If you are getting so stressed out it's just as bad for him as not being breastfed, imo.

One more thing....have you been happy lately? I ask because I was reading something the other day that postpardom depression can last for quite a while and was wondering if you could be experiencing this.

I hope you feel better soon.

GavinsMommy replied:
Thanks Josie... My mom is sending us money...but i hate for her to have to do that. Not that she needs it, but WE should be paying for OUR things. He's like...we have money...we have TEN DOLLARS til next Wednesday or Thursday...yes, the bills are paid but uh........gas money??? An emergency???

PascosGirl replied: Well I am sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. It sounds to me like you need to have your man watch the baby for a few hours while you go and have some alone time (OUT OF YOUR HOUSE). Pump before you leave so your baby can eat. You really need to have a few hours to clear your head and no, you won't be a bad mom for that. You are no help to your son if you are this stressed out. If you can't get your man to watch him, find a friend but get some alone time ASAP!

I hope you feel better and believe me, you are not alone...we have all had times like this in our lives.

GavinsMommy replied:
I've tried making a list and adding things up. It doesn't work for us. I have zero control over the money we spend. I'm not on the checking or anything so he is out all day with his debit card buying God knows what. It is so stressful...I don't have a say in it.

And it's him, trust me. LOL...He has been like this since before we got married. I am so aggrivated with him.

I've been depressed ever since I got married. I didn't know I was marrying a baby. A baby who can't figure out what not to spend and what to spend. He's such a child...I'm 7 years younger than him and I'm better with money than he is...

I'm REALLY depressed lately though....though I'm not realizing it. I don't think it's PPD though because it has gone on for a while, before Gavin was born. I think it's JD-Jerimiah Depression, I'm serious though...everything he does gets my goat!

I look around and 90% of what is in this house someone gave us or bought us...we have nice stuff BECAUSE OF MY MOM...and he's spending 80 on a lazer when that could go towards a dresser for us...we need one.

Everything about him irritates me...EVERYTHING. The way he eats, the way he talks, the way he......ugh...I think I am just so fed up with the way he has treated me in the past and is with his money that I'm just slowly slipping away from that love connection. He has about ZERO of the qualities I looked for...they went away after I got pregnant.

~KARA~ replied: Oh hon Im so sorry you feel that way! I have no idea what its like to breastfeed cause I cant. But I have been there withthe money situation.
I took over the check book and paying the bills cause my dh would pay as much as possible in one week and leave me like 50$ to buy food for 3, formula,diapers, and him cigs for the week. We are so much better off with me doing it and actually found ourselves ahead now.

As far as Gavin not taking a bottle maybe you could buy several different nipples untill you find out that he likes. It might take a while but thats what I had to do with my youngest dd and she would only take the most expensive nipples and they were funny shaped too!!


((HUGGS))

PascosGirl replied: Why doesn't your hubby add you to the checking account? You may want to discuss this with him.

GavinsMommy replied:
We've talked about it and he keeps saying he'll do it...and that *I* need to give him money...100 a month that he can play with. UMM...no...LOL...

Besides, he hasn't done it yet and he's never going to...he doesn't want me to have that type of control. KWIM?

GavinsMommy replied:
I have Avent and Playtex nurser nipples and then just regular Evenflo ones. He doesn't like any of them. And it's not the bottle...it's that he just wants to eat from the breast. Because he'll drink juice from the bottles, just not formula...even BM. He just turns his little head towards my breast and makes this almost crying sound like he's really struggling to get to it.

PascosGirl replied:
That is definitely a problem and I can understand your frustration. Just try and get a few hours to be alone, away from your house somewhere.

GavinsMommy replied:
My family is 3 1/2 hours away And Jerimiah just shoves him in the swing and plays video games while I'm gone, so I feel guilty leaving. My idea of getting away now is even getting to take a bath with no disruption, but I can't even get that!

mckayleesmom replied: Sweetheart...I just want to give you a hug. I know exactly how you feel about breastfeeding...I wanted to do it so bad...but my nerves and patience just wasn't in it. Some people just don't have the patience for it and thats ok. As for your hubby...I think that you moved back home from leaving him way to soon. You do not sound happy in the least and I know that you want it to work for Gavin,,but thats not healthy for Gavin to have an unhappy mommy. I personally don't think he takes your marriage seriously whatsoever. You have the right as his wife to know where your money is being spent and to be able to go to the grocery store without asking him for petes sake. What if something happen to him and you needed access to money or what not? You would be out of luck. With his pot smoking...what if he got arrested...you couldn't bail him out because you couldn't take the money out...lol. I had an ex that sounds just like Jeramiah..and all those actions told me that he wasn't truly committed to the marriage. You sound a little like me. When me and dh got married and had McKaylee I was afraid to spend money or say anything about money because I didn't work. Dh would tell me to not ask and just go buy what I wanted, but I had worked all my life and it was wierd to have someone take care of me. But then I thought about it and even if I did work..all our money would go to daycare. Point that out to Jeremiah...just say "Im going back to work because you spend too much money and I need to support our son and our future"...maybe he will change his tune when he finds out how much daycare would cost him....his laser for his gun won't seem so important anymore. If you need someone to talk to...Im on yahoo at annebri99@yahoo. I don't mean to bud into your marriage,,,but you sound so unhappy...and are you seriously willing to go through years and years of this? You shouldn't have to.

