Help! from those who have used CIO

Jackie012007 wrote: Carly is manipulating me and I'm finally starting to see it. She's just fine and then if I walk into a room and walk out, she starts SCREAMING until I pick her up - and it's ONLY with me, she doesn't do this with Carl. She throws these little tantrums too, starts screaming and she kicks her feet and just generally flips out - and I know nothing is wrong. Is she too young for this and there is something really wrong with her?!?!?!?!

It's made working really difficult lately because I can't lug her 16lb butt around while I'm trying to change and feed the other babies. Is this the time to try CIO? How lonmg should I let her cry before getting her? Any tips would be so helpful and to those who don't CIO, please this is not for debate. Thanks!

mummy2girls replied: well i did it for only bedtime with jenna. What i did is i put her to bed half asleep and she would wake up and cry. So i would let her cry and every 5 minutes go in and reasure her that im here. What i also did is... The first few nights i sat on the floor by the crib and as long as she saw me there she fell asleep. then after a few days i stayed in teh room but got closer to teh door each time. then i would just put her in teh crib tell her im just outside and here for her and i waited out side the door and she never cried or anything. This worked with a child i nannied. The mom and dad were at wits end so i asked if i could try what i did wiuh jenna and they said yes go for it. and they tanked me after! If your child cries for a long period and sounds really upset then yes go in and resure her your here. it will take a few days to a few weeks to work it depends on the child and how much strength the mom has to hear thier child cry:)

Our Lil' Family replied: If I read that right nighttime is not what you are talking about right? You are talking about just during the day? Yeah, I'd let her cry for a little while until you can actually pick her up....I am not one to carry a baby all day, especially her age. You are right, she knows what to do to get you to pick her up....let her fuss for a bit.

Sam & Abby's Mom replied: This may sound crazy,,,but could she be jealous because she's seeing you take care of other babies ?

Regardless, I'd put a call into her pediatrician for advice. Our Pediatrician has always instructed us to ignore tantrums. (as long as your child is safe). I'm alot better at ignoring Sammy's tantrums than DH is and Sammy really plays into that. Whenever DH is home,,,Sammy's tantrums are alot more frequent and longer. Kids really do catch on fast.

It's hard to ignore, I know. Good luck !

bawoodsmall replied: I must have missed it but how old is she? It def is possible she doesnt want you to take care of other babies. I am not really one to lug my child around everywhere either. Aiden seems to want me to be like that right after daycare and work and I try to give him about 10 minutes of me time and then he has to deal. I know that is not very long but his dad and sister are home to play with him while I cook supper. Babies and young children are such manipulators and know how to work it.

jcc64 replied: This is just my own personal philosophy- not based on any scientific fact, but I don't believe babies younger than a year are sophisticated enough to have a tantrum for manipulative purposes. I think she needs something from you, whatever that may be- and I would just pick her up or invest in a Baby Bjorn or a sling or something. I generally assign tantrums to older, walking, toddler aged kids- not infants. Imo, infancy is a time to establish the idea in the baby's mind that her needs will be met, so that she develops into a secure, independent individual as she matures and will be able to separate from you later on.
This is not a criticism, and fwiw, I DID use CIO with my oldest son back in the stone ages. I'm not against it across the board- but for young babies, it just seems counter-intuitive.

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied:

I agree with this. She is too young IMO to be manipulating you. They get really attached to mom at this age. They don't see themselves as quite independant of you yet. Some babies develop this sense of independence earlier than others, but like anything, all kids are different. I did practice CIO with Wesley when he was still not sleeping through the night at 1 year old. This was time where I felt he was old enough. He was using my boob as a pacifier and waking up several times a night to nurse for only a couple minutes, so I wanted to stop it.

When you leave a room, are you giving her a lot of toys and things that will distract her? Does she take a pacifier or other soothy? What about leaving her in a pac 'n' play while you care for the other babies, so she feels she is in a safe place while you're gone? What about a swing? Wesley cries for a bit when I leave him at the gym daycare, but the more I take him, the easier it gets. It just takes practice.

