How strict are you with your toddlers?

MommyToAshley wrote: I am a little more laid back then DH when it comes to disciplining. Don't get me wrong, he is still a softy at times and doesn't go overboard, but I think he is more stict in his expectations for her bahavior. The only thing we've really done for discipline is to put Ashley in time out, or take away a toy or privilege, and explain why something is wrong. DH and I have talked about this and we both think we should be on the same page, but I am not sure where we need to compromise. I don't want her to grow up thinking she has no boundaries and becoming a brat, but I also don't want to always be telling her no and putting her in time out. She is really a very good toddler. We ALWAYS get compliments from people whenever we go places about how well behaved she is. She is pretty good at home too, but I think she just likes to test us sometimes. Just like anyone else, she has her good days and her bad days. So, I am just wondering how strict are you with your toddler? I know that is a vague question... but, I guess I am wondering if you discipline for every little thing or do you pick your battles or somewhere in between? What do you do if your parenting style differs (even slightly) from your spouse or SO?

Mandasmomma replied: We have a very good kid too - always well behaved - and I am very lenient with her - I am starting to think a little too lenient. She is now starting to challenge us a bit - so we gotta do something. I am hoping it is just because she is not feeling well ... we'll see.

amynicole21 replied: I am the strict one. I need to really start learning to pick my battles because it is way too tense around here sometimes. But, DH is too lenient in my opinion. He gives in when she starts freaking out which really irks me. I think we are living out my childhood - my parents were exactly the same way I believe that picking battles is probably the best way to go. Figuring out what is absolutely unacceptable and both being on the same page about those specific issues is the best bet. Like I said - we haven't accomplished that yet but it's something I'd like to work towards.

mammag replied: I have always been complimented on how well my kids behave. I would say I pick my battles to an extent. At the same time I still think consistancy is key so if you decide to punish for something....that's a battle you are choosing and should always punish for it. Otherwise they are more inclined to test you. For instance, at restaraunts.... we expect them to behave a certain way and stick to that because it makes a difference in how others around you enjoy their dinner.

Punishment at the toddler age was time out usually or a punishment to fit the crime. If they were acting up in a store, they were taken to the car and didn't get anything. I definitely agree that you need to come up with a game plan on what you will punish for and how.

Celestrina replied: Consistancy is the key, as others have stated. Do not expect them to act better when out then when at home. For example, make sure that they act the same during dinner as you want them to act at a restaurant. Every kid tests their parents at this age.

aspenblue1 replied: I am more lenient. I basically try to pick my battles. We basically just do timeouts. We always get compliments on how well Isabella behaves.

gr33n3y3z replied: My kids are also very well behaved
They also were while growing up
Everyone also says how polite they are and very helpful when working or asked to do something.
Hubby was always more strict then I was
I'm the soft one

kit_kats_mom replied: I generally use dr sears' discipline strategies (avail on his website).

I pick my battles based on if they are biggies (hitting, other dangerous behavior & blatent disrespect) & smallies (yelling, not finishing dinner etc). the smallies are usually things that are just irritating me at that moment or they are things that have their own consequences which I let her suffer. For a while we were giving a warning about hitting but now we just say "hitting is not ok" and it's an automatic time out. She has finally caught on and is hitting much less...generally only when she is deep into play and forgets.

DH was getting on her case about something when we were all out yesterday running errands. I talked to him later and explained that she has so many rules in the car (no kicking the seat in front of you, no screaming, no throwing things, no whining) that it is understandable that she may forget a rule sometimes and usually needs only a reminder and she stops after she apologizes.

Boys r us replied: WE DEFINITELY pick our battles, I think you HAVE to. As Dr Phil says, Pick your battles wisely and pick the ones you KNOW you will win.

All kids like to test us parents..I think the key is consistency..no matter how you choose to discipline. We use time outs and revoking priveledges..also I've learned in the last week that making him stand in the corner...REALLY WORKS WELL..he hates it!

bwalkerletters replied: I think I am fairly strict. Most of the time, when she's getting into something she shouldn't be, I direct her attention to something else. I find that's the best way instead of always having to say, no, no, no, no.......haha..........I know that I can be pretty strict, but I realize that's an area I need to loosen up in.....

JAYMESMOM replied: I am the strict one and my DH tends to blow up and then two minutes later he is spoiling. He has not yet learned consistency!!! I pick my battles though - if my ss wants to wear non-matching clothes on the weekends thats fine but he knows I pick out what he wears to church. Pouting in your room is okay but that is the only place. With Jayme it is a little different because everyone thinks she is so funny when she talks back or is being bratty - I nip it in the bud and they comfort her.

But I can live with that because when she wants nummies she comes to me!! HAHA I can do something they can't. LMAO

The key is knowing how you are going to handle situations and being consistent.

Isabelita replied: I am definitely more strict out of me and her daddy, mainly because I am with her a lot more than he is. But, we do see I to eye on most things (no spanking, time out, etc..), which I think is important...

