Having some trouble dealing with the emergency - c-section

Bamamom wrote: Having any of you had an emergency C-section? I'm really having some trouble dealing with all the emotions I'm having. It's not like Post-partum. It's more like thinking about the section gives me the beginning of a panic attack. My chest gets all tight and it's sort of hard to breathe. It was just so scary ya know? My OB told me that I'd have to go through a grieving process of not having Luke vaginally like my other two but I'm not sure that's what this is. I just get freaked every time I try to think through the events of his birth. And then I start feeling guilty cause the section is what got Luke here safely. He would have died in another few minutes. The decision to do an emergency section was totally the right one but it still freaks me out.

I don't even really know how to put what I'm feeling into words. Had anyone else dealt with feelings like these?

mckayleesmom replied: I had similar feelings after having my emergency c section with McKaylee, but I had to scrap that idea for my own sake and think of it a different way. I was more upset that I was put to sleep and didn't get to hear her first cry or see her right away....Now I just put it this way.....The first time I saw her was OUR MOMENT. That was when I was meant to see her and I wouldn't trade that moment for anything.


With Russell I had an elected c-section for numerous reasons. I wanted to stay awake for that and unfortunantly my epi wasn't working properly and I was trying to get the anistesiologist to understand that I wasn't completely numb...He kept trying to convince me that I wouldn't feel anything when they cut...This sent me into an panic and my blood pressure shot through the roof. I was begging for them to put me to sleep. The doctor had to tell the anistesiologist that something wasn't right and to stop trying to convince me I wouldn't feel anything because I could still wiggle my feet. I was so panicked that the nurse came over to give me oxygen...I didn't know it at the time, but she slipped me something in that oxygen that kind of made me pass out...I thought I already had Russell when I came too and they hadn't even pulled him out yet so I got to kind of see and hear him and when they announced it was a boy.

Would I want a c-section if I could do it all over again....NO, but I am ok with how it went now. You probably won't be ok with it for a while and that is ok...but keep looking forward. Just remember that first moment you saw them. You wouldn't trade that for the world right? That was your moment and that is just how it happened. Nothing in life can be planned perfectly.

Just enjoy your little man and when you look at him...remind yourself what a great job you did getting him that far.

mckayleesmom replied: Also...I am very greatfull for the c-section...C-sections might not be the greatest procedure to endure in the world, but it is there now to save our babies lives. As much as we hated having them, we are greatfull for them now because they saved our babies lives. They have saved tons of babies lives over the years.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: I know exactly what you're feeling sweetie. What you described is exactly how I felt after the emergency C I had with Wesley. I couldn't get the scene of the C out of my head. It was very traumatic for me and I found myself just breaking down and crying a lot during the first few months. I know that it was the best thing to do and I am so grateful that Wesley got here safely and healthy, but I remember the mixed emotions I felt. One minute you feel angry at the doctor for putting you through this and not trying everything to go vaginally. Another minute you are angry at yourself for wanting a vaginal birth when your child could have died. It will take some time to get the pictures of the day out of your head, but it will. Take a lot of time for yourself, but also have a lot of one-on-one time with the baby so that you can form a strong bond. There were times I felt a little resentment towards Wesley, I admit that and it hurts, but it was there probably because I had the comparison of a very smooth vaginal birth with my first versus a very rough traumatic c-section with my second. I wanted to blame someone. The feeling of losing all control over my body made me feel vulnerable and depressed, so there were times where I pushed Wesley away. But I soon established a really good bond with Wesley through BF and that really helped the pain lessen each day. It gave me back that sense of control which I felt I lost during my C.

Anyhow, there's my story. I'm sorry you are going through this. It will pass, just make sure you have a lot of support from family and friends. And talk with your doctor about it at your next visit.

lisar replied: I had emergency c's with both kids. I didnt feel like that afterwards though. I am sorry you are dealing with this right now.

ZandersMama replied: I know exactly where you are coming from. I can't say the feeling will ever go away.....the triggers hit less though. I am okay now unless I go to the hospital he was born in, but i have the whole NICU panic attacks in with that too. Another problem I had was that I did alot of modeling before I had Zavier, and alot of it was swimsuits and stuff, and my scar is pretty big and nasty. But, without the csection, I wouldnt be alive, Zavier definitely wouldnt be here. It sucks to have to happen, but it does get easier, and we have our babies because of it.

Teesa®© replied: To all of you

sunrosejenn replied: Eliana was born via emergency c/s. I felt the same way and we are here if you need us. I do not have the right words to say to you right now. AF reared it's ugly head today and the cramps are so bad I'm dizzy and sick. I'm going back to bed. But if you need to talk you can PM me anytime.

lovemy2 replied: I had an emergency c-section with Olivia - it was very scary and very overwhelming - very whirlwindy if that makes sense - it didn't hit me either until after because it all seemed to happen so fast even though what got us there happened over a period of the almost three days I was in labor - hang in there - talk through it and just keep remembering that if it wasn't for the wonders of modern medicine and wonder doctors and hospitals Luke wouldn' t be here - its pretty normal I think to think of the what ifs.......and don't discount the post partum thing - it can manifest in many ways - not that you have to go get on meds or anything but don't think it "can't" be that because you don't seem to have the classic baby blues

PrairieMom replied: you know, it kinda sounds almost like a form of post traumatic stress disorder. I have never been through what you have, but it makes total sense to me. The fear for your child's well being, the fear of a surgery, the disappointment associated with not being able to follow your birth plan, the guilt associated with even feeling that way, all paired up with the normal post pregnancy hormones. Maybe talking with a counselor would help?

A&A'smommy replied: YES I dealt with that after Alyssa's birth it was REALLY hard to swollow, I really wanted to have her naturally and then I dealt with it this time too its just not as hard as it was the first time. It will get better sweetie!!

Bamamom replied: You girls are great. It's nice to know someone knows how this feels. DH is a great guy but he just can't relate to this. To him its over so lets move on. But for me it's not over. I want to be able to think about the birth of my child (perhaps my last) without having a panic attack.



EXACTLY. There's just this one moment in time where my mind just freezes up. I can think about some things that happened after his birth - like this really weird mundane conversation that I had with my OB while he was stitching me up - but that moment just gets me. They kept shouting out his heart rate while they were moving me to the operating table and prepping me and one nurse said "We're losing him." I just can't breathe when I think about that moment. I'm crying now just thinking about it AND HE'S FINE. I mean he's asleep 15 feet from me - why can't I just let that go? It just all happened so fast - less than 8 minutes to move me from my room to the c-section room, prep me, and get him out. They literally ran down the hall, shouting his heart rate the whole time. Thank God for my nurse - she never left my side and held my hand until they got DH in there. But even she looked scared (she's the OB's wife and a dear friend). Later the anestisiologist told me that most sections that they call as stat sections really aren't - but mine was one of the few that he's seen that really was an emergency - THANKS! He meant no harm but I really didn't need someone to validate my fear ya know?

I hate feeling like this.

ZandersMama replied:
i remember being there. it does get better. you will never forget it but it does get better. There are days i still get upset and have noone to turn to because everyone says, hes healthy, hes fine. and i keep coming back to , what if we weren't. Its funny you mention the anithisiologist saying it was a real emergency. i had a similer run in with mine. i was being stapled up and he looked at me and said "#%$^ thats the smallest baby i ever saw" i was laying there thinking thanks buddy, just what i needed to here from a guy that does this everyday.sometimes they dont think before they open their mouths.

something that helps me sometimes is to just tell myself this is how it was meant to happen. it was in the plan for us to go through that and for him to survive and me to survive. for some reason it was something i had to do, for reasons i just dont understand yet.