Boo&BugsMom replied: We started using CIO when Tanner was about 6 months. That is also what his pediatrician also recommended. Babies even that young know how to manipulate. That is also what most of ECE classes recommended. Whatever the case, if you do use CIO, either do it or not do it, don't be wishy washy or you will give her mixed signals and it will only make the situation worse. It takes consistancy. Good luck!

moped replied:


I was manipulated at 2am every morning at 4 months -

Mommy2BAK replied: I don't have any answers for you, but I wanted to offer you because I know its hard to let them CIO.

Jackie012007 replied: thanks for your varied responses. That's why I asked you guys, I knew I'd get a lot of different feedback!

For whoever asked, she's almost 8 months old.

It probably seems stupid but I never thought that maybe she is jealous of the other babies! DUH!! I care for mostly 12 nd 18 month olds, so around her age, and I bet it is hard for her to share me.

My mom bought me a Snugli front pack when we went to the State Fair this week so when I go back to work, I'll try it.

I'm good about giving her lots of toys but thet only seems to placate her for a few minutes. I've noticed she now does this thing too, if I place her in the exersaucer or swing, she starts yelling and lifts her arms to me and squeezes and unsqueezes her hands, basically saying "NO, PICK ME BACK UP!" And I guess I'm just not one to carry her around all day - I know some women are perfectly happy to wear their babies and whatever, I tried a sling but my big boobs got in the way and I'm so short waisted, I couldn't move around well and it killed my back.

I feel bad, I know she just wants me, but it's really hard to do my job and give her all the attention she wants. Hopefully the front pack will help. Thanks so much for your advice though!

BabyOwen427 replied: We started CIO for Owen when he was 7 or 8 months, but only for nighttimes. After he got good sleep he was a breeze to care for during the day cause I was getting good sleep too. I don't know how CIO would work during the day, but I think there are times when you just need to set her down, let her fuss, and tend to whatever you need to. She'll realize that you still love her and she'll get over it (eventually)

Boo&BugsMom replied: I think what you are dealing with is a different kind of CIO than most are assumming. Usually when people ask about CIO they are thinking about sleeping.

Jackie, I know what you are going through. I have been in this situation, being in daycare for the last 7 years. Tanner was ALWAYS jealous of other kids in his room when mommy was in there when I worked out of the house. I had to just let him know that I couldn't just give him attention whenever he wanted it and if I was in the middle of doing something else, I couldn't just drop what I was doing. I had to give equal attention to ALL the kids, not just him. In that case, if he was crying or upset, I had to just let him fuss (in a way it was CIO I guess), I would kneel down and kiss him when I could, the other teacher in the room would take him when she could, redirect him to something else, etc. No matter the case, they NEED to learn that they are not the only child in the classroom when they are in this kind of environment...that is just how daycare works. At 8 months, she can learn these things easily, it will just take time and consistancy. She is aware of her surroundings at this age.

Let me ask this...as the other parents are arriving, how will it look to them to see you constantly hold your child and not theirs? Or, "wearing" your child while trying to take care of their children? I ask this because, as you know as a parent yourself, parents are protective of our children, and even though all people might not think it, there will be parents who question it for their children's sake, even if they don't say anything. Know what I mean? Attention needs to be given to all the children equally, as I'm sure you know, but there will be parents who think this isn't happening if they see you holding her everytime they walk in, or see you wearing her in the classroom. Does that make sense?

I know it's really hard to get young kids to understand, but they sooner or later do, it just takes consistancy, and yes sometimes they just need to sit there and fuss for a bit. It doesn't hurt them, it's teaching them a lesson that they can not be picked up everytime they make a noise, is all. No different than if this were someone elses child in your classroom...would you put them in a front pack or carry them around all day? Probably not, because it's not teaching the child a lesson and you can't do your job effectively by doing so. If anyone disagrees with me, then daycare is not for them.

After I had my own experience with Tanner in my own classroom, I made it a policy (I was the director) that parents could not teach their own children in the same classroom (unless it was a subbing situation). In my experiences, it has always been the best situation that parents are not in the same room, for the well being of the other children. As much as we want to be with our own children, I have met very few people who can handle it in a large center environment and treat the other children equally. Not saying you don't, but perhaps that can be an option for you so you can do your job without the distraction if this doesn't work out or continue to give you a problem? It takes a certain kind of person to work in a daycare classroom with their own children, and many of us are not that person. Because, our first role naturally is as a mother, always! Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be.

Boo&BugsMom replied:
Me too!!! We are being manipulated at 5am, and Aiden is 4 months. Stinker.