High-Need Babies - High-Need Babies

High-Need Baby Mom wrote: I have a 3 month old high-need baby. I was just wondering if anyone else out there is experiencing the same things I am. I would love to hear from you!

MommyToAshley replied: Schnoogly...care to answer?!

Hi , I just wanted to welcome you. I have a 10 month old DD that is challenging enough without being high-needs. However, we do have some mommies here that are experiencing the same thing, so I am sure someone will be able to answer your questions.

It is really nice to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you better!

Mommieto2Girls replied: Hi and welcome!!

There are a few here and I am sure they can help you out. Is there anything in particular you need help with? I could help with what I can.

ediep replied: Hi and Welcome! My baby isn't high needs, but I'd be willing to try to help whenever I can. Good Luck

Schnoogly replied: Certainly I will answer! My baby is almost 7 months and desperately high needs. I know what it is like! It's hard to understand unless you've been through it. My DS was born with a congenital heart defect and has had two surgeries, and his high needs is more challenging than the heart problem, definitely! You're about at the worst of it right now...it has gotten better little by little since about 4 months. He had his second surgery at 3 months which set the sleeping & clingy behavior back many weeks...

You can read my post "I just don't get it" (I think that was the title??) to see how my day was...

There are others of us here too--one of us has had 3 high needs aka spirited kids! Aaaahhhhh!!!

Honestly I never thought having a baby would be like this. Many days I wonder "why me???" Why is he like this?? I see babies in the stores or restaurants so calm and happy in their strollers or carriers. I am amazed babies can be like that! Did you know, some babies sleep through the night when they're only a few weeks old. Imagine!!!

Welcome!!!

Steph

supermom replied: I do not have a high-needs baby, but just wanted to welcome you - and give you a I think you will find everyone here friendly and helpful, and glad to meet you....

KatieLeigh79 replied: Welcome :) If you have a high needs baby such as me, this is really the place to come for help *smiles* Mine is so bad at this point in time he screams until he's 5 shades of purple if i just lay him down to run to the bathroom during the day - its gotten to the point i almost have to beg someone to come over and hold him for 30 minutes so that i can shower... in fact DH talks about how he would love to do this all the time but when i tell him to take vacation for a few days and just sit in the chair and hold him 24/7 the topic changes really fast. ;)

Schnoogly replied: Oh yeah katieleigh...I never showered when Iain was that age. I waited until DH came home from work. Luckily DH didn't complain much, in fact he was really good about taking his share of time. I went to bed actually when he came home so I could get some sleep. Then I got up around midnight to pump my milk and take over the holding duty.

Around 3-4 months Iain finally let me put him in his bouncy seat for 10-15 minutes at a time IF he could see me the whole time. So I would bring him into the bathroom with me and leave the shower door open, or put him right next to the table so I could eat lunch. I think it really started to get a little better once his vision got clearer--if he could see me he was OK for a short while. When he was 2 months though he couldn't see me very well I think. Even now he has to be able to see me, but he can sit and play for 20-30 minutes now. I still bring him into the bathroom when I shower.


Hope you can hang on till then! It will get better--not a lot--but enough so that you can put him down.

KatieLeigh79 replied: To bad you didn't live in my area We would have to go for a day of pampering at a spa or something and not worry about our purple faced and sobbing little ones and let the relatives deal with it for a day or so Its so funny someone you love so much you actually at times consider leaving state because it would be calm *laugh* I've tried placing him in where he can see the shower (Husband wants dinner when he gets home etc and by the time hes back we have to turn around and try to get him to sleep at least an hour for me) so the shower deal wouldnt work then but im still really hung up on the 5 minute bathroom breaks - i feel like a terrible mommy still if hes crying but i know he's fed, changed, clean, burped and laying so that his acid in his tummy isn't a problem... that i think helps break down the bad person feeling i get but good lord my house is a disaster.

Schnoogly replied: OK give me your phone number and my Dh is going to call your dh and say you just can't have dinner ready and you need a break--I know he works but he's going to have to do his share of the baby-carrying. He made this baby too and his temperament is genetic--tell DH he's just as responsible for the high needs as you are!!! I am so sorry--maybe if you tell him how much this is killing you (and I really, really know how it is!) and that you really need him to give you a break when he gets home--tell him you'll make dinner and then shower if he will just hold the baby for one stinking hour!!! you really need him to do this.

His job is only 40hrs/week. Yours is 24 hours a day, and it is a REALLY HARD JOB. So suck it up big guy and give mom a break!!!!


Steph

Schnoogly replied: Oh and I perfected going to the bathroom while Iain was in the sling--maybe give it a try?

Steph

Schnoogly replied: And again, here are the three things that have saved my life with the high needs baby:

Exercise ball/balance ball: hold baby, sit on it, and bounce. Nurse if necessary. This was the only way he would go to sleep for many weeks.

Sling/baby carrier. I have a maya wrap but I have heard great things about this one and wish I had gotten it first:
http://www.hug-a-bub.com.au/NewDefault_hig...h.asp?vid=25914

And (also from Australia--do they all have high need babies down there??) the Amby Baby Hammock. Boy do I wish I had gotten this when he was first home from the hospital--how many weeks of agony it would have saved! The first time I put him in it he went to sleep right away! After that it took a little training but usually he will be put down in it and sometimes actually falls asleep in it! He's sleeping in it right now. yes, a little pricey, but when you keep thinking how driving into a tree would be the best course of action (I did consider this daily) the cost doesn't seem so bad.
http://www.babyhammocks.com/mbh.htm


Also, some other tips...
Do try to get outside at least for a few minutes a day. Even if they scream the whole way there and the whole way back, take them grocery shopping. I avoided doing this for months both because of his health and because I didn't want to deal with his behavior, but I realized that he actually slept better if he had a change of pace. He loves being outside, it actually calms him (in small doses).

As these babies get older (and even now) be very wary of overstimulation. One toy at a time, short trips, not too many visitors, etc. Be very watchful of signs of tiredness and having "too much"--this will save you a lot of pain and suffering!

Take baths with your baby! Iain hated baths until I took a bath with him. He loves being held, and this made the water less scary. Until then he screamed. Now the water will calm him.

I was in denial about his high needy-ness for a long time--I blamed it on his heart condition, surgery recovery, etc. But as he got older and didn't outgrow it it began to sink in...this baby was not like other babies.

I found a lot of insight on Dr. Sears' website:askdrsears
and the book Raising your Spirited Child although it is for toddlers and older kids really helped me understand that I personally am high needs/spirited too!

Also, if you start to think about harming yourself/your baby, these are called intrusive thoughts and they are a major sign of PPD. I didn't realize this when I had those driving into a tree thoughts every Monday when i drove Iain in to the doctor for his weight check (this was the only time I was in a car--we only have one). I put off thinking I had PPD because I thought it was just the stress of having a new baby who was sick. But I can't tell you how much things improved once I started taking Zoloft. I still have bad days (you can probably spot these by the tone of my posts) but not as many. The first 3 months of Iain's life were absolutely horrific for me, I don't know how I got through them. So I really feel for those of you with HN newborns--just take it one day at a time and know it won't last forever.

Hugs
Steph

CantWait replied: same here, I don't have a high needs baby (not that I know of yet LOL), but just wanted to take a moment and welcome you to the board
I'm sure you'll find lots of help, and get all your questions answered here.