How do you discipline/punish?
3xmommy wrote: What do you do when your little ones do something bad and refuse to stop?
Right now I take away money or video game/tv time and if its extreme I make them sit on the couch while I turn off all lights, tv, anything that may make noise... for about 5-15mins.
I don't get the idea of spanking to be frank... I can't see how me saying "Stop hitting me." while hitting them would work, KWIM?
-Di
daddyof3 replied: We use 1-2-3 magic. Its really working(or thats what dw says  )
daddyof3 replied:
I also never got that. It makes no sense. You say "dont hit" and hit them?   Thats just doesnt make sense. My wife is against spanking. But both of use have spanked once or twice. 
mummy2girls replied: thats where me and aron are at odds.. aron(my ex..jens dad) wants to slap fingers, hands and bumbs when she does something bad. and i have told him i dont believe in that because your trying to teach tem not ot hit but if you hit them your giving them mioxed reactions... JMO.
I do talking with them eye to eye level. taking away privieledges and time outs.
3xmommy replied: Well, me too, honestly. Once, my son turned the knob on our cooking stove and flames came out (gas stove) and I swatted his butt like 3 times... but that was out of sheer panic, surprise, and fear.
-Di
MyBlueEyedBabies replied: We have tried (with KAty) re-directing attention, taking toy away, taking away movies in car, time out, and spankings...nothing seems to phase her. She will scream and yell while the punishment is going on but as soon as it's done she goes right back to doing whatever she got in trouble for in the first place.
With MAtt saying No usuallyu does the trick 
mom21kid2dogs replied: My take on discipline is likely different than others. I don't hit, yell, raise my voice, or use time out (Of course, my daughter's only 4.5). I see those things as one's "big guns" of control. If you start out using the biggest punishments you have, where do you go from there? Every kid I know who's parent is a "yeller" is great at "bat shield up syndrome" The minute the parent's tone goes up the kids ears go shut. I try to make the punishment fit the crime, I change up the method of discipline, prefer to encourage great behavior rather than focus on the negative stuff. This is not to say that we don't have very concrete expectations for her behavior or that we don't consequence~actually we are villigant in both but she doesn't ever get the same old cookie cutter consequence (like time out, loss of privledge, etc) time and time again. If we are having a really , really bad day I've found it often helps to totally change the tone~go for ice cream, go to the park, get out the squirt guns and have a water fight~just for the heck of it. It's amazing how well that's worked. It moves everyone to a much better place~emotionwise. I find on those kinds of days that I am as much of the problem as she is. We kinda get stuck in a negative spiral of negative interaction so totally changing the focus of the day really moves us both to a much better frame of mind. If I'm trying to shape or change a behavior (right now it's NOT needing to go to the bathroom during Mass) I've given her the incentive to achieve rather than a punishment for what I'm tired of seeing behaviorwise. To be honest, anything I use with her, punishmentwise more than once or twice loses it's effectiveness with her so I have to keep it fresh or we're just plugging away going nowhere. It taxes on my energy somedays to keep it up but the rewards have been pretty nice~I have a well behaved 4 year old.
Daisyx3 replied: Well i say that every child is different.. Some children spanking helps and others it doesnt..
I dont think you shoudl spank for hittting. I thinkt hat if you have told your child to stay out of the road and they go back in then they need spanked..
I use usually talking or timeout.
kel replied: kira isnt a naughty child..i dont believe any child is just naughty..i think when kids act out its for a reason..ive noticed kira will get slightly violent when she is tired..for example she will pull the cats tail ..i say "no kira" calmly and firmly and then ill divert her attention or just give her a cuddle..if she she really doing something that can hurt her ill tell her why she should stop..she is at the age where she understands a bit more so its easier to reason with her..
we dont really have a method for disciplining her..i dont believe in spanking..it would make me feel terribly guilty and i would never be able to do it..i find speaking in a firm voice usually gets her to stop what she is doing..
vanilla replied: well, dont laugh,, but i do the super nanny thing. (the show that comes on abc SuperNanny) My son is 5 and has a naughty corner. When he does something wrong, I advise him not to do that and if he keeps it up that he will have to go to his naughty spot for 5 min (1 min x age of child) I do not yell, we just talk stern but not forced.. make sense? Then, if he keeps it up, i take him there, i make sure there are no toys etc. And he can whine all he wants, i just try to ignore him(sometimes i have to leave the room cuz i feel guilty) then when the time is up, I say to him squatting down to his level, I asked you not to do (blank) because (blank reason) Since you didnt want to behave, you had to go to the naughty spot. We then discuss why its not ok, what you should do instead, (on super nanny they say to ask for an apology) the difference with me is my son is already apologizing by the time i let him out of his corner. And to my amazement.. this thing really works!! He does not like to go there and when I give him his 1st warning, most of the time, he rethinks what he is doing. Not everything works for everybody, I just thank god I found something to help ease the stress in the battle of the 5 yr old.. hehe 
~KARA~ replied: Depends on what they do on how they get punished.