GavinsMommy replied:
Sounds pretty similar I go through this all the time. It's so back and forth and I know a lot of people think I'm crazy because one second I'm happy and the next I'm not, but there's always something that brings me down about him...usually w/ money or him lying about something.

I just don't feel like he thinks I do anything. I was saying how hard it is to stay home w/ a baby and that he didn't understand, and that I really am working and not just playing. And the next morning he picked Gavin up on his way out the door and said "Mommy doesn't know what she's talking about, it's not work, it's a joy". Yeah......

No, I don't want to go through this forever. I hate it. I am not happy this second. I'm happy that I have my son and everyone is fed and we have a nice apt, but when it comes down to Jerimiah...I can just imagine myself with someone different. NOT A PERSON IN PARTICULAR...but just a different TYPE of person. He was that person before, but that faded quickly. I keep going through this over and over again.

I have an idea in my head, but I don't know if he would agree to it. I really want to move back home for a while. Not divorce...or "separate", but just move back home so I can go to school. My mom would watch Gavin while I went. But then that means taking Gavin so far away from him and he'd be sad so I don't think he'd go for it. I just KNOW that it will help our relationship to have this financial burden lifted, but he would never go for me moving back home to go to school. There are three things I am considering...Medical transcription, dental hygiene, or real estate. I like the MT idea, but it wouldn't be long term....not something I'd want to do forever, so probably Dental Hygienist, but I CAN'T go here. I don't have yahoo...I'll have to get it

mckayleesmom replied: You know....once you get Gavin on formula....leave him with daddy for the day. I swear he will appreciate you then. When I went into the hospital...Leithan had no choice but to take care of McKaylee and Russell. Mckaylee isn't even 2 yet and Russell was 4 weeks at the time....He use to make those "did you watch tv all day?" comments and stuff too and he has not said 1 since that day. He had to be alone with them the first night ever and I told him I was calling my mom to have her come be with the kids...he said "no..don't have her fly out..thats expensive"..but my mom flew out anyways....He admitted that he was so glad she did. He said after 1 night he didn't know how I did it. He brought them to see me before he took them with him to pick my mom up at the airport...McKaylees clothes didn't match..her hair was horrible and poor Russell smelled and had been spitting up.....lol....For a week he kept telling me how he couldn't live without me and to never get sick again and how much he appreciated me.

GavinsMommy replied:
I don't want Gav on formula though. We really can't afford it, we CAN, but we need to put that money elsewhere, towards all the cc'ds. All three are racked up...like 8 grand. Ugh.

I wish that would work for me. I don't think it would though...he doesn't like to let anyone win

~Roo'sMama~ replied: (((BIG BIG HUGS))) I'm sorry you're going through this!! I can understand your money frustrations completely ~ we're not doing so hot financially right now either. And my dh doesn't have a spending problem! He does buy stuff for his camera that costs a lot but he always asks me if it's ok first. And of course even if I'd rather we spent the money on something else I can't say no. He hasn't gotten anything for awhile though.
As for the breastfeeding, I haven't done it yet obviously but it's totally understandable for you to hate it! My sister hated breastfeeding - she did it anyways but she had to supplement with formula and pump a lot because she had a low supply. I don't think it makes you a bad mommy to not like it. I can see why you don't want to spend the money on formula either when breastmilk is
free! Hang in there, he's still pretty little ~ maybe when he's a little older he won't feel the need to be attached to you all the time.
I hope you can get things worked out with Jerimiah ~ it doesn't sound right to me that he hasn't put your name on the checking account, and he needs to learn how to curb his spending! If you could get him to agree it might work better if you handled the money stuff so you could keep better track of where it's all going. And get him to cut up his credit cards!
I hope it gets better for you soon!

JessC replied:

-Ok, My advice would be that go to the bank, and add yourself to his account or BOTH of you go to the bank and open a JOINT account.
Then that way you guys will have 2 bank accounts that 1 you can have access to and the other one he can put his cig money in... and use it on cigs. BUT when he runs out of money... then he has no cigs.
It sounds harsh I know, but I think it would be the best thing, and then with all the packs he buys MAYBE he will realize how much he spends on them.

Hun, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. That is good though that your mom is helping you. Sometimes we all need a little push and then when once you guys get back on your feet it will be better.
Keep us updated!!!

Hope I helped out!?

kimberley replied: (((hugs))) hon. i could have written your post myself. i have all the same issues financially and with being frustrated. did i mention DH just got a brand new set of drums? i wish i had advice for both of us, but all i can say is try talking to him and hang in there. it has to get better.