How can we prepare Emily for the new baby

Nina J wrote: Our new baby is due in May, and I have been trying to get Emily ready to welcome the baby. We've talked alot about what it's going to be like, and how babies need lots of love and attention. But she gets very angry everytime I mention the baby, and says that she's the baby.
What can I do to try and get her excited about being a big sister? I try to include her in things but she just doesn't want anything to do with the baby.

PrairieMom replied: My boy will have just turned 3 when our new one arrives. We don't seem to be having the same problem tho. He is very excited to be a big brother, and kisses my belly good morning and good night.
Have you tried stressing her new special roll as big sister? Maybe she could bet the baby a gift or something?

C&K*s Mommie replied: I am not for certain, but I would imagine that Emily will have a TON of love for the new baby when they ("they", not because I am not sure of the sex yet) arrive in May. She may surprise you.

I would take her to the nursery at the hosp. Point out & let her observe other young kids with babies for siblings when you are out in public. Maybe you can buy a book that is for small children that have pictures and talk about having babies for siblings. Or at your local library they have books like that.

The gift(s) idea is a good one. You can always let her pick out things, like the essentials, for the baby. Then for when the baby arrives she can have her very own special gift for the baby-- like a blanket or a stuffed animal.

Keep us posted!

mysweetpeasWil&Wes replied: Sorry, I have no advise...but hope others do, since I will be in the same boat in June!

MyBlueEyedBabies replied: Though I've done it once already I don't really know. When I was pregnant with Matt I spent a lot of time telling Katy about the baby in my tummy and how it would be comming home to live with us. As I got closer to delivering she knew somthing was going on, she would get kicked when I would rock her and she had lots of questions about me being on bed rest. I' klnow part of it was her age (15 month) she just had no clue so bringing home a baby though weird wasn't bad. We are doing the same thing this time talking about the baby and having them pick all the "stuff" out. Matt just chose the baby's car seat and Katy chose the pack n' play. They both seem to be liking helping get ready for the baby and Katy seems to get what it will mean that there will be another baby. Matt loves babies but does seem clueless about it though we will have them get a present just as the baby will have presents for them when they come to the hospital to meet their new baby. I think just talking about it is the best thing you can do. I tend not to give the kids enough credit for what they comprehend so talk lots and encourage her to ask you questions.

lesliesmom replied: When I was PG with DS, we bought DD a baby doll so she could get used to helping mommy and daddy take care of her new sibling. We also got her a book, I think it's title was something like "I'm a Big Sister" and read it over and over to her again. It's all about the things big sisters can do but the little ones can't. We even started changing "Big Sister" to Leslie to personalize and when we knew what we going to name DS, instead of Baby we used Christopher. She really enjoyed it.

I also think the gift is a neat idea. It doesn't have to be much, maybe a little teddy bear or an outfit our something.

And also let her help out with picking some things out for the new one... clothes, decorations, even diapers or something, anything to make her feel involved.

Nina J replied: Thanks for all the advice

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Have her help you set up the babies room and get her to buy a special outfit for the baby to come home in. Also when the baby is born, buy her a gift from the baby and give it to her when she comes to see her new baby. You could also get her a Big Sister T-shirt after the baby is born.

Nina J replied: I took Emily shopping with me yesterday and we were in a childrens clothing shop. I told her she could pick out an outfit for the baby if she wanted, and she did But, she did say 'boy or girl' because she didn't know if she should get boys clothes or girls clothes. I said she could get one for each, and she got a little pink dress and a head band with a bow for a girl, and a little pair of blue pants and an orange shirt for a boy. They're both pretty cool, I was impressed

It took her so long to pick them out, and I gave her the money to pay the lady by herself. She seemed pretty happy, and when we got home she showed Chris. So I think we are making progress. They are newborn sized, so I decided that the baby will wear the outfit Emily picked home.
Thanks again for the advice.

PrairieMom replied:
How sweet! what a great idea! My little man thinks that his baby sister needs a blue dress. Any idea how hard it is to find a blue dress for a new born?!

MyBrownEyedBoy replied: Check if any hospitals in your area offer big sibling classes. Our offers classes for 2-10 year olds. It teaches them how to safely hold a baby (depending on age), what they can do to help with the baby, and they get a certificate at the end of the class stating that they are a fully trained big brother or sister.

CAMSMOM1 replied: I havent' had to go through this but I did look up some information for you.
Here's some tips I got out of a book called, "What to Expect the First Year" and it talked about bringing home the baby to older sibilings:

1.) Give your child an active role in the homecoming, having him come to the hospital with his Daddy, he can buy a present for the baby & help take the baby home with you.

2.) Have him help with the preparations for the nursery & for the baby to come home. Such as he can lay the diapers, clothes out for the baby. And allow your son to have private time meeting the baby alone, without other visitors around.

3.) Start right off using the baby's name, rather than referring it as "the baby". This will give your son a sense that this baby is really a person, and not just an object.

4.) Limit vistors for the first few days at home. (for your health and sanity, and for your older child's sake.) Even the most well-meaning visitors give all their attention to the new baby & forget about the older child. Warn your visitors in advance, to give extra attention to your oldest son. Or you can suggest that they come when your older child is napping or away at school. And when the vistors are there when your oldest is there, try to include him in the conversation, and have him involved with the baby.

5.) Focus much of your attention to your older child, particularly in the early days, when the baby is sleeping a good deal of the time. Hang his pictures on the frig, appluad his toilet training progress, reassure him that he is a GREAT big brother.

6.) Be quick to praise, and slow to anger. He is going through a lot emotionally, and he needs constant reminders that he is important, loved & valued in your family.

7.) But don't go to the extreme that you are never kissing, hugging or showing affection to the baby, because this will confuse the older child. Instead, bring the older child into the talk about the baby, "Look at those tiny fingers" or "She is so beautiful, just like you!" or "She is smiling at you, I think she loves you already."

8.) Your baby will be recieving lots of gifts, so make sure to buy a few for your older child, or allow your older child to open the baby's gifts.

9.) If your older child wants to stay home from the nursery for a few days while the baby comes home, let him. You want to assure him you aren't pushing him out of the house and you need his help. This will be a good opportunity for him to bond with the baby.

And before the baby comes home, I would read him books about babies, and big brothers. The more you talk about it ahead of time, the more prepared he'll be for the big day. And it'll get him excited about it.

I hope this helps. It'll take time for her to adjust, but as long as she doesn't feel "replaced" by the new baby, and she knows he plays a part in the family still, she should do fine.