Normally 1-2-3 or Im calling Daddy works. the lil one is getting wise to that one though so its not working as well.
I take toys, games, tv time away or make them sit in the corner.
With my 7 year old I make her write sentences. Like if she pushes her sister I will make her write" I will not puch my little sister any more" like 10times. Dosent always get to to stop being mean to her sister but it keeps her occupied for about 15 min.
Isabelita replied: We have time out, and only when she is doing something dangerous is when she gets a spank, for her own safety.
The time out really works. She knows that she gets 3 warnings. I ask her once nicely, again (but firmer), and then a final time. Sometimes she ends up in time out (she hates that) but she's sensible enough not to push her luck most times
mammag replied: We use a combination of things. The boys respond well to the marble thing. I will take priviledges for certain things. For instance, the boys have been told time and again to put the ps2 games away when they are done playing. I have started taking away playing priviledges if they are left out. They lost it for a week last Thurs. because they took a game out, put it on the couch and it got broke in half.  These games aren't cheap!
Kristen is the toughest because her big problem is the attitude and back talking. I've started just sending her to her room until she can be civil which just keeps things from escalating. She will also loose phone priviledges. If she can't talk civil to her family then she won't be talking to her friends.
It's funny this was brought up because on one of dh's site they were discussing spanking and this one guy was saying that my dh's theory on spanking (not until they are old enough to know what they did wrong and only for serious offenses) was wrong that as soon as a baby is old enough to reach out they are old enough to be spanked on the hand with a rubber spatula.  I couldn't believe that! It was so disturbing to me. Imagining a little baby who is naturally exporing their world being swatted like that.....I don't know if he has kids but if not, I hope he doesn't. 
TANNER'S MOM replied: Well, I admit I spank. I don't always spank..and I have my rules about spanking. But I live in the south and spanking as always been the NORM..
I don't spank my children everytime..or all the time. I try to talk. And I am not a yeller. My children go to time out..and then get things taken away. But if all else falls then they get a spanking. Now my kids have only been spanked a hand full of times in there life..but it has worked everytime.
The reasons for spanking are serious to me..Hurting your self..going to the road, messing with fire, getting in the stud horse pen. Hurting animals on purpose. Starting four wheelers alone is also something that is dangerous enough to get you a spanking.
Lying.... God hateth a liar and so do I. And you get a spanking everytime. I am sorry I don't tolerate that. And I am lucky b/c my kids have not done this alot.
I do not beat my children... I don't have too. I don't always do one thing or another. But I think Brittany has had maybe 3-4 spankings her whole life, Tiffany maybe 2..and the boys a few more. Tanner got one the day for lying to me and his teacher...that was a serious infraction.
But my children have been complimented on how well 4 can behave together too. B/c even though I spank...no matter what my punishment is I am consistent..as is DH. We never undermine each other...we try to discuss it outside the presense of the children.
I know I am the minority so don't judge me too hard.
Mel
TANNER'S MOM replied: Well, I admit I spank. I don't always spank..and I have my rules about spanking. But I live in the south and spanking as always been the NORM..
I don't spank my children everytime..or all the time. I try to talk. And I am not a yeller. My children go to time out..and then get things taken away. But if all else falls then they get a spanking. Now my kids have only been spanked a hand full of times in there life..but it has worked everytime.
The reasons for spanking are serious to me..Hurting your self..going to the road, messing with fire, getting in the stud horse pen. Hurting animals on purpose. Starting four wheelers alone is also something that is dangerous enough to get you a spanking.
Lying.... God hateth a liar and so do I. And you get a spanking everytime. I am sorry I don't tolerate that. And I am lucky b/c my kids have not done this alot.
I do not beat my children... I don't have too. I don't always do one thing or another. But I think Brittany has had maybe 3-4 spankings her whole life, Tiffany maybe 2..and the boys a few more. Tanner got one the day for lying to me and his teacher...that was a serious infraction.
But my children have been complimented on how well 4 can behave together too. B/c even though I spank...no matter what my punishment is I am consistent..as is DH. We never undermine each other...we try to discuss it outside the presense of the children.
I know I am the minority so don't judge me too hard.
Mel
TANNER'S MOM replied:
oH MY! I never spanked my children as babies. When they know right from wrong. But as an infant it is MY job to Keep them SAFE! and if they get into something then I need to look to myself..and spank myself...