I'm not, however, very strict. Daniela is a good kid though she likes to test us sometimes.. like most toddlers I suspect!

~KARA~ replied: I woudl say dh and I are fairley strict. WE have seen way to many not so well behaved kids! We usually get complements on how our kids act as long as its like a wedding, funeral or some type of party where they dont know many people. Now when we are in public its a diffrent story here lately and I hate the way my kids act.
They get smacked on the butt, time outs,sent to their rooms, toys taken away and other things depending on teh severity of the action.

My2Beauties replied: I think you have to pick your battles. There are certain things that I will always tend to overreact and maybe overpunish but it's because it's for her own safety, things like touching the stove, walking out in the street, straying away from me in a public place, etc...those types of behaviors will not be tolerated and I am starting to let her know now (at 17 months) that they are not tolerated!!! When she gets older she may get the occassional spanking. I was spanked maybe a total of 3-5 times my whole life, but they were for "serious offenses" and it allowed me to learn my lesson. Any other time I will revoke priveleges, put in time out, etc... in order to get my point across!

truetigress replied: At this early stage in the parent-toddler relationship, I try not to be too strict. I was spanked with the back of my mom's hand at this age. A gentle slap on the back of the hand if I was into something that I was not allowed to be in. However, I worry that if I continue such a "cycle" of spankings that I will extinguish the energetic, exploring nature of my daughter. I've chosen to choose my battles with her. It seems to be working. I get comments on how well behaved she is and it makes me feel as if I am doing alright as a first time parent.
One thing I do is observe my daughter at play. She's energetic, bright, eager, ready to try something new and perfect it before she moves on to something else. She also does not like to be alone in one room very long without someone there, or close like in the room adjacent to the one she is in. She normally screams when I'm in the kitchen and she's behind the gate in the living room. All she wants to do is be in the same room with mommy at that point. I oblige because all the cabinets in the kitchen are childproof. Although the birdcage is not. The dog food is not and the door to the pantry is not. She has one cabinet in there as her own and inside she has cups, bowls, plastic spoons, anything that she can't harm herself on and have fun making music. All goes well until she gets the idea that she wants to visit the birdcage or taste the dog food. When that happens the first thing I do is tell her that she is not allowed to touch those things. I try to be very specific, and afterwards I take her back into the living room. I close the gate behind and soon she will come back to the gate and scream again. At that point I know it is because she wants back inside, I won't allow her in again and eventually she stops screaming and finds a toy in the living room to play with. It may take a few times of doing the same thing before she understands that they are not toys to play with or food to eat but when she learns it she avoids them if she wants to stay in the kitchen with mommy and play.
She's also learned that when daddy leaves for work that it's time for a bottle of milk and a bedtime story then it's off to bed. Sometimes, especially when she's had a few naps in the day she doesn't want to go to sleep right away. So she may cry a bit after being put in the crib. Then she'll play with her teletubbies and pluffies. You can hear her talking to them, and she'll giggle. I allow that because sometimes it takes me awhile before I can relax enough to sleep. Soon though everything is quiet and that's when I sneak in on her. She's sound asleep. Sometimes she will wake in the night, but soon after she goes back to sleep. I think if you continue to repeat the same ritual that it helps too. She learns what to expect next.
When she was just a baby too I would not hold her much. I use to see too many people would hold their babies all the time and they expected it. I saw that the babies would throw fits because they wanted to be held. So I made sure that she had her floor time. Not only was she able to learn to hold her head up, roll over, crawl that way but it was also a way for her to feel more independant. She now does not like to be held much (only when she's sick), and she doesn't throw those type of fits. Instead she always wants to explore and investigate things. She does want mommy's attention at times but all she has to do is come to mommy and I give it freely. Hugs and kisses go a LONG way.
Diaper changing is a whole new ballgame and she wiggles to get free alot. I've found the best way to get through it is by tickling her . Surprisingly as she giggles, she lays still wanting more, so I can get that clean diaper on her and it's easier.
It's taken awhile for me to learn that one. I used my mommy's approach to still me and that was a gentle slap on my bare bottom. For my daughter it didn't work so I knew it was time to change tactics. The tickling has helped immensely.
The other tactic I use is distraction. I pull her away from something that is dangerous and distract her with something else. With mommy playing with her she doesn't want that dangerous thing.

Oh and before I forget, once I observed my daughter one day to see why she went to play with things I constantly would have to distract her from....it was her way of telling me that she either needed a diaper change, or she wanted something to drink.

I've started to rethink my strategy. Everyone told me after she was born that she would tell me when she was ready for something. It was the greatest advice that I got from anyone. It helped me know when she was ready for solids. It helped me know when she was ready to give up her pacifier. It also helped me know when she was ready to use a sippee cup. I just step back from everything and watch her. She gives me signals when she is ready for something. And if a disciplinary tactic I try doesn't work, I try something else.
So far it has really helped us *S*

truetigress