JAYMESMOM replied:
With my daughter who is 14months we have started time outs equal to 2 minutes. We also use this with my 6 year old step-son with a longer period of time obviously. The one thing I try to do is when I say no is give the reason for the answer ex. No, that is not Jayme's that is mommys. I find that she has begun to realize that she can't have everything since she will look at something and ask is that mommys? The other thing I do is to re-direct her attention to what she can have and do. I don't want her to feel like the whole world is off limits.
5littleladies replied: I absolutely believe in spanking, but like Mel I only use it when I seriously believe it is needed. My kids have been spanked very little-usually they are given time outs, loss of priviliges, or loss of playthings. I used to give them however many chances before we would discipline but I have recently come to believe that that is only confusing to them. Why should they think that they are allowed to go on doing something wrong after I tell them no? I now give them at most one warning and that's it, and if it is something that they just plain know is wrong then they don't get a warning. I am also very careful to explain to them, after their punishment, why they were discplined, and to tell them that I love them.
DansMom replied: I think we're most like Cheryl. Daniel's young yet, so it's hard to say where we'll be in 2 years, but we tend to do the "change the tone" method most often, unless there is physical danger or hitting of another child involved. Get away from the source of the bad behavior, change the tone/focus so it doesn't spiral out of control, and then talk about it later. One thing that DH does that I'm not so good at is predicting what will be a problem and talking about it in advance. It really works, I'm amazed. If he's going to take Daniel where he has to sit still and be quiet (to see music, which Daniel loves, but he's a normal toddler too), George will do a lot of preparation about the behavior he expects when they get there. And Daniel will repeat it: "have to be quiet!" And he's generally very good about stuff that he's thought about in advance. On the other hand, if he wasn't "prepped", and we try to guide his behavior on the spot, he throws a tantrum!
GavinsMommy replied: Well I'm not at that stage yet, but when it comes to be time...I WILL NOT and I mean WILL NOT spank Gavin!!! I don't look down on people who DO, but it just isn't my personal idea of good discipline.
After so long, the effect will wear off, so what's the point of starting anyway? My 4 year old sister is spanked quite often and she is HORRIBLE. It doesn't effect her. Sure, she cries, but it has no long term effect on her.
I just can't see laying a hand on my child...something I created that didn't ask to be here in the first place. I'm going to have a very gentle approach with discipline. I think the most important thing is backing up what you say and not bluffing.
texasp3 replied: Let's see... with Michael right now discipline means taking away his computer rights. At his age, and since he's a HUGE online gamer, losing his computer rights is the equivilant of being grounded. He's basically a very well behaved kid, especially for his age, so I don't have a lot going on in that department. Mostly he gets electronically grounded if his grades slip, and that's about it.
In the past, I have mostly used time-outs with him. I do spank, and I do think spanking has its place... but is is definitely my "big gun" and was seldom used with him. It usually was brought out only in response to repeat offenses that put him in harms way - running into the street, playing with the stove, etc. Also... I would never, ever spank with an object, only my hand, and I didn't spank as hard as I could - ever. As he got older, taking away allowance or favorite activities, and plenty of talking about why the behavior wasn't acceptable became the standard.
Gabriel is still at an age where "discipline" is all about firmly saying "NO." and redirecting his attention. I can tell you already though.... disciplining him is going to mean a whole new bag of tricks. He is NOTHING like his older brother. Michael would just wilt when he knew he had displeased me and often all it took was a withering look for him to be completely reformed. Gabriel is probably going to laugh in my face if I try anything like that. Also, I could tell Michael to sit in his time-out corner and he would. The idea of Gabriel doing that is laughable. I think I'll have to have a time out "cage" for him if I think time-out is even going to work at all. I can hear a lot of "MAKE ME!"s in my future with this one.
I haven't really thought too much about what WILL work for Gabriel... I think that will be developed along the way as we see his personality evolve more fully. I suspect I will be turning to resources about parenting the strong willed child to get us through Gabriel's childhood in one piece!
redchief replied:
I LOVE that... So funny... and true.
I'm not a great big "yeller" though I have raised my voice. When I do the earth shakes and people are afraid... seriously afraid. But I'm scarier when I DON'T yell. When I become angry I tend to get quiet. So when I'm quiet with the kids, they know I'm not happy with them. We didn't often use timeouts, instead saving those for real infractions. Most of the time we explained to them what it was they'd done wrong and how it hurt another and had them make it right. Fortunately our kids strongly dislike hurting others and were mostly receptive to that form of discipline.
I'd be lying if I said I never spanked my kids, but we were parenting in a very transitional time in society. I stopped spanking my kids when, after I had my second son over my knee one day (I think he was 6 or 7) I had my hand raised and I realized that if I'd struck him at that time, I might have seriously hurt him because I was so angry. I never spanked again.
Then there was the time I made John stand up all night... But that was an incredibly bad night.
My2Beauties replied: OK like I said before I don't believe in spanking all the time. I'm with Mel, if your child does something serious that has put them in harm's way, such as touching the stove, jumping off of something tall, hurting an animal (in a real bad way) etc...they need to get spanked. Brian has spanked Desiree once the whole time we have been together and she shut right up. Desiree is very well behaved because as soon as he changes his tone of voice that is his warning and she knows if she doesn't do it what is next! She is always well behaved. Hanna is still very young so she obviously never gets spankings, I have scared the crap out of her when she touched the stove by yelling really loud NO NO NO and then grabbing her but that is out of fear that she could burn herself! I too will use timeouts, taking away toys (proveleges as they get older), and grounding (older), but for seriousl "offenses" I will probably give her a swift spanking! Mel I'm in Kentucky, so mid-south I guess you could say  we discipline our children in southern ways and I have never known anyone (ever) to seriously be messed up from receiving a few spankings when they were really bad. It's different when someone got spankings all the time, constantly for everything, that to me is abuse or negligence, however a true serious problem such as the ones you mentioned or even more serious ones, such as hitting, spitting, etc...those kids needs a spanking! see my thread on SuperNanny last night, those kids would have got red butts if they were mine!
kel replied: see thats the thing..spanking isnt fool prrof..how do you differentiate /draw the line between spanking and your anger..i think if most parents actually walk away and chill for a bit they would realise that it was their own anger that made them spank and they probably could have dealt with it differently if they had calmed down a bit..
believe me i have been close to spanking kira but i havent..
if you are certain that its because of what they have done and not your anger thats making you spank then fine but i think for any stressed out parent its difficult to tell...
TANNER'S MOM replied: Well, I am not saying that I spank my child everytime.
I have NEVER spanked my child in anger.
I am saying that for me it is an option, and a religous choice.
What I will say is this... I have seen plently of kids who are sent to time out ..and that act like wild people. There parents are consistent at all.
I have 4 kids... a 14 (almost 15) 2-11's and 7 friday!
AND my kids act right.. I am very proud of them for being good kids. I am out of my terrible 2's..and those who hard times..and Lord I can remember them.
No parent is PERFECT..and what is right for you family....is not right for mine.
But my parenting has made some good KIDS!
kel replied: just to add...i have a really good friend who spanks her two girls when she feels it is necessary ..she is a fabulous mum and even though i do not agree with spanking i have to say she is really really level headed ,calm and just an all round lovely person..her girls are well behaved and they know the limits..
i just woulnt be able to do it..i dont judge those who so though
JAYMESMOM replied: As I had stated earlier we do the time out thing but there are certain times when I feel spanking is appropriate. I got spanked growing up and I am not damaged or messed up because of it. The key thing is my husband and I never spank out of anger or frustration. If you handle spanking in an appropriate matter just the mention that if a child continues the behaviour he will get spanked is usually enough to rectify the child's behaviour. I have seen to many people who don't believe in spanking their children end up with monsters for kids because they child knows that nothing serious is going to happen to them. That is not to say that all children who aren't spanked end up that way.As the Bible says "Spare the rod - Spoil the Child."
3xsthefun replied: I try not to spank, because I don't like to do it, but sometimes it is only thing will work. For us I will raise my voice a bit which is the warning, after that I try to give them a time out, then take away things. Only time I usually spank is if they put their selves in danger such a trying touch hot stove, trying run to the road, or if they are just not listening to any other kind of punishment.
Maegan is a bad climber, she climbs the entertainment center, table, counter tops if there is stool. I have no idea how get her stop doing that. I try tell her not do it but nothing works. I'm about go crazy she climbs so much!
iluvmysweetiepies replied: ITA with katie&maegan'smommy. I try not to spank, but sometimes it's the only thing that'll work. They really don't get spanked that often and not very hard,but once in awhile it's appropriate. I was also spanked growing up and I'm just fine. I don't judge others on if they spank or not. Spanking works for some families and doesn't for others... sometimes even works on some children and not on others. Whatever works for your family may not work for others.
3xmommy replied: Mel,
I don't think anyone is seriously dead-set against spanking. I too, am southern, and was raised the southern way... I did something wrong too many times and I got my ass busted! (The ol' you can kick a hound dog so many times before it gets pissed and bites you syndrome!) But I don't spank my kids all the time. Touching my cooking stove is something you'll get a smack on the butt for... that's just dangerous. Especially since I use propane!
-Di
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